LOLWUT?  1:53 pm April 29, 2009

FEMA Censors Weird 9/11 Coloring Book, For Kids!

by Ken Layne

Never Forget!
For god knows how many years, the evil shadow government FEMA had this weird terror-coloring booklet, for kids, available as a fun PDF download. Then, due to …. hmm, body bags? Domestic concentration camps? Formaldehyde trailers? Black Oil? Bees? Let’s say bees ….

Due to the bees, FEMA has now censored itself and the whimsical coloring book of 9/11 plus the dreaded “laptop tornado” can no longer be downloaded, unless you go to the Smoking Gun website, and download it there, NEVAH FORGET. [The Smoking Gun]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 78 comments }

dementor April 29, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Not enough Waldos.

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 1:59 pm

My laptop does that every day. Didn’t know it was a disaster on the 9/11 scale.

Oh, right: no 9/11 jokes, not even for Jon Stewart. Sorry!

Come here a minute April 29, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Wake up SHEEPLES — they took it down because it shows 9/11 was an inside job due to LAPTOP TORNADOES.

NoWireHangers April 29, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Hmmm. Needs more blood.

CivicHoliday April 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

did that car roll UP a cliff?

shortsshortsshorts April 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

There really isn’t anything wrong with the coloring books. Take any known nursery rhyme for the children:

The plague:

Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
“Ashes, Ashes”
We all fall down!

Spanish Flu:

I had a little bird
Its name was Enza
I opened the window
And in-flu-enza

So whatever! Tragedy is cute!

Accordion-o-rama April 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Where’s the Hoot-Smalley coloring book?

gurukalehuru April 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Notice that WTC 7 is NOT pictured. Also, the WTC seems to be in a park, on a hill.

Dave J. April 29, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Look on page 2 of the sample they show at the Smoking Gun: the plane is in a different location relative to the buildings in each of the three images! COVERUP! Holy shit, this grandma in Minnesota has revealed the conspiracy! Someone tell Dr. Ron Paul about this, stat!

ihasasad April 29, 2009 at 2:05 pm

I woulduv protested this goddamn book too! Where’s the rotten Zombies? How the fuck are children going to know that the Zombies aren’t their fault? Stupid grandma!

PoliticalGraffiti April 29, 2009 at 2:05 pm

wow, those little shits can sure stay in the line. totally a necessary skill to cope with disasters

Dave J. April 29, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=303275]gurukalehuru[/re]: WTC is not pictured because it was a planned/controlled demolition, using thermite. Duh.

ihasasad April 29, 2009 at 2:09 pm

The black oil is not something to be flippant about Mister.

Hopey dont play that game April 29, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Jewish children got this coloring book on 9/10/2001. I heard it on AM radio.

JamesMichaelCurley April 29, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I have always wanted to use the oxymoron ‘insipidly rediculous’, but there was never an occasion until I looked at that thing.

Johnny Zhivago April 29, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=303277]Dave J.[/re]: But note that the person in the chair has a picture of the attack on a piece of paper (undoubtedly the attack plan), as the disaster unfolds on TV and outside through the window.

So clearly the person is the chair is either that Khalid Mohammed guy or Dick Cheney.

Canmon (the Inadequate) April 29, 2009 at 2:12 pm

If you color the Katrina victims white, a rescue copter appears.

tonytonytony April 29, 2009 at 2:13 pm

What I want to know is, how did that kid get 9/11 in his TV, book, and HIS FUCKING WINDOW all at the same time?

Hopey dont play that game April 29, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Canmon: Win

AnnieGetYourFun April 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: WIN.

ihasasad April 29, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: OMG! FTFW!

Crapola April 29, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Those pain lines look a little low to be a stomach ache on pg 17. Are we classifying Mark Foley is a natural disaster now?

pondscum April 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: You own me a new keyboard.

Johnny Zhivago April 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Actually, the coloring book was NOT withdrawn, it’s just being edited with a new title.

“How to Cope with Disasters and US Air Force Photo Opportunities”

JMP April 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Due to Acrobat being a RAM-hogging piece of shit, that people who don’t know any better (like say, children) can easily unknowingly leave running in the background, seriously slowing their computers down?

Actually, after looking at Snopes images, I’d say it’s due to the art being worse than which your average 5-year-old can draw themselves.

