ISE GOT MOR SMARTS THEN U  5:44 pm April 22, 2009

Dumb Congressman Brags About ‘Stumping’ Nobel-Winning Energy Secretary With Stupid Question

by Jim Newell

Here is an official clip prepared by the office of Texas Rep. Joe Barton titled, “Where Does Oil Come From? Question leaves Energy Secretary puzzled.” This title alone should tell you enough about what really happened.

This dimwitted clown belched some retarded vagary — “I have one simple question for you in the last six seconds. How did all the oil and gas get to Alaska and under the Arctic Ocean?” — at Nobel laureate Steven Chu, who then laughed before trying to outline 100-million-year-old geological processes in six seconds, or however long he had before being interrupted with more nonsense from Joe Barton. Congrats, Joe, you’re smarter than Steven Chu, the communist Chinese Democrat! Yeah that’s right, you go brag about this pwnage on Twitter, man.

[Twitter Room]

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Baseproduct April 22, 2009 at 5:49 pm

What Chu talkin’ bout, Barton?

chascates April 22, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Chu should have just said that our blessed Lord put it there for our use.
Which is what Barton wanted to hear.

Brendan M. April 22, 2009 at 5:50 pm

The correct answer is Jesus did it, nerd.

NoWireHangers April 22, 2009 at 5:52 pm

BEHOLD! The astounding audacity of moranity.

What a smug sack of shit.

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Oil is remnants of wicked people drowned in the Noachic flood. It catches fire, which proves they’re in hell now. QED.

medievalist April 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Like people say about Michelle Bachmann: This is an elected official, everyone.

buggers April 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm

What a tool.

Accordion-o-rama April 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Everyone from Texas now has to do a lap.

wheelie April 22, 2009 at 5:56 pm

It just drifted aimlessly, like the thoughts in your tiny mind, Mr Barton.

Dave J. April 22, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Jesus fucking Christ, this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I don’t even think the Onion could come up with something so absurd. “Redneck thinks he stumped Nobel prize winning physicist with dumb-ass question about shit.”

WadISay April 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm

You could raise the IQ of the USA 20 points just by letting Texas secede.

Philosophist April 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Correct answer: while Sarah was still known only in Wasilla, with only her native foresight to guide her, she campaigned successfully for funds to create a submerged pipeline to Alaska.

Accordion-o-rama April 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Oil is the Holy Myconium.

Professor McAwesome April 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Shit, I’m now about 20 points dumber because of that clip.

Scandinavian Fetus April 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Dr. Chu,

“In the lingua franca of the Teletubbies, would you explain, in six seconds, where oil came from?”

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Woo-doggy! He sure showed him!

Dumbass doesn’t fucking understand that Chu just schooled him on fucking plate theory and drift. Redneck dumbass is like “BUH I GUESS THIS MEANS ALASKA USED TO BE HOTTERER IF’N A DAMN DINOSAURS LIVED ‘AR” and Chu is like, “Um, did you just have a stinky? Does someone need to clean your diaper? Are you a politician or something?”

The Republican’s question proves for once and ALL TIME that Al Gore is fat and has a big house.

chascates April 22, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Joe’s middle name is ‘Linus,’ he was born in the Baptist mecca of Waco, is an Aggie, and whored for the oil & gas industry all his life. He’s opposed all clean air standards and the Voting Rights Act. He’s a pretty typical Texan asshole.

Scandinavian Fetus April 22, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Joe Barton is registered in my local post office.

He is prohibited from juggling, miming, magic tricks, and speaking within 1 umtillion miles of children.

McDuff April 22, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Careful Joe, if you really are one of those “God put it there” dudes, you might want to remember that God put the most oil and gas under A-rab lands. Allah akbar, bi-itch!

SmutBoffin April 22, 2009 at 6:00 pm

OK, I almost stroked from the stupid.

This Barton guy is probably a flood geologist or something.

Barton: See here, them dinosawrz were wicked sinful and were cast out of the Garden to Alaska where they did so much ‘a the gay copulatin’ that they were drownded by God inna flood and the only thing that’s left are their sinful emissions. . .OIL IS GAY DINOSAWR SEMEN.
Chu: That flies in the face of humanity’s 2500-year tradition of empiricism and structured inquiry.
Barton: Checkmate. Beat it, commie-boy.

