Wonkette
National Review’s Catholic Mexican secretary Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez has a problem with her Internets, specifically that oh we don’t know maybe LUCIFER has control of it? “Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now. You’re probably used to just manually erasing it as spam or setting up automated filters to block it out, but you know it’s out there in a big way. What are you going to do?” Maybe you can stop *accepting* those offers, K-Lo, and masturbate to the nearest peeling beige wall instead, like “Real America” does.
Guess who K-Lo blames for filthy liberal pornography being in and out and all over her inbox? Hint: not the private sector.
The question about the government is revealing. Pornographers can dismiss this, but corporations know there is harm done by porn, even if it’s just to productivity. According to one 2007 survey, 65 percent of corporations use porn-detecting software. Divorce lawyers, clergy, and therapists can tell you the damaging role it’s playing in the married and unmarried lives of American couples.
The question about government is also, of course, alarming — to anyone who cares about freedom and the future of the Internet. Furthermore, as it affects our children and our families, it is a cultural copout of a solution.
Blah blah blah WHAT? What is this Mexican even saying? “…Corporations know there is harm done by porn, even if it’s just to productivity.” Yes well K-Lo the corporations don’t want their employees shootin’ loads all over their desks and each other and their shareholders during the workday! (Although maybe that would increase productivity, later?)
Anyway, pornography is Barack Obama’s fault.
Smoking Is Out, Porn Is In [National Review]
She’s probably referring to the penis pics I keep sending her.
Well, duh, K-Lo. Have you not seen “Avenue Q”?
Porn and K-lo - only one of those things is hard to describe - the other is fat, ugly and stupid.
This is why we must help all of the teabaggers connect, on teh intarwebz, to fist each other, so that they can all Go Galt in Glenn Beck’s hair FOR LIBERTY AT ALL. Or something.
She was typing with one hand. What do you expect?
I need to find her email address.
Porn is not the problem. People who spend all day “working from home” “reasearching” porn ARE the problem, K-Lo.
Why is K-Lo upset about Pr0n?
I’m guessing she’s upset that she caught her other personality Jonah pulling it to the chias on the screen and is wondering why he hasn’t touched her in decades.
The fertility clinics want to know how to access this e-mail porn for those times when they’re short on splooge.
I agree. Anything that harms productivity is
goodporn.I started reading that, but then had to fap, lest I become “productive” at work. Truly terrifying.
Porn isn’t affecting my productivity at work. Wonkette is.
K-Lo, sorry to break it to you but the last place any penis (digital or not) really wants to be in is your in-box.
K-Lo, that Mexican swine….hey, wait.
Sure as hell don’t want to think about her flue, though.
Min: Ergo…
What about the damage porn is causing in the married and unmarried lives of American SINGLES???!??
“Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now. You’re probably used to just looking at the free previews or buying subscriptions to the web sites that send it.”
Min: Same dif.
Ummm, isn’t she overdue for a vacation in Makesicko City?
Divorce ruins more marriage than porn.
I don’t see how she’s blaming the government. From what I read, she’s saying government regulation of pornography is a cop-out solution.
But, then again, maybe the snark is way over my head this time.
She probably should stop googling for Teabagging now, shouldn’t she?
I know! Porn is freaking everywhere and it’s driving me crazy with its naughtiness. I mean what am I supposed to do? How can I help it if when I type in “barely legal”, the computer thinks I’m looking for beautiful young teenage girls and not nice Christian stories?
Custerwolf: That’s no joke. I had to go into the little room and whip up a batch with nary so much as a few old moth-eaten copies of Club and a few random VHS tapes, courtesy of the Good Doctor’s uh…staff. I would have been just about as enthused if they gave me a stack of National Review to work with. Next time doc (there will never be a next time thank you god) buy a Mac-mini, hook her up to the intrtoobz and be done with it!
I’ve been happily abusing myself over Mika Brzezinski’s shoe pics for weeks now. So, what does K-Lo mean by “porn” exactly?
She’s distressed about finding her head posted on all the male bodies….
So, I take it that K-Lo’s point is that no one will date her because they have access to porn?
Given that pornography literally means the writing of whores, I suspect there’s a good deal of it in K-Lo’s “outbox” too.
Ditto for Jonah Da G, Frum, Drudge and all the other sad head injury cases left behind to man the Republican party offices.
What am I supposed to do with my hands? It’s not like I’m finding cigarettes in my in box.
