Wonkette
You look at this little article by an anonymous TARP wife about how she has had to scale back on “important gifts and other necessities,” and comparing the modern banking class’s plight to intellectuals in Maoist China, and you think, wow, good thing the author chose to remain anonymous. Greenwich and environs have not yet managed to scrub the stink off the lawns after the last rabble uprising.
(Although ha it appears New York has already figured out who she is.)
Maybe this whole article is a parody? In which case, ha ha, joke’s on us! Otherwise, oh noes. First Jake DiSantis and now this. Here is a FREE PR SECRET for rich people who want to defend themselves in the press: Do not try. You only end up giving people more to complain about.
For example: who knew that holding a dinner party for 30 at a high-end restaurant was considered a sacrifice? Ditto making anonymous charitable donations and showing up for black-tie events after the society photographer has left.
Also this:
I drive the family crazy by switching off the lights every time we leave a room. Needless to say, we fly commercial. Using the company plane is now out of bounds; we’ve heard there are reporters staking out the private airports.
I have become oddly superstitious. On some level, I feel I’m being punished for too many thoughtless years of assuming that the trappings of success were earned and not given. I’m constantly knocking on wood or offering little good-citizen sacrifices, like manically recycling or chatting with telemarketers.
This is what it means to suffer, America. Or shall we say, MAOIST CHINA?
Suggestion: dress this lady in a Snuggie and frog-march her through the aisles of the nearest Dollar Tree before slathering her in barbecue sauce and tossing her into a pit of unemployed auto workers.
Confessions of a TARP Wife [Portfolio]
She just needs some good, old-fashioned buttsecks. And possibly truck nuts, also.
I’d hit it.
The worst part is that she probably genuinely believes she’s working hard to cut costs and that they are really hurting.
Lucille from Arrested Development had nothing on this C-Word.
Telemarketing? TELEPROMPTER?
More at 11.
A nymphomaniac says, “You’re done already?”
A prostitute says, “Aren’t you done yet?”
A Greenwich house wife says, “The ceiling needs to be painted.”
Will she let us eat cake?
Didn’t all the rich fat cat Cubans rush off to this here country when Castro came to power, denying them their hard earned cash (by which I mean they paid workers a pittance to work the fields while they wore white suits and hats and fanned themselves with big leaves racking in the dinero). To where oh where will our rich fat cat sloths escape? And could they please hurry up?
Turning off the lights after leaving a room! The horror! (Obviously she didn’t grow up with my father).
One day, after I earn my fortune, I’d like take redstate teabaggers on a boat tour of the Long Island Sound and then beautiful Greenwich and watch them crap themselves as they realize these are the people they’ve been tricked into defending all these years.
“On some level, I feel I’m being punished for too many thoughtless years of assuming that the trappings of success were earned and not given.”
Depends on what you’ve been doing to ‘earn’ your success, you whiny bitch. If ‘earning’ means you had to have sex with some fat, greasy Rick Santelli look alike, I can almost forgive you your total boorishness. Almost.
Mild Midwesterner: should have been entered into teh caption contest!
maybe Meg McCain can get her a job.
DEFENESTRATION for this one…
“Times are so tough now, I’m forced to share my bag of dicks with my guests at my scaled-down soirees.”
shortsshortsshorts: This can mean only one thing–Obama is getting his TELEPROMPTING not from the banksters [sic] but their WIVES! NWO=Nouveau-riche Wives’ Orders!!!
I’m constantly knocking on wood….
Don’t knock on it, bitch. Put it in your mouth.
There’s an old adage that goes “rich people are rich because they don’t blow their money on frivilous things”. Well that one goes into the dumpster.
Way to work in Barney Frank and Fannie Mae. Maybe that’s why the Freddie Mac CFO killed himself today. He figured he was next on her hit list.
Disappointed that there was no ACORN reference, tho…
Oh, CRY ME TEH RIVERS! It’s so horrible that they have to fly commercial. I feel their pain, because that’s what I do all the frakking time! Even when the economy isn’t teh shits. Hey, lady, of your goal is to make yourself look more like “the rest of us”, this is TEH EPIC FAIL. Turning the lights off when you leave the room is a _sacrifice_? It just makes you and your husband-with-the-gray-hair seem more annoying, because all the stuff you describe IS STUFF WE DO ALL THE FRAKKING TIME! So to close, BOO FRAKKING HOO.