Squiggyfm April 22, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I guess “Stumped” is Texan for “Answered Perfectly”.

ManchuCandidate April 22, 2009 at 6:04 pm

All this shows is that Joe Barton has a really really tiny penis.

grevillea April 22, 2009 at 6:07 pm

“Lemme copy ur homework, slant-eyes, or I bash you good.”

Hooray For Anything April 22, 2009 at 6:07 pm

The Republican Party; A Confederacy of Dunces

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul April 22, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Wow, Joe Barton really is a living proof of Bill Hicks’ comment on the South: “In many parts of our troubled world, people are yelling, ‘Revolution! Revolution!’ Down South, people are yelling, ‘Evolution! Evolution!’”

Texan Bulldoggette April 22, 2009 at 6:09 pm

I think Chu laughed because he thought it couldn’t really be a question. Like ‘he can’t be so dumb as to really be asking me that question.’

Reminded me of when high priestess Bachmann asked Geithner & Bernanke if they were going to replace the dollar in America with Kenyan wampum or something.

leelee April 22, 2009 at 6:10 pm

can’t this man be warred against? something this stupid deserves a drifting continent – of paleolithic shit in their inbox, dontcha think? Isn’t that one of the perks of being an elected official?

Custerwolf April 22, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I knew Mr.Chu was in trouble when he tried to sneak the word “plates” into his reply to Mr.Texasshole. I can just see Barton back with his cronies, “Yah -and then the slanty-eyed god-hating sumbitch starting yappin to me about some fuckin dishes slidin off a table somewheres.”

Lorax April 22, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I’ve consulted my Body Language translator, and it appears that Mr. Chu’s posture and demeanor translate roughly to “Pipe down, Gomer, the grown-ups are talking.”

Dave J. April 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Ha ha, they are scrubbing the YouTube comments as fast as they possibly can over there, kinda hilarious.

mostly harmless April 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Unfortunately I have had to deal with sharing the same last name as this doofus congressman for years now. This is the last straw. I’m gonna change my name to something respectable like Bush or Palin.

Mr Blifil April 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm

What is his point to begin with? And why is he smirking? And if his question was so empirically simple, why did he need to amplify it with his bizarre supposition that Alaska and the North Pole were once “warmer?” I haz a confuze.

See…Congressman…Alaska used to be somewhere else, and whatever used to be where Alaska was at that time, is also now…elsewhere… Am I beginning to get through to you Mr. Beale?

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Rep Barton is currently busy scrubbing all comments off his YouTube site.

Roll Fish April 22, 2009 at 6:15 pm

hahahahaha wow. I wish this dumb texas fuck hadn’t disabled comments.

MarSF April 22, 2009 at 6:16 pm

Seems that Rep. Barton has a YouTube page with an open “comments” section. Bummer for him.

Oh, wait. They just disabled the comments. I wonder why?

Woo April 22, 2009 at 6:17 pm

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the comments disappear one by one before they were disabled. Nice work by Joe Barton’s staff to not disable them in the first place.

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2009 at 6:17 pm

[re=296849]SmutBoffin[/re]: OK, I spit on my screen. Are you happy now?

light April 22, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Unreal. He disabled the comments. He must know this clip makes him come across as a dumb smug neanderthal mouth-breather.

McDuff April 22, 2009 at 6:19 pm

After actually watching the video clip, my faith in the democratic process, the process that gets walking truck nutz like this elected, has up and left the building. With Elvis. Also.

MarSF April 22, 2009 at 6:21 pm

Why he really done tricked that Oriental good!

Everyone knows that Alaska was once as warm as Waco in August, all the time, back when Jesus was alive! That means Climate Change is a friggin’ hoax!

Dave J. April 22, 2009 at 6:23 pm

This reminds me of the time that I got involved in an argument about evolution with someone who thought they had me with the following zinger (and this is a direct quote): “if evolution is true, then why don’t any of the monkeys at the zoo turn into humans?” It took me like 3 minutes to make my brain generate words and then speak them following this epic display of stupidity, but I bet the person thought she had really baffled me, like Barton thinks he got Chu.

