WONKETTE JUNKETTE  8:58 am April 28, 2009

Why We Have Been Slacking

by Sara K. Smith

Help I am trapped in a mirrorTwo associate editors of a certain NOTORIOUSLY SNARKY D.C. political Web site have been enjoying fun adventures, such as parties with famous overtanned A-list cable news celebrities and looking for Jim’s car keys. Now we are en route to Mount Vernon, where we will be whisked away by tourism authorities and sent to prison camps in Tappahannock.

(The first step in “breaking” a terrorist is of course to put them in humiliating uniforms, pictured above.)

The Virginia Tourism Corporation invited your Wonkette on a secret mystery tour of Virginia for the next two days to celebrate the 40th birthday of the “Virginia Is For Lovers” campaign, which happened to coincide with the most frightening outbreak of a dread virus in American or indeed world history, so we figured, what the hell, get out of Dodge for a few days. We are just hoping they don’t take us to a pig farm.

More updates as the day progresses; till then we leave you in the capable hands of your “real” editor, Ken Layne.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 49 comments }

ManchuCandidate April 28, 2009 at 9:06 am

Now I know why they changed the State motto to “Virginia is For Bloggers.”

BTW, does this tour involve folks throwing beads at you?

Vartan84 April 28, 2009 at 9:06 am

I can be funny and snarky and I love Wonkette. Can I be a temporary replacement or intern?

Bypartizoa April 28, 2009 at 9:08 am

Virginia Is For Lovers (some restrictions apply)

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 28, 2009 at 9:11 am

Mmm, SKS tastes like banana.

Monsieur Grumpe April 28, 2009 at 9:13 am

Ha Ha. You fell for that old trick. Now you’re going to be trapped in a sleazy hotel room until you buy time shares in Mexico.

Larry Fine April 28, 2009 at 9:15 am

Hpefully you will get to see Luray Caverns which are spectacular, even though they are not as large as Hiallary’s Caverns.

bago April 28, 2009 at 9:17 am

How does this resonate in San Fran?

rcdl April 28, 2009 at 9:20 am

[re=301381]Bypartizoa[/re]: Right, so long as you’re straight and both white.

Mr Blifil April 28, 2009 at 9:20 am

Will there be pictures of the boy toy?

Internally valid April 28, 2009 at 9:21 am

So, you guys are fucking 40-year old Virginians? I’m confused.

WagTehGod April 28, 2009 at 9:22 am

“Virginia is for lovers” tourism tour? Seriously, if you kids needed to sneak away without Ken’s knowledge to make out or have sex or pass the swine flu to one another or whatever the kids are doing, the closet at the Wonkette newsroom would’ve worked too.

SKS + Newell = A VERY SPECIAL WONKETTE WEDDING

Rush April 28, 2009 at 9:23 am

(Ken, while they are gone, rummage through their drawers to see if you find any trucknutz or Carrot-Top photo’s. If they left their laptaps, see which porn sites have been accessed).

loquaciousmusic April 28, 2009 at 9:27 am

I understand. Writing for a blog is definitely harder than working.

loquaciousmusic April 28, 2009 at 9:28 am

Also, and this is pretty amazing, Janet Jackson has already written a song about you guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BTjbjU6FXA

The footage from your trip looks awesome!

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 28, 2009 at 9:29 am

[re=301393]Rush[/re]: Turns out they both go to wonkette.com a lot. I think that’s grounds for firing.

SnarkNotFark April 28, 2009 at 9:30 am

So Jim and Sara are “posing” as “lovers” for the benefit of the Virginia Tourism Gestapo? I think its only a matter of time (if his AOL by-line photo is any indication – http://www.politicsdaily.com/ken-layne/) until West Virginia calls regarding their “West Virginia is for Creepy-Looking Guys in Dark Late-Model Sedans Who Pull Up Next to You When You are Walking Home from School” campaign.

HandsomePete April 28, 2009 at 9:30 am

A picture of yourself in the mirror? Is this your MySpace picture or something?

MARCdMan April 28, 2009 at 9:30 am

If there’s assfucking involved, be sure to report on it. We haven’t had an assfucking post around here in a long time and it’s always good for a site to occasionally pay homage to it’s roots.

MarieDeGournay April 28, 2009 at 9:35 am

Say hi to the White and Red Queen for me SKS!

Rukasu April 28, 2009 at 9:37 am

No it has and always will be: “Virginia is for Losers”

Larry McAwful April 28, 2009 at 9:41 am

If you get Misty of Chincoteague’s autograph, can you scan it in and post it? Thanks!

DustBowlBlues April 28, 2009 at 9:43 am

If all three of them left, would we type endless ellipses or take over the asylum ourselves? Wait–if this is free, shouldn’t they have taken all of us with them?

bago April 28, 2009 at 9:50 am

Yeah 4tehlulz.

Doglessliberal April 28, 2009 at 9:51 am

We residents of this bizarre Commonwealth are happy to have you here. I hope they take you to Botetourt County, just because it is pronounced “Bott-a-tott” which ridiculous, and to Staunton, which is pronounced “Stanton”, which is also ridiculous (and yeah, I got called out as a Yankee when I mispronounced both years and years ago when I moved here).