Oh no! She’s been eating too much gourmet mac and cheese and now she needs her seamstress to tailor the clothing that she ALREADY HAS. That’s horrible. Seriously, I think I’m going to cry for a little while. It’s just….inhumane that these people are reduced to turning off the lights when they leave a room and flying commercial for trips.
Oh wait. My next door neighbor is sobbing again because she’s been laid off for the third time in a year and her elderly dad is back in the hospital and they can’t even afford community college for their daughter. Also, they might lose their house.
Hmmm. Well fuck her. This TARP lady has much bigger problems, obviously. The poor thing!!!
Lets hope her cutting back doesn’t include animal care. Ah Bo Obama is just so cute - http://www.governmentalityblog.com/my_weblog/2009/04/bo-at-home-obamas-new-dog-no-german-shepherd.html
…she left out the part where she has to have sex with her own husband, now that he can longer afford his his high priced mistress.
Gorillionaire:
That’s trumped by the Chinese adage of fortunes are lost in 3 generations:
The 1st makes it
The 2nd spends it
The 3rd loses it.
AngryBlakGuy: That may be the worst punishment of all.
Protip: If your husband is the CEO of a company receiving TARP funds, then he was not a successful CEO.
“Like so many others, I’m shopping in my closet.”
Shit, I know middle-class ladies who buy things they never even wear.
Wow, tough times. Going from a Michelin-rated restaurant to a “small, chic” joint must be absolutely devastating. Next thing you know they’ll be eating hobo beans and living in a cardboard box.
I’ve never felt less sorry for someone.
I hope Obama’s reeducation camps will offer in-depth seminars on parasitism for this woman.
AngryBlakGuy: “In an effort to conserve cash, we are eating out less frequently”
That confirms it!
AngryBlakGuy: …and she had to cancel her lessons with the tennis pro and let the pool boy go.
“The last thing he needs is unpleasant publicity, so I’m learning to fly so far below the radar that I have perpetually skinned knees.”
Somebody Buy This Woman Some Kneepads!
God it must really suck balls to be one of these spoiled cunts.
My neighbor on one side has been laid off since november, and on the other side, laid off since last month, my employeer merged and I still have not been assured a job, and my wife got her hours cut.
Patton: Oh yeah. And you notice she said “fly commercial”, NOT “fly coach”. Quelle fucking Horreur. I like the modifiers she uses too, like the fact that she still lives in “relative luxury”. Not total unbelievable luxury compared to 99.9999% of the planet. So in conclusion, I respectfully suggest that TARP lady eat a large bag of dicks and never write anything ever again, the end.
“…former New York Sun business columnist, Liz Peeks.” - New York Magazine
Writing business columns for a neo-con, Israel-apologizing, bankrupt rag should provide all the shame one bed-wetting, crybaby, grande dame should have to endure.
That’s not even teh funniest thing Liz Peek ever wrote
http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/author/lizpeek/
http://www.wowowow.com/post/liz-peek-barack-obama-economy-stimulus-214454
I feel like I’m reading something writen by one of the gold-diggers in the movie “Intolerable Cruelty.” But none of them probably look like Catherine Zeta-Jones…! Hmmm, I wonder who George Clooney’s character (the laywer) would be in this situation? Geitner?
President Beeblebrox: I’ve never felt less sorry for someone.
I have. Ken Lay’s wife. Her tale of woe about letting some of the servants go was absolutely hysterical.
My favorite part is the “I’m struggling with how to communicate this to the children” Naturally, at first I pictured a four-year-old crying because his beloved nanny was being shipped back to Guatemala while a gin-soaked plastic-surgery whore yelled at him “I’m your mother, stop sniveling, you look like your father!”
But no, these children are “thinking of going back to business school” so they must be “adults.” Seriously, if you have EITHER achieved the maturity of a 10-year-old OR have accumulated enough education that people say about you “he’s thinking of going BACK to business school” - is this really that tough to understand? Your meal-ticket is gone because your parents didn’t deserve the money they were using to fund that ticket anyway, they don’t love you, they probably never did, and they make shitty lasagna - life’s a bitch.
