Wonkette
- “Patient Zero,” a five-year-old Mexican boy who got the H1N1 virus at the beginning of April and then recovered completely, has been found. God knows what the World Health Organization will do to him now — but chances are your pig/bird flu vaccine will have a little bit of innocent young Edgar Hernandez inside. [CNN International/New York Times]
- After all that Bono has done for them, the Supreme Court justices ruled that Bono cannot say “fuck” on live teevee without some sort of penalty. The penalty is anal crucifixion. [LA Times]
- The Army dude who approved that Air Force One attack on Manhattan will either lose his job or be anally crucified. [Washington Post]
- Today, Barack Obama celebrates his 100th birthday and, coincidentally, the 100th birthday of America. The Centennial will be broadcast on some, but not all, teevee networks tonight, in the form of a Press Conference. It will be Obama’s 100th televised press conference, and the 100th anniversary of televised anal crucifixion. [Reuters]
- There’s a dynamic young Democratic star in the Senate? Have you heard of him? [New York Times]
- You know who else is finishing the first hundred days in the White House, today? Michelle Obama! That “Fuck Whitey” video should be released any day now, we bet. [BBC News]
What the fuck is the supreme court doing telling me who I can fuck or when I can say fuck. And, I’m not Irish.
Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits…I miss George Carlin.
The WHO is going to hole that boy up like the gubbernment did to ET until he gets away on his magic bicycle. Or they will anally crucify him.
They anally crucified the crazy narcissist musicians, and I didn’t speak up because I was sane.
Let’s see if we can get this page up to the top of Google searches for “Fuck the Supreme Court”
Anal crucifiction is the new buttsecks.
Fuck the Supreme Court.
Furthermore.
Thank you Ken, for starting our day with anal crucifications, it has lightened my step and made me believe again.
If we outlaw anal crucifixion, only the outlaws will have anuses. Fuck the Supreme Court.
Someone’s missing their backdoor man.
TASER has a new butt plug called the “Shock and Ahhh”.
How can you crucify an anus? We got from the birds and the bees to rimming at school, Daddy, but Miss Viagra, she never mentioned anal crucifixion.
freakishlystrong: “crucifixion”, fuck me.
I demand to see a picture of Arlen Specter’s abs before I am willing to crown him the new face of the Democrat party.
Or, we could just crown him with thorns and hang him on a Pennsylvania license plate.
Specter Switches Parties; More Heft for Democrats
Oh, great. Who let the fatty in?
So is Shepard Smith going to be anally crucified for saying ‘we don’t fucking torture’? Can we get an alert when that happens?
So if S.P.E.C.T.E.R. is providing the heft, who is responsible for the warp and woof?
Screw the “Whitey” Tape. I’m still waiting for the huge impact Larry Sinclair is going to have on the 2008 election.
Cape Clod: If it’s said on Faux News, then it’s a “statement of strong opinion,” not a swear.
Oooh, a Laurie Anderson reference first thing in the morning. It’s gonna be a good day.
Oh, great. Now everyone will want to be anally crucified.
Is anal crucifixion anything like Death by Cowabunga?
Here’s a free one for the Freepers:
Barry’s 100th day in office just happens to fall on Israel’s Independence Day. Coincidence, or a dirty Muslin’s Zionist plot to anally crucify the former Silent Christian Majority? Also.
Everyone celebrating Barak HUSSEIN NoBama’s 100th day will feel like idiots when they find out he’s not really the president after all, because his birth certificate is forged and he’s really an Indonesian Muslin.
The penalty is subjecting NYT’s readers to Bono’s drivel.
What’s up with the anal crucifixation?
I’m on standby to hear Ron Paul’s response when he finds out the government is buying ice cream for everyone due to its newly discovered remarkable healing capabilities as demonstrated by the complete and delicious recovery of Little Patient Zero.
“the primary presidential aircraft, a Boeing 747 known as Air Force One when the president is aboard…”
This is news to me. What is the aircraft called after the president deplanes?
Bruno: Only half of The Who is left, but they will do their best to extract a vaccine from this little boy, before they anally crucify him for saying “fuck the supreme court.”
“Justice Antonin Scalia….counted U2’s lead singer among “the foul-mouthed glitteratae from Hollywood.”
Those aren’t the kind of opinions you’re paid to deliver, boy. So suck my cunt.
Custerwolf: When the President disembarks, the aircraft reverts back to its normal callsign. Any plane he boards becomes Air Force One, and if memory serves, any chopper is called something like Helicopter One, but I fail to recall which of the branches takes care of his ‘copter rides (Marines?).
Sorry about the lack of snark. Don’t anally crucify me, bro. Also.
Aloysius: As Johnny Carson used to say, - “I did not know that.”
Thanks. And don’t worry, I anus mean as I sound.
Aloysius: Does this extend to any and all vehicles the president might employ? Say he gets on a little red wagon, is it then called Radio Flyer One? When he’s in a car is it called NASCAR One? Segway One? Riding lawnmower is John Deere One? I’m running out of ideas.
Custerwolf: You have a gift with word play; crucifixation, anus mean as I sound, etc. Can we expect your fore play to be equally clever & original?
hobospacejunkie: “extract a vaccine from this little boy”
Unless you’re a right-wing male, this doesn’t promise to be nearly as much fun as it was extracting serum from the milkmaids back in the good old days of smallpox.
hobospacejunkie: When the president is traveling at the speed of sound, I believe they call it Mach ONE.
Aloysius: It’s Marine One. When the VC-25A or whatever the fuck (oops, sorry Sup Court) buzzes tall buildings, they call it Flight Fucktard, also. Please don’t anally crucify me.
