BIGOTS  3:58 pm April 27, 2009

President Obama Loves Dogs More Than He Loves Space Monsters

by Sara K. Smith

Spurned.Our new president has some pretty messed up priorities, hoo boy! Did you notice that during his first 100 days in office he ended the recession and shook hands with tin-pot dictators and even got himself a fancy purebred dog, but did not have the time or the inclination to designate, say, a NASA administrator? This is the number one thing an incoming president is supposed to declare, no later than 5-10 minutes after taking the oath of office, and if he does not, then the world folds in on itself and time runs backwards. TRUE STORY. [True/Slant via Ben Smith]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 41 comments }

Lazy Media April 27, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Obama doesn’t want some nosy NASA administrator checking into his background. Where’s the birth certificate, Mr. “Obama,” or is it MR. GRAY??!!1!!

BlackFlame April 27, 2009 at 4:03 pm

NASA actually takes brains… can’t exactly just pick any old fuddy-duddy, you need to pick one that knows rocket-science or you get more BBQed Astronauts

problemwithcaring April 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Inexcusable double standard. No one even batted an eye at that dog’s 74 page CV….

AxmxZ April 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Unlike NASA, dogs are relevant and cheap.

Serolf Divad April 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

There is a lot of hand-wringing in the space community these days…

Yeah… that about as far as I need to read into that article…

MathewBrooks April 27, 2009 at 4:05 pm

“we have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us” -kang

iwillsavethispatient April 27, 2009 at 4:05 pm

It turns out that the Space Monsters aren’t monsters. It is us that are the real monsters!

ihasasad April 27, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Space Cadets! Hahahahahaha! I cannot now take this article srsly.

SayItWithWookies April 27, 2009 at 4:08 pm

It might be hard to pick one, what with Senator Inhofe threatening to put a hold on any nominee who comes out against the theory that the earth is flat.

Min April 27, 2009 at 4:11 pm

He had to delay the hiring decision. Intergalactic Federal Express couldn’t get applications from the Alpha Centaurians (and one guy from Mongo) to the White House, until last Friday.

The Cold Sea April 27, 2009 at 4:12 pm

The first dog is more relevant than the NASA Administrator and more trainable.

DC Hates Me April 27, 2009 at 4:13 pm

I’m sure he’ll eventually pick another neutered retread.

Crab1 April 27, 2009 at 4:14 pm

This should be a faith based appointment since the goal of any space program worth its salt is to launch rockets directly into the eye of God, blinding Him.

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2009 at 4:16 pm

I recommend that Barry hire J. Frank Parnell.

J. Frank Parnell: Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it’s bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day – nothing. Swept away. But I’ll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.
Otto: Lobotomy? Isn’t that for loonies?
Parnell: Not at all. Friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. You ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people – leaves buildings standing. Fits in a suitcase. It’s so small, no one knows it’s there until – BLAMMO. Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead. So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That’s what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he’s well again.

Custerwolf April 27, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=300870]BlackFlame[/re]: Oh malarkey, to send a man to the moon all you need is a good movie set.

V572625694 April 27, 2009 at 4:20 pm

It sure would be nice if someone could explain why NASA still exists, except to provide space vacations for John Glenn.

WTF do they do?

Texan Bulldoggette April 27, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I think the group that gave us the chick who drove from TX to FL in a diaper to beat the shit out of her boyfriend’s other girlfriend should shut it’s mouth.

bitchincamaro April 27, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Alt-alt-text: spermed!

Come here a minute April 27, 2009 at 4:27 pm

If you want a friend in Washington, get a space monster.

hobospacejunkie April 27, 2009 at 4:29 pm

The answer is obviously Clint Borgen.

51dimes April 27, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Let’s just give it to James Cameron. He seems to have experience with this “Star Trek” no?

hobospacejunkie April 27, 2009 at 4:38 pm

NASA has EPIC FAILED in simply getting a few nerds in orbit & back home again. Now they want us to trust them with $$gazzillions$$ to fly back to the moon and then to Mars? Ha ha ha, morans. I’m surprised anyone would dare get into one of their flying contraptions. Management is more concerned with infighting than actual astronaut safety. Underlings won’t challenge their bosses by telling them of potentially fatal flaws in shuttle design for fear of losing their jerbs.