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: I third the WIN motion.

thefrontpage April 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

This is similar to the pamphlets “What To Do When Zombies Attack,” “Protect Yourself Against M-13 And Other Dangerous Gangs!” “You CAN Fight Back Against Ninjas,” “How To Fight Rampant Lions, Tigers and Bears,” “Rabies, Hoof-and-Mouth, Anthrax, Swine Flu, SARS and Other Diseases You Could Die From,” and “How to Kill Bats, Mice, Raccoons, and Other Dangerous House Pests” that FEMA has been distributing in elementary and secondary schools for decades.

Come here a minute April 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=303297]tonytonytony[/re]: That’s what the trauma was — the event was repeated over and over again in print, TV, and in real life!

Crapola April 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=303295]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: You owe me a new keyboard. And a Pepsi.

Wet Work April 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I’d say that with all the lifestyle angst we’re experiencing these days, that the comments tend towards a kind of ‘gallows humor’, except that ‘anal crucifictor humor’ would be a little more precise.

friendlyskies April 29, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Where is Palin’s socialist volcano?

Accordion-o-rama April 29, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=303292]allainjules[/re]: Blingee time!!!

shortsshortsshorts April 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: That was the come-back champion comment of the Win, forever.

Monsieur Grumpe April 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm

See kids, this is what happens if you don’t stay within the lines.

magic titty April 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: I’ll add another WIN to your tally.

4tehlulz April 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: So much win; it almost makes up for the liberal use of Comic Sans in that atrocity.

Prommie April 29, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Did that just happen, or had you thought of it before, and been waiting and waiting for the opportunity to spring it? Either way, WIN.

ihasasad April 29, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: would a wingnut get that?

Country Club Jihadi April 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Lumberjack Granny needed to update it anyway to show Daddy trampled to death in the run on the banks, and a giant swine killing Mommy.

Aloysius April 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

No conspiracy, just those librul pussies in New York who still don’t have their shit together. They’re all, “Eek! It’s a plane! Why won’t the planes stop? Wah! Why do we live near LaGuardia, mommy? I has a skaird.”

They need to strap on a pair of Truknutz like Oklahoma did, and build an Indian casino or something to cope with their grief. Goddam pants-suit-wearin’, uppity muslin-Hillary-lovin’ media elite.

HoboNutz April 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm

can we get a “win” cake fore Canmon? sweet Jebus…

Lazy Media April 29, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Blingee contest, plz kthnkxbai.

Hooray For Anything April 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm

I thought the children’s book that best summed up 9/11 was “My Pet Goat”?

Czn939 April 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=303272]CivicHoliday[/re]:
Gravity FAIL.
Now THERE’s a disaster.

Czn939 April 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]:
You gotta get that comment engraved!
Epic!

chascates April 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Just as long as it ends with the smiling face of Jesus/God letting them know that no matter how shitty things are down here, just stick with the plan and you’ll get yours eventually.

user-of-owls April 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm

The real reason they pulled the book was because of infringement issues. Turns out the book’s title is trademarked as the “Official Post-Election Slogan of the GOP.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 29, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: EPIC WIN.

Obamaton April 29, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Wow. Breathtaking. FTWx100. All our base are belong to you.

Is there a page for frotage? I spent too much time on jezebel today.

hailripley April 29, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Where are the socialists and union workers?

Bruno April 29, 2009 at 3:05 pm

This is censorship. The good people under the Bush administration’s FEMA issued this to stop public panic (like taking your shoes off before flying and waterboarding). Obama’s FEMA is hiding the truth from our children – always be scared and alway vote Bush.

boinggg April 29, 2009 at 3:06 pm

I like the book. Kids need to have it *before* a disaster, just so they know what’s waiting for them. But I would rename the book, “You’re All Going To Die!”

One Yield Regular April 29, 2009 at 3:08 pm

My 3 year old godson in France had this terrifically awful children’s book. It depicted every conceivable horrible thing that could happen to a child – from scalding to electrocution to falling out of a window to abduction, just hundreds of awful things. His mother would sit there reading it to him, and he’d just be glued to every page. Somehow I thought a book like that was possible only in France. Clearly, I was mistaken.

slappypaddy April 29, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: not inadequate at all. the final ballots have been counted and you have won the election with a resounding 110% of the vote (including the dead aliens and other acorns).