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Who let the damn Comm’nist Chinese be talkin’ ’bout our damn Alaskan oil anyhow?

saridout April 22, 2009 at 6:24 pm

thanks a lot, asshole, for making texas even more of a national embarrassment.

Dave J. April 22, 2009 at 6:25 pm

They disabled the comments, but if you click “More from Rep. Barton,” you have a wealth of other YouTube clips from him where you can leave interesting comments. Just sayin…

jssb43 April 22, 2009 at 6:27 pm

what an ignorant ass
no wonder our government is in the shape it is in

SmutBoffin April 22, 2009 at 6:28 pm

[re=296885]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I haz a sorree.

Brendan M. April 22, 2009 at 6:30 pm

[re=296900]Dave J.[/re]: I actually did notice that…

bitchincamaro April 22, 2009 at 6:30 pm

*just beat up on dumb chinky egghead/ was all up in his grille, beezatches.

celebrating either at white castle or mega pud-pull in masterbatorium.

hungry and horny. they both start with H*

MarSF April 22, 2009 at 6:31 pm

[re=296900]Dave J.[/re]: They are all disabled. Freakin’ Texas Pussies.

BitchyMel April 22, 2009 at 6:33 pm

So, so proud of being a Texas Resident.

Mr Blifil April 22, 2009 at 6:33 pm

[re=296913]MarSF[/re]: BWAAA…Every comment scrubbed except one or two that call him out for being a moran. Sweet. How long till he has to pull them all?

Gargamel April 22, 2009 at 6:35 pm

Already a youtube classic with multiple postings

19kevin8 April 22, 2009 at 6:35 pm

Did Texas secede from reality and not tell anyone?

Gargamel April 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm
qwerty42 April 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm

reported by The Hill as “Barton thinks he stumped Energy Sec.” and now in Wonkette and Talking Points Memo. Where else will it be by morning? Think the Texas papers will pick it up?
Wonder if Joe has heard how his “stump the Sec of Energy” is playing out. I don’t think this is quite how he anticipated; and maybe his staff needs to have an intervention to prevent another such triumph.
think he might like some plate tectonics animations?

chascates April 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm

A couple of the last videos I was able to comment on. I bet his grandson is IT specialist.

A Harlequin Bromance April 22, 2009 at 6:37 pm

And potato ends with an e. Duh.

nyhfrog April 22, 2009 at 6:38 pm

I was born and grew up in Texas. It seemed smarter when I was there. Is it possible it floated into a dumb latitude after I left?

Texas makes me sad.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 22, 2009 at 6:38 pm

“Wouldn’t it obvious?” Is that even a question, is that even English? Today we are all illiterate Waco Aggie big oil cocksuckers.

$100 says bearded smirking douchebag behind Barton wrote that “brilliant” question. (Like the death of 85% of all rednecks, it was preceded by the words, “Watch ‘is.”)

Mr Blifil April 22, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=296850]Squiggyfm[/re]: winny win win win

leelee April 22, 2009 at 6:40 pm

if the Texan really loved his country, and globally warmed dinosaurs make oil, isn’t it his sworn duty to crawl into a hole and liquify?

pat robertsons personal trainer April 22, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Now I recognize Chu’s approach. It’s based on the response a doctor gives a special needs person when they ask about funny feelings in their pants.

Hooray For Anything April 22, 2009 at 6:42 pm

[re=296919]Mr Blifil[/re]: The amazing thing is somebody actually realized the guy came off looking like an idiot. Which begs the question, just how stupid does a Republican have to be before they realize they actually sound stupid? Because this isn’t the dumbest thing I’ve heard out of a Conservative’s mouthtoday.

MarSF April 22, 2009 at 6:46 pm

[re=296937]leelee[/re]: I think you need to submit that question to Mr. Barton through his official website.

Beef Supreme April 22, 2009 at 6:46 pm


SPEAKER: Mr. Barton, do you have an actual question?


AxmxZ April 22, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Oil is everywhere where Jebus chose to poo it out. DUH.

