WE'LL BUILD THAT BORDER FENCE NOW  5:32 pm April 23, 2009

Texas Secession Movement Gaining Momentum, With the Rest of America

by Ken Layne


Fine, Austin is “okay.” And lightly populated West Texas is very nice, what with Big Bend National Park and the Mexican town of El Paso and whatever, as it’s really part of the Southwest. But Texas, that dipshit dismal swamp between, oh, Dallas and Corpus Christi, where the vast majority of the Texans live? It’s just the fucking South. A dumb, toxic shithole that produces little more than incredible assholes, many of whom then insist on taking part in American life. The last “good” Texan in politics was LBJ, and he was a goddamned monster. So, here is the new commercial. Good-bye, Texas! Thanks for all the laffs. (You can take the rest of the South with you.) [YouTube via Wonkette Operative "TGM."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 211 comments }

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Hi ho Silver – away with ya!

chascates April 23, 2009 at 5:38 pm

ATTENTION FELLOW AUSTINITES:
Make a break for Willie’s place at Spicewood Springs! He’ll take us to safety in his biodiesel tour bus! Bring BBQ, weed, and beer!

BillyClubb April 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Wonkette, y’all have hurted mah feelins.

ManchuCandidate April 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm

That was amusing.

In an ironic way, video “parodies” like this might make Texas want to stay just to spite the rest of US America.

nyhfrog April 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm

I’m so sad that this makes me laugh. I repeat, I was born and grew to the age of 22 there. I gues that’s why I’m in Chicago now, 21 years later.

chascates April 23, 2009 at 5:42 pm

And for those who don’t speak Texan here’s an example of how to pronounce things:

English: Zack doesn’t like messing with that barbed wire.

Texan: Zak doan lak messin with that bob whar.

nyhfrog April 23, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=298177]chascates[/re]: Please leave a couple of seeds on my grandfather’s grave. I’m sure he would love that.

whiskey tango foxtrot April 23, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Very nice, Andy Cobb! I hear there’s a critical shortage of babies. Let’s go make some!

SayItWithWookies April 23, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Let’s compromise. I’m willing to let Texans stop paying federal income taxes if Texas is willing to stop taking federal money. Oh, and no representation w/o taxation.

Ken Layne April 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm

[re=298179]BillyClubb[/re]: I was partly growed up there myself, we won’t hold it against you.

Ivy leaguer April 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm

Basically everything South and West of San Antonio is like the southwest, composed largely of Mexican people, and with the exception of the Capitol politicians, all of Austin is cool. Houston and Dallas are lame, and even I wish they weren’t a part of Texas. Most importantly, TEXAS is not the south! Texas is its own entity. For all you assholes that hate it, consider that it is the second most populous state, with the second largest state GDP. Plus, the country has more fortune five hundred companies than any other state. Granted, they are run by douche bag republicans, but Texas is still awesome. Rick Perry is just a stupid cunt.

AnnieGetYourFun April 23, 2009 at 5:45 pm

[re=298180]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Seriously, I think we need to use the Br’er Rabbit treatment. “Ohnoes! Please don’t go, Texas, what would we do without you? Oh, you’re still leaving? Oh, wow. That’s sooooo sad. We are really, really going to pay for this, just you see.”

Not that my own state isn’t full of douchebaggery – on the OTHER side of the Cascade Mountains.

MedianHater April 23, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=298177]chascates[/re]: What’s gonna happen to us?!?!1? Will we escape via Chopper America like we did from WW-Nam, or is this just going to become like West Berlin and we’ll have to get our micro-brews and weed air-lifted in for survival? I haz confuse.

sanantonerose April 23, 2009 at 5:46 pm

Ken, you ignorant slut. Don’t you dare take the name of Texas in vain! It’s only 18 percent of Texans polled that back secession. And of that 18 percent, probably only 1% even know what the hell it means or how to spell it properly.

flapjackjackson April 23, 2009 at 5:48 pm

I would just like to say that West Texas is NOT okay. Ever been to Big Spring? Yikes.

Texan Bulldoggette April 23, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Thank you, Wonkette, for giving Austin a pass. Whew…

AngryBlakGuy April 23, 2009 at 5:49 pm

…nah, I vote to turn it into a prison colony much like in the movie “Escape from New York” that way we exile all the non-Texas douchebags there!

chascates April 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm

[re=298191]MedianHater[/re]: Just stay the hell away from Waco, Palestine, and Jaspar! If you can cross the Sabine into Cajunland there’s some safety there. For a while.

forgracie April 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Hey! I don’t like that “take the rest of the South with you.”

Texan Bulldoggette April 23, 2009 at 5:50 pm

[re=298192]sanantonerose[/re]: And according to Ben Smith, they only polled 234 Republicans…hardly a representative sample, but I’d say that 90% of TX Republicans MORE than deserve a good waterboarding.

Iggy Plop April 23, 2009 at 5:51 pm

[re=298177]chascates[/re]: In addition to Willie, can you get make sure you get both Larry and James McMurtry and the remains of Townes Van Zandt on the bus? Then get the hell out.

DagNabbit April 23, 2009 at 5:51 pm

What’s worse? Texas or AIDS?

Scandinavian Fetus April 23, 2009 at 5:52 pm

As a medical speech pathologist, I would recommend Dr. Paul have his vocal folds strobed.

That Mickey Mouse sound ain’t normal or right….neither is anything in Texas.

AnnieGetYourFun April 23, 2009 at 5:53 pm

[re=298189]Ivy leaguer[/re]: More Fortune 500 companies than any other state??!!? Sign me up!

Accordion-o-rama April 23, 2009 at 5:54 pm

That video is a national treasure.

iolanthe April 23, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Hey — Wasn’t I saying this very thing in these very pages, for the past many months?

*PLEASE* secede, y’all!!

picyou April 23, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Well, it’s obvious that Austin can’t be the new national capital city, it being so pinko and all. I suggest Robstown.

grevillea April 23, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=298205]DagNabbit[/re]: Well, at least you can cure AIDS with an abortion.

Otto Reimer April 23, 2009 at 6:09 pm

You’re just made we got the stupidest guy we could find in Texas, in TEXAS mind you, and convinced all you dumb asses to have a beer with him. Not only that, Amerikkka elected a cowboy who is afraid of horses. Ah, the memories.

Until Texas gets its independence, we will give you Bush, after Bush, after Bush. It’s our weapon of mass stupidity.

Don’t make us get the Latino Bush out, we got him!

EnBuenOra April 23, 2009 at 6:13 pm

What? We done forgot Ann Richards, who George W. Bush Jr. beat because Karl Rove started rumoring that she was lezbo?

Otto Reimer April 23, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=298224]picyou[/re]: Gun Barrel City, Texas

[re=298186]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Does that go for natural resources and import/exports as well? Because if so, you are on!

Nerdalicious April 23, 2009 at 6:15 pm

[re=298211]Accordion-o-rama[/re]:
Damn Straight!
“The Oh So Relevant 1845 Doctrine That Says Texas Can Secede Whenever They Want”!
Yehawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Thank God for Doris Kearns Goodwin & Michael Beschloff. Please Prez get out your Golden Feather Pen & make Historians Secretaries of the Secessionist Movement. So we can look up as many ancient crusty old documents as humanly possible to get Texas & all klan asswipes the hell out.

dijetlo April 23, 2009 at 6:15 pm

SHIT!!!!
And I just made a killing on a truckload of 49 star US flags from Shiang-hai…business friendly my ass!
Does anybody know when the next Tea Party is down in Texas? I need to find five thousand people who can’t count to 50, the Texas GOP is my last shot!

bago April 23, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=298190]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You-da-ho?