Poor woman, having to wear clothes she brought a year ago! How horrible!
“On some level, I feel I’m being punished for too many thoughtless years of assuming that the trappings of success were earned and not give”
Here’s a clue: Marrying someone who makes a lot of money is not earning anything, nor is making millions for running a company that does not actually make any products or perform one actually useful service.
“we aren’t facing the prospect of losing our home or having to turn to our families to support us” This is the only part of your article that actually does make me sad.
since her life is really hard now i volunteer that she and i trade for a little while and see how it goes. i’m sure she’ll find my life of financial insecurity, daily phone calls from my parents reminding me how much i’m not living up to their dreams and squandering my future, and the guilt that ensues vastly superior to her own mao-poltical-prisoner-esque lifestyle. although i’m taking my kitties with me and i’m not sleeping with her husband.
Patton: BSG much?
Since I’m feeling some compassion, I’m sending her a bag of organic, imported dicks from Zabar’s Epicurian Emporium on the Upper East Side. That should make it easier for her to eat.
prototype: Yes, her lecture about how Barry shouldn’t ignore the 250,000 screaming nutjobs - er, I meant “250,000 feisty Americans” - who teabagged each other last week is teh funnee too.
But, I guess once in a while the royalty has to give a handout to the proles who were tricked into protesting for them, amirite?
Having grown up here in the DC area in what I call “Disneyland”, because it’s very easy to become clueless about the plight of others living here, and having a sister in a very similar situation to the supposed author of the article I can attest that people like this do exist. If it’s a parody, someone did their homework.
I can only tell you about the bite marks on my tongue when said sister tries to “wine” about how hard it is to raise her ONE child to me and my sister as we raise two each with spouses that work full time and kids that go to public school. I know she is just trying to express the usual mom things…but please. Try not to do it while in your multi-million dollar house on 4 acres in Great Falls after returning from your tennis lesson, lunch at the club, and picking up your child from the school where the winner of the raffled parking spot paid a $40,000 donation for it.
Squish: Fairly recently. I got the miniseries and the beginning of Season 1 on BitTorrent, and I’m watching them now. Besides, “frak” is a fun word.
Let us not forget that there is a whole “news” channel devoted to those who mistake financial success for accomplishment and contribution to society. Fox News is all about this and these people live this ideal every day.
JMP: Interesting how being rich seems to cause brains to lose the ability to make accurate attributions. I read that Jeb Bush once said that coming from the family he comes from was “on balance, a disadvantage”. He probably earnestly believes that, and would be offended if someone he said it to fell on the floor laughing at him. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch, I guess.
AfghanVet: You forgot about CNBC.
How about we torture this gal by forcing her inside a J.C. Penny’s — she’d probably go into catatonic shock. Now that’d be justice!
This reminds me of Newsweek’s Spitzer story. I still can’t tell if when the writer wrote this:
There is no success so exquisite as the kind you find in Manhattan and no disgrace so excruciating as the kind you find on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. … This familiarity is a comfort to the neighborhood’s better sorts, the knowledge that most anyone they know, most anyone who matters, might be about to round the corner. For pariahs, it is torture, a torture they have no choice but to endure. They can hole up in the country for the weekend … but the children must go to school. They can send the laundry out, they can order food in … but even the airiest apartments turn stuffy after a while. Eventually, they have to go out, onto the street.
if he was joking or not. It goes on like this for at least 10,000 words. Still can’t tell.
Sorry
http://www.newsweek.com/id/194590/page/1
This lady should hook up with Peggy Noonan.
Jesus. Meghan McCain protesting “Like….yeah…I so DO work!!” and now this entitled dolt. These people live in a world totally unrelated to the rest of the country. Lady, just go outside and ask one of your many Mexican groundskeepers to whack you in the head repeatedly with a shovel.
Pathetic…
Witness the sheer uselessness and cloistered retardation of the contract-prostitute, urban trophy wife class.
Really, we should whack these biatches and compost ‘em for survival gardens, because otherwise, they’re a waste of planetary space. Totally divorced from all sense of reality and proportion, living in a sterilized, disinfected, grossly over-decorated bubble.