Crosseyed and Painless April 22, 2009 at 6:50 pm

I’m honestly envious that I don’t possess Rep. Barton’s absolute certainty and smugness about very complicated things that he knows nothing about.

AxmxZ April 22, 2009 at 6:50 pm

But you haven’t answered my question: how the hell do they get the toothpaste to go INTO the tube?!

qwerty42 April 22, 2009 at 6:50 pm

[re=296942]Hooray For Anything[/re]: …Because this isn’t the dumbest thing I’ve heard out of a Conservative’s mouth today.
No, Rep Rohrabacher (R-CA) and Rep Pence (R-IN) got to deal with Secretary of State Clinton today and did not come out of it so well. At least they did not imagine they came out ahead; Barton must be clown of the House Republican caucus (well …. no, there are a bunch even dumber, but still …)

Johnny Zhivago April 22, 2009 at 6:52 pm

If oil comes from dinosaurs, why not use that Jurrasic Park technology to clone
more of them to get more oil.

Vewol Mevemont April 22, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Some people are so dumb that they lack the capacity to understand and evaluate their own dumbness. This is often called “Republican Confidence.” It’s the phenomenon that best explains luminaries like Barton, Palin, and yes, Saint Ronny.

Pizzuti April 22, 2009 at 6:57 pm

I find it rather amusing that science as simple as plate tectonics, which I learned in 2nd grade and in greater detail in middle school and high school, escapes a U.S. congressman. Perhaps Wonkette bloggers could all pitch in to send Joe Barton the appropriate episote of Bill Nye the Science Guy.

I wish Steven Chu’s response would have been:

“Since I know you beleive the Earth to be only 7,000 years old, just go ahead and beleive God put the oil in Alaska. But when organic matter sank and later became Alaskan oil deposits, it was possible because Alaska was then much farther south.”

sarcasticusername April 22, 2009 at 6:59 pm

i love that the guy seated behind barton is trying so hard not to burst into a fit of laughter and is just barely succeeding.
thinking about how idiots like barton get elected to office, gives me my daily “somebody hurry up & shoot me, because there’s just no way the world is this dumb” moment.

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul April 22, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I’m somewhat amazed nobody has used the series of tubes comment yet. The oil wasn’t – you know – brought to Alaska by trucks.

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Even the god-damn Exxon ride at EPCOT center tells you where oil comes from.

But Rep. Barton went instead to the Creation Science Museum where people ride saddled dinosaurs.

June Cleaver 2.0 April 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm

2009 is waaay better than 2001.

Cronopio77 April 22, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Fuck, he’s my Congressman! At least that means my emails get thru…maybe.

subu April 22, 2009 at 7:14 pm

that’s douche for douche and bag for bag. douchebag.

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2009 at 7:20 pm

[re=296959]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o cloning!!!!111!!! It’s the devil’s handiwork. Glenn Beck said so.

MarSF April 22, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=296995]Cronopio77[/re]: My condolences. I almost sent the asshat an email but I figured my San Francisco address would give away my hippie/commie status.

R-dawg April 22, 2009 at 7:38 pm

Another simpleton from Texas. (Sorry to say this is my state, “Snopes South.”) Nice try to debunk global warming.

Techtonic plate shifting, like Madagascar splitting off from India, is a mystery to this goober.

Bruno April 22, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=296829]chascates[/re]: [re=296830]Brendan M.[/re]: You mean the blessed Jesus put the oil there under the Muslins because they are the chosen ones?

imissopus April 22, 2009 at 7:41 pm

“Them chinks is supposed to be all good at science and whatnot but they can’t hold a candle to Bessie Barton’s boy Joe, no siree bob! That’s why I’m an elected official and Chu had to be appointed to somethin’! Maybe they oughts to have better schools in Indoneeeseea or wherever.”

getoffmylawn April 22, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Secretary Chu may have found the perfect candidate for the interstellar anti-matter transmogrification device he’s building in his garage. Special Congressional election to commence in Texas in 3…2…1

Leopolt April 22, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Having sat in Joe Barton’s office, talked to him about science, and listened to him discuss the SSC and other science projects, I can categorically say that he is one of the biggest dumbfucks in recorded history and I did not need no stinking You Tube video to prove it.