DemmeFatale April 23, 2009 at 6:16 pm

But Texas makes me feel better about being Californian!

(Ah, fuck it. Buh-bye!)

badmuthagoose April 23, 2009 at 6:18 pm

I live in a suburb of Dallas. The mayor is a Democrat. The county I live in (Dallas County) is blue. Most of the judges in this county are Democrats, and when I say most, I mean in the 90 percentiles.

My state representative in Austin is a Dem. My state senator in Austin is a Dem (and Hispanic, bonus!).

The only republicans I have in the chain going up are that twatwaffle Rick Perry (governor) and those two twatwaffle US senators, Cornynhole and Hutichson whatever her name is.

We’ve been working so hard in this county for the last eight to ten years to turn it blue.

My family has been in Texas since before it was a state–since right after the revolutionary war. Seven generations. And for the last three generations, Democrats (no one in my family left the party in the 60s, btw).

I refuse to hand over my familial and spiritual home to a bunch of asswipes without two brain cells to rub together. Tejas means friend, not racist hateful assholeland. I will slowly but surely see victory in my lifetime.

Nerdalicious April 23, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Honestly, I have seen the funniest (& saddest & scariet) damn stuff ever on this site lately. I thought from living in the South I knew how crazy these people are, but it is much worse. I think it’s like excising a wound. All the ugly has to come out to heal.

badmuthagoose April 23, 2009 at 6:21 pm

libertarian magic dust made me lol hard.

Otto Reimer April 23, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=298256]badmuthagoose[/re]: I can’t wait to see what three-legged dog the Demotards throw up to run for governor against dear old Miss Kay. When your family has been in Texas as long as mine, I’m 10th generation, you will realize the Yankee Party system has never meant nothing to nobody. It was about looting the Yankees, repeatedly, while acting dumb and stupid and all yee-haw and shit.

They bought that line, and sadly it appears, so have you.

Rodney Badger April 23, 2009 at 6:30 pm

This is some bullshit. I am moving to Austin in a few months and now Texas wants to quit the Union. I think they should let Austin stay (except for Steiner Ranch, they can secede with the rest of Texas.)

AnnieGetYourFun April 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

[re=298250]bago[/re]: Just the Eastern half of Washington. But it might as well be Idaho.

mattym April 23, 2009 at 6:35 pm

Austin is Cool. West texas is beautiful. I once spent a day in a beautiful hot springs in west texas, in February. Amazing.

East of Austin = get me the fuck out of here this place sucks.

Nerdalicious April 23, 2009 at 6:36 pm

“Memories Light The Corners Of My Mind, Misty Water Color Memories”. The mysteries that Peggy Noonington speaks of…Like how the f**k did this happen?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYaoMyUs3Yk

DustBowlBlues April 23, 2009 at 6:37 pm

[re=298182]chascates[/re]: Oh shit. America will want Oklahoma to secede next. Being a native okie, I was about 12 years old when I read “barbed wire” somewhere. Until then, I’d assumed some guy named Bob invented it. “Hey,” I said to myself, “Now it makes sense. It’s named for those barbs, not bob as I’d always heard it. Of course, I was smarter than the average adult okie by the time I was 12.

I can’t tell you my relief the first time I could read the names on the nuts at the grocery story and discovered they were called Brazil Nuts.

grevillea April 23, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=298278]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Brazil nuts? Can you ‘splain that one please?

bago April 23, 2009 at 6:41 pm

[re=298268]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Mount Vernon and Kent share the same tardaciousness. It’s almost as if (premise) “if you have to deal with other people, you are less retarded”. Goddamned coastal elites and their poly-lingual sexual ways!

thatonegirlsays April 23, 2009 at 6:42 pm

[re=298268]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:
No no, anything that isn’t King County can be considered Eastern Washington. I always forget just how hickish most WA is until I journey south of Bellevue, east of Issaquah and north of Woodinville.

mattbolt April 23, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Fun fact: nearly 66 percent of Texas adults are classified as overweight or obese! Only 77 percent of Texans have a high school diploma or equivalent, the lowest rate in the country! On average, the Texan you’re talking to has a 2 in 3 chance of being fat and a 1 in 4 chance of being stupid!

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 6:48 pm

[re=298285]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Hey now – the Cascades are doing the best they can to hold back the stupid.

Bowdoin April 23, 2009 at 6:53 pm

You ever think seriously about ol’ Honest Abe. I mean, seriously. What if he had shrugged, said, okay, take Sumter. Do we really need it? And do we need NASCAR and the Grand Ole Opry? I mean, are they worth JFK going to Dallas and then LBJ like any mule not understanding he’s wading in quicksand over in Asia? If there’s no LBJ, there’s no Nixon, we can practically guarantee it. Think of all that. What a country. We’d be right now talking about building a bigger fence at the Mason-Dixon line,

4tehlulz April 23, 2009 at 6:53 pm

If Texas actually divides itself into five states, can we just take the good ones and return the others back to Mexico?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[re=298281]grevillea[/re]: Nigger toes.

Hooray For Anything April 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm

[re=298286]mattbolt[/re]: It’s stuff like that which shows where the inspiration behind “Idiocracy” came from, especially when you consider both Mike Judge and Luke Wilson are (were) from Texas.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 7:02 pm

[re=298299]Hooray For Anything[/re]: mmmmmm…Luke Wilson…

grevillea April 23, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=298296]Custerwolf[/re]: Ah. Nice.

Bowdoin April 23, 2009 at 7:09 pm

[re=298256]badmuthagoose[/re]: Yep, there’s a red brush painting the state in national elections but there is some creditable blue when you look to the counties. The last cycle offered a clear choice between sensible and intelligent and a pandering slandering liar, and just lookahere.

Down along the Rio Bravo, MaGoo didn’t do so well. In Duval county, one of the most corrupt in the most corrupt state in days gone by (wasn’t that where Landslide Lyndon won his first Senate race by scoring three times the number of voters in the entire county to his opponent’s two?) has Barrack up by 75/24! And Dallas definitely is strong for good hoss sense at 57/42 Obama. So, there’s cancer, right enough, but some healthy cells as well.

Bowdoin April 23, 2009 at 7:11 pm

[re=298205]DagNabbit[/re]: There’ll one day be a cure for AIDS.

nestor April 23, 2009 at 7:18 pm

Clearly you have never been to El Paso. If the rest of Texas succeeds I say we give El Paso back to the messicans.

SayItWithWookies April 23, 2009 at 7:32 pm

[re=298244]Otto Reimer[/re]: Not sure what that would mean, since Texas would still be part of the US, but sure.

Frumious Canbrasnatch April 23, 2009 at 7:49 pm

[re=298296]Custerwolf[/re]: Niggertoes? srsly? Nigger. Toes. W.T.F.

This is why I read wonkette. Every so often you discover a whole new world of fucked up crazy.

chascates April 23, 2009 at 8:01 pm

[re=298338]Frumious Canbrasnatch[/re]: Sad but true. I heard that growing up as well:
http://www.puritan.com/vf/healthnotes/HN_live/Food_Guide/Brazil_Nuts.jpg

KTHXBAI April 23, 2009 at 8:10 pm

[re=298285]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Today at work I took a phone call from a lady in Washington who was moving to a town called Nooksack. It. Was. Awesome.

