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Help I am trapped in a mirrorTwo associate editors of a certain NOTORIOUSLY SNARKY D.C. political Web site have been enjoying fun adventures, such as parties with famous overtanned A-list cable news celebrities and looking for Jim’s car keys. Now we are en route to Mount Vernon, where we will be whisked away by tourism authorities and sent to prison camps in Tappahannock.

(The first step in “breaking” a terrorist is of course to put them in humiliating uniforms, pictured above.)

The Virginia Tourism Corporation invited your Wonkette on a secret mystery tour of Virginia for the next two days to celebrate the 40th birthday of the “Virginia Is For Lovers” campaign, which happened to coincide with the most frightening outbreak of a dread virus in American or indeed world history, so we figured, what the hell, get out of Dodge for a few days. We are just hoping they don’t take us to a pig farm.

More updates as the day progresses; till then we leave you in the capable hands of your “real” editor, Ken Layne.

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49 COMMENTS

  1. Ha Ha. You fell for that old trick. Now you’re going to be trapped in a sleazy hotel room until you buy time shares in Mexico.

  2. “Virginia is for lovers” tourism tour? Seriously, if you kids needed to sneak away without Ken’s knowledge to make out or have sex or pass the swine flu to one another or whatever the kids are doing, the closet at the Wonkette newsroom would’ve worked too.

    SKS + Newell = A VERY SPECIAL WONKETTE WEDDING

  3. (Ken, while they are gone, rummage through their drawers to see if you find any trucknutz or Carrot-Top photo’s. If they left their laptaps, see which porn sites have been accessed).

  4. So Jim and Sara are “posing” as “lovers” for the benefit of the Virginia Tourism Gestapo? I think its only a matter of time (if his AOL by-line photo is any indication – http://www.politicsdaily.com/ken-layne/) until West Virginia calls regarding their “West Virginia is for Creepy-Looking Guys in Dark Late-Model Sedans Who Pull Up Next to You When You are Walking Home from School” campaign.

  5. If there’s assfucking involved, be sure to report on it. We haven’t had an assfucking post around here in a long time and it’s always good for a site to occasionally pay homage to it’s roots.

  6. If all three of them left, would we type endless ellipses or take over the asylum ourselves? Wait–if this is free, shouldn’t they have taken all of us with them?

  7. We residents of this bizarre Commonwealth are happy to have you here. I hope they take you to Botetourt County, just because it is pronounced “Bott-a-tott” which ridiculous, and to Staunton, which is pronounced “Stanton”, which is also ridiculous (and yeah, I got called out as a Yankee when I mispronounced both years and years ago when I moved here).

    But I really, really hope you don’t run into Terry McAuliffe who is oozing all over the place like the scourge that he is. Take lots of Lysol in case you do.

  8. Until the appropriately titled court case Loving v. Virginia (1967), the state slogan was “Virginia is For Lovers of the Same Race (As Defined By the One-Drop Rule)”

  9. [re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: God bless your sir- I once got a ticket for doing 97 down there on 81- had to spend 2k on a lawyer to avoid 4 days in jail! Poor girl whose case got heard next was not so lucky and unlike me, she didn’t have a prior driving record 10 pages long

  10. [re=301429]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: aw, crap. I hope your skin is not brown and you are not from above the Mason Dixon line.

    (FWIW, you ARE nuts because 97 on 81=suicidal. Between the bad paving, innumerable semis, and curves on that road, you were playing chicken with death).

  11. [re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: Buena Vista (Byew nah vis ta) is another ridiculous pronunciation here.

    But really you have got to see Mark Cline’s Foam Henge if you are touring the state. Yup, its stone henge made out of huge foam blocks right near natural bridge. Or his dinosaurs versus union soldiers in the same area. Great fun(?)

    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/10790
    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9209
    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9210

    Okay Cline is a frined of mine so I’m pimping his insanity because it sorta fits the topic.

  12. Ha ha, you guys are having SEX THREESOMES with Tim Kaine? Or whoever’s in charge of tourism. George Allen or someone. Groooooss.

    Actually in my mind the entire sex tour is just pointing at various Virginia politicians and whispering “that guy’s your boyfriend”, which is probably why I never get invited on vacations.

  13. Here we are in the first 100 days of the nation’s first black President, the economy is in turmoil, the country is in a panic over swine flu, teabaggers are going crazy, and Wonkette editors are…taking a vacation.

  14. Oh, gimme a yell when you’re in Richmond, that new hotbed of liberalism — we can meet up for a beer.
    [re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: Also, Buchanan county is pronounced “buck ANN on.”

  15. Good luck navigating around the Geithner signs. GOD SPEED.
    IN THE MEAN TIME, ShortsandPants will be going full press today, as a response to the loss of our two associate editors.

  16. [re=301507]Doglessliberal[/re]: The real stumbler though is “Civil War.” Down here that’s pronounced “War of Northern Aggression.”

  17. [re=301399]SnarkNotFark[/re]: Goddamn, all the Captain Tripps gibberish of the last two days makes sense now. Ken Layne is Stephen King’s long lost baby brother – the beard-resemblance is uncanny.

  18. The 5 year old phildeaux did insist on my parents buying a “Virginia Is For Lovers” visor for me to proudly wear all vacation. I just really loved Virginia.

  19. Although billed as a sexation, Flame http://images-0.redbubble.net/img/art/size:large/view:main/532347-8-little-red-head-girl.jpg
    and Liz Lemon’s tour is in fact a campaign for Hilz’ cabana boy Terry McAuliffe.

    ********************
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/27/AR2009042703194.html
    Tuesday, April 28, 2009

    Former President Bill Clinton rallied hundreds [?? see last paragraph below] of Democrats downtown Monday, telling the crowd that his best friend Terry McAuliffe should be elected the next governor of Virginia to get the economy back on track.

    Clinton said that he was “blown away” by the extent of McAuliffe’s knowledge about state government and that his candidate will create jobs by pushing energy initiatives, including offshore wind turbines and the technology to turn chicken waste into a source of fuel.

    A surprisingly small crowd, some wearing union T-shirts, gathered under the blazing sun at a farmers market, waving signs …
    ********

  20. [re=301399]SnarkNotFark[/re]: I was in West Virginia exactly once while driving north from Virginia with a friend. We were on the highway and this guy kept trying to pull next to us. Finally he did, and we realized why – he was jerking off while driving and wanted us to see. Icky. We tried not to look, and he got off at the next exit (har, har). That’s my permanent impression of West Virginia.

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