NASA needs to be scrapped. They ran out of ideas 20+ years ago and have simply been doing the same damn thing over & over since, only with the added bonus of traumatizing the nation by blowing up a useless piece of 1960s hardware every few years. Line item veto says…buh-bye.

populucious April 27, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Maybe if we don’t send them a new boss and “forget” to pay them they will eventually put down their red staplers and go home.

WIDTAP April 27, 2009 at 4:51 pm

NASA = Big Budget Cut Opportunity

Plus the added bonus of proclaiming space ready for commercial development, commercial jobs which will simply make the Repub’s heads ‘spode.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 27, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Great, now when the aliens arrive and offer us paradise and offer us the ability to experience emotions a hundred times greater than what we call love and a thousand times greater than what we call fun, who will meet with them? They would have treated us like Gods and allowed us to live forever in beauty.

But now, because of Obama’s lazy nature, that can never be.

Brendan M. April 27, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Glad to see Miles O’Brien has landed on his feet. Writing for an obscure blog is really a lateral move from working for CNN. I’m just surprised it isn’t The Daily Beast.

rj77 April 27, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.

GreyPanter April 27, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Obama should stop wasting time on the worldwide financial meltdown and start sorting through the resumes of middle aged nerds immediately.

Citizen Kang April 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=300876]MathewBrooks[/re]:

Foolish Human!! What I meant was that we’ve reached the limits and we need longer probes!

TCama April 27, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Hey, don’t forget about the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration! He didn’t nominate an administrator for that either!

cranky April 27, 2009 at 7:12 pm

if i woke up the news that NASA had been shuttered, it would take me days to stop smiling.

lawrenceofthedesert April 27, 2009 at 7:43 pm

He could effect compromise between the Prez dog posse and the history buff NASA nerds by appointing Cesar Millan as NASA Administrator. We would get a space program with rules, boundaries and limitations, and Cesar would know what gutteral noise to make when budgets got unruly. What America needs is The Space Whisperer.

WIDTAP April 27, 2009 at 7:49 pm

[re=301144]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Does this include Cesar touching Michael Griffin every time he starts to piss on the budget?

JMP April 27, 2009 at 8:50 pm

He’s just giving NASA a taste of their own medicine, with the same delay-delay-delay treatment that every single launch has.

engulfedinflames April 27, 2009 at 9:50 pm

cancel all black programs (you know secret defense shit) nix nasa, let the bruthas out of jail and send em to wall street or college, no more profit on any human illness/suffering. problem solved.

Bruno April 27, 2009 at 9:54 pm

I know they are True/Slant (hopefully) provides you some side income, Wonkette Editors, but can someone tell them to reduce their font size by like 80%? It’s like reading a middle school “5-page essay”

Bruno April 27, 2009 at 9:58 pm

[re=301236]Bruno[/re]: And also reduce the size of the glasses frames of “22-year highly-regarded NASA veteran – Chris Scolese”

Bruno April 27, 2009 at 10:04 pm

“Plus the added bonus of proclaiming space ready for commercial development, commercial jobs which will simply make the Repub’s heads ’spode.”

But the hated British (Richard Branson) is cornering the market with his Virgin Galactic brand. We need more trade barriers on the British because it damages our fledgling commercial space industry. Beacause trade barriers are good sometimes and bad other times, when I say they are.

infragreen April 28, 2009 at 1:03 am

Obama ended the recession?

proudcitizen April 28, 2009 at 9:19 am

Personally, I like dogs better then people.

Elm Hugger April 28, 2009 at 11:23 am

Hasn’t anyone ever seen “the arrival”? NASA is FILLED with cloned aliens, all from Grover’s Mill NJ no less.

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