Joey Ratz April 29, 2009 at 3:22 pm

[re=303283]Dave J.[/re]: Termites? It’s a conspiracy!

[re=303296]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Fantastic.

Lazy Media April 29, 2009 at 3:24 pm
iwillsavethispatient April 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

[re=303273]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Ashes, Ashes
WHAT??
Surely it’s “at-ishoo, at-ishoo” (as in sneezing). ‘Cos they had the plague, then died.

Is this yet another weird thing that Americans say differently?

slappypaddy April 29, 2009 at 3:37 pm

[re=303448]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: yeah. and ya oughtta hear what we do to “god save the queens.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Canmon has WON THE AFTERNOON!

sezme April 29, 2009 at 3:48 pm

I see Bin Laden’s face in the flames. Coincidence? No! (just schizophrenia.)

Also, top o’the hat and deep bow to Canmon.

iwillsavethispatient April 29, 2009 at 3:49 pm

[re=303411]One Yield Regular[/re]: Just the modern day equivalent of the classics, then:
Rock-a-bye-baby: Tumbled out of a tree
Jack & Jill: Jack has a major head trauma
3 Little Pigs: 2/3 eaten
Little Red Riding Hood: Grandma eaten
Goldilocks: Doesn’t she get eaten in the original version too?
Baa Baa Black Sheep: Communism! The master should have had all 3 bags of wool!

PrairiePossum April 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm

The WTC is pictured on a grassy knoll – PROOF that 9/11 was an inside job.

ellie April 29, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Jesus, this country is off its collective rocker.

slappypaddy April 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=303482]ellie[/re]: you just noticed?

A Better American Than YOU April 29, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Upon close review, I believe that yes, it is that kid’s fault. Swine flu and Katie Couric, also.

liquiddaddy April 29, 2009 at 4:42 pm

When I was a kid I had a “Famine in Ethiopia” coloring book, but it was all black stick figures.

hobospacejunkie April 29, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=303292]allainjules[/re]: You guys are missing the trees for the forest, or however that saying goes. Our strange friend, allainjules, has finally FINALLY contributed something to this Wonkette, after who knows how long he’s been posting WTF weirdo french surrender monkey cheese.

Just click on his link this time. Just this time. One of the best sports photos ever. Too bad it won’t win any awards this year. And the text claims it’s real, so obviously it is not photoshopped.

vkladchik April 29, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Why’d they take it down? Who would criticize (seriously) something like this?

chascates April 29, 2009 at 5:12 pm

[re=303552]liquiddaddy[/re]: Ethiopia has really good food but they serve really, really small portions.

S.Luggo April 29, 2009 at 5:23 pm

A Scary Thing Happened. Wha? Gay marriage?

I like the illustration on page 22 of the saluatory effect of electro-shock.

jon c April 29, 2009 at 5:24 pm

[re=303293]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: This comment is like all those dudes who got silver medals against Michael Phelps. It really isn’t fair. You would have won in any other setting.

Joey Ratz April 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=303605]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Fucking hell. Words fail me. So, um… WALNUTS!

gurukalehuru April 29, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=303292]allainjules[/re]: Mon Dieu, c’etait degoutant. Est que c’est un vrai photo? Bien, ils ont ecrit que c’est une vrai photo, mais quand meme and dis donc and you can throw in a sacre fucking bleu while you’re at it.

Atheist Nun April 29, 2009 at 5:49 pm

(¯`*•.(¯`*•.(¯`*•.¸ BLINGEE ¸.•*´¯).•*´¯).•*´¯)
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89663020-FEMA-EWOK-DISASTER

Atheist Nun April 29, 2009 at 6:02 pm

(¯`*•.(¯`*•.(¯`*•.¸ BONUS BLINGEE! ¸.•*´¯).•*´¯).•*´¯)
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89664112-FEMA-GLENNBECK

DC Hates Me April 29, 2009 at 6:30 pm

God creates terror.
Muslims create terror.
Islam is the true religion.
Cope with it, kids.

One Yield Regular April 29, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=303464]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Well, it *would* have been the modern day equivalent, had the classics come with graphic illustrations of said trauma.

dementor April 29, 2009 at 7:20 pm

[re=303693]Atheist Nun[/re]: Whore Diamond sprinkles for you!

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