Aloysius: The helicopter is called Marine One - well, as long as it’s a Marine helicopter, which it’s been since Gerald Ford’s day.
Nixon flew out of office on Army One, which later crashed itself into the Potomac in shame.
And of course Navy One flew George W. to his date with “Mission Accomplished” and into a very special place in our hearts.
hobospacejunkie: I don’t know, sometimes I think dropping my drawers and saying, “do me,” is just to tedius and time-consuming.
Custerwolf: Mach One
There’s a fine line between clever & annoying.
hobospacejunkie: “There’s a fine line between clever & annoying.”
Really? I think there should be a ditch.
Custerwolf: I don’t know, sometimes I think dropping my drawers and saying, “do me,” is just too tedius and time-consuming.
I believe that would trump ‘clever & original.’
hobospacejunkie: How do you make your letters crooked like that? Can you teach me?
I think “anal crucifixion,” which, like waterboarding, dates from the Spanish Inquisition, was on the list of approved torture techniques.
Custerwolf: Yes. Go to this website, scroll down to Basic Formatting Tags and you’ll see how to turn text into italics, strike through, bold, etc. Not all of these commands will work in all online comment sections, though.
The very next section, call Links, will show you how to embed an URL in text, as I’ve done in the first paragraph.
Though I maintain a few websites, I am not HTML expert. This particular page continues to be of great value to me and I refer to it often when commenting on Wonkette.
hobospacejunkie: Yesterday, he had lunch with Secretary Clinton on Picnic Table One.
ManchuCandidate: Ha ha, had to google Larry Sinclair but he gots some funny shit on that site. Not anal crucifixion funny, but still…
Fuck the Supreme Court, in addition.
Custerwolf: They’ve got two or three 747s at Andrews (and a multi-zillion-dollar hangar) for “Air Force One,” which, as stated, is the plane the preznit happens to be on at any given time. If Biden’s on it, it’s Air Force Two. If Hilz is on board, it’s PUMA One.
hobospacejunkie: Thanks, bud. We’ll see how a techno-retard like myself does with it.
Mahousu: I have since looked this up. Any (insert branch of military service)’s aircraft the POTUS boards is called (branch of service) One. Any civilian aircraft the POTUS boards is called Executive One.
Coincidentally, the Presidential Limousine is unofficially called Cadillac One, so John Deere One, Radio Flyer One, Big Wheel One, Ford Fiesta One, Schwin One, Segway One, Andy Dick One (Repubs only), Fat Girl with Great Hair One–all these would be unofficial callsigns.
Custerwolf: Hobo can show you, but then must anally crucify you
Fuck Supreme Court, also
V572625694: Okay - sometimes I get movies confused with real life - but haven’t I seen a plane with Air Force One written on it? Of course, I seem to recall Harrison Ford is in that same memory, so…fuck, I don’t know.
Aloysius: Obama, that One.
ManchuCandidate: The picture on http://larrysinclair-0926.blogspot.com/ of Obama-as-Jeebus is particularly poignant.
Custerwolf: It’s all right. The plane actually says Die vereinigten Staaten on it.
V572625694: Die vereinigten Staaten
That’s IT!!!
hobospacejunkie: dear Mr. Junkie, Thank you ever so much for you valued assistance. I have bookmarked the brown letters in your post and will refer to them after nap time. I am old and stupid and am reminded of this fact daily by a fourteen year old smarty pants daughter. yours,in conflagration, engulfedin.
ManchuCandidate: V572625694:
You really have to go here-site that mocks Sinclair endlessly and pulls apart his lies: http://theregulator.net/?cat=59
engulfedinflames: Hey, co-inky-dink! I’m off to nap myself. In fact my days are pretty much nap, wonkette, nap, wonkette, nap, until my wife gets home from work. No kids for us, though. I salute your attempt to raise the next generation of Wonketteers. Don’t let the bedbugs bite…
And for you perverts, I did write NAP not FAP.
Thank you all for cracking me up this morning (still early in the socialist Muslin kingdom of Havai’i).
And this page is currently #4 on the Googles. Fuck the Supreme Court. Except Stevens. Nice dissent, brother.
Okay, Ken’s given us our talking points for the day, like an evil, but funnier, Karl Rove. Today’s buzz words: Anal crucifixion. Use it every time you are asked to comment on today’s events. (Wonkette’s cabal to take over the world–I’m down with that, as you kids would say) I would have put anal crucifixion in italics, as it should be, but I’m so and stupid (but not conservative, by god) that I can’t make my wonkette’s fonts do anything other than this.
So, shit.
When he’s harvesting wheat, Combine One. When he’s excavating the foundation for a Habitat for Humanity house (which we all know Hopey can and would do) it’s Backhoe One.
now when i read about arlen specter, i keep misreading ‘defection’ as ‘defecation’. great.
BadKitty: She got it from William Burroughs. (There’s even a movie where they dance.)
Hey Ken, the Supreme Court decision had nothing to do with First Amendment principles, for semi-literate foul-mouthed wankers or for more normal people. The decision was whether or not the FCC could change their rules the way they did. (They could.) Now it goes back to the 2nd Circuit, where the First Amendment issues will be involved. ‘Tain’t over till it’s over.
huh. somebody please explain to me exactly HOW anal crucifixion works. physics was never my forte, but I know my anal anatomy as well as the next catholic girl, and i’d really like to know exactly how fucked up it really is. Is it just a crucifix up the ass, or does it involve more hanging and such (a la every other crucifixion)? Also, perhaps we could get Glenn Beck to get anally crucifixed for charity? also.
Now that Spector is in at 60, how long until the GOP gives up on the Coleman battle?
bizzy: Like the freepers, you read “Spector” and saw “Sphincter.”