But I really, really hope you don’t run into Terry McAuliffe who is oozing all over the place like the scourge that he is. Take lots of Lysol in case you do.

norbizness April 28, 2009 at 9:52 am

Until the appropriately titled court case Loving v. Virginia (1967), the state slogan was “Virginia is For Lovers of the Same Race (As Defined By the One-Drop Rule)”

Dr Tobias Funke April 28, 2009 at 10:01 am

[re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: God bless your sir- I once got a ticket for doing 97 down there on 81- had to spend 2k on a lawyer to avoid 4 days in jail! Poor girl whose case got heard next was not so lucky and unlike me, she didn’t have a prior driving record 10 pages long

Hart88 April 28, 2009 at 10:09 am

I look forward to reports from the “Maryland Is For Crabs” celebration

Doglessliberal April 28, 2009 at 10:10 am

[re=301429]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: aw, crap. I hope your skin is not brown and you are not from above the Mason Dixon line.

(FWIW, you ARE nuts because 97 on 81=suicidal. Between the bad paving, innumerable semis, and curves on that road, you were playing chicken with death).

Mustang April 28, 2009 at 10:15 am

They invited Wonkette on a tour of Virginia to encourage them to promote their state? Is snark the new sex?

arclight April 28, 2009 at 10:28 am

SENSEthis post makes none

zenferret April 28, 2009 at 10:29 am

[re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: Buena Vista (Byew nah vis ta) is another ridiculous pronunciation here.

But really you have got to see Mark Cline’s Foam Henge if you are touring the state. Yup, its stone henge made out of huge foam blocks right near natural bridge. Or his dinosaurs versus union soldiers in the same area. Great fun(?)

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/10790
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9209
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9210

Okay Cline is a frined of mine so I’m pimping his insanity because it sorta fits the topic.

WadISay April 28, 2009 at 10:30 am

The newest Virginia vanity license plate: Bring out your dead.

Min April 28, 2009 at 10:32 am

Warning! Virginia may say it’s for lovers, but it still frowns on sex with livestock. Just so you know.

Naked Bunny with a Whip April 28, 2009 at 10:39 am

[re=301454]Min[/re]: There’s always Florida, then.

tiny mexican April 28, 2009 at 10:40 am

Ha ha, you guys are having SEX THREESOMES with Tim Kaine? Or whoever’s in charge of tourism. George Allen or someone. Groooooss.

Actually in my mind the entire sex tour is just pointing at various Virginia politicians and whispering “that guy’s your boyfriend”, which is probably why I never get invited on vacations.

BlueStateLibtard April 28, 2009 at 10:43 am

Here we are in the first 100 days of the nation’s first black President, the economy is in turmoil, the country is in a panic over swine flu, teabaggers are going crazy, and Wonkette editors are…taking a vacation.

Min April 28, 2009 at 10:50 am

[re=301465]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: And Montana, where men are men, and sheep are nervous.

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2009 at 10:51 am

Oh, gimme a yell when you’re in Richmond, that new hotbed of liberalism — we can meet up for a beer.
[re=301423]Doglessliberal[/re]: Also, Buchanan county is pronounced “buck ANN on.”

shortsshortsshorts April 28, 2009 at 10:57 am

Good luck navigating around the Geithner signs. GOD SPEED.
IN THE MEAN TIME, ShortsandPants will be going full press today, as a response to the loss of our two associate editors.

Mahousu April 28, 2009 at 10:58 am

“A-list cable news celebrities” – isn’t that the definition of an oxymoron?

cranky April 28, 2009 at 11:02 am

where is for fuckers, and when?

Doglessliberal April 28, 2009 at 11:09 am

[re=301481]SayItWithWookies[/re]: ah, yes, that’s a good Yankee-tricker, too.

lawrenceofthedesert April 28, 2009 at 11:17 am

As a veteran journalist, I beseech you to practice safe swag during your junket.

Lascauxcaveman April 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

Worst mirror-porn EVAR.

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2009 at 12:19 pm

[re=301507]Doglessliberal[/re]: The real stumbler though is “Civil War.” Down here that’s pronounced “War of Northern Aggression.”

trondant April 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm

[re=301399]SnarkNotFark[/re]: Goddamn, all the Captain Tripps gibberish of the last two days makes sense now. Ken Layne is Stephen King’s long lost baby brother – the beard-resemblance is uncanny.

phildeaux April 28, 2009 at 2:05 pm

The 5 year old phildeaux did insist on my parents buying a “Virginia Is For Lovers” visor for me to proudly wear all vacation. I just really loved Virginia.

S.Luggo April 28, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Although billed as a sexation, Flame http://images-0.redbubble.net/img/art/size:large/view:main/532347-8-little-red-head-girl.jpg
and Liz Lemon’s tour is in fact a campaign for Hilz’ cabana boy Terry McAuliffe.

********************
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/27/AR2009042703194.html
Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Former President Bill Clinton rallied hundreds [?? see last paragraph below] of Democrats downtown Monday, telling the crowd that his best friend Terry McAuliffe should be elected the next governor of Virginia to get the economy back on track.

Clinton said that he was “blown away” by the extent of McAuliffe’s knowledge about state government and that his candidate will create jobs by pushing energy initiatives, including offshore wind turbines and the technology to turn chicken waste into a source of fuel.

A surprisingly small crowd, some wearing union T-shirts, gathered under the blazing sun at a farmers market, waving signs …
********

thebeatgoeson April 28, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=301399]SnarkNotFark[/re]: I was in West Virginia exactly once while driving north from Virginia with a friend. We were on the highway and this guy kept trying to pull next to us. Finally he did, and we realized why – he was jerking off while driving and wanted us to see. Icky. We tried not to look, and he got off at the next exit (har, har). That’s my permanent impression of West Virginia.

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