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CAPTION CONTEST

So That’s Where He’s Hiding the Birth Certificate

Painting all the schools 'Obama Blue,' how presumptuous.
Whoa hey what is going on here, in this picture? Bet you didn’t know all the schools in America were being painted “Obama Blue.” Oh, and hooray, it’s a caption contest! Try to be funnier today. [Pete Souza/White House]


6:12 PM on Tue April 21 2009
By Ken Layne
4774 Views

  1. Crow T. Robot says at 6:07 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I am not on any drugs yet. I can only be bitter right now. Get back to me later tonight.

  2. kthxbai...also says at 6:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “why is mah teleprompter so hi?”

    NOBAMA!

  3. Custerwolf says at 6:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    The crew sent in to do make-up for the Blue Man Group, apparently got their instructions a bit mixed up.

  4. chascates says at 6:16 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “I don’t know what Cheney eats but we may never get the stench out of here.”

  5. SayItWithWookies says at 6:16 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “That’s a great coat, professionally applied. And in an hour, Jim Newell’s gonna come along and tell you it sucks.”

  6. DagNabbit says at 6:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    So he’s black, white, Muslim, Indonesian, an elitist and now… a BEANER?

    Not cool, Bar. Not cool.

  7. DagNabbit says at 6:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    PS My post wasn’t a caption, therefore I win!

  8. Brendan M. says at 6:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Even while doing the most difficult job in the world, being president of the United States while fighting two wars and a global recession, in his free time Barack Obama wants to do more real work than Meghan McCain has in her whole life.

  9. OReillysVibrator says at 6:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I believe I started a blog 3 months ago consisting of exactly one post based on a similar photo:

    http://simpsonsreferences.blogspot.com/

    Although a friend and I today were talking about updating it more based on the Fed literally printing a trillion dollars to spend a la The Trouble With Trillions.

  10. proudgrampa says at 6:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Win. The contest is over!

  11. smartypants says at 6:21 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “and they think waterboarding is torture…”

  12. DagNabbit says at 6:22 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Brendan M.: WIN!

  13. facehead says at 6:23 pm, April 21st, 2009

    OMG, as a house painter myself, I feel like Barry just touched me in my special place (the guy with him, Freddy McFairlane, is one of history’s greatest house painters). This is what it must have felt like for basketball fans when he nailed that three pointer.

  14. Turd Way says at 6:25 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “After deciding not to pass the Employee Free Choice Act, Obama highlights the joy of working for free.”

  15. We all knew that the new president was a person of color, and that the color was blue.

  16. Manofsteel says at 6:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    B. Hussein Obamistan, Donning a Pair of Muslin Jeans, Spruces Up The Inside of Hugo Chavez’s Vagina After Signing The Lease.

  17. 2druk2phluq says at 6:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “This is a public school. There should definitely be a crack pipe hidden above this door. Ah, here it is. And now for some Islamofascist pedophilia mixed with epic hits.”

    There’s going to be a van at my house over this comment in about five minutes, isn’t there? Just kidding. I pulled that comment off of one of Ken’s AOL wingnut ant nest forays. That’s the ticket.

  18. DC Hates Me says at 6:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Painting the Whitehouse.

  19. Yaybuls says at 6:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “C’mon outta the air conditioning duct, Bo! Damn, this dog’s harder to flush out than Bin Laden. Hey Carl Winslow, can you gimme a hand over here?”

  20. SayItWithWookies says at 6:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “And that’s why, no matter how pressing your job might be, you have to get involved in your neighborhood, because the children are — hey, where did all the white people go?”

  21. PoliticalJunkie says at 6:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Isn’t that the way with Democratic Presidents? First an intern blue Clinton, now Obama goes around blue-ing unsuspecting Americans.

  22. Brendan M. says at 6:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    DagNabbit: Thanks, but I worry that I’m coming off as Matt Yglesias’ wannabe-boyfriend.

  23. The Helvetica Scenario says at 6:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Obama’s wearing jeans! George Will will be apoplectic.

  24. tunamelt says at 6:29 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Yo listen up, here’s a story
    About a little guy that lives in a blue world
    And all day and all night
    And everything he sees
    Is just blue like him
    Inside and outside

    Blue his house
    With a blue little window
    And a blue corvette
    And everything is blue for him
    And his self
    And everybody around
    ‘Cause he ain’t got nobody to listen…

    I’m blue, da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die
    Da ba de, da ba die

    I have a blue house with a blue window
    Blue is the color of all that I wear
    Blue are the streets and all the trees are too
    I have a girlfriend and she is so blue

    Blue are the people here that walk around
    Blue like my corvette, it’s standing outside
    Blue are the words I say and what I think
    Blue are the feelings that live inside me

    etc. etc.

  25. shortsshortsshorts says at 6:29 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Captured here is President Obama painting the walls of Hugo Chavez’s bedroom. Later: the President will shine his shoes and make him a meal.”

  26. Brendan M. says at 6:30 pm, April 21st, 2009

    facehead: Ha-ha

  27. “Hurry up, people! If this isn’t done by the time Michelle gets back, I’ll be sleeping on the couch in the Oval Office!”

  28. Mista Eko says at 6:31 pm, April 21st, 2009

    In an effort to confuse the hell out of the racist wingnuts’, Obama today chose to paint the White House blue.

  29. Mista Eko says at 6:31 pm, April 21st, 2009

    DC Hates Me: fuckfuckfuckfuck

  30. ManchuCandidate says at 6:32 pm, April 21st, 2009

    The RW Wingnut’s Worst Nightmare: a black nationalist/socialist/Fascist/Muslin Terrorist painting Center Right leaning WHITE CHRISTIAN US America a gay librul shade of Blue.