The parallel she is drawing is just so lame. “Yesterday, smoking was considered unremarkable in a moral sense, … Now … smoking is widely considered disgusting and wrong”. Smoking is unhealthy for one’s body and for those around the smoker who inhale the smoke. If it is done privately, it is not “wrong”. Only a religious fanatic would call it “wrong” in a moral sense, and the latter would not call subsisting on fat-laden food “wrong”, which can kill one faster than smoking can. On the other hand, spending work time on Wonkette is clearly “wrong”.
“42 percent of Americans said the government should regulate Internet pornography specifically so that children cannot access X-rated material online, and 13 percent said the government should regulate pornography in a way similar to cigarettes — with warning labels and restrictions to minimize harm.”
first of all, 42% is a minority.
42% of Americans clearly have no idea how the Internet works.
13% of Americans are complete idiots
100% of Americans would never agree on what constitutes pornography.
Did we learn nothing from the PMRC? Labeling it just makes it easier to find.
The more keywords you add to the Tivo description, the easier it is for a 13-year-old to find it.
I don’t know what this “question on the government” actually is, and I steadfastly refuse to actually read something that K-Lo has written…I’m going to assume that she is complaining that the government is not doing something more to stop this wretched, wretched pornography? Whatever happened to the whole Republican love of letting private enterprise do whatever they want without government interference? Gotta love that.
Meat flume.
Where can I get some of this “porn detecting software” K-Lo speaks of? Wouldn’t that be awesome?!?! You could walk into some random place, turn on the software and wham - “hey, computer is detecting porn under that sofa right there!”…
Email account setup: UR DOIN IT WRONG
(seriously, who gets 20 porn messages a day, even directed to your junk folder, unless you are a-using AOL or b-clicking on the links those emails provide? I think we all know K-Lo suffers from both a and b)
try as I can. I can understand the article.can someone translate? also
I think she’s just trying to obviate some backlash from some pictures that are coming out soon on TMZ. Her new name will be K-Blow-pez, if you know what I’m sayin…do you? I think you do, I think you do.
but what about all the unmarried fetuses? does no one care about them, dying an unborn, unmarried, unconceived death in the crevices of my keyboard?
“But unless it violates the sensitivities of even the most desensitized (child porn, simulated rape, things you’d rather me not write here), pornography is too widespread for many to bother to do anything but shrug, or perhaps even try to play along.”
No K-Lo please write about the sick fetish porn that she loves so much. Fetus orgies and what not.
So wait, more government or less government?
CivicHoliday:
She’s just ecstatic that someone e-mails her. I think K-Lo and her computer share a common destiny…both will die from cookies.
In Soviet Russia, porn wack off to YOU!
I have spent the last several highly productive hours searching high and K-low in all my computer’s inboxes for this promised porn and have not found any of it. It was supposed to be there in a big way and it’s not. I was so looking forward to its big way.
Don’t anybody tell her about “Two Girls, One Cup”. She might have a stroke.
Servo: !!
“Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now.”
Worst. sentence. ever. I love how she addresses her audience like the doomed morons they are.
‘Your email account for internet mail has an inbox which is a virtual mailbox, of sorts, and sometimes there are fake things called spam with the words Penis Enlargezmentz Pillz in the subject. Friends - Do Not Click Your ‘Read Mail’ Button! You don’t even want to know what happened when I did…’
Is she really Mexican? Why can’t this one pig be from Hondurus?…I mean, Mexico has suffered enough…
magic titty: Let me guess — when she clicked, her fake thing virtually failed to grow.
I have it on good authority that K-Lo only masturbates to pictures of a footlong Subway’s Meatball Sub sandwich smothered in ranch dressing.
you cannot be serious: WIN
Tommmcatt: Sometimes a hero is just a sandwich-shaped penis substitute….
problemwithcaring: I don’t know if she’s Mexican but I’m pretty sure if we whacked her hard enough with a stick, a whole shitload of candy’d fall out.
Anybody else notice how slyly Jim drops the “porn-masturbation bomb”, allowing him to slip out for a veggie-wrap and a vodka smoothie, while we losers remain passively occupied?
You said, “my inbox.” Lol…I get it!
I am a happy cigarette addict/pornography non-addict. But why can’t conservatives admit that their precious anal sex will never be limited to the confines of the backdoor union between a man and a woman?
I don’t really have anything to add to this thread, except to say that thanks to Wonkette, my mental image of K-Lo will forever be SpiderPig. Keep up the great work.
