Wonkette
How great was Levi Johnston and his myriad singular-product-named siblings and his sketchy mom on Larry King Live Tuesday night? We are assuming the answer is “So Awesome.” We’ll post the video later, or not, but meanwhile here’s the only image you need: Shrunken-head banality machine Larry King lovingly examining Levi’s various tattoos on his left (communist) arm, including the classic “Bristol” in hippie script font on his wedding-ring finger. [CNN Photo, hat tip to Andrew Malcolm]
His left arm says ‘John Galt.’
WE’RE AMERICA COULDN’T BE PROUDER
No way Miss Palin could compete with Mercede. He’s got “Bristol” on his ring finger, but “Johnston” up to his elbow. And now I feel like I should have a social worker just for thinking that.
SayItWithWookies: So you’re saying he’s a dipstick?
Finally Levi finds his partner.
There’s a reason he is the King of all Freedom Fighters— HAHA nothing to see here.
grevillea: And always a quart low.
Levi would be bride #8 or so? And their blended family would be Chase, Cannon, Tripp ‘n Trig. I think we could do something with that material.
Also, is this late-nite bonus post how we find out who lives on the West coast or in Oz?
Methinks our Divinely-appointed Wonkette Overlords missed a prime opportunity to liveblog Levi-the-fuckin’-redneck valiantly facing down the relentlessly inquisitive and witheringly adversarial logical-assault of Larry King, with Meth-mom and his loving sister in tow… Watching Larry King for the very first/last time was a hoot to see Sarahcudda’s
boytoyfuture-former-son-in-law muddle his way through the wreckage of his personal life…. I especially loved his reporting his enthusastic vote for Mooseilini, only to state that he knew almost nothing about politics - the perfect GOP voter! EPIC FAIL of a GOP ‘family values’ media circus!Levi should hook up with Meghan. No one likes her , too.
Bearbloke: We don’t liveblog stuff unless people are watching it.
dementra: Yeah it could be some sort of super-secret clue posted here on a regular basis, but I’ll not say anything more …..
dementra: Good morning, everyone! Beautiful sunrise out there righ now… well, the early bird get the worm as they say, so off I go!
Bearbloke: One more reason the GOP wase foolish to oppose stem-cell. They open themselves up to so much potential humiliation when forced to recruit among the Mormons, the snake-handlers and especially the Snowbillies. Stem-cell is the way, the truth and the life. Once they have the tools… the technology… they can grow their candidates in hydroponic tanks instead!
No baby mamas. No baby daddies. (No Doggy Daddies either, saith Rick Santorum.) No tits. No tats. No tangled, mangled DNA on the lower branches of the family tree. No sordid personal history of any kind. Nothing but made-to-order, pop-n-fresh, extra-doughy GOP skrump-dilly-iciousness! Freshness never tasted sooooo good!!!1!
If only they’d been rolling their own stem-cell grown candidates , they could’ve avoided all these problems over all those years….
dementra: Reporting in from the gay bay, CA here…I wish everyone was still up, and that there was Levi video! Hot damn, I can’t wait to see it!
Slide One.
This is how the HIV AIDS is got.
Old persons, young persons, see.
Bearbloke, I don’t know how to reply (I’m new) but :MOTHERFUCKING WIN
superfluity: Noper. That’s a bar code from Craig’s List.
You know the rest of that semi-sleeve reads “McCain”.
That arm-stroke from gramps warn’t for nuthin.
Ken Layne: If we were watching it, we wouldn’t need you liveblogging it, now would we?
Be careful with that finger, Larry. You don’t know where it’s been. Well, actually, you do. That’s the point.
Homo Superior:
1. Make your comment as ‘ad hominem’, insensitive and thougtless as possible.
2. For exanple: The ghost Bristol’s fetuses-past lingers next to Levi’s left shoulder.
3. Toss in “Truck-Nutz” every four words.
4. Moron.
Ken Layne: Picky. No place for you on Fox News.
boy_howdy: Expecting Becktard Delta-Minus drones to read and comprehend The Chemical and Bacteriological Conditioning of the Embryo. Practical Instructions for Beta Embryo-Store Workers would be pure torture. Pure torture!
‘Streptocock-Gee to Murfreesboro-T, to see a fine bathroom and W.C.’…
I thought proper etiquette for cash-starved young men serving the needs of older, wealthy clients with lax sphincters was to make a fist first. Something about sharp fingernails and fragile colon tissue…
Oh wait: now I’m confused. Shouldn’t Larry be wearing those bracelets on the left wrist, in this case?
Good morning from light-less Austin, TX, home of Governor Stupid and not too far from Congressman Fucknutz. Actually I don’t know where Barton’s from, might be closer to drive to Florida than to his district for all I knows. I don’t work all night, I don’t work at all, but I do sleep most of the day, which is why most of my comments are in the bottom five of any particular posting.
I would like a live blog just for the funny. But I don’t think anyone should have to actually watch Larry King say “Tucson Hello…Gahleek brand gahlick…etc.,” for an hour. Plus his profile is so unnerving as to inflict PTSD on viewers exposed for more than 2 minutes.
And please feel free to abuse brainiac Rep. Barton via Twitter — @RepJoeBarton
Extra points for profanity-laced abuse.
Are Levi’s nails buffed? You can tell he doesn’t have access to Sarah’s tanning bed anymore. I prefer him a few shades darker, but simply adore the way he says “Almost every time!” when he’s asked about using protection.
Mama Grizzly is going to be very angry today. I can’t wait for for the venom-dripping “statement”.
I’ve heard of tatooing your last name on your arm in case you forget how to spell it, but that is ridiculous.
Scandalabra: It’s really too bad she’s not President right now, it would be so much more fun if this was all unfolding in DC.
The problem with tattoo rings, unlike 2K Zirconium rings is that they have no pawn value. This is a useful feature when your just $2 shy of your next Meth hit.
Bearbloke:
I set my alarm for noon–I don’t want to let the day get away from me.
So it was fine to trot out infant Trig at various large stadia during the intense frenzy of a national election, but they don’t want to bring any babies into Larry King’s sedate cone of silence? WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING BABIES IF NOT TO WAVE THEM AROUND IN FRONT OF CAMERAS? Epic media handler fail.
I’ve witnessed this very scene in bars across the country. It never gets any less … icky. Oh wait, that’s not the world’s fugliest chicken hawk, that’s Larry King.
Does this mean the Palindrone will make an appearance to counter all the nasty, nasty things Johnston said about her Bristol? I do hope so.
Larry: “Can I get a whiff? Back in 1970 Frank Sinatra let me smell his fingers and it was fabulous. They smelled like Angie Dickinson.”
Mr Blifil: You only fling developmentally disabled babies around in front of the cameras because they don’t mind it as much.
ManchuCandidate: No, Larry, that was Mia Farrow. But the scent is similar.
Why doesn’t Levi sound like a character out of Fargo? Snowbilly’s accent was about 40% of the reason I fucking hated her. Levi doesn’t have that accent; he sounds like any typical 18-year-old kid interested in sex, drugs & making some easy money.
Cape Clod: Sorry, but fail. Mia in 1970 carried the scent of patchouli and verbernum, laced with baby’s breath. Angie Dickinson in 1970 smelled like the combined spunk of the Oakland Raiders, James Garner, Robert Mitchum, Ann Margaret’s cooze juice and Henry Kissinger’s hair spray, laced with a few puffs of Jean Naté.
Mmmm…Robert Mitchum. Oh, and forget the tats. What the hell is Larry King wearing on his wrist? Friendship bracelets?
Levi’s little boy-stache drives me bonkers. I want to get a washcloth and scrub it off his smirking little face.
I can’t bear to watch Larry King because everytime, he reminds me of a shriveled penis who talks in a deep voice.
ushekim: I take it that you’ve encountered such schlong in your lifetime.
4tehlulz: Not at a Barry White’s level.
sanantonerose: Medic-Alert bracelets. One says “DNR”. The other is a backup.
I have a friend who has the exact same tattoo, but it isn’t around his finger.
What else will future President Palin and her extended family of Neanderthals do to help us write jokes while we descend into the pits of dumbfuckivness?
Hah. And we thought Billy Carter was an embarrassment, back in the day.
sanantonerose: I think one of them’s a Q-Ray bracelet — he believes in teh secret powers of copper.
Apparently I am the only one who’s concerned that Larry’s RCA-77DX looks a bit ratty.
dr. phil could have done better….this interview was a reach for poor old larry who usually just barks and his interviewee spill all…..levi is a first generation ‘yep’ ‘nope’ kinda guy…even joy behar would’ve schoold the young hunter on how to be a little more commmunnnicatttivve! hilarious
bfstevie@yahoo.com: God knows where it’s been after all. Though, no, on second thought, I suppose those are just…coffee stains…right.
bfstevie@yahoo.com: I’m pretty sure the RCA was the smartest thing in the whole clip.
Mr Blifil: Probably nicotine stains from days gone by.
Johnny Zhivago: That’s not a spelling reminder, that’s in case he just forgets it altogether. His reminder for the first name is not a tattoo, but it hovers just above his right ass-cheek at all times.
Here’s an interesting segement from that show last night:
King: “JUNEAU! You’re on the air! Go!
Juneau: Yes, hello..uh, am I on the air?
King: JUNEAU! YES! YOU’RE ON THE AIR! GO! WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Juneau: Uh, this is the Governor, you know, Sarah Palin? I’m the Governor up here.
King: GOVERNOR! GO! YOU’RE ON THE AIR!
Juneau: Well, uh, you know, I didn’t ask for all those free clothes.
King: Uh…
Juneau: And I did not fire Walt Monegan because of anything having to do with my family and craxy state troopers and my relatives…
King: Wait….
Juneau: And, of course, I read newspapers. I read, uh, well, er, I do occasionally read some newspapers..
King: We’re talking about your son-in-law, basically, even though they’re not married, he’s the father of your grandson. That’s what we’re tal…
Juneau: OKAY, I KEPT MUCH OF THE CLOTHES AND I DIDN’T PAY FOR THEM! I FIRED MONEGAN BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T FIRE THAT STATE TROOPER! I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH TED STEVENS TEN YEARS AGO! I DON’T READ NEWSPAPERS AT ALL! I’M AN IDIOT! I’VE OSTRACIZED LEVI JOHNSON AND HIS FAMILY AND USED STUPID POLITICAL CLOUT TO KEEP THEM AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER AND GRAND-SON! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GOVERNMENT AND POLITICS, OR MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE! I’M A MORON! I GET BY ON BEAUTY-QUEEN LOOKS AND FAKE-FOLKSY ACCENTS AND POPULIST TALK THAT DOESN’T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING! MY VIEWS ARE ROOTED IN 1930S CONSERVATISM AND I’M OUT OF SYNC WITH MOST OF THE WORLD! MY HUSBAND DOESN’T LIKE ME EITHER.
King: Thank you, Juneau! I’m filing my 2009 Pulitzer nomination right now. We’ll be back, right after these messages from the Alaska Fisheries Association and Planned Parenthood!
thefrontpage: Hahaha. Good for you, Frontpage. It’s nice to see you can comment on something other than the subjects you simply do not care for on Wonkette.
from http://palingates.blogspot.com/:
“Levi on Larry King Live was a bit of an anti-climax. The questions from the public were weak, Levi was nervous, but there was one interesting slip @ 4:15: Levi said Sarah Palin was shocked like any mother who was told her daughter was pregnant at the age of si…eighteen. He started to say sixteen and corrected to eighteen, which still isn’t right, as Bristol was seventeen when the conversation was supposed to have happened.
Bristol was sixteen at the time of the other pregnancy, the one that really fires our curiosity.”
I weeped with happys when I heard Levi and his mommy refer to beloved sister Mercede as “Sadie.” They actually call her “Sadie,” as in Sadie Hawkins from the ever popular Li’l Abner hillbilly cartoons. The snowbilly name list continues to expand. “In the featured bikini cage match of the evening, Britol v. Sadie!”
It’s a damn shame that Larry didn’t ask Levi if he had tea-bagged Bristol. I’m sure that that’s one detail ALL Americans of all political stripes want to know about.
Ken Layne: I approve. Makes us Californians feel special now that DC is the center of the universe for magazine-selling celebrity hawtness.
At one digit per, Levi still has real-estate available for nine new paramours. Even more allowing toe fetishists! Larry’s excitedly picturing his name on that primo middle finger, as yet unspoken for.
Lascauxcaveman: I’ve commented on hundreds of things I like. But isn’t most snark involing posting comments on things you don’t like? About 99.9 percent of internet snark posts target things that people don’t like–that’s the fun of it! Sheesh!
chascates: Whomever is doing that blog is my personal hero. I hope that next year, they will be rewarded with the pulitzer.