Hundred-Million-Dollar Punch Line

 
  • How do we know this Jane Harman story has legs? The New York Times is reporting on it now, one whole day after the news broke on Congressional Quarterly‘s blog. [New York Times]
  • Banks are just sittin’ on their TARP money instead of lending it out to the taxpayers who coughed up the cash in the first place. [ABC News]
  • The accused “Craigslist Killer,” a man arrested for killing a masseuse at a fancy Boston hotel, is a BU student with a devoted fiancee. [AP]
  • Everybody is laughing at President Obama’s request to his cabinet to find $100 million whole dollars in spending cuts in the budget. [US News and World Report]
  • The Iranian President’s speech at the UN racism conference could have been even more objectionable if he hadn’t extemporaneously omitted a Holocaust-denial remark from his prepared text, so just be thankful. [AP]
  • Miss California totally could have become Miss USA if Perez Hilton hadn’t asked her that question about gay marriage. [Newsday]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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48 comments

  1. Lazy Media

    [re=294869]Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish![/re]: Not all Jews are members of the Knesset! Please, Wonkette doesn’t need ugly stereotypes.

  2. Lazy Media

    That Miss California is exactly like the early Christians who were fed to the lions in the Coliseum, if instead of eating you, the lions called you fat and drew pictures of dicks next to your mouth. Never forget.

  3. steverino247

    Friendly reminder to Rep. Jane Harman:

    Uh, that’s the Constitution of the United States you’re sworn to uphold, not some ATM outside AIPAC’s headquarters.

  4. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    The Right has a new Palinesque hero in Miss California. The funny thing is, her answer was basically the same as Obama’s at Saddleback. She thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman but it should be up to the voters to decide.

  5. Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!

    [re=294870]Lazy Media[/re]: Really?!!!11!!!! Then my college roommate had a way cool story he made up to get girls.

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    Miss CA needs to get her own reality show or become Hef’s girlfriend already, because I’m already tired of seeing her lameass on teevee. But her catfight with Perez Hilton is pretty funny seeing that Perez called her the c-word yesterday on MSNBC.

  7. Lazy Media

    [re=294881]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m having a hard time picking a team. I mean, you’ve got Miss Fundagelical over here; you can’t side with her. But she’s fighting with Perez Hilton, who is The Worst Person in the World (not on the Fox network). Can’t they restage an Alexis-Krystle catfight, only in an active volcano?

  8. user-of-owls

    [re=294881]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Perez called her the c-word yesterday on MSNBC

    Wow, they let him actually say “conservative” on TV?

  9. hobospacejunkie

    [re=294881]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: …Perez called her the c-word yesterday on MSNBC.

    Carbonaceous? Catatonic? Cacophonous?

  10. Zadig

    The whole Ahmadinejad thing makes me think of him at his desk, reviewing his planned speech, and getting to the “Holocaust is overrated” part and thinking, “actually, now that I think about it that’s a little offensive”. Scratch that out, then.

    Flash forward to yesterday, when everyone gets up and walks out. Mammers is thinking “What? What did I say? I swear to god I’ll get it right next time.”

  11. Zadig

    Also, with the whole Miss CA thing, maybe puerile man-bitch Perez disqualified her because she hates the gays (she wouldn’t even say it!), but I would have disqualified her for her answer being butt-fucking stupid and inarticulate. “Opposite marriage”? Really? And she followed up “you can choose” with “no, you can’t actually.”

  12. Mr Blifil

    In the guy’s defence, the masseuse’s ad ran: ISO psycho-yuppie-choker with Heritage Foundation looks for sensual bodywork with happy ending and brutal murdertime.

    So in a way she was asking for it, kinda.

  13. dijetlo

    “Prejean Monday said she was raised in a way that you can never compromise your beliefs and your opinions for anything.”
    Just below that on the Newsday sight is a picture of her in high heels and a bikini, shaking her money maker for the crowd and fortunately she doesn’t compromise when it comes to camel toe either.

  14. Come here a minute

    Wonkette commenters couldn’t even come up with a mildly amusing photo caption — we have absolutely no chance of delivering a hundred-million-dollar punch line.

  15. hobospacejunkie

    Golly, that fiance sure is going to have egg on her face if it turns out he did it. For the moment, he sure got some ‘splainin’ to do.

  16. WadISay

    Ask Ms. CA something she knows something about. What does she think about anal on the first date?

  17. Cape Clod

    So Miss USA has to answer political questions these days? What was her response when she was asked to give her fealings on the two state solution in Palestine?

  18. Terry

    “”I can’t even put it into words, the disbelief I’m feeling right now,” neighbor Jonathan Uva said. “This is a great guy, I met him a few times, saw him in the hall everyday, (he) always said, ‘hey how you doing Jon, what’s going on.’ Just a total disconnect from what we’re hearing in the news.””

    Yes, because a person who greets you in a cordial and superficial way in the hallway certainly couldn’t be a killer.

  19. Sussemilch

    Thank god we have brilliant minds like Miss California around to solve important issues like gay marriage, because when the whole country is fighting and divided over an important social issue, what we really need to provide leadership is the giggling quips of a professional mannequin.

    Nothing personal, but we really shouldn’t have flaming gay people interviewing pretty women. The idea is to make them all look pretty, not all look ugly. The host should be someone like Dean Martin, and he should shamelessly flirt, and he should ask questions that make them all excited and bubbly, not leave them dry and scared and threatened.

    Perez Hilton, you are free to be as gay as you like all the time. Just do not fuck with what you do not understand: People put pretty girls on television because other people want to fuck them, not talk fashion with them.

  20. Swampwitch

    [re=294909]WadISay[/re]: She seems conservative, she did anal with her highschool boyfriend to preserve her virginity. But she’s sure it wasn’t real sex.

    You want buttsecks on the first date, you’re going to have to stick to a Wonkette commenter or other similar libtard.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    [re=294909]WadISay[/re]: She’s opposed to it. It’s important to look relaxed and not too nitpicky when you’re making a first impression.

  22. Swampwitch

    [re=294971]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: It’s a tragedy that our nation’s beauty pageant contestants have fallen victim to the soft bigotry of lowered expectations and are no longer expected to fucking learn a simple word like heterosexual.

  23. Cy_Guy

    RE: the $100M in cuts, I haven’t heard anyone point out that Obama does not have a line item veto, he can’t just pick programs not to fund in the current year’s (FY’09) budget. Hopefully the agency heads are doing just what he had previously promised they would of going through the appropriations bills for NEXT YEAR (FY’10) to identify ineffective programs that should not receive appropriations in the future.

    But as for the FY’09 appropriations, the only cuts that can be made by the administration are these marginal administrative expenses such as hiring graphics designers at DHS, or using video conferencing instead of actual conferences at the VA.

  24. Blender

    The only reason the NYT ran the Harman story was because they got the opportunity to yammer about themselves and they didn’t even have to lift their donut-stained fingers and dial the phone to get a quote from Keller.

    And, Perez Hilton was a JUDGE? Where did they hold the “pageant?” The Holiday Inn?

  25. Custerwolf

    Meanwhile Miss California’s push-up bra was overheard complaining that it needs more to work with.

  26. Zadig

    [re=295010]Cy_Guy[/re]: Congress appropriates the money, tells the administration what areas to spend it in, and with the exception of specific projects, the various executive departments are in charge of spending it. If they do their work under budget, then that is savings.

    If your boss gives you a budget for a project, you aren’t required to spend it all (as long as you complete the project), and unspent budget money doesn’t just disappear into the aether. It goes back into the company, or in this metaphor, the government.

  27. Custerwolf

    [re=294902]Come here a minute[/re]: I looked at that goddamn photo – thought of several funny things to say – all I got was the sound of crickets.

    What I know of cricket?
    Cricket is the teeth of all my neighbors.
    That’s all I know of cricket.
    And all I need to know.

  28. UncleTom

    When are we going to see Miss Ca on the Gay-Storm ad.

    Scene Opens: Pretty Blond in disheveled white evening dress and rinestone tiara, clutching a bunch of wilted roses. Behind her the gay lightning and clouds threaten.

    Same sex marriage advocates want to keep pretty white girls like me from going to college or nation-wide bus tours of shopping malls. I’ll be dumb, poor and I won’t be able to find a trustifarian lawyer to make me his trophy wife. I’ll have marry some fat chick like Rosie O’Donnel or Queen Latifa and have all of their babies. They are trying to ruin white girls again! Like after the Supremes Court made us marry hugely endowed black men in 1967.

  29. gurukalehuru

    Jane, Jane, Jane, don’t expect any support from us low-life lefties when what you’re accused of is consorting with Republicans, and the New York Times, to not make a big deal over the wiretapping, and throwing the 2004 election, so as to cover up your lobbying on behalf of a foreign power. Go ask Gonzo if you need help, I hear he was a lawyer once.

    re: Miss California, that was an unfair question. Even the most seasoned politicians stumble on that one. Just line them up on stage in bikinis, loudest applause wins.
    At least she didn’t say we needed maps for all the Iraqs, such as.

  30. Lazy Media

    [re=295028]Zadig[/re]: Right, but the Obama criticism consists of three, mutually incompatible rants, all of which were heard simultaneously at the tea parties:

    Why doesn’t Obama end the recession? (He’s trying; that’s what the stimulus spending is meant to do).
    Why are taxes so high, and why did Obama raise them? (They’re not, idiot, and he didn’t. Quite the opposite. He’s gonna raise them slightly on rich people, but not until the economy stops shrinking).
    Why aren’t we balancing the budget? (See answers 1 and 2, you retard).

    It makes no sense to cut federal spending at the same time you’re intentionally boosting deficit spending in an attempt to spur private spending/investment. That’s a deflationary move, and we’re quite far enough along the way to deflation as it is.

    Now, the time to have cut spending would have been, I dunno, when the government was taking in tons of revenue from housing speculators? Could have balanced things pretty easily in 2005-7.

  31. Zadig

    [re=295069]Lazy Media[/re]: In 2005-7? Don’t you know there is/was a war on? We had to show our patriotism by cutting taxes and buying a billion F-22s.

    In all seriousness, 100 million sounds about right for trimming out one or two things that are actually, you know, wasteful. Everyone that says that 100 mill is a drop in the bucket is right, but it’s not a bad thing like they make it sound. All federal dollars spent are not equal, and we do in fact NEED more of the *right* kind of government spending.

  32. eekahil

    Dear Miss Prejean,

    In regard to <>

    Fair enough but what about learning, experience, passage of time – stuff by which your opinions and beliefs change, adapt,evolve (oopsie! sorry about using the “e word” !)? Have you compromised your beliefs in Santy Claus and the Tooth Fairy? Has your opinion that SweeTarts(tm) is the only food worth eating remained steadfast?

    Sincerely,
    eekahil

  33. Min

    I’m confused. I thought gay guys were the only ones who even watched the Miss USA pageant anymore.

    [re=294910]Cape Clod[/re]: “I didn’t know Palestine was a state.”

  34. Icecycle

    He without stones should throw the first sin.
    (wait a fcuk’n minuet, leave a dancing saving throw for the drunk poster here)

    Can an atheist get married?
    (if so it is not a religuis issue.}
    (if not; then we really have a church, state problem.)

    Family values seems to be some kind of ‘My feelings get hurt if someone else is happy’.

    Screw you, I am straight (married in fact) and do not give a fcuk what you think.

    (Besides, some of my best friends are Republicans.)

Comments are closed.