  31. iwillsavethispatient says at 6:33 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Obama proves that, as Nixon stated, there was no whitewash in the Whitehouse.

  32. Turd Way says at 6:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Hezbollah provides many important social services.”

  33. ihasasad says at 6:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    tunamelt: Damn it all to hell

  34. iwillsavethispatient says at 6:35 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Unable to support his family on his meager blogging income, Obama supplements his pay by taking on odd jobs.

  35. NoSoupForYou says at 6:35 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Real MERKINS don’t push up their oxford shirt sleeves, sheeple! In fact, real MERKINS don’t own any Oxford Shirts, because everyone knows that real MERKINS wear flea-market t-shirts honoring either a pit-bull or the confederate flag. FYI, over at FoxNation the real MERKINS (you know…those that fight wars from the safety of their imitation velvet recliners while watching Hannity) are calling for Our President’s execution once his REAL birth certificate comes out in the open. Earlier if possible.

  36. KILL WHITEY

  37. tunamelt says at 6:37 pm, April 21st, 2009

    According to Urban Dictionary, this is some kind of symbolic representation of what Obama has done to the nation’s females?

  38. tunamelt says at 6:38 pm, April 21st, 2009

    …and when you lick it, it will taste like a snozzberry.

  39. tunamelt says at 6:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    ihasasad: I hope that damn song is stuck in everyone’s heads now.

  40. Custerwolf says at 6:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Sorry guys. You’ve been scooped. This is apparently a video still from a project Obama’s been working on. It’s the new updated version of an old favorite.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdkEt9T6ng

  41. jagorev says at 6:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    facehead: LOLZ

  42. TeddyS says at 6:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Again with the demeaning the dress code of the presidency. And blue jeans. George Will has the vapors.

  43. Magnus Maximus says at 6:41 pm, April 21st, 2009

    After President Obama successfully kicked his smoking habit, he would shock an entire nation by taking up paint huffing.

  44. ihasasad says at 6:42 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I wish you people would keep up with that gawd-damn remote! I haz to watch some CRICKET!!

    fap fap fap also

  45. Turd Way says at 6:42 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Pundits worry that Obama’s publicity campaign to reinforce an image of religious practice has only reinforced the image of radical marxism.”

  46. Captain Liberty says at 6:43 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE EVIL MSM! Filthy librul lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Barack Obama? OBAMA!

    With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! McCain, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!”

  47. Tommmcatt says at 6:44 pm, April 21st, 2009

    This whole thing is just a plot by Newell to make us give him alt, and I for one am not falling for it. A fellow likes a little wine and dine before he puts out with the alt, that’s all I’m saying. Wine me then dine me, Jim, I will give you the best alt you ever had….

  48. 51dimes says at 6:44 pm, April 21st, 2009

    This was not the Mexican Consolation Prize Bill Richardson had in mind. Damn you, racist Obama.

    /better than my attempt yesterday

  49. american mutt says at 6:45 pm, April 21st, 2009

    An elitist genetic algorithm is one that always retains in the population the best individual found so far.

  50. WagTehGod says at 6:47 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “No, I think you misunderstood me, Rahm. I said I wanted Obama to take care of my blue BALLS.”

  51. WikipediaBrown says at 6:48 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “President Barack Obama kills the ceiling cat that was watching him masturbate.”

  52. Gnaeus says at 6:48 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Looks like they are adding an Indonesian accent wall.

  53. tunamelt says at 6:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I just feel the need to point out that this is the same color as the twitter logo.

  54. tunamelt says at 6:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I do not like your use of this picture. I understand that this was an important time in our history, but this picture is offensive. /or something.

  55. Turd Way says at 6:52 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Torture critic Barack Obama leads a campaign to paint terrorist detention facilities stress-relieving colors.”

  56. ihasasad says at 6:54 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Not all soul music comes from the church.”

  57. Turd Way says at 6:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “In a display of utter contempt U.S. sovereignty, Obama paints the White House UN blue.”

  58. facehead says at 6:59 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Before being a community organizer, President Obama interned for Gargamel scrubbing smurf blood off the walls of the interrogation room.”

  59. shortsshortsshorts says at 7:01 pm, April 21st, 2009

    facehead: HAHAHA!!! HELL YA.

  60. IcarusFloats says at 7:01 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “President Obama prepares to pull the muslin over the eyes of the American Janitorial Union once more by irresponsibly glossing over his Exit (sign) Strategy. A Robin’s Egg Blue gloss.”

  61. ihasasad says at 7:04 pm, April 21st, 2009

    It’s 2009. Do you know where your fucking gawd-damn soul is?
    Maybe you should check above the door!
    OR MAYBE you should fucking keep up with it in the first place! Jesus Christ, you’re President now!

  62. wheelie says at 7:04 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “After moving in to George Bush’s former study, President Obama decides there’s only one way to get rid of all the crayon.”

    facehead: I love it!

  63. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 7:04 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Dear God, it’s not even a hundred days yet, and Obama is getting fat and bald.

  64. Turd Way says at 7:05 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “An awkward photo-op reminiscent of Obama’s days as a community organizer has critics asking, ‘Where’s Bill Ayers?’”

  65. ihasasad says at 7:06 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Blue is teh new microtrend

  66. sanantonerose says at 7:06 pm, April 21st, 2009

    When the Obamas said they would redecorate the White House on their own, they really meant it.