Accordion-o-rama April 22, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Video label should read “Energy Sectretary puzzled by simpleton question”.

Bruno April 22, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Calling him “Mr” Barton is an insult. Can’t we call him “Master”, unless there something more appropriate.

pat robertsons personal trainer April 22, 2009 at 7:52 pm

[re=296956]qwerty42[/re]: This is neither the first nor last time I’ve said this, but it is so damn nice having grown-ups running the country. She absolutely bitch-slapped Pence. (and by the way, Pencey, Pres. Socialist won your home state too, so don’t get too comfy.) finally, the word is not pronounced “veer-you-lent.” moran. also.

upon further review, pence also has quite an effete headshake when drawing out words like “truuuue,” e.g. “isn’t it truuuuue . . .” reminds me of an 8th grade girl or my aunt busting my chops for skipping her daughter’s wedding. conclusion: pence has teh gayz, closet-version.

Hedley Lamar April 22, 2009 at 7:52 pm

The stoopid coming from this dickweed is awesome. I showed that Chink who’s boss, ain’t that right bubba.

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 8:05 pm


Custerwolf April 22, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=297043]Leopolt[/re]: I feel your pain.

qwerty42 April 22, 2009 at 8:09 pm

[re=297049]pat robertsons personal trainer[/re]: …it is so damn nice having grown-ups running the country…
oh. hell. yes.
These and other clowns have been parading around imagining their absurd pronouncements make any sense and now the adults are back and it is just no fun for them. Dr Chu was polite, but probably wondering WTF??? Hillary was just a bit less nice.

cranky April 22, 2009 at 8:11 pm

all the obama officials are getting the opportunity to laugh uncomfortably before congress, it’s like a right of passage: “huh, huh, this isn’t happening, right? huh, huh.”

bitchincamaro April 22, 2009 at 8:14 pm

[re=297066]EnBuenOra[/re]: +1 for URF.

cranky April 22, 2009 at 8:15 pm

[re=296877]Mr Blifil[/re]: What is his point to begin with? And why is he smirking? And if his question was so empirically simple, why did he need to amplify it with his bizarre supposition that Alaska and the North Pole were once “warmer?” I haz a confuze.

Because he was trying to make the point that global climate change is “natural”: Alaska used to be hot (like Arabia!) that’s how it got the oil, from the Hot Arab Sun, and we don’t need Earth Day.

azw88 April 22, 2009 at 8:19 pm

the douchebag texan was trying to attack global warming. Seriously. “it used to be a lot warmer up there”

God, does texas elect retards out of habit, or are they intentionally providing us with fodder?

chascates April 22, 2009 at 8:19 pm

[re=297032]Bruno[/re]: God/Allah/Yahweh actually has multiple personality disorder. After the Islam deal got going he moved to a small universe far away and spends his days playing solitaire.

Gallowglass April 22, 2009 at 8:20 pm

The answer is that Divine Providence injected it there, like filling into a Twinkie.

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul April 22, 2009 at 8:20 pm

[re=297043]Leopolt[/re]: Respect.

EnBuenOra April 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm

[re=297081]bitchincamaro[/re]: You’re welcome. We can’t let all these book-larnin Chinamen boss us around.

Hooray For Anything April 22, 2009 at 8:46 pm

I’m actually surprised the dillweed didn’t make an effort to talk slow and loud to make sure Chu could understand him, what with being Chinese and all.

Bruno April 22, 2009 at 8:51 pm

I would like Master Barton to be interviewed by Nate Silver.

Woodwards Friend April 22, 2009 at 8:52 pm

What’s this millions of years and tectonic plates shit? God put the fucking oil under Alaska 6,000 years ago so his chosen angel Sarah Palin could find it and sell it to pay for baby Trig’s retarded school. It’s in the Bible you morans.

Come here a minute April 22, 2009 at 8:52 pm

‘It jes’ drfted there, hennnngghghgh?’