Jukesgrrl April 23, 2009 at 8:15 pm

[re=298206]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: That speech defect Dr. Paul suffers is actually a Pittsburgh accent. Yes, he’s Pittsburgh, born and raised; why he still talks like he just ate a Primanti sammich when he left town more than 50 years ago is anyone’s guess … ‘n ‘at.

smellyal8r April 23, 2009 at 8:17 pm

If Nancy Pelosi or Barney Frank had suggested Texas consider seceding from the US, there would have been an outcry heard ’round the world. Some dumbass like Rick Perry suggests it and 18 percent of Texans say “hey, not such a bad idea.” Since TX can’t secede, but could split into as many as five states, I’m suggesting Longhorn Nation and Aggieland. Austin’s capital of Longhorn Nation, College Station for the Aggies. Major cities can vote on which one they want to belong to (I think Big D would be in L-horn; Houston in A-land). We’ll sell Lubbock to New Mexico and El Paso to Old Mexico and be done with it.

And, even though I’m a registered D, I’m crossing lines to vote for KB Hutchison in the R primary (and will probably give her money) just to get rid of Prick Perry.

american mutt April 23, 2009 at 8:30 pm

[re=298189]Ivy leaguer[/re]: san antonio is also composed of mostly mexicans. i should know.

most cowboys from texas though are secret queers for john wayne and take out their frustration by voting for patrician brats as president.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 8:32 pm

[re=298338]Frumious Canbrasnatch[/re]: And you know, as kids back in the 70′s we never batted an eyelash calling them that. Wonder what all my black relatives (we have quite a few through marriage) would think about that now. We weren’t actually even racist – just completely ignorant.

Servo April 23, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Y’all still here? We’ve been waiting for the South to rise again for 150+ years, please don’t make us wait that long for you to establish your li’l ol’ slice of wingnut heaven.

Whorehouse has a Texas in it
Lord have mercy on our souls

Jukesgrrl April 23, 2009 at 8:46 pm

[re=298352]smellyal8r[/re]: Hey, that cross-registration thing is a great idea. Just make sure you cross back ’cause KayB is just another style of crazy.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 8:59 pm

I’m fine seceding so long as we get to keep our women here. Northeast girls pale (literally) in comparison. They’ve got the nice winter layer on lol. California girls have to be a close second but they’re mostly sluts so I’ll stick with girls that have class.

And for you folks making the stereotypes about Texas being bass ackwards, you’re either from a state that has no identity or you’re ignorant. I would have to say that a lot of our statistics are probably brought down by proximity to the border (not in and of itself for you literalists). It’s a shame really. We certainly love having the workers, but we need a better way to legitimize the process.

For all you liberals the hate on the tea parties, grow the fuck up and open your eyes to the government spending. That’s what the parties are really about. All you guys seem to do is throw around pejoratives and act as if you’re far more intelligent than the rest of us. Fuck off and stop sucking Obama’s nuts. Bush fucked up and we can admit it. You libs seem stuck on the fact that we weren’t complaining about the deficit when Bush was in. We should have complained sooner, yes, but stop fucking pointing that out and join us in keeping the government in check. Obama is going to run our debt up further than Bush even dreamed about and all you do is complain about us holding protests (which aren’t violent unlike a lot of the liberal ones in the past). Refocus for God’s sake! We’re going to become China’s bitch at this rate. Trying to find $100 million in government inefficiencies is a joke when you pass a $6 billion bill the next day.

Wake up and realize what’s really going on. Ha, and y’all say we’re the ignorant ones…

I_P April 23, 2009 at 9:01 pm

[re=298360]Custerwolf[/re]: Yo tambien. It’s amazing the things I said and heard when I was a teen in the seventies that just curl my hair now when I think about them. I’m sorta ashamed I knew the brazil nuts reference immediately when I read it. *sigh*

/raised in Austin
//moved to the NW with the rest of the libruls at 33
///don’t get old, people

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:03 pm

I just posted and it isn’t showing up…

I_P April 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm

[re=298375]Taylor414[/re]: It’s the moron filter. Hang on and let me make an adjustment…

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 9:10 pm

When Texas allows gay marriage they can re-enter the Union. But not until.

RobPetrified April 23, 2009 at 9:10 pm

So take your fuckin’ guns, your bibles, and your asshole attitude and LEAVE already.
And as they say in Texas, um, they may say something like it where you live, “Don’t let the screen door hit you on the ass on your way out the door.”
The only thing more annoying than a whiny loser is a whiny MACHO loser.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:11 pm

[re=298373]Taylor414[/re]: “…act as if you’re far more intelligent than the rest of us”

Who’s acting?

I_P April 23, 2009 at 9:11 pm

[re=298375]Taylor414[/re]: There. How’s that?

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:12 pm

More pejoratives my friend? But I was hoping for legitimate arguments… Didn’t mean to ask for so much…

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:14 pm

[re=298373]Taylor414[/re]: “I’m fine seceding so long as we get to keep our women here. Northeast girls pale (literally) in comparison.”

You really outta drive that old Corvair of yous up north sometime. They have these newfangled things called tanning booths. You can fix pale. You can’t fix stupid.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=298384]Taylor414[/re]: Um… who are you talking to? There’s this little ol button see and it’s called ‘Reply’, and if you push it you can respond to the proper commment. We have the instructions printed up in Idiot in case you need em.

19kevin8 April 23, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=298190]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You could throw eastern OR in with that lot.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:17 pm

I don’t think I would be so pissed off if I didn’t hear people like Garofalo calling us racist. That just doesn’t cut it. Here we are trying to protest government spending and she’s name-calling and bringing up old feelings of hatred that have long divided the country. How are we to move on if poeple like her keep pulling those antics? Olbermann is just as bad. I’ll take blame where it’s deserved but it’s gotten out of hand. We should all be concerned about the deficit and the direction this country is headed.

And on the gay marriage thing, look to California and then assess whether or not Texas should really have to allow that…

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 9:18 pm

At least people in Texas don’t chain old black men to the backs of pick-up trucks and … oh wait.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm

[re=298388]Custerwolf[/re]: Thanks for the tip. I’m new to the site and was prompted to respond when I saw people bashing Texas on mostly unfounded arguments. The female thing was a joke (sort of).

And you guys throwing the word “idiot” at me: how about you post a rebuttal to the arguments I make instead of name calling? I’ve yet to hear one legitimate argument against the tea parties other than double entendres and unfounded insulting.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm

[re=298389]19kevin8[/re]: I’ve always wondered why that side’s the one with the most grumpy assholes, yet they get the best weather.

expatinOz April 23, 2009 at 9:22 pm

[re=298373]Taylor414[/re]: “and y’all say we’re the ignorant ones…”

Yes, yes we do. And anyone who is a self-proclaimed teabagger shouldn’t have a problem with anyone “sucking Obama’s nuts.” Also. Unless I’ve misunderstood something somewhere along the line. Or is it the Obama part and not the nut sucking part that you have a problem with? And yes, everyone here throws around pejoratives and acts as if they’re more intelligent than everyong else, that’s kinda the point. Play the game or get off the field. Also.

I_P April 23, 2009 at 9:22 pm

[re=298190]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: They act like having the “Cascade Curtain” is a bad thing…

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:23 pm

[re=298381]RobPetrified[/re]: Whiny would imply to me a lot of name calling….

And the funny thing about you saying “bibles” is that I get more people wanting to force their liberal beliefs on me than I do Christians trying to get me saved. Just look at what recently happened when a Miss America contestant viewed her opinion respectfully but was still blasted. That’s freedom of speech?

I_P April 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm

[re=298394]Taylor414[/re]: double entendres and unfounded insulting

You are new, aren’t you?

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm

[re=298379]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: Should be a state by state issue and I doubt Texas would pass it. If others want to that’s fine by me. But seeing how California handled it…

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm

[re=298390]Taylor414[/re]: “And on the gay marriage thing, look to California and then assess whether or not Texas should really have to allow that”

“HAVE to allow.” How about just allowing.