  67. Turd Way says at 7:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “I inhaled frequently — that was the point.”

  68. Dick Butt says at 7:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    No, No, Yes, Yes

  69. 2druk2phluq says at 7:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Wonkette breaks the story about Peggy “Crackles-n-Pops” Nooners continuing insanity, and Russ Feingold totally gets all the attention instead. There’s no justice in D.C. Nevar forget!

  70. deecaffeinated says at 7:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    There has to be a “blew a whole room full of people” joke in here somewhere

  71. magic titty says at 7:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Nice genes yer sportin’, half-breed.”

  72. Custerwolf says at 7:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    What’s blue and smells like red paint?

    Blue paint.

  73. Mojopo says at 7:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    What I forgot to mention is that I dislike caption contests. No, let me be clear: I like caption contests almost as much as I’d like to wear fire on my face. For every caption contest created I think I should get permission to spray paint your house with slogans like “POTENTIAL PEDO” and “SNIFFS TOILET SEATS”. It’s nothing personal, really. It’s just one of those things.

  74. ihasasad says at 7:12 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Teabag, Simcox, fap fap, SLURP!

  75. aliphile says at 7:13 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Communism.

  76. Dear Diorama says at 7:13 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Chubby man mops floor– this is fascism.

  77. ihasasad says at 7:14 pm, April 21st, 2009

    How many black people does it take to paint a room? 3 and a half!

  78. iwillsavethispatient says at 7:15 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Having already stolen Bob the Builder’s slogan, Obama then steals his job.

  79. chascates says at 7:15 pm, April 21st, 2009

    2druk2phluq: Jon Stewart did a nice piece on Pegs.

  80. iwillsavethispatient says at 7:16 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “This is the last time I sign up for one of Hillary’s competitions”, thought Obama

  81. Custerwolf says at 7:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    deecaffeinated: I’m not sure….
    but did you hear about the time Todd Palin took his snowmobile in for some maintenance work? After leaving it at the shop and stepping back out into the cold, Todd returns a couple hours later and enters the nice warm office where the mechanic tells him, “Looks like you blew a seal.” To which Todd replied, “No, it’s just really cold out there.”
    Sure Todd.

  82. 2druk2phluq says at 7:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    chascates: I just found that out at HuffPo. Boy do I feel stupid. I’m too much of an elitist to turn on the television…

    I’m thinking about starting fresh here with my lifelong pseudonym anyway.

  83. Turd Way says at 7:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “After being characterized as soft on interrogations by Dick Cheney himself, Obama demonstrates a different understanding of DIY.”

  84. Gopherit says at 7:25 pm, April 21st, 2009

    In one short stroke of the paint roller, Barack Obama has proved himself to be more useful and capable than his predecessor.
    \

  85. Gopherit says at 7:26 pm, April 21st, 2009

    But seriously……didn’t Hitler used to paint houses???? Think about it, sheeple!

  86. sanantonerose says at 7:26 pm, April 21st, 2009

    wheelie: WIN

  87. Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul says at 7:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Color Me Badd.”

    Should there be an extra “also” in the caption? Also?

  88. Red Zeppelin says at 7:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    President Obama teams up with former human Jimmy Carter to build housing for fat Mexicans

  89. grevillea says at 7:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Why torturing suspects is not worthwhile. An unforeseen consequence of waterboarding sex-slave ringleader ‘Papa Smurf’ was how it took the whole White House staff days to get the walls white again.

  90. wheelie says at 7:29 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Um . . . has the Prez got a boner in his jeans or is just me?

    iwillsavethispatient: I like!

  91. wheelie says at 7:38 pm, April 21st, 2009

    wheelie: Meh. “Is it just me.” Sorry folks, I was distracted by the President’s boner.

  92. laziestgal says at 7:39 pm, April 21st, 2009

    OReillysVibrator: nice website

  93. WadISay says at 7:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    He’s apologizing for the walls being white.

  94. grevillea says at 7:44 pm, April 21st, 2009

    wheelie: I don’t know… are you 8″ tall, with mocha skin and, oh, HIDING IN THE PRESIDENT’S PANTS?

  95. lazynamepicker says at 7:47 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Completely off the topic, but I just received this from a wingnut redneck (not that all rednecks are wingnuts, so don’t start) who is some friend of my cousin’s from Indiana. This man seems to believe any crazy shit that comes into his inbox and writes to me about it. Maybe I’m the only liberal he knows. Anyway, I usually find his nonsense somewhat entertaining, but this one is not one I’ve heard before. WTF is he talking about?

    “Instead of selling the used military brass to the sporting goods store. He is having it chipped up and selling it to China for less money 11 trillion is not a drop in the bucket to what Obama is spending. And wants the disable war vets to pay their own medical bills for where they got hurt in the service. Hope every one that voted for him looses their jobs. Then next election maybe they will wake up and spell the roses.”

  96. ihasasad says at 7:49 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Today, we are all Bob the Builder.

  97. rachelv says at 7:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    wheelie: good one.

  98. rachelv says at 7:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Mista Eko: that’s about all it would take…

  99. hobochristsuperstar says at 7:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    A group of illegal immigrants were found painting a home in Northwest DC. A swift deportation is in the works.

  100. ihasasad says at 7:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    lazynamepicker: or at least spell lizard people correctly

  101. Snarxon's Holler says at 7:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    What’s black and blue and black and blue and black and blue and black and blue?

  102. shortsshortsshorts says at 8:01 pm, April 21st, 2009

    lazynamepicker: At least one American can “spell the roses.”

