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NATION OF SLOBS

Newt Gingrich Making Blowjob Jokes, On Twitter

Uhh…

Here is some Urban Dictionary stuff! We also recommend checking out the definitions of such derivative maneuvers as “Slurp ‘n’ burp” and “Slurp a jerp.”

(Newt/Santelli ‘12!)

[Newt Gingrich/Twitter]


1:48 PM on Tue April 21 2009
By Jim Newell
5269 Views

  1. loquaciousmusic says at 1:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I wonder which of Newt’s wives slurped him? Probably none of them.

  2. chascates says at 1:50 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Didn’t he say a blowjob wasn’t really sex?

  3. cranky says at 1:52 pm, April 21st, 2009

    why am i vomiting?

  4. Fox n Fiends says at 1:52 pm, April 21st, 2009

    slurp is Newtonian

  5. Come here a minute says at 1:53 pm, April 21st, 2009

    chascates: but really impeachable!

  6. CivicHoliday says at 1:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    couldn’t agree more, Newt. a slurp is much much more than a teabag. exchanges of fluids are always more intimate - you’d probably have to buy the guy a fancy dinner first to get the latter, probably could get the former with a dime bag.

  7. AnnieGetYourFun says at 1:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Oh, slurp slurp slurp. Wait. No.

  8. AllHat says at 1:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    ‘Wait til you see the full slurp offer for students’. Oh yeah.

  9. joezoo says at 1:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Newt likes things done vibidly. It’s good for his vibido. He vill vash and vipe your vindows, also.

  10. user-of-owls says at 1:57 pm, April 21st, 2009

    And here, my friends, is a “vibid” reminder of why the GOP should reconsider its hostility toward education funding.

  11. AnnieGetYourFun says at 1:57 pm, April 21st, 2009

    I gave lots of full slurp offers to students when I was attending an all women’s college in the 1990s. Most of them took me up on it.

  12. Hooray For Anything says at 1:59 pm, April 21st, 2009
  13. CivicHoliday says at 2:00 pm, April 21st, 2009

    CivicHoliday: d’oh, that should read the other way around. fail for me.

  14. TwitterBerry, eh? Kinda like DingleBerry, I’m guessin’.

  15. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:01 pm, April 21st, 2009

    For 20 years my father has suggested that Newt eat a dick. It is nice to see him following through.

  16. Capitol Hillbilly says at 2:02 pm, April 21st, 2009

    loquaciousmusic: no but he was once getting slurped in the car in a parking lot and his kids walked up. he’s a family values man, ya know …

  17. ManchuCandidate says at 2:02 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Hooray For Anything:
    I thought Twitter should rename themselves as Twatter.

  18. I’ve known for a long time that Gingrich sucked, but I had always assumed that referred to his personality.

  19. donner_froh says at 2:03 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Newt is clearly on the right track. If college loans could be paid back with blowjobs it would free up a lot of consumer spending money among recent (and not so recent) grads.

  20. ManchuCandidate says at 2:03 pm, April 21st, 2009

    AnnieGetYourFun:
    Um, do you have photos?

  21. iwillsavethispatient says at 2:07 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Wait… You have to REPAY student loans?

    I suggest the next plan the administration comes up with be named the BUsiness ToolS EXchange. Can’t wait for the Republicans to campaign against that one.

  22. AnnieGetYourFun says at 2:08 pm, April 21st, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: That was before the days of “digital photo machines”. I do have an incredibly long tongue, though. I suppose I could send photos of it, but it’s probably not the same, right?

  23. imissopus says at 2:09 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Ha ha, American Solutions is a 527 organization whose General Chairman is…Newt Gingrich.

    Let’s see, teabagging, slurping, 2m4m…the Republicans are the comedy gift that keeps on giving.

  24. moldilox says at 2:10 pm, April 21st, 2009

    hey!! at least it’s not the standard republican anal reference.. say what… nevermind.

  25. suchsweetthunder says at 2:11 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Can I propose that we extend the “Sarah Rule” to Newt and make him off limits. I’m so tired of hearing from this fuck. You’re running for President — I get that already, asshole.

  26. kthxbai...also says at 2:11 pm, April 21st, 2009
  27. Nerdalicious says at 2:15 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Let the games begin ‘09!
    Prez “open” to prosecuting dumbya administration officials
    Maybe it’s cuz asswipe Darth Vader won’t shut his trap for one second.
    Prez is comin’ after ya! GM & credit card companies were a walk in the park!
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/20/cheney-slams-obama-again_n_189268.html
    I’ll give you a pacemaker jolt everytime you stay off of Shammity & You’re F****d News mm k?

  28. keepinitrealyo says at 2:15 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Don’t take the bait, liberals! They’ll accuse you of having dirty minds!

