Wonkette
It has been over a year since some Republican finally made the obvious connection, in public, that Barack Obama and professional golf player Tiger Woods are the same person. Both are half-black, half-Muslin, and half-Asian but still manage to be polite human beings who speak eloquently and don’t go on welfare or murder children. In fact it is racist to even mention Barack Obama in a sentence that doesn’t also include Tiger Woods. And so on Monday (4/20!…?) Barack Obama invited Tiger Woods to the White House, and photos of this important historical race meeting have been released to the public today.
See? When Joe Biden dies soon, Tiger Woods will be the perfect replacement. Although we suspect that Tiger Woods, despite being a minority, is a very conservative Republican. You must remember that he plays golf at country clubs for a living. And we remember reading a story from the beginning of his career when someone asked him why he had immediately moved to Florida after turning professional, at 21, and he started grumbling about tax rates in other states. He is probably a neocon. Anyway.
Meeting Tiger Woods [Pete Souza/White House]
Tiger Woods in the White House [CBS News]
Does anyone else want to see them make out?
When I saw the pictures of him shaking hands with Chavez, I said nothing. But this..THIS…is just too much.
Why didn’t he bring his hot Swedish wife along?
Wow! They’re both clean, well-spoken, nicely dressed. Sorry to hear Tiger is a secret muslin socialist, tho.
OMG And Woods married a WHITE woman as well!
Tiger married a white woman, thus he is unfit for any office in America
She is hot however and spikes more impressively than any found on golf shoes.
Tiger is so fabulously, unbelievably, insanely weathly that it would be a miracle if he counted himself among the libruls. But hey, y’know, there’s Bill Gates…
(sorta)
im the president so i get to lead the first dance
Wow, lotsa comments about his hot wife…well how ’bout this, then: the DNC should show the pic of happy Tiger who just got his taxes raised massively by Hopey.
Ergo, the teabaggers will follow Tiger around and “bogey” him.
First pic:
BO: “Okay, ready Tye-guy?”
TW: “Ready, Barry”
Second pic:
BO&TW: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. CONWAY TWITTY!”
I always wondered why he had superpowers in both of his secret identities.
The entire South seceding in 5…4…3…
I heard michael phelps was there with his playstation and tigers golf game as well
Is that some kind of new dance?
“Ma-ri-aaaaa — We just met a girl named Maria….”
(I had dirtier lyrics, but this is a Dignified Occasion and all.)
I’m surprised Steve Williams didn’t confiscate all the cameras.
That second pic; looks like Hopey’s doing fourth position in front of mirror in ballet class…
First it was golf . . . now The White House. What will white people have left? Springsteen? Wyoming? Eczema?
Jesus. I thought you wrote “neocoon” there, for a second.
SayItWithWookies: I thought they were asking for the wine cooler. Isn’t this what they do?
The half black / half Asian that white bitter US Americans like meets the half black / half white who spent a lot of time in Asia that white bitter US Americans hate for being a Muslin Socialist Communist Fascist Terorist.
Yeah, but would they let Barry play at Augusta? Maybe, but you know they would be changing all the toilet and faucet handles afterwards.
Second Pic: Barry & Tiger practice the classic Lucy & Harpo Marx mirror routine.
Anyone else remember who provided the FIRST national comparison between Tiger Woods and Obama?
A: David Brooks during commentary for PBS after Obama’s 2004 National Convention Speech. It’s on the Youtubes. I’m done with trivia now.
2nd pic: worst follow-through ever.
magic titty:
Deep Fried Cheese and Chicken Fried Steak.
So, which is which?
Tiger was pretty circumspect when talking about Barry during the election, but I did hear him say his father would have been impressed with him so I would imagine Tiger voted for Barry. I think Tiger moved out of ‘the wife gets 50% in a divorce’ CA for a little self-preservation.
bitchincamaro: Wouldn’t that be Michael Steele?
magic titty: Some redneckers are terrified that a new crop of Charlie Pride C&W stars may come along.
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: Tiger married a white woman, thus he is unfit for any office in America
Nah. He just can’t be
head football coach at Auburn
Plus their wives are co-starring in that new movie with Idris Elba about the guy who bangs a hot woman other than his wife, and then his wife and the other woman do vaguely hot things involving fighting eachother but then Dave J. notes that it is rated PG-13 and loudly says “oh what the fuck” after the trailer and his wife makes fun of him, also.
Lascauxcaveman: Mrs. Gates is supposedly quite the Closet Bolshevik. ;-> Before she came into Bill Gates’ life, I don’t think he’d ever given *anything* to charity, or been aware of much beyond his huge real-life D&D game, the one where he took all the treasure.
i’d like to see them in some mud wrestling action.
Texan Bulldoggette: 50% of infinity is still a lot.
KristaJulieva: Win!
magic titty: “Bring me a motherfucking iced tea!”
magic titty: What will white people have left??
Psytrance, “the other white beat.”
KristaJulieva: They all look the same no matter what.
iolanthe: She may be, but Bill Gates Sr. is actually the super duper libby liberal in that family, so I think Bill Jr’s charity is a case of guys becoming more like their fathers as they age. Which explains my constant lust for gin.
This is just like ‘The Parent Trap’ they’re going to switch places and bring everyone together in a happy ending.
Second pic:
OMG, as a golfer myself, I feel like Barry just touched me in my special place (the guy with him, Tiger Woods, is one of history’s greatest golfers). This is what it must have felt like for basketball fans when he nailed that three pointer.
Too obvious?
Just cold waitin’ for the white people to leave the room so they can talk some trash.
chascates: That would be quite awesome.
Aw yeah, chicken and waffles for dinner at the White Hizzy tonight!
Scarab: The Prince and the Pauper.
Who am I kidding? They both probably love arugula.
Barry is Prez……Tourturers may go on trial….the economy can’t get worse……the banks have been nationalized….I’m all googley
One of them is going to end up in an Iron Mask.
ManchuCandidate: Manchu, this occasion cries out for one of your patented song parodies. May I suggest “Half Breed” by Cher?
SayItWithWookies: Texas is way ahead on this one.
Why did that feel so wrong to type?
freakishlystrong: I was thinking that BS Mirror Exercise they make us do in acting class.
bitchincamaro: I need my glasses checked. I thought I saw a neocoon too.
iolanthe: Why do I get the feeling we know each other….
At any rate the new hippie San-Fran music trend is dub-step crunk electro rap remixing. Psy got old
Second pic: “No Mr. President, surprisingly you get more power out of your pimp slap if you use the back of your left hand. Ya see it’s all in the legs. Let me get you a white woman to try it out…”
There’s a lot of weird, creepy, sex references here.
magic titty: Olympic swimming.
AnnieGetYourFun: I seriously just LOLed. Surely the 2nd pic is at the start of a tango or somesuch, yet you want to get straight to the chase. How very American of you.
Gates lives in Washington state, which I think does not have a state income tax. Or is it a sales tax? Whichever, either one helps Mr. Bill keep even more of his immense munies.
magic titty: Moon-pies and chewin’ tobaccy?
“No, Tiger, my golf is no better than than my bowling.”
“The Aristocrats!”
imissopus: It’s no Income Tax, and as a lower-echelon earner who likes to sometimes buy stuff, I’m not a damn bit happy about it. Whenever I need to buy a big-ticket item, I seriously consider driving down to Oregon (4 1/2 HOURS, ALAN!) to visit Portland again. They have just the oppo: no sales tax, big income tax.
Looks like they are getting to do a modern dance tribute to genetic superiority.
Hmm, this happened on 4/20, eh? Did they attend the WH smoke-in? Roll up a few blunts, sippin’ on gin ‘n’ juice? Laaaaid back.
Lascauxcaveman: I’ve heard Vancouver, Washington is the place to retire. No state income tax and cross the river to shop. But I’d spend all my money at Powell’s bookstore.
sezme: *golf clap*
Also, here’s some of that racial transcendence we’ve all been enjoying lately:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29676
Is this going to turn in to one of those awkward things where Barack Obama is obliged to meet every one of white America’s “black friends”?
No, Mr. President. This is how you slap a white woman.
iwillsavethispatient: But I was being utterly serious. And THAT is very British of me, no? But it was about sexy time, so that makes me French. Which makes me a commie. I love logic!
populucious: Do Bill Cosby next!! Then Al Roker.
The Cold Sea: win
Tiger owns a golf course in Dubai which makes him a slave employer (unless it was built differently than every other construction project in that quaint land.)
Early in his career, when asked why he belonged to a country club that forced a female sports reporter to come in through the back door, he said something about not being able to concern himself with every single minority issue. Gotta be a Repug.
But I still like him. Low odds that he’ll kill his wife in a jealous rage, don’t you think? That’s my firm line for sports heroes. And I’m sticking to it.
This is historic; I don’t think I have ever seen a professional golfer in a suit before. An ugly green jacket sure, but never a whole matching suit.
“mine is this long” “mine is THIS long”
AnnieGetYourFun: If you were British, you would have used the word “buggery”.
Yaybuls: Second pic: definite WIN
DangerousLiberal: dude, these homies are obviously faded. look at the eyes
Man, I used to think Tiger was high yellow, but damn. That’s the blackest he’s ever looked. Maybe it has something to do with removing the ball cap.
Which one is which!
It is so hard to tell them apart.
You know, cause they’re both half socialist.
bitchincamaro: Racist.
magic titty: Bad dancing. That’s what they’ll have left.
ManchuCandidate: Thanks for the dinner recommendation!
WIld Turkey: It does look weird, doesn’t it? I’m sure the suit is tailored and of fine quality, but it just ain’t fittin, I tell ya. It just ain’t fittin!
The first rule of white club is, you DO NOT TALK ABOUT WHITE CLUB
imissopus: We in WA aint got no income tax, but we got sales tax up the wazoo, which is what happens when you don’t have any income tax.
Two colored guys in the White House?
They better start cleaning something pronto!
Oh…
Naked Bunny with a Whip: It is a very clever ploy, like when Bruce Wayne made a robot version of himself so he could appear in public with Batman. Clearly this not change we can believe in.
Oh my god, I’m seeing double. Four Krustys!
So has Tiger Woods stopped identifying himself as a Caublasian now?
Where is Fuzzy Zoeller when you need him?
Too bad Tiger isn’t in a skin tight red Nike suit. But, the hairline is receding in a big hurry. He needs the Anthony Edwards buzz cut stat.
iolanthe: Riverdance. The other OTHER white beat.
magic titty: We’ll always have trucknutz
AnnieGetYourFun: That sound you hear is the clickety-click of a thousand RPS fics being posted.
Why is Barry so meh enface and so buggeringly beautiful in profile?
Where’s Sid Poitier? Quincy J.?
Snoop?
This post is legendary.
They are referencing the Gilbert Stuart portrait of
George Washington (The Lansdowne Portrait), 1796.
http://www.nga.gov/press/exh/209/index.shtm