  103. Custerwolf says at 8:01 pm, April 21st, 2009

    tunamelt: Actually Twitter’s color is cyan - the same color as Bob the Builder’s tractor Travis.
    And now you know.

  104. chascates says at 8:06 pm, April 21st, 2009
  105. Custerwolf says at 8:06 pm, April 21st, 2009

    It would appear that only the gentleman in the foreground was astute enough to read the can label indicating that the paint “works best when applied with two coats.”

  106. expatinOz says at 8:07 pm, April 21st, 2009

    No longer able to do blow or smoke weed on a regular basis, Obama inhales the paint fumes and sighs.

  107. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 8:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Oh I’ve got one.

    “What’s Abner Louima doing up on the ceiling?”

    you can send the prize money to my Paypal account, Newell.

  108. chascates says at 8:10 pm, April 21st, 2009
  109. el_chupacabra says at 8:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “….and that’s how an evening of waterboarding led to the first little boy’s room at Gitmo.”

    and now you know the rest of the story.

    also, i’m dead. yes?

  110. AnnieGetYourFun says at 8:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    tunamelt: Huh, blue walls sort of works. I had been saying “violet vaj” for a while.

  111. chaimy4life says at 8:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    So much for uniting red America and blue America.

    or

    He really does want to paint over white America.

  112. DC Hates Me says at 8:11 pm, April 21st, 2009

    #2. Don’t think of volunteering as unpaid slave labor, think of it as mandatory.

  113. angryhippopotamus says at 8:11 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “HE’S TAK’N R JBS!!!!”

  114. “Fuck that Dick Cheney. Now are you SURE this paint is graffiti proof? And that we’ve changed the locks this time?”

  115. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 8:16 pm, April 21st, 2009

    You know, the people who live there are gonna hate that #$%^ paint color in about a week.

  116. Custerwolf says at 8:17 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Ahh…a wingnuts standard wet dream. Watching Barry paint himself into a corner.

  117. Turd Way says at 8:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “In a time of increasing suburban white unemployment, tone-deaf Obama chooses to place a racially divisive emphasis on the tired issue of inner-city poverty.”

  118. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 8:22 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Is that lady trying open the safe while Hopey and Al Roker pretend to be “the maintenance crew”?

    It’s just like that really long Val Kilmer movie !!!

  119. loquaciousmusic says at 8:23 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Barack Obama, Smurf killer.

  120. Bearbloke says at 8:24 pm, April 21st, 2009

    …♫ ♪♪ Paint the White House Misty Blue ♪♫ ♪…

  121. iwillsavethispatient says at 8:24 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Obama: “Time for a cuppa tea… does anyone have any tea bags?”

    Also:
    “This should be illegal in Oregon”.

    Have I covered all our memes yet?

  122. Custerwolf says at 8:26 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Mojopo: Wait a sec. I thought after your last rant, someone would have created the much needed website dedicated entirely to “Things Mojopo Dislikes.”

  123. Custerwolf says at 8:31 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Aquannissiwamissoo: Slightly OT, but nonetheless extreme in its urgency - Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday was fucking awesome, nary has a man been more do-able.
    Val Kilmer as Ms.Doubtfire…not so much.
    Sorry Val, it’s just -

  124. chascates says at 8:31 pm, April 21st, 2009

    lazynamepicker: And the halt of selling expended military cartridges to reloaders was apparently started by the Bush admin:
    “This change came about last year at the suggestion of the GAO. They thought this was a way to increase security and reduce one source for making IED’s. This happened after a change in leadership at DRMS.”
    from a comment at the Gun site.
    Obama will get the blame of course.

  125. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 8:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: I was thinking of the movie “Heat” which the movie rental place gives you in two separate VHS tapes.

  126. Turd Way says at 8:37 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Barack Obama promotes mandatory national service as an antidote to “teabagging,” a disturbing trend among American youth which since April 15th has also filled a void of group solidarity.”

  127. Bearbloke says at 8:38 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Bearbloke: d’oh!… hit the key too soon… IT’S ALL NOOBAMA’S FAULT!!!11!

    …♫ ♪♪ ‘…Paint the White House’ ♪♪♪… …’Misty Blue…’ ♪♫ ♪…

    /fixed

  128. Turd Way says at 8:39 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Maybe Obama should stop blaming Wall Street and start blaming these people he’s pictured with for their problems, like he did in the campaign.

  129. Custerwolf says at 8:43 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Aquannissiwamissoo: Oh - with Pacino and DeNiro. There’s also “The Real McCoy” with the very sexy pre-flipped-out Ms.Bassinger.

  130. NotthatLC says at 8:45 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I swear I don’t know why more Republicans’ heads haven’t exploded in frustration over this man. And he’s wearing well-fitting but loose jeans, too, which is completely unfair.

  131. Reefpilot says at 8:46 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “You ain’t my bitch, nigga, buy your own damn fries.”

  132. TheVeryHungryCaterpillar says at 8:49 pm, April 21st, 2009

    If he keeps tagging, they’ll keep making him clean it up.

  133. american mutt says at 8:49 pm, April 21st, 2009

    CAPTION CONTESTS SUCK!

  134. assistant/atlas says at 8:53 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Obama does stuff, wingnuts enraged!”

  135. HighHeeledGeek says at 8:54 pm, April 21st, 2009

    When asked about the paint fumes, Obama responded,

    “…I inhaled. Frequently. That was..uh..that was the point!”