DearEditor April 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm

AK boots it, joins TX. CA promises to step up as largest state, greatly increase douchebag production. AK-TX govs to wed, start dynasty.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:25 pm

[re=298398]Taylor414[/re]: “That’s freedom of speech?”

No asshole, that’s a chick auditioning for a newsdesk job. Grow the fuck up.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=298396]expatinOz[/re]: I’ll play. I’ve been trying hard to give Obama a chance but he hasn’t lived up to his word, especially not on spending. I applaud his effort to cut government inefficiencies but $100 million pales in comparison to trillions. That leads me to believe that those making fun of the tea parties support his spending policies, even though they are way over the top compared to Bush’s spending habits (which were bad too). We have a good amount of money in the system. We just need to learn to spend it more efficiently. Thus, I support HR 1207 to audit the Fed. We need more transparency in this goverment that has gotten too big. Does that sound unreasonable?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=298396]expatinOz[/re]: “And yes, everyone here throws around pejoratives and acts as if they’re more intelligent than everyong else, that’s kinda the point.”

I wondered what the fuck I was doing here.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 9:27 pm

At least Texas doesn’t execute mentally retarded people … oh wait.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=298397]I_P[/re]: Haha now that’s just a great response. It’s not really =)

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:30 pm

[re=298409]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: Wrongful convictions plague the entire judicial system. It’s a shame and that’s why I don’t support the death penalty. Unless we know for sure (which we usually don’t) that someone is guilty, death should not be an option. Plus it’s expensive.

Hooray For Anything April 23, 2009 at 9:31 pm

[re=298385]Custerwolf[/re]: Really? While I agree that east coast girls are hip with those styles they wear, southern girls, however, with the way they talk, knock me out when I’m down there. Then there’s mid-west farmers daughters who really make me feel alright but northern girls, with the way they kiss, keep me warm at night.

Which is why I wish they all could be California Girls.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:31 pm

[re=298405]Custerwolf[/re]: How are you going to defend her? Either way what she said was shitty and unnecesary and more people should be upset by it. Guarantee if a conservative threw words out there like that it would be smeared all over the media. I’m just sayin…

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:32 pm

[re=298406]Taylor414[/re]: “Thus, I support HR 1207 to audit the Fed.”

Won’t that cost a pretty penny?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:35 pm

[re=298415]Taylor414[/re]: I’m confused here – what were we talking about?

ella April 23, 2009 at 9:35 pm

Without Texas, sales figures in the US for blue eyeshadow and huge cans of cheap hairspray would plummet. Secession would be a public service.

thepriceofriceinchina April 23, 2009 at 9:36 pm

we must hold on to nola. take everything else. take it!

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=298416]Custerwolf[/re]: Probably, but it could probably help solve some inefficiencies that we have and help lead to better spending in the future. And what’s another bill added into the already growing debt? Plus, if it’s done by American companies then I could argue that at least it’s helping the economy, albeit indirectly.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=298420]Custerwolf[/re]: By “her” I meant Janeane Garofalo (sp?). Search youtube for “Garofalo racist” or “Garofalo dissent” or something to see clips of her on Keith Olbermann’s show ranting about the tea parties and how conservatives are mentally retarded. You’d probably enjoy it =)

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:39 pm

[re=298422]ella[/re]: You forget about our oil refineries lol.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 9:40 pm

At least Texas doesn’t allow the execution of minors … oh wait.*

*This was banned by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2005. Antonin Scalia vehemently disagreed with the decision, saying, “The court thus proclaims itself sole arbiter of our nation’s moral standards.”

expatinOz April 23, 2009 at 9:40 pm

[re=298407]Custerwolf[/re]: Oh damn, I left out the assfucking. That’s the other point. Lot’s of comments about the buttsecks and other people’s douchbaggery. And Whore Diamonds. Also.

But I hope it’s not for reasoned debate. Cuz that would be sad.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:44 pm

[re=298425]Taylor414[/re]: So you’re okay with spending money as long as it’s for the purpose of being your brother’s watchdog, but not his keeper?

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:44 pm

[re=298430]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: Shitty, I agree. Just because I’m from Texas doesn’t mean I agree with everything we do *GASP* lol

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:45 pm

[re=298431]expatinOz[/re]: So, so sad.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:46 pm

[re=298428]Taylor414[/re]: I wouldn’t occur to me to watch Garafalo – why are you?

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=298435]Custerwolf[/re]: Don’t misunderstand me Custerwolf, I’m all about helping others. I just don’t want to create a nation of dependence. Those who can pull themselves up by the bootstrap should, but I understand not everyone is privileged enough to do so. I would argue that our current system is vastly inefficient in who it helps out. I don’t know the perfect solution but I do disagree with Ron Paul saying that government should completely step out of the way. And I also think that some of the spending in the current bailout money is absurd. Helpless people need the money more than the big corporations that helped get us here in the first place. Reasonable?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:50 pm

[re=298440]Taylor414[/re]: From where I stand it is.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 9:51 pm

[re=298436]Taylor414[/re]: I’m not piling on you, bro. Just Texas. Pls. don’t take it personally. I’m from Mass. and Maine, two intensely fukked up states. People in Maine are so stupid they put Confederate flags on their truks.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:51 pm

[re=298439]Custerwolf[/re]: I dropped my goddamned ‘t’ again. Taylor414, you’re welcome to it if you find it.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:52 pm

[re=298444]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: “People in Maine are so stupid they put Confederate flags on their truks.”

Ow, that made my sides hurt!!

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:52 pm

[re=298439]Custerwolf[/re]: From time to time I’ll see what CNN is saying just to hear the other side of the argument. Lou Dobbs is really the only CNN reporter I side with, not surprisingly. Olbermann is always over the top, though. I agreed with his rants on Palin to a degree but for the most part he just rants and such. CNBC is usually my news channel of choice lol

Kidshowbusiness April 23, 2009 at 9:54 pm

[re=298373]Taylor414[/re]: Lolz! Really, man? Really? Is this a prank? Just in case this is real, I will respond… Okay, people like me (and yes I support Obama’s spending policies and even his spending priorities so far) get really mad when the Repugs start blowing their stack about the deficit because the last time they did this was when Clinton was in office, and he said fine and handed Bush surpluses to work with AND THE ASSHOLE FLUSHED THEM DOWN THE TOILET SO HE COULD HAND OUT FREE MONEY TO MORONS AND RICH PEOPLE!!!!!! (Full disclosure, I got $600. Hooray! And there were no consequences for the deficit! Or none that anyone cared about at the time. And now it’s Obama’s problem for some reason) And then he went off and started a few wars and, etc., etc., etc.

So now we find ourselves in a position where we have no choice except to boost spending to levels that may not be sustainable – and trust me, current spending is nothing compared to what’s going to be required to dig us out of this hole your buddies dug for us, your head may pop when you see the next stimulus package – simply because the situation your tea-bagging allies created is so bad that the government is very nearly the whole economy right now, and if they start making cuts… What planet do you live on, dude? The car companies are going to be shutting down for the entire summer, the financial sector as a whole may be going the way of the dodo, everyone else is hunkering down for a long storm and you want to shrink the government’s share of the economy too? The government sector is all that’s keeping us afloat right now! I’m not sure what percentage of the country works for the government, either directly or indirectly but it’s big and it’s going to have to get bigger as the private sector sheds jobs at the rate of 600,000 per month.

Oh, and we’re already China’s bitch. They could sink us any time they wanted. But since we’re the people that buy all the crap they make, they’d go down with us. Stalemate. And anyway, my friends, WE’RE ALREADY SINKING! THAT’S WHY WE’RE SPENDING ALL THIS MONEY, DO YOU NOT GET THAT!!!??? Also. As well as.