Gawd, it’s enough to turn me into a full-on Bolshevik. Re-education camps might be a good idea after all.
I am eerily reminded of this http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 .
Reminds me of when I was in high school and getting a ride home with the mother of a classmate. On the way, her very new, very expensive Jaguar temporarily broke down by the side of the road, and this leather-skinned desperate housewife wailed: “Now I understand what it’s like to be homeless!”
I hope the poor dear doesn’t get lost when she goes shopping in her closet. She may no longer be able to afford to employ the attendants to dress her, and find her way out.
Come here a minute: …the horror…the horror….
I hope in her next life she comes back with a soul.
“The executives of these companies are desperately trying to hold their businesses together while complying with a slew of damaging bills flooding out of Congress.”
See, this is the mentality of these assholes. The prudently run operations ARE having to suffer through the “damaging bills” that are the result of greediness of pig outfits like your husband’s.
Oh how sad! Your precious husband who was always a big Ivy League dick swinger with a silver spoon in his mouth has even grayer hair and “health issues” for the first time? Good. He needs to suffer like everyone else. Because guess what? Contrary to what he and you believe, he’s no better than any other human on this planet and he’s probably done a lot more damage to his fellow man than most.
Is it me, or are the richies getting as out-of-touch as they were in pre-revolution France? From McCain not remembering how many mansions he owns, to the AIG weasel crying about giving his bonus back, to the antics of Ms McCain, it’s like these people just seem to want to RUB IT IN.
Fucking Kulak bitch! To the gulag with her wrinkled ass!
Is she still required to have shamesex with her spouse every four to six weeks?
AfghanVet: I discovered my favorite new word yesterday in Slate. It’s “moasting”. It’s what your sister does - a combination of moaning and boasting.
Is she Mrs. Burns?
This has to be one of those “satire” things
oops, i accidentally read the article, now, i have no choice but to become a serial killer.
of all of it, this seemed to be the best measure of how confused they are regarding their importance: Really, not even President Obama spends this much time looking after his image.
“The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddie’s chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn’t properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes, theft of money.”
good use of an ellipse: I’m trying to buck him up and not complicate his life . . . . I have perpetually skinned knees
I just want to say how much you folks warm my heart. Here is a rich, over-priveledged woman complaining about having to cut back on meals and eating out. Then you gentle souls offer her bags of dicks to eat, filling the void in her… belly. Such compassion warms my heart.
What is up with her husbands extremely gay electric blue bowtie? No wonder she’s such a steaming cunt.
Is it possible that she will find her redemption on “Law and Order”? It’s gotta be the Jerry Orbach-era episodes, though.
I wonder if some enterprising screenwriter is seizing on this concept: the spolied corporate wife (starting at the top) suffering the travails of a crushing economic meltdown, slow, inexorable grind into to abject poverty (hitting bottom) and then fighting her way back to the top (redemption) by finding a hidden/dormant talent within and using it to do something actually useful. Riches-to-rags-back-to-riches, with a lot of nasty, snarky humor and perhaps a magical negro mixed in for good measure.
I’m seeing someone inherently likable, (Holly Hunter? Mary Louise Parker?) in the lead role. I’m seeing Oscars.
Mr Blifil: he looks drunk and it appears to be the start of the party. or maybe just the tie is drunk.
Mustang: Michelle Bachmann is right. We are in danger of running out of rich people. (Sniff)
jasper-f-krone: Heh. Caveman use too many words.
This trollop needs to be ball-gagged and wallslammed a few hundred times. That just might shake the stupid out of her.
We’re running out of rich people!!!
Driver, Mrs. Vlingkeldausen-Tudordell and I wish to common people sacrifice some more today before going to the lake house. Please pull into that McDenny restaurant up ahead and buy us each a golden arch and a naughty little zinfandel.
True story: Trying to stay one step ahead of a process server, my brother had to sneak out of his suburban home with pool while the sheriff was on his way over, and stay elsewhere for a week. He compared his flight to Jews leaving Poland in WWII.
Yes, because hopping in a Mercedes convertible and driving to your parents’ lakeside 3-bedroom ‘cottage’ is like fleeing the Nazis.