  136. Thatcher says at 8:54 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Following the crashing and burning of TARP, TALF, PPIP and the Make Home Affordable Program, President Obama silently curses Geithner’s worst (and final) decision to build Habitat for Humanity homes for millions of foreclosure victims using materials left behind from Hilde’s worst Trading Spaces room ideas.

  137. After painting, you need to apply a semi-moist sponge to the surface area to give the room a rustic/faded look.

    Also, don’t these guys have any painting clothes or have Zegna shirts moved sufficiently down-market?

  138. iwillsavethispatient says at 8:58 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Whilst using both hands to grip onto his pole, Obama considers getting some TruckNutz for the beast.

  139. Thatcher says at 9:00 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Aw, crap. Hildi not Hilde.

    bleh.

  140. chascates says at 9:02 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Obama repays terrorist pal by painting Weather Underground school. With government paint.”

  141. loquaciousmusic says at 9:04 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Barack Obama: The Ty Pennington of Negroes.

  142. PsycGirl says at 9:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Obama misunderstood Michelle when she mentioned her love of the blues.

  143. sanantonerose says at 9:11 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: Niiiiiiiiiice. Win for sure.

  144. JeffGoldblum says at 9:18 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Smug Muslim terrorist President murders children with paint roller”

  145. SloppyCronkite says at 9:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Jesus, this is a children’s treasury of failed jokes. I am ashamed of being a commenter on Wonkette now. End the pain, Layne.

  146. Turd Way says at 9:20 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Bruno: Ronald Reagan could have done this with a red sweater vest.

  147. PsycGirl says at 9:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Look at that shirt. And they called Reagan the Teflon president.

  148. Turd Way says at 9:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Obama’s looking hotter than ever with his sleeves rolled up. I want him to come to my house and cover the walls with fresh green$$$$$$$.

  149. Lazy Media says at 9:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    You know who ELSE liked to paint houses?

  150. Mr Mxyzptlk says at 9:29 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “President Obama and staff preparing the spare room in the White House for his Kenyan half-brother, who has promised to stay only two weeks, tops.”

  151. WIDTAP says at 9:31 pm, April 21st, 2009

    In fulfillment of Republicans worst fears, it is no longer called “The White House”.

  152. Darkness says at 9:31 pm, April 21st, 2009
  153. Custerwolf says at 9:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    PsycGirl: That’s only because they were incapable of correctly pronouncing polytetrafluoroethylene.

  154. wonderboom says at 9:36 pm, April 21st, 2009

    fuckin’ ken-yuns!

  155. Breeder says at 9:43 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Hey, I think Cheney’s up here. Someone get me the raptor gloves and a taser.”

  156. Come here a minute says at 9:45 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Dear sir: Please accept this entry to your contest. Thank you very much.

    Last Name: Minute
    First Name: Come here
    Middle initial: A
    Address: 209.85.225.103 Internet Way
    City: Shining
    State: Mild buzz
    Zip: No, sweatpants

    CAPTION: President Barack Obama, seen here wearing DUNGAREES on January 19, 2009, today called on Americans to commit to service, stop TWITTERING, and do the jobs the Mexicans won’t do.

  157. Custerwolf says at 9:46 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Wait just a goldarned minute….I know where that liberal Obama’s going with this thing.

    http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/iwo.jpg

  158. chascates says at 9:46 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “It’s not rocket science,” he said. “You take the pole and the roller, then you roll.”

  159. chascates says at 9:48 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “First they came for the drywallers. But I didn’t speak up because I didn’t hang drywall.
    Then they came for the tape-and-float crew. But . . “

  160. chascates says at 9:50 pm, April 21st, 2009
  161. Custerwolf says at 9:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    chascates: Win.

  162. Come here a minute says at 9:54 pm, April 21st, 2009

    facehead: Deadspinny.

  163. Custerwolf says at 9:57 pm, April 21st, 2009

    chascates: Hey, my sucky cut and paste skills only give me so much to work with.

  164. caliente says at 10:03 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Next time you shoot someone in the White House, Dick, fix the walls damn walls yourself.”

  165. nutcracker says at 10:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Hey look. Fucking Cheney is still here hiding in the airduct!”

  166. Jazz Police Resistance says at 10:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    The doorknob broke.

  167. SayItWithWookies says at 10:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    WIDTAP: Y’know, it really pisses me off when people make that “Are they still gonna call it the White House” joke. Ha ha, because he’s black. That’s soooo funny. Really, what the fuck kind of neanderthal even stoops to that level of humor? Oh, and he probably only needs three-fifths of the house too, right? Hahahahahaha. Man, you scratch the surface of liberals in this day and age and the whole ugly truth comes out.

    So just to set the record straight — YES, it’s still gonna be called the goddamn Whi– (ahem).

    ‘Scuse me. It’s still gonna be called the (mumble mumble).

    What, didn’t I say it loud enough? It’s still gonna be called…

    the…

    Wizzle Hizzle.

    Now shut up and keep painting. You missed a spot there.

  168. shortsshortsshorts says at 10:25 pm, April 21st, 2009

    chascates: Hahaha that did not come from the site originally. BUT THIS. YES. THIS DID. Dana is the Gawd of all things: http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=2155

    Sing praises to him. I’ve been laughing for like 5 minutes over this thing.

  169. Custerwolf says at 10:26 pm, April 21st, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Wow. I never got that joke until now.