Wet Work April 23, 2009 at 9:55 pm

[re=298440]Taylor414[/re]: It’s not about helpless or unhelpless. It’s about creating a functional social structure. For a crowd that doesn’t believe in Evolution, y’all sure got some strange fetish about the ‘Law of the Jungle’. Guess what? In the Jungle, the Monkeys Work Together.

I won’t even ask you What Would Jeebus Do?

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 9:56 pm

[re=298444]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: Haha fuckin rednecks. They’re everywhere but unfortunately they are most populous in the souther states and Texas. I grew up on a ranch but that doesn’t mean I’m sworn to being ignorant. I refuse. I love Texas and I certainly understand that we come across as arrogant but I think it’s the minority giving the majority a bad rap, as seems to happen a lot. The reason I come across as an asshole at times is because I usually get attacked first. That’s what prompted me to join the site and fire in on some comments. I don’t mean personal harm either and usually come to understandings with libs after actually talking to them. I’m guilty of name calling too and it doesn’t get either side anywhere.

NtQuiteWittyEnuf April 23, 2009 at 9:57 pm

For God’s sake Chris414 — haven’t you fucking bought a vowel yet? If you want to be “earnest” — go join the Winger trolls over at Politico.

But if you are going to be a Right Wing Tool at Wonkette — give it to us HARD and FUNNY. Most of us are LIBRULS — we were having orgies at coed sleep-overs when you were still jerking off at Boy Scout Jamborees.

Though, the WORST thing you can do here is to be BORING. And you so far, you are damn bor-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=298450]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: “THAT’S WHY WE’RE SPENDING ALL THIS MONEY, DO YOU NOT GET THAT!!!???

I get it.

Bill_TX April 23, 2009 at 9:58 pm

I live in fucking Fort Worth. If Texas ever secedes, I’ll have to either
flee to the newly-formed People’s Republic of Austin and request
political asylum (as a libtard) or try to make it across the border
onto Shreveport, Louisiana.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:02 pm

[re=298450]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: “So now we find ourselves in a position where we have no choice except to boost spending to levels that may not be sustainable”

I agree that the government has to spend to help things out, but not to the extent they are. I think there’s a lot of pork in the spending bills that could be cut out. And I’d rather see money flow to private entities that will help make jobs rather than rely on jobs from the government. We don’t have to rely on FDR-like policies, though that seems to be what we’re doing. While Bush did get us into this mess along with some other factors, I don’t think we are going to be able to simply spend our way out of it.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm

[re=298454]NtQuiteWittyEnuf[/re]: Is that for real? You’d rather have funny than substantive?

NtQuiteWittyEnuf April 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Sorry — Taylor 414 — not Chris:

I am having a gallon of Sangria — celebrating my sale of Texas to Hugo Chavez and Raul Castro for 5 barrels of oil and 6 sacks of raw sugar (I robbed them BLIND!). They will be taking possesion of most of most of Texas on Cinco de Mayo.

Vaya con Dios AssOlés!

(I get to keep Austin)

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 10:06 pm

[re=298458]Taylor414[/re]: Okay – fuck “pork” because that’s a copout. What exactly is included in the spending bills that you consider to be “pork?” Just some examples please. No abstractions. Down and dirty.

I_P April 23, 2009 at 10:06 pm

[re=298456]Bill_TX[/re]: Fer fucks sake? Shreveport? That’s desperation defined.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:08 pm

I don’t get how you guys are so sold on spending as much as we are. Like I said, I agree that spending is smart when put to good use, but the amount doesn’t have to be on the order it does. Our taxes are going to be sky-high in the future and worsen the situation for a lot of middle class families. I fail to see how that helps. We need to exercise some fiscal responsibility and get our priorities straight. Obama is trying to put too much into the bill when it should be more concentrated and target the real problems.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 10:10 pm

[re=298466]Taylor414[/re]: “We need to….get our priorities straight.”

Elaborate on your priorities please.

NtQuiteWittyEnuf April 23, 2009 at 10:17 pm

Taylor414 — this is my last effort before I pass out. Read some of the other comments on this site and then when your reptilian cerebral cortex finally stirs — consider going to one of the other 17 million political sites to be “substantive.”

Wonkette is a funny, filthy and “OMIGODCANTHEYWRITETHATONAPUBLICINTERNETSITE?” site.

You can also be funny/filthy HOSTILE.

SO GO GET FUNNY, FILTHY OR OUTRAGEOUS or GET OUT!

As a Winger Troll you are naturally hostile but you are bor-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:18 pm

[re=298469]Custerwolf[/re]: Congress could cut out their automatic pay raises. Second, we could force more corporations to exercise fiscal responsbility with the money we’ve given them. Congress/Obama knew AIG was going to get bonuses yet didn’t do much about it til last minute. I disagree with helping out some of the corporations being helped out because they screwed themselves up. Help them file Ch. 11 and let them restructure if they want to survive. Goldman Sachs was able to raise capital through an IPO recently. Why? Because they are a solid company. There are over 9,000 earmarks in the bill, a lot of which go to things like infrastructure and increased funds for the FDA, etc. I think we could really prioritize what it is we need to get the economy going and then put money towards those things later. Does that make sense? I’m not saying the spending is crazy, it’s just the timing of it all.

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:23 pm

[re=298475]NtQuiteWittyEnuf[/re]: I’m not naturally hostile unless instigated. I don’t know what to say that’s funny to you. How’s this: I smoke tons of pot, love beer, and think Bush fucked us over big time, yet I’m conservative. Ironic or funny? Haha and I wish I was drunk enough to pass out but instead I’m at work and getting distracted on this blog that a friend posted on her facebook that is notoriously liberal but very level-headed (for the most part lol).

Taylor414 April 23, 2009 at 10:25 pm

[re=298475]NtQuiteWittyEnuf[/re]: Oh, and I want to nail the hell out of Palin and then tell her she’d make a terrible VP. I think she’d understand lol.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 10:36 pm

[re=298476]Taylor414[/re]: “Congress could cut out their automatic pay raises.”
I agree.
“Second, we could force more corporations to exercise fiscal responsbility with the money we’ve given them.”

Absalootly.

“Congress/Obama knew AIG was going to get bonuses yet didn’t do much about it til last minute.”

I don’t know about Obama (guy can’t know everything), but I’m betting someone in Congress did.

“Goldman Sachs was able to raise capital through an IPO recently. Why? Because they are a solid company.”

…of assholes. My girlfriend used to work there and won a lawsuit against them.

“There are over 9,000 earmarks in the bill, a lot of which go to things like infrastructure and increased funds for the FDA, etc. I think we could really prioritize what it is we need to get the economy going and then put money towards those things later.”

I don’t know what we should do. I really don’t. I DO know there is incredible waste in government – and I personally run a very tight ship financially, so that bothers me alot. But I can’t apply my values to everyone else. Namely because I live very happily on less than $9,000 annually (covers property taxes, insurance and animal food) and I don’t know many people who could (or would want to) do that. Of course, I’ll be eating all those animals come the Great Depression II. Something that did give me pause was finding out that FEMA actually considers having a TV a necessity, so it’s included as part of recovery costs in a disaster. Apparently, one can no longer get the weather and news via a radio.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 10:38 pm

[re=298483]Taylor414[/re]: Here, let me give you this old hammer and a pile of tenpennies. That should help.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 10:40 pm

[re=298483]Taylor414[/re]: I take it back. Texas was right for wanting to execute the mentally retarded.