He was not kidding. My parents do not have cable there, and he missed the Simpsons.
If it’s parody, it’s too subtle to be funny. If it’s real, gawdhelpus.
“On some level, I feel I’m being punished for too many thoughtless years of assuming that the trappings of success were earned and not given.”
Madame, here’s a chance to earn some redemption. Please go to the chalkboard and write that sentence out once, in your own blood, for every pre-2008 dollar of your family’s net worth.
Also: “trappings”?
One Yield Regular: regarding “trapping”, it’s rare that someone is such an appalling human being that wonketteers don’t even bother to mock the shitty writing, but yeah, what a shit-pile in both content and form.
“I drive the family crazy by switching off the lights every time we leave a room.”
Images of Eva Braun frantically shedding diamond-encrusted swastika jewelry and rattling off Ave Marias as she hurtles headlong toward the fiery pit.
How is this impacting the divorce lawyers of the rich? You’re a ditzy semiyoung wife who has put in her time married to the fat cigar-smoking fucker and now your grand scheme of divorcing him and taking half his fortune has gone up in flames becuz he help bankrupt he country and the fortune is evaporating and not worth the effort. What do to when the pool boy and tennis pro won’t have you? The wrinkles are coming! Eeek.
Is this my mother-in-law? She always cries poverty, even though she owns two homes, one being on a very expensive South Florida beach.
If this woman was expecting to garner sympathy, she is doing it in the wrong environment. I sense a class war coming on…
People are living in tents in the woods and she’s moaning about flying coach. Did I wake up in Bizaro World today?
It’s stuff like this that thinks the British are onto something with their 50% tax rates for rich people.
Contract-prostitutes indeed. That’s why I’m single, happy and more than pleased with my weekly choice from services like Naughty Reviews
Hooray For Anything: I prefer Eisenhower’s 90%. Tax them out of existence and give to people who actually need it.
Wait! What do I hear outside? (Sound of Tumbrels)
Nice suggestion, but I don’t even think we’d have to go that far. Send this bitch to Applebees for dinner, and that will be sufficiently humbling for her.
JennaJay: Subtle linkspamming is subtle.
swgm: Oh no no no. She did not say they were flying coach. She said they were reduced to flying *commercial.* Oh the indignity of first class air travel.
“americans know the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Oscar Wilde i would not trade places with this putrid, icky person for anything less than single payer health care for all.
swgm: On no, my sweet. People are living in tents in the woods and she’s moaning not about flying coach, but about flying commercial. Like on a ‘regular’ non-corporate, non-private airplane. With, you know, people on it who she doesn’t even know.
She makes me feel class-warry.
This woman comes from the same people who vote Repub because the US spends too much on welfare. Why don’t those homeless people get jobs? Why do poor people need health care for their kids? They shouldn’t have had them if they don’t have health insurance…ad nauseum.
I’ve got four kids. When we had them, we could afford them. Now it’s tight. We lost our health insurance last year when the premiums increased to $350/wk (Almost a mortgage payment), and we keep getting turned down for coverage because my son had tubes in his ears and because I had a benign mammogram two years ago. My husband is subjected to people like this every day; he works for a Mercedes/Bentley/Audi dealer. The dealer has jacked up their prices and cut pay to keep the owner’s wife up to date with her tennis lessons/botox/Saks trips, as well as keeping up the landscaping at their homes. I’m surprised he has been able to keep it together listening to people lamenting about their silly, trivial problems and the further injury to them at the hands of Barry the Socialist.
But, poor TARP wife. She might as well have had a backwards B carved on her cheek.
swgm: No, no, not about flying coach. About flying commercial. We can all assume that is still first-class, or else she probably would have mentioned it.
lazyb: Flying commercial is to the vomitously-rich version whattaking the bus is for the annoyingly rich. The equivelant for people like me would be public group shower at the Y. No, that is not sexy.
Bongersmagee: Same deal with me. It always seems the more they have, the more they whine. Then they sneak out and go buy that Louis Vutton purse without which their life cannot be complete. Also, the lousiest tippers.
Lascauxcaveman: did I use too many words? Sorry. Me likey chunk-chunk.