Wonkette
This might seem nuts, but it turns out that the combination of Twitter and the Pig-Bird-Mexican flu pandemic is a whole lot of Wrong. That is the point of this post, we think, although this quote from CNN sort of demolishes, well, everything: “Chatter about swine flu is also loud elsewhere online. About 10 times more people are writing online about swine flu than wrote about the salmonella and peanut butter scares from this winter, Nielsen says.” [CNN]
The media is trying to have a “see, i told you so, you’re gonna miss us when we’re gone!” moment.
Reading the swineflu topic on Twitter makes me laugh but I can also follow direct updates from the CDC. Watching Anderson Cooper makes me afraid. Watching Glenn Beck makes me stock up on ammo.
Twitter and Wonkette. I am so set for the apocalypse.
“About 10 times more people are writing online about swine flu than wrote about the salmonella and peanut butter scares”
That is because there are about 10 pig fuckers for every peanut butter eater. And the pig fuckers are experiencing serious withdrawal right now.
Either that or the same few douchebags are Twatting 10 times as often as they used to. And who the fuck is “Nielsen?”
Is it the Zombi Apocalypse yet?
You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end to the human race as we know it. I’m talking, of course, about Manbirdpig.
You can eliminate the “+ Swine Flu” portion of the equation to make it more generally applicable.
I now present patient zero:
http://tinyurl.com/ctz4cg
Blingee contest perhaps?
Here’s your wrong.
Er… make that: http://photos1.blogger.com/photoInclude/blogger/1452/2881/16
00/pig-kiss.jpg
I think the difference is that in the prior scares, the issue wasn’t spreadability. Playing with the peanut butter angle, you see.
I’m panicking over when I should start panicking, there is a lot of swine in Iowa.
The media is just as bad than teh Twatters. Did you watch the Gibbs daily briefing yesterday? Jesus, the WH Press Corps is a bunch of drama queens.
“ZOMG, THE PRESIDENT WAS EXPOSED TO MEXICANS! IS HE DYING? THIS IS A REAL QUESTION THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AND ENRAGED NEW YORKERS WANT TO HAVE ANSWERED DAMN YOU ROBERT GIBBS, DAMN YOU FOR NOT FUELING THIS FIRE OF DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!12″
http://xkcd.com/574/
Alright, fine. I’m doing it. I’m blog-whoring. Shorts did it. Now I will do it too. It is Magic Titty time.
http://www.cuterthanjesus.com/
Yeah, well what I want to know is who says that 10 times more people are writing online about swine flu than wrote about the salmonella and peanut butter scares. Who’s watching, reading, creating a database? Maybe this is why to this day I refuse to own a cell phone. *Taking my pork chop and going back to the bunker at the senior citizen’s center where it’s safe. For now.*
NEXT THING YOU KNOW WE’LL ALL BE STANDING IN LINE TO BE MICRO-CHIPPED NEXT TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY CRACKING HER WHIP. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!11
Swine flu is caused by tainted peanut butter! You heard it on Wonkette first!!!1!
Carpe’ Levus…
I am studiously avoiding having sex with pigs, chickens, and people who look like pigs or chickens. I am also studiously avoiding blogging about it.
Min: Well, as long as you’re still cool with rabbits.
The best part of all this is I get to bring back my favorite joke from the 70s:
Q: What happened when the pig grew wings?
A: SWINE FLEW!
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
The Repubs are trying to make Twitter their medium, and “swine” anything naturally makes them nervous.
rocktonsammy: Don’t worry about it. You’re definitely catching the herp or the flu or whateva’. God doesn’t like Iowa this week . . . ask any Christ Potato.
Conspiracy!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/apr/27/swine-flu-search-outbreak-source
Deepthroat: I thought it was going to end with Marburg Virus, like the best ever TV show’s 2nd season (Millennium.)
But yes, ManBearPig Virus is COMING TO GET YOU. I’M THUPER THERIAL!!
How will this affect the Baconaise supply?
well, i have blog-flu. how many people can say that.
♫♪♫Just how much ManBearPig Flu
Will you be able to take
Well there’s no way to tell
By the first kiss
What’s a sweetheart like you
Doin’ in a quarantine like this♫♪♫
I’m so glad I only fuck kosher animals.
I tried to warn everyone about the dangers of ManBirdPig flu. No one thought I was serial.
Which proves that people’s idiocy mutates and spreads faster than any goddamned virus ever dreamed of.
Min: Okay, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and ask - you guys do realize that the virus is not spread by fucking a pig, nor did it originate out of someone fucking a pig?
I just wanted to make that clear.
So please don’t stop fucking pigs on account of all this.
Custerwolf: Is it bird flu that you catch by fucking pigs? Science is so confusing.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: All species (including ourselves) are nothing but a multi-textured playground for the mutating pleasure of every virus and bacterium wanting to express a desire to multiply and divide.
Custerwolf: That explains all the protist porn on the internet.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Jesus you should go out to a eukaryoke bar sometime.
gjdodger: Uh, THAT was your favorite joke from the 70s?
Custerwolf: You can still fuck them, just don’t kiss them afterwards . . .
I guess this wasn’t the best week for my kids’ 4-h group to finally send home the piglets . . .
bago: Oh dear, I didn’t know that 4chan was up to some major shenanigans recently. I wouldn’t say that it’s bigger than Obama or whatever, but 4chan is actually insanely influential, on the internets, and I guess by extension moot is too, for keeping it running, and banning people who post CP.
norbizness: Yes. Twitter is like the number zero in that no matter what you multiply it against, you get nothing of value.
This website http://www.swine-flu-tracker.com/ shows you in real time how quickly swine flu is spreading.