I_P April 23, 2009 at 10:43 pm

[re=298480]Taylor414[/re]: Get funny or go home. If you want substantive discussion, go hit Fark.com or something. Gawd…teh n00bs…

/think he fell for it?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 10:49 pm

[re=298493]I_P[/re]FREELY.
(I just wanted to see what that would look like)

hobospacejunkie April 23, 2009 at 10:53 pm

I am not going to defend Texas. Or even Austin, which compared to Austin in 1978 is no Austin at all. But I will speak up for El Paso, which, as Ken said, is really the Southwest. My wife is from El Paso. All the people I’ve met from El Paso have some kind of weird (but good, not like weird in Indiana) connection that is inpsiring and an example to us all. As in while all my EP friends are white, duh, they mostly speak Spanish, prefer brown crowds to white (i.e. they don’t cross the street when non-whites approach, like many whiteys) and don’t think of themselves so much as Texans as El Pasoans. I wish Austin had a feeling like that. Maybe it does and I’m missing out. But if I have to leave Austin it’s only to go to El Paso. Or Denver. Or Boise. Or Minneapolis. Or West Lafayette, Indiana!

Kidshowbusiness April 23, 2009 at 10:53 pm

[re=298476]Taylor414[/re]: But see, the thing is, my friends, and also, what you call pork is what someone else calls their livelihood. That thing that lets them put food on their families. I always get this vague idea from people venting spleen about earmarks that they believe that all money spent on earmarks is trucked to Yucca Mountain and tossed in with all the nuclear waste, never to be seen again. For the record, the way the economy works is that as soon as the government spends the money, it’s not the government’s anymore and whoever now has it goes to buy diapers for their kids or to buy Juno on Blu-Ray or whatever. Or these days, they put the money in a sock and hide it in a coffee can or something.

For the record, it doesn’t matter what the government spends money on as long as it spends enough to get it into the right hands, i.e. everyone. Or until we reach a critical mass where enough people have enough money to get the private sector going again to pull up some more slack. The government could decide to build a tunnel to Jupiter right now and as long as that project got people working again, and got the money flowing back into the system that would be… fine. I definitely prefer that we spend it on health care and alternative energy and so on, but a tunnel to Jupiter would work, if it was big enough.

Please tell me you’re not against infrastructure. The last time we really invested heavily in infrastructure was about 60 years ago and that shit is all about due to fall apart any day now. Infrastructure is a twofer. People get jobs and I get high-speed rail to ride on instead of taking my shoes off for some high-school dropout making 8.50 an hour at the airport.

Final point, “force more corporations to exercise fiscal responsibility with the money we’ve given them”? Are you a communist? But seriously, yeah, that would be great, but can you imagine the uproar, again from the people on your side of this debate, if the government tried to dictate to companies by some kind of “we own you now” fiat? The government telling business what to do is socialism, remember? Can’t have that. Regrettably, your side always wants to have it every possible way. They want to call Obama a socialist to the umpteenth degree no matter how much he bends over backward to avoid anything smacking of socialism, because they’ve always had success hitting people with that stick. But when these companies do something unpopular with the no-strings attached money they got, they’re right there in the thick of it saying we should intervene and tell them they can’t do that. Essentially, the Republican Party has no ideals or values that it is not willing to toss overboard with breath-taking speed for the most ephemeral political advantage. And cutting out automatic payraises? Who are you going to get to vote for that? Not even the Repugs would vote for that. Would you vote against your own payraise? No, you wouldn’t. Stop lying.

AKAM80TheWolf April 23, 2009 at 10:53 pm

[re=298466]Taylor414[/re]:

Taylor,

I think it’s time we had that talk. Make a cup of cocoa, or some time, grab a blanket, and have a seat on my face.

It’s going to be alright.

trondant April 23, 2009 at 11:02 pm

Man, there’s no butthurt like a Texas-sized butthurt, is there?

[re=298491]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: lol

imissopus April 23, 2009 at 11:03 pm

[re=298458]Taylor414[/re]: Ha ha, I love that you told us to quit sucking on Obama’s nuts, then started complaining that everyone just replied with pejoratives and wouldn’t debate on the issues.

And yes by all means let’s have the money flow to private entities. That has worked so well in Iraq for example, what with all that money the government gave to Blackwater and other private contractors. Efficient job creation, yessirree. I’m sure those companies will spend the money on creating tons of jobs for us little people and not keep as much of it as they can so they can look profitable for corporate investors. Kind of like those financial firms have been doing since we started forking money over to them! Oh, wait a minute…

And who is telling you about all this pork in the spending bills? It’s the congressional Republicans who have a vested interest in a) being obstructionist and b) keeping their base riled up so they can win some seats back in 2010. So they throw out words like pork and socialism and people have this Pavlovian reaction. Unfortunately the Republicans were in control of Congress for the first six of Bush’s eight years, so they really don’t have any credibility right now when screeching about out-of-control spending. Nor do I hear them saying what spending they WOULD cut if they were still in control. I hear them shrieking about giving out tax cuts, cause that policy has worked so well in recent history.

Besides, Obama’s been in office for all of three months, how about we give his policies a little time to work before we march on the White House, hmmmm?

Oh, and as a Californian I resent your characterization of most of the women out here as sluts. How would you like it if someone characterized most of the people in Texas as rednecks? Wait, we have that answer!

And this quote: “Just look at what recently happened when a Miss America contestant viewed her opinion respectfully but was still blasted. That’s freedom of speech?”

Yes, it is. She had the freedom to express her opinion, and the people who blasted her have the freedom to express theirs. You don’t get to say something controversial and then complain about your rights being infringed upon when you get an angry response.

You know the irony? Eight years ago I leaned left but I wasn’t this liberal. It took eight years of Bush and then the Republican Party’s absolute abdication of any kind of civil discourse or reasoned intellectualism to get me this pissed off.

imissopus April 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm

[re=298460]Taylor414[/re]: And I would rather have funny than substantive. See what you wingers do to me?

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm

[re=298500]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: “And cutting out automatic payraises? Who are you going to get to vote for that? Not even the Repugs would vote for that. Would you vote against your own payraise? No, you wouldn’t. Stop lying.”

Now see – that’s why I don’t belong in this argument. I don’t even know how much money I make per hour – let alone if I’ve had a raise in the last 5 years. So what do I know. I haven’t bought anything from any clothing store other than St. Vinny’s for the last 18 years. People seem to like me so they give me things. Even cars and houses. What the fuck. But I put to best use what I have, and I get lots of stuff bartering or free. I don’t have a capitalist bone in my body – sorry, it’s just not in the genes. However, if other people weren’t so good at it, I wouldn’t have all the wonderful things I have. I ran my own pet-sitting business in Manhattan, and although I asked practically nothing for $$, I stayed in luxury apartments for all but 2 weeks out of the year. What little cash I made, I put away. I had 2 girlfriends – one worked for Sachs and one worked for Trump and both came to me for $ to help pay their rent. That is NOT knowing how to manage your money. So maybe the meek will inherit this Earth after all. Okay – I’ll shut up now. I’ve already taken up half of cyber-space with today’s postings.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:10 pm

[re=298505]imissopus[/re]: “Besides, Obama’s been in office for all of three months, how about we give his policies a little time to work before we march on the White House, hmmmm?”

Sometimes things (like this) are so goddamned obvious they escape me during argument time.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:11 pm

[re=298506]imissopus[/re]: “I would rather have funny than substantive.”

I would rather have funny and substances.

Bill_TX April 23, 2009 at 11:13 pm

[re=298464]I_P[/re]: It’s okay. Shreveport would only be my first
stop on my way back to New York.