Wet Work April 22, 2009 at 9:01 pm

Next question, Mr. Smartypants: where does BABYS come from?


The Helvetica Scenario April 22, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=297174]Wet Work[/re]: How is babby formed
How girl get pragnent

gjdodger April 22, 2009 at 9:27 pm

The hell with secession. Can we kick the fuckers out?

Brendan M. April 22, 2009 at 9:34 pm

[re=297032]Bruno[/re]: You mean the blessed Jesus put the oil there under the Muslins because they are the chosen ones?

They won’t be there for long. It’s called “Greater Israel.” Just wait for President Sarah Palin and Prime Minister Avigdor Lieberman to make the dream a reality, right before the Rapture.

Canmon (the Inadequate) April 22, 2009 at 9:46 pm

Barton shoould know that god sent the flood that drowned the diinosaurs so that they would be turned into oil deposits as a gift to the people he loves the most: Alaskans; Texans (and Arabs).

TexasCowGirl April 22, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Oh. Dear. God. The GOP is dead and unlike Lazarus, it shall not rise again.

schvitzatura April 22, 2009 at 10:28 pm



Neon Trotsky April 22, 2009 at 10:43 pm

But who could be strong enough to move the entire State of Alaska?

Could it be…GOD, Mr. Chu?! The very same God you scientists have tried to logicalize away? Hmm?

freeradical April 22, 2009 at 11:08 pm

A mere 2.5 years ago, this man was CHAIRMAN of one of the most powerful House committees: Energy & Commerce. Don’t forget, kids, elections DO have consequences. Vote Democratic!

Mr Blifil April 22, 2009 at 11:10 pm

Here’s what this scumbag was doing:

“In the state’s 2008 energy plan, Gov. Rick Perry said Texas would bear a “disproportionate share” if the federal government imposed “draconian, costly carbon regulation.” He repeated the claim in a recent letter to Energy Secretary Steven Chu.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Arlington, said the legislation would “deindustrialize” the United States by prematurely forcing the country off fossil fuels. Barton, the committee’s ranking Republican, maintains that man-made carbon dioxide isn’t the primary cause of global warming.”

So Perry whines to Steven Chu in some letter, and then presumably at Perry’s behest, Joe Barton decides to formulate a gotcha predicated on the concept of Alaska having once been warm. I am now officially in favor of Texas secession.

Mr Blifil April 22, 2009 at 11:12 pm

[re=297048]Bruno[/re]: That’d be fine as I intend to spend the rest of the evening Master Barton.

dementra April 22, 2009 at 11:19 pm

[re=296962]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Exactly, and so nice so see you again, Mr. Vowel Shift.

gradgrind April 22, 2009 at 11:48 pm

[re=297252]schvitzatura[/re]: Nice blingee! It’s like an animated Bartoon.

kthxbai...also April 23, 2009 at 12:00 am

[re=297252]schvitzatura[/re]: good wurk

fuckinredneck April 23, 2009 at 12:38 am

This is what happens when you try to stump a Chinese person. It’s impossible, they know everything already. This dude even fixed my computer.

CharlesRevere April 23, 2009 at 1:43 am

That smirking sack of shit has a reptilian smile.

It would be evil if there was an alien intelligence behind that dull gaze.

Instead, all that sits behind the opaque stare is fossilized fecal matter.

rereridiculous April 23, 2009 at 2:07 am

“One final thing Mr. Chu. Your chinalast name is too long for me to remember – can you change it?”

banjolasse April 23, 2009 at 3:39 am

So, this guy actually has some sort of power, like, over other people?

hobospacejunkie April 23, 2009 at 5:23 am

Don’t forget to send a direct tweet to Congressman Stupid: @RepJoeBarton

Extra points for using profanity to insult Rep. Fucknutz.

gurukalehuru April 23, 2009 at 8:20 am

To paraphrase the Jack Nicholson character in that really sucky movie he did with Tom Cruise and Demi Moore about the Marines down in Gitmo torturing some dude to death, for laughs, or something…
“I suspect that representative Barton lacks the intellectual capacity required to comprehend and assimilate the actual scientific explanation of the phenomenon.”

I believe that Secretary Chu just messed with Texas.