  170. Come here a minute says at 10:27 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Wonkette’s own Lady Peggington made a guest appearance on last night’s Colbert Report, in the form of a clip from this week’s This Week with George Snuffleupagus.

    http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/224917/april-20-2009/castro-death-wish-list

  171. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 10:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I hope that’s not going to be a guidance counselor’s office. Cuz if it is, they are going to get abnormally elevated levels of students expressing suicidal tendencies.

  172. PoliticalGraffiti says at 10:30 pm, April 21st, 2009

    i just blue myself

  173. hobgoblin of little minds says at 10:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Hey guys, can we hurry this up? We need to get the FEMA re-education camps in proper working order before the next teabagging party. This one’s for Glenn Beck. He likes blue, right?”

  174. chascates says at 10:36 pm, April 21st, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: The Patriots are going to eat each other? AWESOME!

  175. LydiaClaire says at 10:39 pm, April 21st, 2009

    ‘Obama was given but one chance to reform education and he blew it’ (groan)

  176. Nerdalicious says at 10:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “First, me & my minions, the ACORN helpers, wallpapered the wall with the original “Constitution of the U.S”, then we painted over the “Constitution” with my blue taint”. Yippppeeeeee!

  177. Nerdalicious says at 10:42 pm, April 21st, 2009

    hobgoblin of little minds:
    Fantabulous, I’m still laughing. When will we get permanantly tattoed for our camps? I can’t wait!

  178. Custerwolf says at 10:44 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Guess I was kind of hoping Barry’d use a color whose wavelength was closer to 420.

    Hey, that’s two physics jokes in one day.
    Tell me those eight years of high school were a waste.

  179. buggers says at 10:47 pm, April 21st, 2009

    wheelie: oo oo I like dis one best!

  180. hobgoblin of little minds says at 10:48 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Nerdalicious: Thanks!

  181. chascates says at 10:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I really hope I win a prize. I keep sending in money when Wonkette has their pledge drive but I’ve never got anything much as a premium. Almost every other month I get a fund raising email from Ms. Smith telling me how expensive this site is and how much they need my support. And every time I make out a check to Wonkette’s financial arm, SKS Enterprises, and send it in to the PO box in NYC.

    The only thing I’ve ever gotten is just some matchbooks from fancy places like Nobu and Cafe Boulud but I wish whoever wins those cruise trips they always give away would fess up. I guess you don’t want the rest of us to feel bad,though.

  182. magic titty says at 10:54 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Reefpilot: WIN.

  183. Roger the Shrubber says at 10:57 pm, April 21st, 2009

    iwillsavethispatient: dammit

    Well. While I’m here: Jonathan Turley - The impotent face of progressives.

    Independent prosecutors - Grotesque, politically dependent prosecutors.

    Treaties - Supreme Law of the Land, and therefore federal law.

    Federal Crime - Breaking federal law, or the U.S. Code.

    U.S. Attorney - Prosecutor charged with upholding federal law.

    Torture - In violation of the Geneva Convention, a treaty, and therefore in violation of federal law.

    Jurisdiction - Washington, D.C., that vile cesspool of corruption, violence, and neck hair gone wild.

    Upshot - The Blazers will win the NBA championship, stunning populations around the world, and paving the way for the demolition of the Memorial Coliseum.

    There will be lying about oral secks. Also.

  184. Wouldn’t red have been a better communist color? Or is blue the national color of Venezuela?

  185. CivicHoliday says at 11:12 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “The queen has her red roses, Alice has her white rabbit, so what’s a brotha gonna do? Paint the room blue!”

  186. Custerwolf says at 11:14 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Reefpilot: Missed that one on the first go round.

    Cherry.

  187. Said the saint, ‘I need more paint’.

  188. chascates says at 11:28 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “What we are given in dreams we write as blue paint.”
    Paul Cézanne

  189. Caption: “So that’s where he’s hiding his birth certificate!” Huh? You like? My other entry is “Also.”

  190. facehead: McFarlaine is a waste of fucking oxygen. Name me an important house he’s painted since 1994 (and don’t say 23 Willow Brook Lane). I have no respect for a Diva like McFarlaine who doesn’t know how to call it quits and let real house painters get some of the limelight for a change.

  191. Nerdalicious says at 11:47 pm, April 21st, 2009

    hobgoblin of little minds:
    Welcome. I just hope we can all learn “the ways” thru the kool-aide brain serum.

  192. QuestionEvil says at 11:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Blue’s a good choice… I mean the last guy just wanted to whitewash everything.”

  193. chascates says at 11:54 pm, April 21st, 2009
  194. Custerwolf says at 12:00 am, April 22nd, 2009

    chascates: agreed.

  195. Aren’t caption contests just a way for the editors to post without doing any work?

  196. Cicada: Well, in the case of Newell, the picture’s wouldn’t have gotten captions anyway. We’re just making sure the work gets done, period. Ken, though? Ken’s slacking. I expect you to EARN that $75K blogger’s salary, Mr. Layne.

  197. Custerwolf says at 12:11 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Cicada: God, I feel so used.

  198. After you show them the carrot, then you poke them with this here stick.

  199. Country Club Jihadi says at 12:21 am, April 22nd, 2009

    This is how we roll.

  200. Snarxon's Holler says at 12:25 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Blue Black Man Group performs at White House gig.

  201. glamourdammerung says at 12:25 am, April 22nd, 2009

    chascates: This “George Matthews” clown is full of shit. There have been such procedures in place for shredding ammo and then recycling the brass since at least 2005, as I have read newspaper articles about it.

    Though the same source’s freaking out here is comedy here:
    http://runryder.com/helicopter/t501776p1/

  202. I Am Not Your Gary Busey says at 12:31 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Expressing his Chicago street organizer roots President Obama can be seen here with his Kenyan family members preparing the walls of his new residence to receive it’s final coat of “Royal Purple” paint.