Kidshowbusiness April 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm

[re=298508]Custerwolf[/re]: Haha, fair enough. But if we called you into a meeting and said we’re going to take a vote and you can vote for a raise or you can vote for stagnant wages, what would you vote for?

iolanthe April 23, 2009 at 11:30 pm

[re=298278]DustBowlBlues[/re]: The colloquial name for “Brazil nuts” includes the N-word plus “toes”.

Lovely, eh?

*MY* family was *CLASSY* when I was growing up in the 50s. We didn’t say N-word. *WE* said “colored”.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 23, 2009 at 11:40 pm

It’s like a drunk who wants to argue about whether or not its AKCHEWALLY closing time.

And wants to kill your family over it.

Fukkin Tejas …

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:40 pm

[re=298514]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: There again – I see SO much wasteful spending in the everyday lives of my friends and neighbors, if they were my co-workers I would be loathe to fatten their wallets with money gleaned from say higher grocery prices (for example).

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:43 pm

[re=298521]Custerwolf[/re]: Goddamn. I’m a commie. Huh.

imissopus April 23, 2009 at 11:48 pm

[re=298510]Custerwolf[/re]: I’d rather have the substances too, but what with the unemployment I’m watching the expenses. Plus I need to be looking for work and if I spent my time smoking some of the medical weed we have out here I’d never get out of bed.

[re=298500]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: Awesomely well said. I love the freaking out about earmarks, which make up something like 1% of all federal spending and is really just reps steering projects to their districts, which is one of the things we elect them to do. It’s about the only time Congress is actually working for its constituents.

Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 11:53 pm

[re=298523]imissopus[/re]: I’m blessed with space enough to grow my own.

engulfedinflames April 24, 2009 at 12:08 am

[re=298483]Taylor414[/re]: hey pal you’re waaaaaay out of your league here. these people are quick, witty and smart. god knows i’ may not be a fucking genius, but i’m guessing i’m a degree or two brighter than you and smart enough to remain silent and enjoy the repartee. if you’re a kid you’ve got a lot of reading to do, if your an adult attending tea parties there’s no hope. your defense of texas is understandable it’s your home, that doesn’t mean it’s not a shithole. it’s the only place i’ve ever lived where i was regularly harassed by law enforcement. the first time a texas ranger said “we don’t need your kind around here” i thought it was a joke. i gave up a second year scholarship for post graduate work because i would not stay another day in dallas. also buttsecks. go fuck yerself

Wet Work April 24, 2009 at 12:09 am

The chinese delivery guy showed up just as the evening hullabaloo (brouhaha?) started here. I almost feel cheated except the sesame chicken was real tasty.

Custerwolf April 24, 2009 at 12:15 am

[re=298527]engulfedinflames[/re]: you are just too goddamned cute.

engulfedinflames April 24, 2009 at 12:28 am

[re=298528]Wet Work[/re]: mmmmmm..chicken, what’d your fortune say?

Wet Work April 24, 2009 at 12:42 am

[re=298539]engulfedinflames[/re]: “All your base are belong to us.” Damn chinks got us where they want us …

gurukalehuru April 24, 2009 at 12:48 am

1845? What happened in 1865? Your historical (i.e. anecdotal) right to leave the Union ended a long time ago.

But, what the hell. You want to go, go.

Czn939 April 24, 2009 at 12:48 am

[re=298454]NtQuiteWittyEnuf[/re]:
best reply EVUR!

engulfedinflames April 24, 2009 at 12:54 am

guess who wound up with most of that silver and gold booty the spanish stole from south and central america? yup, the chinks,that ole history jus keep on repeaten an repeaten.

silversilver April 24, 2009 at 1:07 am

My friends and I came up with the West/East Berlin thing the other day, as well. Austin will be like West Berlin. The wall will be built along the border between Austin and Westlake. Westlake gets to be part of Texas. Austin can be part of America or whatever and we’ll feed ourselves with our organic Obama commie gardens and America will airlift us in delicious candies for the children.

sati demise April 24, 2009 at 1:12 am

[re=298458]Taylor414[/re]: try reading Matt Taibi. OK? then get back to teh wonkette.

’cause if you did not protest Bush putting a war on a credit card you got no cred. none at all.
If you didnt protest Reagan running up a huge deficit, you got no cred.
Hell, if you didnt protest McCain covering for the S&L’s when they crashed and burned and we had to bail them out you got no cred. none at all.

and dont start whining about ‘the children’. srsly.

We are in a new century, we have to revamp our transportation, education, energy and health care systems in order to have any shot at future economic growth.

Wet Work April 24, 2009 at 1:17 am

[re=298554]engulfedinflames[/re]: Inscrutable riddle wrapped in mystery inside enigma, with black bean sauce very tasty fried dumpling.

subu April 24, 2009 at 1:54 am

Just for the record, I kind of enjoyed the exchange here (minus the insults, just this one time), it was refreshing. I understand we should be all about the trucknutz, but the exchange bet. Custerwolf and Taylor414 was actually the first discussion I’ve encountered in a long time where both sides weren’t just rabidly hating and ranting and spitting at each other–which, since I work at a news station and watch the news and listen to the news and read the news all the frikkin day long, is really starting to wear me out. So thanks you guys.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2009 at 2:23 am

[re=298575]subu[/re]: Substantive, thoughtful discussions on snark n’ bile blogs. Microtrends.

Very, very, micro.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 24, 2009 at 2:23 am

[re=298575]subu[/re]: You could always do your job, then we wouldn’t have to rant.

Why don’t you have meaningful discussions on your TV news stations?

Isn’t that your fucking job?

We don’t exist to cater to your guilt about your professional fail.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 24, 2009 at 2:28 am

Oh. Still haven’t heard a good reason why anyone north of Tierra del Fuego and south of the Yukon should be sad for a second if Texas does not become the new Yucca Mountain of Forever Stupid Waste Repository. With border fences and “nukuler priesthoods.”

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2009 at 2:40 am

[re=298449]Taylor414[/re]: “Lou Dobbs is really the only CNN reporter I side with…” Well, doesn’t that just explain everything. And, don’t tell me, Mum and Dad had a picture of Ronnie Reagan hanging in the dining room of the ranch. It’s time for you to put your sexist self to bed now and don’t stop to tell me you’re not a sexist. The women you call sluts get to decide that.

IonaTrailer April 24, 2009 at 2:45 am

This was the funniest thing I’ve seen on the web in a long time!! And hey, all you Mexican compadres, fuck Texas and come on over to California! We speak Spanish, (well Spanglish), but it’s cool. We know ya’all work for a living, and pay your taxes!

pinko-commie April 24, 2009 at 3:05 am

[re=298373]Taylor414[/re]: You say “sluts” like that’s a bad thing. Don’t ask me to feel ashamed because i like to fuck. I just don’t want to fuck you. I want you to fuck yourself. but you are from Texas, so you are already fucked.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 24, 2009 at 4:06 am

Why isn’t THIS the caption contest ??11evelenty1!one?

Nathan Arizona Sr. April 24, 2009 at 5:33 am

Texans wear jammies with Yodas and shit on ‘em!

BigBrainOnBrad April 24, 2009 at 7:59 am

It used to upset me that Texas used the death penalty so much. Then I realized that they were killing other Texans so I wasn’t bothered so much.

hobospacejunkie April 24, 2009 at 8:49 am

[re=298618]BigBrainOnBrad[/re]: Your logic is faulty. While the death penalty in Texas does kill other Texans, if there were no death penalty & instead these killers were given the short sentences they deserve (for killing other Texans) they would be back on the street pronto, ready to kill even more Texans. So you can see how the death penalty in Texas is actually counterproductive.

Gun-toting Progressive April 24, 2009 at 9:18 am

[re=298428]Taylor414[/re]: So, you haz a sad because a 3rd tier actress made fun of your state? Christ, put on your big girl panties and get in the fucking game!

mookworthjwilson April 24, 2009 at 9:46 am

[re=298278]DustBowlBlues[/re]: We already do want OK to secede…That’s why I was confused by the end of that lil movie…It was the only state that had every county vote for Walnuts and the Snowc*nt…

mookworthjwilson April 24, 2009 at 9:56 am

[re=298398]Taylor414[/re]: Last time I checked Perez Hilton was not an agent of the government…freedom of speech protects you from the government, not from people criticizing you…

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 9:57 am

[re=298285]thatonegirlsays[/re]: In my Seattle days, I never went farther south than the old Kingdom (bb games), further east than the UW and considered anything beyond N. 85th. and Greenwood the suburbs. I did go to Ballard, however, which was like venturing into a foreign land.

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 9:59 am

[re=298664]mookworthjwilson[/re]: I know. It’s painful to admit that map of the US creating a separate country called “Jesustan” was pretty accurate. OK, Kansas, Wyoming, etc. The entire south, but maybe not North Carolina and part of Florida.

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 10:03 am

[re=298281]grevillea[/re]: Oh, please. You can’t tell me you’re too young to remember what the unshelled Brazil nut used to be called. Here’s a hint: Two words. First word starts with N. Second word is Toes.

Now do you understand my relief at reading Brazil Nut?

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 10:06 am

[re=298296]Custerwolf[/re]: I answered this question a day late, but much less graphically.

BruceLee5000 April 24, 2009 at 10:13 am

AWESOME! I just saw Clan of the Cave Bear last week from Netflix! Whoo! Hoo! Dallas counts “1, 2, Many”, San Antonio counts, up to 5. But Austin counts to 20!!! “Quiet girl! Don’t show the rest of the State! They won’t understand this “Fuzzy Math” magic!”

and

“Teabaggerstan” FTW!!!

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 10:13 am

[re=298384]Taylor414[/re]: You were hoping for legitimate, intelligent argument? You do know this is wonkette.com, right? You might give Nation Review Online a whirl. Or Red State. Or KOS, for a screaming argument with a libtard. Many choices, but not here. This is for alcohol and drug-fueled crazy talk. Librul crazy talk.

King of Pants April 24, 2009 at 10:16 am

Bye, Texas! Thanks for the AIDS, by which I mean Dubya.

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 10:16 am

[re=298461]NtQuiteWittyEnuf[/re]: I don’t know if you will bother reading my comment the day after, but that was fucking brilliant. Kudos. Now do you want to pay for a new keyboard for me, ‘cuz I laughed so hard I spewed coffee out my nose.

JDHART April 24, 2009 at 10:25 am

THAT was great!

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 10:35 am

[re=298695]JDHART[/re]: I almost asked “what was great?” and then remembered that there was a funny, smart video that preceded the novella-length political arguments that followed it. I admit I didn’t read much of anything more than a paragraph long, but did read that taylor whatever wound up here after his friend posted the wonkette link on facebook.

So, children, let’s all remember never to link wonkette.com to our facebook pages, okay? Can we do that? Thanks.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 24, 2009 at 10:45 am

i can pleez stay? Houston’s getting better (Harris Co. carried dem in 08 for first time since LBJ) and we voted out almost all republican judges in the process. trust me in ten more years we’ll be majority minority and back on the good side.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 24, 2009 at 10:56 am

[re=298286]mattbolt[/re]: doesn’t that also mean they have a 1/6 chance of being both fat & stupid, assuming that one does not correlate to the other? I’m a native Texan, have lived almost all of my 30 years and that seems low.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 24, 2009 at 11:16 am

[re=298476]Taylor414[/re]: Increased funds for the FDA is not a bad thing. I’ll go one further. It’s a fucking great thing. Take a ganders at Wyeth v. Levine.

Custerwolf April 24, 2009 at 11:19 am

[re=298703]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Thanks for answering my same question. I felt too stupid to raise my hand and ask.

sati demise April 24, 2009 at 11:25 am

[re=298466]Taylor414[/re]: what are the real problems? REAL PROBLEMS? explain.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 24, 2009 at 11:32 am

[re=298596]pinko-commie[/re]: let me be the first liberal pinko-commie Texan to tell you that you shouldn’t be ashamed. we love you and every other woman who likes to fuck. i’m not going to tell you what to do with your body and/or judge you for those decisions. we love you in Houston. we love you in Austin. we love you in Dallas. and we love you in nothing.

Baconbits April 24, 2009 at 12:33 pm

As a native Texan, I’d like to point out that Texas has no right to secede because:

A) That provision was never ratified, and
B) we sort of gave that up when we, I don’t know, SECEDED.

Also, for everyone suggesting that Austin stay behind, can we also keep Jefferson County? Not only is my house there, which would make life much easier for me, we’ve also always, always, always voted blue. The rest of east TX can sink into the swamps, but Jefferson County is good.

emberglance April 24, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Can we keep Spoon?

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 12:38 pm

[re=298737]Custerwolf[/re]: For those of us in Oklahoma, sounding stupid is never an issue. You’re welcome.

DustBowlBlues April 24, 2009 at 12:46 pm

]Taylor414[/re]: “You’d rather have funny than substantive?”

Substantive is why God created the Christian Science Monitor. Wonkette was created so liberals would have a place to laugh.

yosoy April 24, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=298488]Custerwolf[/re]: You live on $9,000 a year? Shit, I pay that in taxes in six weeks. Yet it’s the Texans who always whine about the cost of keeping a modern country going.

Well, I’m gonna go back and have a beer and watch the bug zapper.

Atlas Spanked April 24, 2009 at 1:51 pm

I say we trade ‘em to Mexico for drugs.

assistant/atlas April 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

The single most disappointing thing about that poll where 75% of Texans wanted to remain part of America was that they didn’t poll the rest of America on whether we wanted Texas to leave. That 75% of Texans was the other saddest part.

msmoneypenny April 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Get the fuck out already, Texas and take the boring Paultard with you. And for the record, Congress is not perfect, God knows, but give them credit for voting against an automatic pay raise for 2009. It passed as part of the stimulus package. But teabaggers don’t do the research, of course.

/resuming snark in 3…2…1

badmuthagoose April 24, 2009 at 6:15 pm

No state is seceding. This stupid ass bullshit talk from both sides is tiring. To the dumbasses who continually give my state a bad name and are yammering on about seceding, shut the fuck up. You can’t do it, the Texas government can’t do it, and they WOULDN’T even if they could.

To those love to stereotype and request that Texas leave the US, open your mind a bit. This is a big state, and there’s a hell of a lot more here than dumbass racist rednecks. Universities, world-class museums, natural beauty, the list goes on and on. But of course if the stereotyping makes you feel better, please, by all means go right ahead. By the way, I guarantee you your state has hateful assholes. They’re EVERYWHERE.

But no one’s leaving the union. What a stupid hateful waste of time to even discuss such a thing.

Ophelia Butts April 24, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Governor Goodhair is a jackass. But thou shalt NOT diss Texas.

I’ll have to open up a fresh can of whoopass.

imissopus April 24, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=299466]badmuthagoose[/re]: Dude, you know what site you’re on, right?

Custerwolf April 25, 2009 at 2:02 am

[re=299466]badmuthagoose[/re]: Texas has become a cliche. You guys are going to have to work on that.

Bruno April 26, 2009 at 8:14 am

[re=299466]badmuthagoose[/re]: I think you guys need to spend a lot of money on an expensive PR/advertising campaign like
“Texans are people too”
“We’re not all assholes racist rednecks”
and “We want to stick it to Dubya, just like you”

And before you get your panties in a knot, I was born there.

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