    Actually the whole concept of “dirty minds” is adorably old-fashioned.

  29. Hostile Michigander says at 2:16 pm, April 21st, 2009

    AllHat: Newt better be careful. The last GOP congressman to offer those to students got in a lot of trouble.

  30. AngryBlakGuy says at 2:29 pm, April 21st, 2009

    …how the hell can they be against “slurp” but for “teabagging”?

  31. proudgrampa says at 2:34 pm, April 21st, 2009

    So, Jim - is the Phillips’ Colon Health ad at the top more Wonkette irony?

  32. suchsweetthunder: But they’re both so eminently mockable! And, looking at my current sidebar, both are in the habit of buying adspace on blogs mocking them - no Newt, I do not want a free weekly email from you.

  33. Mr Blifil says at 2:35 pm, April 21st, 2009

    After all, these bags of dicks won’t suck themselves…

  34. SayItWithWookies says at 2:40 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Wait’ll Newt comes out with his universal healthcare plan, the Simple Networked Omnibus Well-Being Alliance and Lifecycle League.

  35. noleeps says at 2:42 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Are you all a bunch of mindless morons? Have you not seen the vile and disgusting remarks by the left wing wackos regarding tea parties? My guess is that there is a total of two brain cells among all the responses.

  36. noleeps says at 2:46 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Are you all a bunch of mindless morons? Did you not see the disgusting and vile comments by the left wing imbeciles regarding the tea parties? My guess is that there is a total of two brain cells among all that left replies.

  37. Mr Blifil says at 2:49 pm, April 21st, 2009

    noleeps: Douchebag sez wha?

  38. Gopherit says at 2:52 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Thanks wonkette. I will literally never have an erection again, with the image of Newt slurping down someone’s rod.
    noleeps:

    Haha! Look who calls people morons? THe guy who thinks his comment is so nice, he posted it twice.

    Really? That’s the best you can do as a troll? You disappoint me. Go back to your toilet stall and do something useful.

  39. Roll Fish says at 2:57 pm, April 21st, 2009

    vibidly

  40. Carrie_Okie says at 2:59 pm, April 21st, 2009

    “Each week, you can expect a concise newsletter from Newt Gingrich that covers election politics, national defense, education, the environment, buttsex or the economy.

    There is no cost or obligation for this exclusive offer. Just lay back and Newt will take care of the rest [sluuuurp].”

  41. noleeps: The poor teabaggers, having to deal with such vile mockery. Maybe, if they hadn’t chosen a well-known sexual slang for their protests, that wouldn’t have happened. Also, assuming I’m parsing that non-grammatical sentence correctly, there are no brain cells “among all the left replies” since the replies are data contained on a server somewhere, displayed before us by means of illuminated pixels on a screen.

  42. Leopolt says at 3:18 pm, April 21st, 2009

    imissopus: Please, Newt - a Salad Toss Against Illegal Immigration. You know it’s the right thing to do!

  43. Hooray For Anything says at 3:19 pm, April 21st, 2009

    keepinitrealyo: It’s almost like they’re daring people not to make fun of them. Either that or they’re even dumber than we think.

  44. TeddyS says at 3:32 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Newt! Tell us about your divorces again! We love those stories about cancer and intern-fucking and stuff.

  45. chascates says at 3:58 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Somehow I think Newt’s mantra of ‘drill here, drill now, pay less’ won’t actually translate into lower gas prices but merely higher profits for companies with drilling leases. Which is why he champions it, of course.

  46. confederette libtard says at 4:11 pm, April 21st, 2009

    The fuck is wrong with these people?
    What is it with their inherent need to suck on somebodies shit?
    Jesus Republicans, learn to use teh google for Christ’s sakes.

  47. President Beeblebrox says at 6:56 pm, April 21st, 2009

    noleeps: Are you all a bunch of mindless morons?

    Yes.

  48. AnnieGetYourFun says at 8:12 pm, April 21st, 2009

    Leopolt: Innocent misnaming would be one thing. Deliberate use of sexual slang followed by mock outrage is entirely another, and deserving of perverse, lengthy blog posts of disdain.

  49. WickedWitch says at 10:51 pm, April 21st, 2009

    **sound of WW dry-heaving in the corner**

  50. Trespassers_Will says at 2:13 am, April 22nd, 2009

    I predict the next protest movement will be called the Rusty Trombone Revolution.

  51. Trespassers_Will says at 2:16 am, April 22nd, 2009

    I predict the Right’s next protest movement will be the Rusty Trombone Revolution

  52. heathenish says at 12:37 am, April 23rd, 2009

    iwillsavethispatient:great new plan there, very good, can’t wait for that to pass congress!
    also newt is a creepy motherfucker and the thought of him slurping (really?slurping?)or anyone….well, i need to wash my brain out now, yuck

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