  203. I Am Not Your Gary Busey says at 12:34 am, April 22nd, 2009

    lazynamepicker: Clearly this is a hoax. There’s no random capitalization, and no implication that he has a radical Muslin agenda. There’s no way this came from your redneck friend.

  204. chascates says at 12:34 am, April 22nd, 2009

    glamourdammerung: I think a lot of people are looking for proof that the 2nd Amendment is ready to be shredded and guns melted into communists sickles. Living in Texas, I’ve heard friends, who aren’t fire-eating righters, decry that now is the time to stock up lest there’s nothing left.
    Personally, I think the NRA along with the manufacturers are encouraging this as much as they can for reasons both financial and political.
    I sold the 6 rifles I bought about 10 years ago to pay debts. They 3 times as expensive now but I don’t feel the loss. If I wanted to go hunting I could borrow whatever I might need and I don’t really worry about house invasions or commies.
    But these rightwingers, they scare me.

  205. Custerwolf says at 12:44 am, April 22nd, 2009

    chascates: “If I wanted to go hunting I could borrow whatever I might need.”

    Well, I’ve gotta couple of loose cases of Schlitz and some lube you’re welcome to take.”

    I’m KIDDING.

  206. Custerwolf says at 12:51 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Okay, I’m too baked. When I start carelessly tossing about a set of quotation marks as if their successful use weren’t a practical defense against accidental plagiarism and an excellent practice in academic honesty.

    I’ll be in bed
    if anyone cares to join me.

  207. chascates says at 12:52 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Custerwolf: Actually food and drink ARE the things most used on a hunting trip, which for me was going out to a lake house near Austin and sitting on the deck looking at the deer feeder. After not seeing anything (or deciding to wait till ‘later’ in the season) I would retire inside to a spliff and watch Pee Wee’s Playhouse and then enjoy videotapes of hunting and fishing shows, DIY shows (God, I wished I had saved all those Furniture Guys shows) and MST3K, of course.
    It’s called hunting instead of killing for a reason. Killing something just means work. And work is to be avoided at all costs.

  208. shithouse says at 12:56 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “John McCain woke up and realized that “Obama-Family Painters” was just another wet dream”

  209. Custerwolf says at 12:58 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Custerwolf: You guys thought I said “sucky cunt” didn’t you?

  210. magic titty says at 1:01 am, April 22nd, 2009

    SloppyCronkite: I actually thought this one sucked the most.

  211. Wet Work says at 1:04 am, April 22nd, 2009

    The Blues Brothers Extreme Makeover, Chicago Home Edition.

  212. Wet Work says at 1:06 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Wet Work: Chicago Homey Edition?

  213. chascates says at 1:07 am, April 22nd, 2009

    I believe there was a book with the title ‘Black Is’ (black is being so lazy and shiftless you work 14 hours a day, for example):

    “Black is being so lazy and shiftless you rise up to heal the nation and guide the world.”

  214. “It doesn’t matter if it’s just a publicity shot; you still can’t get any white people to paint the walls.”

    Sorry! I had to go there.

  215. Custerwolf says at 1:10 am, April 22nd, 2009

    magic titty: I must now fuck you.

  216. Lazy Media says at 1:17 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “MotherFUCK,” Barack Obama muttered under his breath. “BullSHIT the white presidents had to redecorate the Oval Office themselves.”

  217. thursday says at 1:30 am, April 22nd, 2009

    They’re leaving no white behind.

  218. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 1:30 am, April 22nd, 2009

    So this was good practice, but when is the real photo going to get posted?

    Oh and look at my stupid anipr0n video.

    http://tispaquin.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-am-tea-you-are-bag.html

  219. chascates says at 1:34 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “I can’t believe Layne talked us into painting his fucking apartment! I could make up better shit than that AOL politicker crap!”

  220. El Pinche says at 1:57 am, April 22nd, 2009

    i got nothin. im comically limp like rush limballs.
    next time hold a secret caption contest.

    But I like this one: Brendan M..

  221. “Quickly, the room must be blue, it’s soothing, Nancy is Coming and she has a mind to budget.”

  222. chascates says at 2:03 am, April 22nd, 2009

    El Pinche: Bah! Engage Caps Lock and forge ahead!
    Remember yourself.

  223. Redstate.com headquarters? You’ve been PUNK’D!

  224. AJ Kirwin says at 2:06 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “Come on lads, we’ve almost got the cabinet room done. Next, the Oval Office!”

  225. chascates says at 2:08 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “If Bush tried this he’d end up with one foot in the paint can and the brush stuck to one ear. FOOL!”

  226. Keram2 says at 2:20 am, April 22nd, 2009

    After forgetting to redact the 183 times Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was waterboarded, Obama became a little, shall we say, redaction happy.

    -or-

    No matter how many times Obama painted the walls of the Naval Observatory blue, the walls still ran red with the blood of young children.

    -and an observation-

    Obama doesn’t use primer coats. Bad form buddy, bad form.

  227. mr. wunnerful says at 2:25 am, April 22nd, 2009

    ” Good morning, Suchs/Coxs Painting; How may I direct your call?”

  228. El Pinche says at 2:36 am, April 22nd, 2009

    chascates: when i go full-retard, imagine bill hicks imitating a redneck moran. “MY DADDY DIDE FOR THAT FLAG!!”

