OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  11:50 am April 29, 2009

Happy Worst Recession In Half a Century Day!

by Ken Layne

Ain't no depression in Heaven.It’s official for Sad America: As the economy shrunk another 6.1% in the first quarter of 2009, the total GDP loss for this recession (so far!) is 3.3%, making this the worst recession since the legendary “Elvis Downtown” of 1957-58. And there’s only one economic collapse larger than our current horror: the Great Depression of 1929-c.1940. We sure hope Obama’s 100th Fireside Chat tonight is a doozy! [Bloomberg]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 75 comments }

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 11:54 am

The Dow’s up, though, so the Moneyed Interests are seeing everything turn their way….finally!

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 29, 2009 at 11:56 am

/me raises his glass in a toast, then takes a drink…then another…and another and another and another…

Go Figure April 29, 2009 at 11:57 am

It’s Official! The shit has hit the fan.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 11:57 am

Those kids are about to get a whole lot more uncomfortable.

http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/ele.jpg

Vartan84 April 29, 2009 at 11:58 am

Never fear, forthcoming Wonkette series “All the Presidents’ Graves” will single-handedly save the economy AND rescue us all from the clutches of birdswine flu! Do I hear an amen?

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 29, 2009 at 11:59 am

There is a Specter haunting America.

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 11:59 am

Our “fourishing” economy?

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2009 at 12:01 pm

…worst recession since the legendary “Elvis Downtown” of 1957-58.

Even worse than the “Petula Clark Downtown” of the early seventies?

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2009 at 12:02 pm

“Elvis Downtown” of 1957-58

I always wondered why Elvis joined the service; just couldn’t find a real job in those troubled economic times.

JimBob April 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm

I’ll have a can of Hobo Beans tonight to celebrate.

magic titty April 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm

“Johnny’s in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I’m on the pavement
Thinkin’ about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he’s got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off!”

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm

[re=303058]V572625694[/re]: Our “fourishing” economy?

Maybe they meant “four-flushing” economy.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 29, 2009 at 12:05 pm

These stories are all part of an intellectual experiment…how many depressing news bits does he take to keep the average man from fapping?

Not enough but getting closer.

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 29, 2009 at 12:05 pm

I for one welcome our new Joad overlords.

magic titty April 29, 2009 at 12:06 pm

“Friends, is it a coincidence the last time a recession was this bad, a Democrap, peace-loving beatnik named Dwight D. Eisenhower was in office? Just saying! Makes you wonder . . .”

Michele Bachmann

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=303066]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Heh. You and I often post slightly different comments on the same gags. We should get together for a webcam conference and show Ken and that Sicha guy how its done.

We could even make sure we’re each properly lit, and in the center of the camera’s viewing area.

Georgia Burning April 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm

unfortunately, all those central valley farms that used to offer picking jobs for 3 cents a bushel are now covered by foreclosed subdivisions. Sigh…

bfstevie April 29, 2009 at 12:12 pm

Where did Ken Layne get a picture of the vehicle that’s at the center of General Motors’ big reorganization plan? The plan isn’t due for another month.

bitchincamaro April 29, 2009 at 12:15 pm

…chief U.S. economist at Morgan Stanley in New York.”

What the hell does that even mean?? Is he on the fed payroll? And why would we believe anything coming from MS, regardless?

zenferret April 29, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=303055]Vartan84[/re]: I’m looking forward to visiting (and spitting and shitting on) the graves of our last pair of (vice) president and trained monkey.

Can Wonkette make them die so we can all visit their graves?

Come here a minute April 29, 2009 at 12:19 pm

I won’t believe we’ve hit rock bottom until a young woman offers me her breast.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2009 at 12:20 pm

[re=303077]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I’ll get my cat mug…

proudgrampa April 29, 2009 at 12:22 pm

We ARE so freakin’ doomed.

Time to buy gold, silver and oil. And guns. And bullets. And Hobo beans. Also.

Prommie April 29, 2009 at 12:22 pm

After teh black plague of the 1300s, the survivors enjoyed a period of great prosperity and cultural flowering, which eventuality resulted in the Renaissance. So, we got that going for us. Which is good.

hobospacejunkie April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

We’re as doomed as doomed can be, I must say.

loquaciousmusic April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I know what The B-52s would suggest! Fixing up the basement, stocking it full of jelly jars and heavy equipment, and learning to print TEN, TWENTY, THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0d8g-yRhlY0

Prommie April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

“Even worse than the “Petula Clark Downtown” of the early seventies?”

That would be the 60s, caveman.

Hooray For Anything April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I can haz no job now

shortsshortsshorts April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS!

Swine Flu will kill us all before our houses are foreclosed on. REJOICE!

Prommie April 29, 2009 at 12:25 pm

“I won’t believe we’ve hit rock bottom until a young woman offers me her breast.”

Bravo. Comment of the year. Awesomely awesome. Its huge.

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 12:26 pm

[re=303073]magic titty[/re]: Did ya see on TPM where she talked about the “Hoot-Smalley”? Jeebus that woman is entertaining.

Vartan84 April 29, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=303086]zenferret[/re]: Sorry zenferret but while our obscure 19th century presidents were ok with being buried out in random regular cemeteries with the regular folk, the tradition for presidents graves are now totally restricted to being on the grounds of their presidential libraries. Every president out of office plans their library, and their grave there as a result. This means Bush’s would likely be at his library, and as an extension be government group (right? maybe?) and defiling it would be like a felony or something, not to mention watched by guards and stuff. VPs haven’t died in awhile but they don’t get libraries so who knows where they’ll end up but knowing Cheney it’ll be deep in some crypt lair which is blurred out of Google maps… and reality…

Prommie April 29, 2009 at 12:27 pm

“Bring out your dead Joads.”

V572625694 April 29, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=303101]V572625694[/re]: “Hoot-Smalley tariff,” dipshit.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=303097]Prommie[/re]: That would be me, also. Yes, I could’ve looked it up — but in our fourishing economy who has the time?

19kevin8 April 29, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=303084]bitchincamaro[/re]: because they’re the gods of prudent financial planning!

Paterlanger April 29, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=303088]Come here a minute[/re]: I know we’ve hit rock bottom because I was in a Target today and an associate asked me if she could help me in any way. During the last ten years that has rarely if ever happened. I’ve been in fast food restaurants and convenient stores during that same ten years where the cashiers actually did not speak at all except to mumble the balance due in a surly tone. That’s what you get for minimum wage, right. “I’m here to take the cash and hand you the bag, asshole” But in this economy the fight for minimum wage tightens up and soon it’ll be the epoch of Lit-major retail. Prepare to be politely engaged. “Is there a particular brand of Hobo Beans I can help you find?”

magic titty April 29, 2009 at 12:37 pm

[re=303101]V572625694[/re]: Jesus Christ.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 12:43 pm

[re=303088]Come here a minute[/re]: Take two, they’re cheap.

AfghanVet April 29, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Nature continues to try and dump some chlorine into the gene pool, but we keep pushing back. She’s going to get pissed soon and then it will be a WHOLE can of whoop ass. I am thinking zombies. WW Z for sure.

Wet Work April 29, 2009 at 12:46 pm

If I could afford to pay attention I suppose I would care.

bitchincamaro April 29, 2009 at 12:46 pm

“Is there a particular brand of Hobo Beans I can help you find?”

At which time the employee will be anally crucified because everybody knows that “Hobo” is the brand of the “beans”. Sheesh.

Mustang April 29, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=303109]Paterlanger[/re]: I know. It’s getting ridiculous. Some of them are so servile, I expect them to roll over to have their bellies scratched. Except Costco. They’re still rude assholes.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=303127]bitchincamaro[/re]: Well shit – looks like her 65 year-old mother gets to take over her job.

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=303107]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well, it is hard to tell us apart in that poorly lit, off-centered videoconference.

Here’s how you can tell, PRommie: I’m the one with the extra bushy mullet and facial hair; Wookie is the one who looks like a wookie.

Cape Clod April 29, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=303088]Come here a minute[/re]: Bravo. You must be a Lit Major. How’s your job at Target?

TeddyS April 29, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Since the Republicans always vote, “No,” they must enjoy the economy. Waiting for their Free Market Capitalism to right itself is like waiting for the Titanic to pump out some water and get on with the voyage.