K-Lo’s litterbox is pornographic, also.
That was just a fund-raising email from Newt, so don’t worry, K-Lo. It’s for the good of all Americans.
it must be sad when everything is wrong you, poor k-lo.
i shouldn’t mock her, since i have porn-induced lung cancer. it is my tragic fate to be the canary in the mine, be warned friends!
I just looked at her picture. The poor woman doesn’t have a lower torso, altho her upper torso more
than makes up for it. Of course she’s uncomf with pron… she doesn’t have naughty bits. quadruple amputee,
fap, fap, fap…
K Lo will simply not forgive us for the fact that none of us want to doink her. Jenny Craig, my sweet?
Porn is the new tobacco, and Katie would go a mile to smoke a Camel.
slappypaddy: “I have spent the last several highly productive hours searching high and K-low in all my computer’s inboxes for this promised porn and have not found any of it.”
Slapster, you have to make regular visits to Websites like the National Review or that SarahPAC usually featured on Wonkette to get FREE porn. Then they know you’re a Republican and they start sending it to you. Porn producers wouldn’t waste their money sending free porn to Dems; they just assume Dems have enough porn already. I know every time I come home from a Move On meeting I whip off my clothes and start writhing on the stripper pole that is installed in my picture window. Why, a simple visit to DailyKos makes me have to take my bra off. And two minutes with the MSNBC’s new ED show and I’m off to B-ED for some XXX activity. Who needs porn? That’s for Utah.
So once again wingtards want government out of their lives. Except when they want government in our lives, regulating our porn. That’s about the only way I can make sense of this fartsack’s column, which I didn’t read, for purposes of national security.
Servo: i love you, fellow tech nerd. betcha she has lots of bad freeware on her HD, too…
K-Lo tries so hard to copy Peggyham Nooningtonshire’s breezy, loopy, I-just-slipped-myself-a-roofie prose, but keeps failing. She’s too earnest, feeble-minded, and clearly doesn’t drink enough. And what kind of conservative is calling for MORE government intervention - especially when there is a Muslin in office?
you have to love all the Freudian double entendre’s in her essay, I particularly like this one:
“I’ve been flashing back to something Traci Lords once said:”
So at least we now know what turns her on, though the image of her “flashing back” is somewhat unpleasant.
Jukesgrrl: Your views are interesting, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
maven: How dare she take Traci Lords’ name in vain.
Oh give K-Lo a break! I sure that’s the first time in a while her “inbox” has been stuffed (although i suspect she’s probably used to having spam in there.)
CivicHoliday:
Oh, you have no idea.
Lafayette Park Tea Party - w4m
You: tall, dark, handsome in your pinstriped suit. Your sign with Obama’s face on Hitler’s body was hilarious! I’m the victim of such Photoshopping at work sometimes so it is nice for the extra-wide shoe to be on the other foot for once.
Me: Pleasant lady wearing large muumuu and holding notebook in one hand while frantically tearing at the wrapper on a Twinkie with my teeth. You had a horrified look on your face that I assume is from thinking about Nobama’s tax hikes. If you see this, hit me up! Holla!
Jukesgrrl: more dirty talk puhleeeeze…i’m nearly erect.
engulfedinflames: Hmmmm … Olbermann … Maddow … let’s talk about indicting some torturers, baby. Mommy wants some more MSNBC. Oh, yea-a-a-ah.
If she opens this much unsolicited email, imagine the spyware and worms she’s got. Or maybe don’t. Next week: Obama made my computer thing go really slow!
This googleads thing is smart. I got an ad served up about monitoring my kids use of the computer. I think if Wonkette strategically makes post about every conservative topic, it can create a profitable revenue stream AND bankrupt its sponors.
Maybe this also explains why all those buttsecks sites and SaraPac (pre-firing her fundraising team) are advertised here.
Can we have some pro-NRA post now?
PsycGirl: Just from the amount of food she eats, imagine the worms she has in her lower intestinal tract.
illnoise:
“13% of Americans are complete idiots”
I think the percentage of American idiots is a lot higher than that. Or maybe its that people like KJ“JG”L seem like a lot of idiots when it’s just the one.
Please someone email K-Lo about that Chinese-government worm that allows them to turn on her webcam and microphone remotely.
I think redtube.com (the conservative internet) is full of K-Lo amature pr0n
Jukesgrrl: i like it more when you talk about yourself, your activities, and your undergarments. what am i wearing?jammies! under a suit of armor. it’s hot.
“Katheryn Jean’s Inbox” sounds like bad 1970’s porn.
Next week: Why shoddy vibrator batteries are ruining the economy.
illnoise: But we CAN keep kids from seeing porn!!! We just have to invent magic first, that’s all.
maven: Ummm…correct me if I’m wrong but the GOVERNMENT once had to confiscate half of Traci Lords’ um…ouput…because she was FIFTEEN at the time she made most of it.
KLo loves the kiddie porn apparently. Robert Mueller you know what to do.
Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now. You’re probably used to just manually erasing it as spam or setting up automated filters to block it out, but you know it’s out there in a big way. What are you going to do?
Uhh…erase it or block it with a spam filter? Why does she try to evoke a sense of helplessness when she’s already noted how people solve the problem? I already sensed that conservatives were bankrupt on issues, but portraying a problem with the formula “That thing you just fixed — how are you going to deal with it?” really sounds like the last ravings of a madman.
I’d like to read further to see if my theory is correct, but the fact that K-Lo mentioned porn and used the phrase “manually erasing” in the same sentence has sorta jigged me out. I might have to stay up all night keeping vigil so my penis doesn’t retract out of revulsion.
“Government intrusion” my ass … neocons LOVE state intervention when it comes to sex & drugs & rock-n-roll - as long as they can share their misery, they’re doing God’s work. Praise the lord & pass the chastity-belt!
Who knew (or wanted to) that K-Lo was such a filthy kinky beast? 20 porn e-mails/day = someone’s been visiting the sleazy side of CyberTown a LOT - par for the course in Wingnutland. It’s a mere coincidence that Goopers remain the undisputed champions of the Sick Fuck Olympics … oh those Traditional Family Values.
In before “2 wetsuits & a dildo.”
lol wut gone terribly, terribly wrong
This thread is so good it should be cryogenically frozen and stored in the internet museum, in case civilisation collapses and must be rebuilt from scratch.
Mustang: Doesn’t everyone know that the Bible is full of sex and violence? Think of King David threatening to kill anyone who “pisseth against the wall.”
Zhu Bajie
PhillipE: Ken, you’ve got a bot.
“According to one 2007 survey, 65 percent of corporations use porn-detecting software.”
So then, that means a lot of people, besides pornographers, are making money off of the pervasiveness of pornography on teh intrawebz. That’s just good ole captialism at its best.
She wants that to stop?
ZOMFGZ! K-LO’Z AN SOCALIIST!!
SayItWithWookies: Are you sure? I thought that was one of the more insightful comments I’ve read all day on the internet.
So so irrelevant.
My favorite quote from this:
“And so I should shrug because there’s not widespread rape in American offices?”
Breathtaking. It takes a very special kind of mental brittleness to craft a phrase like this. Like somebody earlier said, she’s *trying* to channel Peggy Noonan, but mixes it up a little by giving us a taste of a lifetime of psychological baggage. At first she follows the hack pundit formula: open with a personal anecdote, and segue into an essay written in the sort of pseudo-intellectual, schoolmarmish third person tone about the changing values in society, blah, blah… However, from this magical line onwards, it switches to a hysterical first person narrative: it’s about a frightened, neurotic loner’s struggle living a world that doesn’t always shun porn. There but for the grace of St. Ronald Reagan, the teeming hordes of ambivalent pr0n-zombies would break right through the walls of her home office and rape her silly! The MONSTERS!
My second favorite section is the ending, where she buttons it all up, and states clearly that the easy access to porn is going to rape the shit out of us all someday soon:
“If Eberstadt’s comparison is right, the time coming. The shrugs will cease. Yet I hope the turnaround comes, not because the government has made porn highly inconvenient, but because we have decided we want something better.”
I can add nothing to this.
K-Lo used “the clergy” and “porn” in the same sentence. This means she must be excommunicated, beheaded and her innards flung against the Vatican walls. It says so in the bible.
PhillipE: Knock off the spamming, fucker.
Yet I hope the turnaround comes, not because the government has made porn highly inconvenient, but because we have decided we want something better.”
What kind of better porn does she want? Or is she holding out for actual sex on demand?
Something better than porn?
Hentai?
If there really were a God, that “Carol”character that Horatio Sanz used to play on SNL would really exist and be K-Lo’s sister or alter ego or something.
Wait wait wait…pornography causes cancer? Why didn’t anyone tell me this before?