Mr Blifil April 23, 2009 at 8:43 am

Fun Facts:

“Joe Barton was born on September 15, 1949 in Waco, Texas. He attended Texas A&M University on a four-year scholarship, and was the Class of ’72′s Outstanding Industrial Engineering Student. He has a Master’s of Science degree from Purdue University…”

Yeah. Master of Science. It must be thrilling to be Master Barton all the time.

Also there is information on his site about becoming a BartonBacker, which I think is a euphamism for something.

forgracie April 23, 2009 at 9:59 am

Hey Smarty pants–maybe you can explain how South America and Africa look like they fit together while you’re at it….

revhatchell April 23, 2009 at 10:14 am

‘energy secretary puzzled by simpleton question’

Mustang April 23, 2009 at 10:34 am

I think the energy secretary was confused for a moment because he’d never heard of the “Artic Osheean” before.

doctordump April 23, 2009 at 11:59 am

Oil comes from rotten douche bag politicians from Texas you are crushed to death by frustrated citizens, buried in the ground to rot until they are ready to be used to run hippies’ Prius’ and motor scooters everywhere. Shit I thought everybody learned that in school?

bored with gravity April 23, 2009 at 12:10 pm

This tool also ran for Lloyd Bentsen’s senate seat in the 90′s. His TV ads featured images of aborted fetuses – very tasteful. Lucky for me that I live in Texas so I got to see them….

imissopus April 23, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=297090]chascates[/re]: Hey, that’s how I spend my days!

IonaTrailer April 23, 2009 at 4:17 pm

“Wind is God’s way of balancing heat. Wind is the way you shift heat from areas where it’s hotter to areas where it’s cooler. That’s what wind is. Wouldn’t it be ironic if in the interest of global warming we mandated massive switches to energy, which is a finite resource, which slows the winds down, which causes the temperature to go up? Now, I’m not saying that’s going to happen, Mr. Chairman, but that is definitely something on the massive scale. I mean, it does make some sense. You stop something, you can’t transfer that heat, and the heat goes up. It’s just something to think about.” Joe Barton


Custerwolf April 23, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=298063]IonaTrailer[/re]: HELP!!!!!!

Brendan M. April 23, 2009 at 6:47 pm

[re=298063]IonaTrailer[/re]: You’re fucking with us, right?

Christ, I just Googled it. Hey, all you male Wonkette readers, you wanna know how to impress Sara K. Smith? There is nothing sexier than shooting a politician. Especially one that who is so fucking clever that they can stump Nobel Prize-winning scientists.

IonaTrailer April 24, 2009 at 2:33 am

Wind, for all you pagan babies, is God’s way of balancing heat. Which should mean that Capitol Hill should be an Arctic region by this logic. And we can halt global warming.

Just show me the video of Obama bitch-slapping not only Boerhner, but Barton too!

IonaTrailer April 24, 2009 at 2:36 am

Why can’t we have a whole channel on TV dedicated to Obama whippin’ out a can of ass-whumpin’ on these fools?

greensprout April 24, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=297245]TexasCowGirl[/re]: I am Lazarus, come from the dead
Come back to tell y’all, I shall tell y’all.

Chrysippus April 24, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Actually Chu’s reply reminded us most of the scene in Airplane! when the entire history of the planet is condensed into something like this: ‘First of all the Earth cooled, and then came the dinosaurs, but they got fat and lazy, and turned into oil, and then came Arabs, who bought Mercedes.’

What a pillock this Texan guy is.

lawrenceofthedesert April 24, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Barton is just trying to keep up the mo for Texas independence by alienating all of us who never had heard of him before. But I refuse to give up Austin, San Antone, Big Bend and Galveston. Build a commonwealth around Amarillo and call it Wingnut; make them all move there. Then build a fence, quick.

Arvesse May 2, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Haven’t Barton’s minions told him about the internet yet? Christ, our government does fund some pretty good research, and 20 seconds on google let it be found:

monthlykos May 30, 2009 at 2:58 pm

I really like the idea of a Republican Dipshit Channel. This stuff is priceless and I would definitely up my cable package to see it on demand.

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