Mad Farmer Manifest April 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=303054]Custerwolf[/re]: “No, for fuck’s sake! Walk NEXT to the car. Lazy fucking elephant.”

Come here a minute April 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=303127]bitchincamaro[/re]: You can save some of the money you don’t have with Target store brand hobo-style beans.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=303126]Wet Work[/re]: Fortunately, bankruptcy only applies to my morals at this point.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 12:54 pm

[re=303134]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Not to mention his trunk is no doubt overpacked.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 29, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=303136]Custerwolf[/re]: Now there you go ruining a perfectly depressing story with some remarkably uplifting….news.

Citizen Kang April 29, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=303052]Go Figure[/re]:

I like the cut of your jib. Are you Kodos?

shortsshortsshorts April 29, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=303080]bfstevie[/re]: Everybody knows that the Examiner’s Opinion section is absolute bullshit, and should probably be used for picking up dog-shit, only.

That is why they have renamed “General Motors” to “Government Motors.” ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS HARR HARR HARR THE EXAMINER IS A REAL HOOT.

Mad Farmer Manifest April 29, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=303124]AfghanVet[/re]: Ha ha. I keep sounding the immanent zombie alarm, but no one listens. I will cry as I blow their zombie heads off. Then we feast on hobo beans.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=303140]Citizen Kang[/re]: How awkward, arriving at the party wearing the same outfit.

Wet Work April 29, 2009 at 1:01 pm

[re=303135]Come here a minute[/re]: “hobo-style beans” Why not? I’m wearing hobo-style clothes.

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 29, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=303147]Wet Work[/re]: Only rich hobos have clothes, elitist bastard.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=303151]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Yeah, all I’ve got is a bandana and a stick.

Mad Farmer Manifest April 29, 2009 at 1:12 pm

[re=303158]Custerwolf[/re]: I’ll be right over.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=303139]Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish![/re]: Jesus, for a sec I thought you were going to mention something about my Miracle Bra.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=303169]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Door’s unlocked…

Hooray For Anything April 29, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=303158]Custerwolf[/re]: Look at Ms. Fancy Pants here with her bandana and a stick. I sold those long ago to buy that iFart app on my iPhone.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Well, I just got called in to work (not to rub it in), so I’ll catch you guys after I get off.

Yes, I said get off.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=303188]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Thanks – that should keep me laughing through the first half of my shift.

Ken Layne April 29, 2009 at 1:25 pm

[re=303077]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Ha, we FAILED mightily there. Because goddamned Choire insisted that he had some way to do actual split screen, but instead he just put both full screens side-by-side. I am in charge this week … which either means, I will not do it at all, or I will make it 3 minutes long and filled with puppetry/sound effects.

Custerwolf April 29, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Huh, so that was Ken I passed in the hall as I was leaving.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 29, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=303173]Custerwolf[/re]: There goes my next ten minutes.

WadISay April 29, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Michele Bachmann would point out that it’s interesting that both this recession and the Great Depression began under Democrat presidents. Just saying.

LittlePig April 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=303109]Paterlanger[/re]: “I find Green Mountain Hobo Beans to be exceptionally fine, with a strong maple start and a lingering vanilla finish. These Upper Valley beans are a bit roguish, but the initial sassiness soon gives way to a fresh taste reminiscent of morning on the Connecticut River…”

Wet Work April 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm

[re=303158]Custerwolf[/re]: I have an old top hat and a pickle barrel, but it’s fleece-lined.

JamesMichaelCurley April 29, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=303106]V572625694[/re]: Thats “Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act.” Did she realy say Hoot-Smalley?

Lazy Media April 29, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=303067]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: So, you never heard of the draft? Mandatory selective service, ran from 1940 to 1974? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?

Wet Work April 29, 2009 at 3:05 pm

[re=303236]Wet Work[/re]: Gotta dress for the job you want.

Lascauxcaveman April 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=303200]Ken Layne[/re]: Allow me to be your screenwriter. By which I mean, here’s a quick suggestion: Pick out a few topics you know you can make the funni on and keep it fairly brief.

(Can’t wait for those royalty checks to come rollin’ in. Yeah!)

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: