WHY WON'T THE MSM REPORT THIS?  5:10 pm April 20, 2009

Fox Analyst Wonders, Did Obama And Chavez Do *More* Insane Gay Things Off-Camera?

by Jim Newell

There’s a lovely amount of right-wing hysteria on the Internets today regarding this weekend’s news that Barack Obama shook Hugo Chavez’s hand and talked to him for a bit at their little Mexican summit last week. This proved again that Barack Obama has no idea what kind of a person Hugo Chavez is; he has just thrown away the entirety of American power. He is Jimmy Carter with a juicebox. Well! Enjoy this Fox News clip, where Col. Ralph Peters describes “all” of the “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey in the hotel and god-knows-what-else behind closed doors” fantasy sex. [YouTube]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


DocWonk April 20, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Intentional pun on MSM (men who have sex with men)?

EnBuenOra April 20, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Why do Republicans always end up blurting out their own tortured, sweaty, hot sex fantasies as accusations against Democrats? I had no idea so many Republicans wished to be ravished by Hugo Chavez.

AnnieGetYourFun April 20, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Ah, remember the days when I was young and I got to “make lovey-dovey in the hotel”. Back in those days, we called it “ass-fucking”.

Red Zeppelin April 20, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Does Gen. Contralto there see the irony in accusing Barry of having low testosterone?

Will work for shoes April 20, 2009 at 5:21 pm

I lasted 30 seconds; I can’t afford to lose the brain cells listening to that ass would cost me.

ManchuCandidate April 20, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Oh Ralph. I actually liked his novels, but he’s lost his fucking mind since he retarded from Army.

I think he spent too much time drinking in all the batshit crazy that Faux gave him.

Itsjustme April 20, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Ayers card, wright card.

I am getting sick of these idiots. Is it too soon?

shortsshortsshorts April 20, 2009 at 5:22 pm

Chavez showed Obama why his name is Hugo.

nmmagayar April 20, 2009 at 5:22 pm

Gawd Dammit – next time he goes to Venezuela to make sweet, sweet buttsecks w/Hugo Chavez, he better bring me to be the creamy white center (But Chavez will have to be the bottom). Also, that video made me throw up a little in my mouth, also.

Red5 April 20, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Bill Ayers? Really? There’s going to mention Ayers ever chance they get. A winning strategy. Stick with it wingnuts.

americanscandoanything April 20, 2009 at 5:28 pm

I’m watching Fox right now

John Bolton, Karl Rove, AND Glenn Beck

it is just blowing my mind

transnationalism! gun grabs! global warming! global gun control!

with endless chyrons critisizing this guy Koh

and now it’s gay marriage and cap and trade!

LittlePig April 20, 2009 at 5:28 pm

Jeez. Can we all just contribute to a fund to get all the Fox analysts gay-laid? Give Ralph Peters the peters he craves and maybe he’ll calm down a little bit.

Canuckledragger April 20, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Isn’t this the same douchenozzle who advocated redrawing maps of the Middle East? Yeah, cool. ‘Coz white westerners fucking with sovereignty over there has ALWAYS gone down SO well with the locals….

And is he the same fucktard who claimed about a year back that Hopey wanted US ground troops to invade Pakistan, when all Hopey had said was that if Pakistan didn’t act on terreristic problems in the border regions, the USofA would?

AND he’s a FIXed news analyst? That right there’s a trifecta of retardation, so this latest projected homopanic/homophobia shouldn’t surprise a soul.

Scandinavian Fetus April 20, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Everything bad that has ever happened or ever will happen in the history of the universe is Obama’s fault.

I wonder how long it will take for the average ‘wingnut’s’ corpus callosum to fuse.

bitchincamaro April 20, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Cold war’s over, Colonel. STFU.

Godot April 20, 2009 at 5:30 pm

[re=294544]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Oh Ralph. I actually liked his novels, but he’s lost his fucking mind since he retarded from Army.”

Freudian slip?

Crow T. Robot April 20, 2009 at 5:31 pm

I think Chavez is a bit of a left wing thug, and he’s said some stuff that comes off as a bit crazy to me, but seriously, “worst guy on the continent?”

Two comments: One, you mean South America right, not all of America? & Two, I doubt he was the worst guy in the room, if I had to make a moral judgment, but maybe that’s just me.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 20, 2009 at 5:34 pm

He who lives by the to tapping, dies by the toe tapping.

El Pinche April 20, 2009 at 5:34 pm

Never heard of this “colonel” peters. He works for New York Post, and FoxNation. Wow, yeah he’s very credible.

Are the wingnuts having a shit fit over 1:01 – 1:05 in this video?? Really? Tell me there’s more.