  229. SayItWithWookies says at 4:00 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Well the birds are chirping, so I’m off to bed. And hey, look — torture isn’t just horrible, it’s also petty and banal.
    http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/2009/04/torture-in-cathedral-how-petty-politics.html

  230. aliphile says at 4:51 am, April 22nd, 2009

    ObaMessiah finds God, pokes Him with stick.

  231. T-Bone says at 5:14 am, April 22nd, 2009

    So that’s what a $400,000 a year painter looks like…

    For that much, this painter better save the economy too!

  232. SayItWithWookies: I know this one. Almost a half an hour till the birds and children ruin my night.

  233. TurkoAmericano says at 6:42 am, April 22nd, 2009

    In a bid to bouy to crashing real estate market, Barack Obama pledges to personally paint every American’s house.

  234. Nothing sane or witty to say, just an unbridled joy of fuck.

  235. “See. A little Socialist Blue and…bye-bye Pledge of Allegiance. Now about those Founding Crackers portraits…”

  236. Mr Blifil says at 7:20 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “Day-um, this is the last time I tell Rahm to ‘walk it back.’”

  237. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 8:03 am, April 22nd, 2009

    deecaffeinated: “Still trying to get into Bill Clinton’s good graces, Obama admitted he once blue a room full of people”?

    Ah, who’m I kidding?

    Turd Way: Win.

    J-Man: Win.

    Custerwolf: Melikey.

  238. Country Club Jihadi says at 8:10 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Former President Bill Clinton chose not to join in the project, as falls asleep every time he is near MLK Jr.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpEckWHSvXk

  239. choinski says at 9:00 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “I’ve been workin’ on the nation,
    All the Live Long Day”

  240. hobospacejunkie says at 9:07 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Servo WIN our long national nightmare is over

  241. “They got me cold workin like a slave up in this piece.”

  242. DNotApply says at 9:33 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Carl Winslow struggles to keep Urkel on the floor by holding a rake to his neck. While Obama paints the whole place blue.

  243. Lazy Media says at 9:40 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “Painting it up here, boss!” “Painting it up there, Luke.”

  244. le petit mort says at 9:44 am, April 22nd, 2009

    I blue me.

  245. lawrenceofthedesert says at 10:12 am, April 22nd, 2009

    The Iwo Jima re-enactment was not going well.

  246. Violenza says at 10:27 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Yaybuls: Hahahahahha. My favorite!
    Just an observation - Barry looks hot as shit doing like, everything. Especially since he’s ditched the dad jeans.

  247. choinski says at 10:30 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “Damn wingnuts keep lickin spots on the walls”

  248. Mustang says at 10:35 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Y’know this might be another fail. But I have to say. That isn’t exactly a New Yorker cartoon.

  249. MedianHater says at 10:47 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Turd Way: Yes!

  250. MedianHater says at 10:48 am, April 22nd, 2009

    This is not YouTube. It is a picture of a whale’s penis.

  251. MedianHater says at 10:55 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Also, I like what’s going on between custerwolf and chascates. You guys should get some party rats and rock out on the E together.

  252. Squiggyfm says at 11:28 am, April 22nd, 2009

    Eggshell blue!?!?!? THAT’S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN MR. HUSSEINIDENT!

  253. Obamaton says at 11:28 am, April 22nd, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Thats “tie the laces of his shoes”, fixed.

  254. TexasToast says at 11:44 am, April 22nd, 2009

    “It’s gonna take a while to paint this town blue.”

  255. Rusty Shackleford says at 12:06 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    iwillsavethispatient: LOLZ!

    “Can we paint it?! Yes we can!”

  256. writechic says at 12:06 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    The GOPtards at the Palin rally prophesied white was done for.

  257. Fishpaw says at 12:13 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    “That Kenyan immigrant is stealing my job.”

  258. Bill_TX says at 12:30 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    “On today’s episode of Cribs…”

  259. Wet Work says at 12:30 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    *whistles* ♫ ♪

    *hums* ♪ ♫

    *sings* ♫ ♪ “… I got the Honkey Tonk Blues …” ♪ ♫

  260. Rusty Shackleford says at 12:41 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    “On his first day in the Oval Office, President Obama rolls up his shirt sleeves to show fat, lazy Americans what it really means to get to work.”

  261. Obamaton says at 12:41 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Turd Way: Win.

  262. Mr Blifil says at 12:47 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    “Pimp My Community Service Requirement”

  263. aflurry says at 1:31 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    “Obama blue himself.”

    …anyone?

    …crickets?

  264. Custerwolf says at 1:48 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Mr Blifil: There’s a win.

  265. hagajim says at 2:12 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    The President and his Muslin staff desperately try to “bluewash” the torture memo policies of the former President (Loser W)

  266. hagajim says at 2:14 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Obama repaints the oval office to reflect his mood

  267. mr.november says at 2:31 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Hey, where’s the guy from Murphy Brown when you need him?

  268. MelissaSmith says at 2:33 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Obama is a nice person. =D

  269. MelissaSmith says at 2:35 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    Obama!!! He´s a nice person!! =D

  270. WIDTAP says at 3:29 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Fershizzle

  271. Mr Blifil says at 4:55 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    WIDTAP: Mah nizzle

  272. PsycGirl says at 9:39 pm, April 22nd, 2009

    not noticing the punctuation mistake, the crew read the instructions’ reference to “Picasso Blue. Period”.

  273. Brendan M. says at 11:37 am, April 24th, 2009

    Has a goddamn winner been declared yet? I don’t even care if I win this motherlicker, I just want a winner declared.

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