The Cold Sea April 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Anyone who only made the rank of colonel is a FAIL. Passed over and moved out. GIANT FAIL.

americanscandoanything April 20, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=294555]Canuckledragger[/re]: I think his greatest hit was after the Mousowi verdict

he didn’t like the result, and advocated having “professional jurors”

the right wing Judge guy, who was his co-host, gave him the best WTF look I’ve seen in a while

The Cold Sea April 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Also. The Kirchner gang family in Argentina? Gang-bang maybe, but gang? Christina y vos is all I have to say to colonel.

shortsshortsshorts April 20, 2009 at 5:39 pm


smitallica April 20, 2009 at 5:44 pm

“Obama weakened us when he went to Turkey and Russia, who are the enemies of democracy, even though they are both democracies. And Turkey, by the way, is where they have Turkish baths, where men gather for steamy interludes away from the prying eyes of the military and the Republican establishment who won’t just let a man be what he was born to be, and where they can just enjoy the pleasures of the company of other men. Wet, steamy, swarthy, hirsute men with taut upper bodies and buttocks pert and smooth like sweet, juicy plums…wait, what was I talking about?”

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2009 at 5:45 pm

“You see a lot of his columns in the New York Post…”

No. No, I most definitely do not.

Min April 20, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Somebody’s projecting just a tad.

comradepaulson April 20, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Was it lovey buttsecks or angry buttsecks? Was the lube Raoul Castro’s tears? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW, SHEEPLE!

Lazy Media April 20, 2009 at 5:48 pm

All of the worst people in the world are lieutenant colonels and colonels. That’s the official rank for Coup Plotter.

Oh, and Glenn Beck and all those other asshats need to quit with the driving up gun and ammo prices. Obama is officially on the record AGAINST a renewal of the assault weapons ban, and that’s the only gun control law the Democrats would even think about playing with. Just quit it.

eclecticbrotha April 20, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Che Guevara blah blah Jimmy Carter blah blah buttsecks with hot Latinos blah blah.

Seriously, was that Sam the Eagle in a toupee?

eclecticbrotha April 20, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Gopherit April 20, 2009 at 6:03 pm

col ralph knows what he does behind closed doors. Thank Jeebus for Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell.

LittlePig April 20, 2009 at 6:05 pm

How does one Ralph Peters, exactly?

Gopherit April 20, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=294611]LittlePig[/re]: step one, Eat a big Bag of Dicks.

american mutt April 20, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Oh no, I’ve been hit by the gay storm!

american mutt April 20, 2009 at 6:18 pm

did he say obama embraces child molesters?

DagNabbit April 20, 2009 at 6:24 pm

International Teabaggers Anthem

Ruff Ryder!

One Yield Regular April 20, 2009 at 6:33 pm

If Buddy Ebsen and Ralph Nader had a child…!

OReillysVibrator April 20, 2009 at 6:34 pm

This man should run for office! And lose by 15 points like all other unelectable Republicans!

OReillysVibrator April 20, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Nuke Fox Nation.

Hooray For Anything April 20, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I agree with the guy on Fox News. The next time Obama meets some leader at a conference who’s positions we don’t agree with, he should not only refuse to shake their hands but he should cold cock them instead. “Oh, yeah, Mr. Chavez, here’s what I think about your anti-American statement” and then, POW! For better effect, he should then stand over them and shout “how you like America now, bitch!”

NYNYNY April 20, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Peters has been writing the most twisted offensive shit for the NY Post for years. Him and Malkin share a page usually before the letters section. I don’t want to hear him talk, and I don’t want to give him youtube hits. Him and Michael Savage are past tolerable.

erectiledisfunction April 20, 2009 at 6:52 pm

I think Col. Peters panties are a little too tight. They’re squashing his low testosterone testicles.

imissopus April 20, 2009 at 6:54 pm

[re=294644]One Yield Regular[/re]: I was thinking he looked like a less burnt-out Ralph Nader. Nader/Peters 2012!

If anyone needs me I’ll be in a tequila coma.

doloras April 20, 2009 at 7:07 pm

The funny thing is that the Washington Post and the other CIA-funded Venezuela-haters have been saying for ages that the election of Obama spells DOOM DOOM i tells ya for Chávez, because he ain’t got evil Dubya to kick around any more and thus he will stop winning elections by 20-point margins, etc. So you’d think that Obama being nice to Chávez would be part of this strategy, showing Venezuelans that the USA ain’t so evil, wouldn’t you?

Unless… these people know PERFECTLY WELL that Chávez is popular for reasons other than “standing up to the evil empire”, and they are just saying any crap that will help them believe that the Bolivarian Revolution will run out of steam… any day now… yep…

SlouchingTowardsWasilla April 20, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Did he have to have his testicles removed to make his voice that high or are they just really, really small?

americanscandoanything April 20, 2009 at 7:23 pm

TMG has a picture of Hopey not only shaking hands with a mexican dog….but bowing to him too!!!



problemwithcaring April 20, 2009 at 7:56 pm

[re=294685]doloras[/re]: “He’s empowering the worst guy on the planet.

No ways. Still totally contained in Texas.

rocktonsammy April 20, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Barry is cutting the Dept. of Propaganda out completely.


bago April 20, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Kernel Peters. Heh.

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=294650]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Or whack with that cricket bat from the caption contest that disappointed Jim so badly.

Is this guy nuts? I was the one who was beaned by the crown of thorns hurling itself at me yesterday, but this guy is so gay crazy he makes me feel outrageously calm and studied.

BlueStateLibtard April 20, 2009 at 8:49 pm

EnBuenOra, so true. I’m amazed how many Repubs in general seem to have gay sex on their minds. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if many are closet themselves. But as they say, the more you repress it, the more it must come out…

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2009 at 8:54 pm

On a serious note, I glad he didn’t bring up Ecuador’s Correa, who is totally hot. And Chavez dangerous? Isn’t he just another tinpot demagogue? Who gives a shit about him?

If the South American people love Hopey, doesn’t it make any of their leaders who call the USA evil look bad? I mean, really.

And how gay is that guy in the video, btw.

hobospacejunkie April 20, 2009 at 9:01 pm

Kernel Peters is just butt hurt cuz he won’t be able to cheer on his buddies’ planned invasion of Bolivia any more. Probably works for Xe or somesuch and wanted to be able to say he participated in freeing Bolivia from its democratically-elected shackles. Also he wanted sweet sweet Bolivian buttsecks high up in the mountains so as to simulate auto-erotic asphyxiation.

President Beeblebrox April 20, 2009 at 9:14 pm

[re=294560]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Well, yeah, it’s not like the media has ever fabricated a war with a Spanish-speaking nation before or anything. Yesterday’s Hearst is today’s Murdoch.

I wish these guys would just admit they want some hot M4M action and be done with it instead of accusing Barry of fisting Hugo… er, I mean fist-bumping.

Hagar77 April 20, 2009 at 9:20 pm

This just told me everything I need to know about Republicans and fucking. Because if the dry handshake and shoulder clasp = “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey,” then “a night of hot sweaty passionate lovemaking” in the Red States = thirty seconds of fully-flannel-pajama-clad missionary, no foreplay, eyes shut to avoid sight of heaving, throbbing, tumescent, or otherwise un-Christlike sexyparts.

Which explains why they’re all so fucked up and angry.

bitchincamaro April 20, 2009 at 9:21 pm

[re=294703]problemwithcaring[/re]: He actually said, “continent”, but I thought the same thing.

bitchincamaro April 20, 2009 at 9:28 pm

“Also he wanted sweet sweet Bolivian buttsecks high up in the mountains so as to simulate auto-erotic asphyxiation.”

Pure, 100%, Wonkette oxygen! +1

S.Luggo April 21, 2009 at 2:19 am

Despite [or to disguise] the nation’s Bush-era continuing economic troubles, the Cons’, in a slant affirmation of their own homophilia, have focused on the Barry/Hugo man-shake as a sign of the rise in the Americas of half-bloods. With or without leaf-blowers.

Mmmm. So who is left for the Cons to nominate in 2012?
A. Caribou Slut-Mom.
B. Pompei Bobby.
C. Mitt-I-never-meant-what-I-said-as-Mass-Governor political whore.
D. Crist.
E. Jeb “George who?” Bush.
F. Moldor.

Suds McKenzie April 21, 2009 at 6:39 am

who doesn’t do Gay shit off camera?

BobLoblawLawBlog April 21, 2009 at 7:27 am

[re=294541]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Thank you for that. There is a dire shortage of music-geek-dick jokes on the interwebs.

iolanthe April 21, 2009 at 9:34 am

[re=294620]american mutt[/re]: Win … the “eat a bag of dicks, then ralph peters” thing.

Both of you. Very good.

randem April 21, 2009 at 9:47 am

Most ironic line: “Colonel, you speak as well as you write.”

Cue the Lowered Expectations theme song!

Prommie April 21, 2009 at 10:49 am

Ummmm, Civony chick.

Mustang April 21, 2009 at 10:51 am


Mustang April 21, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=294731]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I don’t know if he’s gay, but I can hook him up with my groomer who I guarantee can do a MUCH better poodle cut than the one he has now.

Styrofoam Boots April 21, 2009 at 2:18 pm

WHy are Fox News anchors always giving their gusts verbal handjobs at the end of segments? Just say, “thanks” and move on.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: