why won't the MSM report this?

Fox Analyst Wonders, Did Obama And Chavez Do *More* Insane Gay Things Off-Camera?

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There’s a lovely amount of right-wing hysteria on the Internets today regarding this weekend’s news that Barack Obama shook Hugo Chavez’s hand and talked to him for a bit at their little Mexican summit last week. This proved again that Barack Obama has no idea what kind of a person Hugo Chavez is; he has just thrown away the entirety of American power. He is Jimmy Carter with a juicebox. Well! Enjoy this Fox News clip, where Col. Ralph Peters describes “all” of the “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey in the hotel and god-knows-what-else behind closed doors” fantasy sex. [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • DocWonk

    Intentional pun on MSM (men who have sex with men)?

  • EnBuenOra

    Why do Republicans always end up blurting out their own tortured, sweaty, hot sex fantasies as accusations against Democrats? I had no idea so many Republicans wished to be ravished by Hugo Chavez.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Ah, remember the days when I was young and I got to “make lovey-dovey in the hotel”. Back in those days, we called it “ass-fucking”.

  • Red Zeppelin

    Does Gen. Contralto there see the irony in accusing Barry of having low testosterone?

  • Will work for shoes

    I lasted 30 seconds; I can’t afford to lose the brain cells listening to that ass would cost me.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Oh Ralph. I actually liked his novels, but he’s lost his fucking mind since he retarded from Army.

    I think he spent too much time drinking in all the batshit crazy that Faux gave him.

  • Itsjustme

    Ayers card, wright card.

    I am getting sick of these idiots. Is it too soon?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Chavez showed Obama why his name is Hugo.

  • nmmagayar

    Gawd Dammit – next time he goes to Venezuela to make sweet, sweet buttsecks w/Hugo Chavez, he better bring me to be the creamy white center (But Chavez will have to be the bottom). Also, that video made me throw up a little in my mouth, also.

  • Red5

    Bill Ayers? Really? There’s going to mention Ayers ever chance they get. A winning strategy. Stick with it wingnuts.

  • americanscandoanything

    I’m watching Fox right now

    John Bolton, Karl Rove, AND Glenn Beck

    it is just blowing my mind

    transnationalism! gun grabs! global warming! global gun control!

    with endless chyrons critisizing this guy Koh

    and now it’s gay marriage and cap and trade!

  • LittlePig

    Jeez. Can we all just contribute to a fund to get all the Fox analysts gay-laid? Give Ralph Peters the peters he craves and maybe he’ll calm down a little bit.

  • Canuckledragger

    Isn’t this the same douchenozzle who advocated redrawing maps of the Middle East? Yeah, cool. ‘Coz white westerners fucking with sovereignty over there has ALWAYS gone down SO well with the locals….

    And is he the same fucktard who claimed about a year back that Hopey wanted US ground troops to invade Pakistan, when all Hopey had said was that if Pakistan didn’t act on terreristic problems in the border regions, the USofA would?

    AND he’s a FIXed news analyst? That right there’s a trifecta of retardation, so this latest projected homopanic/homophobia shouldn’t surprise a soul.

  • Scandinavian Fetus

    Everything bad that has ever happened or ever will happen in the history of the universe is Obama’s fault.

    I wonder how long it will take for the average ‘wingnut’s’ corpus callosum to fuse.

  • bitchincamaro

    Cold war’s over, Colonel. STFU.

  • Godot

    [re=294544]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Oh Ralph. I actually liked his novels, but he’s lost his fucking mind since he retarded from Army.”

    Freudian slip?

  • Crow T. Robot

    I think Chavez is a bit of a left wing thug, and he’s said some stuff that comes off as a bit crazy to me, but seriously, “worst guy on the continent?”

    Two comments: One, you mean South America right, not all of America? & Two, I doubt he was the worst guy in the room, if I had to make a moral judgment, but maybe that’s just me.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    He who lives by the to tapping, dies by the toe tapping.

  • El Pinche

    Never heard of this “colonel” peters. He works for New York Post, and FoxNation. Wow, yeah he’s very credible.

    Are the wingnuts having a shit fit over 1:01 – 1:05 in this video?? Really? Tell me there’s more.

  • The Cold Sea

    Anyone who only made the rank of colonel is a FAIL. Passed over and moved out. GIANT FAIL.

  • americanscandoanything

    [re=294555]Canuckledragger[/re]: I think his greatest hit was after the Mousowi verdict

    he didn’t like the result, and advocated having “professional jurors”

    the right wing Judge guy, who was his co-host, gave him the best WTF look I’ve seen in a while

  • The Cold Sea

    Also. The Kirchner gang family in Argentina? Gang-bang maybe, but gang? Christina y vos is all I have to say to colonel.

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • smitallica

    “Obama weakened us when he went to Turkey and Russia, who are the enemies of democracy, even though they are both democracies. And Turkey, by the way, is where they have Turkish baths, where men gather for steamy interludes away from the prying eyes of the military and the Republican establishment who won’t just let a man be what he was born to be, and where they can just enjoy the pleasures of the company of other men. Wet, steamy, swarthy, hirsute men with taut upper bodies and buttocks pert and smooth like sweet, juicy plums…wait, what was I talking about?”

  • SayItWithWookies

    “You see a lot of his columns in the New York Post…”

    No. No, I most definitely do not.

  • Min

    Somebody’s projecting just a tad.

  • comradepaulson

    Was it lovey buttsecks or angry buttsecks? Was the lube Raoul Castro’s tears? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW, SHEEPLE!

  • Lazy Media

    All of the worst people in the world are lieutenant colonels and colonels. That’s the official rank for Coup Plotter.

    Oh, and Glenn Beck and all those other asshats need to quit with the driving up gun and ammo prices. Obama is officially on the record AGAINST a renewal of the assault weapons ban, and that’s the only gun control law the Democrats would even think about playing with. Just quit it.

  • eclecticbrotha

    Che Guevara blah blah Jimmy Carter blah blah buttsecks with hot Latinos blah blah.

    Seriously, was that Sam the Eagle in a toupee?

  • eclecticbrotha
  • Gopherit

    col ralph knows what he does behind closed doors. Thank Jeebus for Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell.

  • LittlePig

    How does one Ralph Peters, exactly?

  • Gopherit

    [re=294611]LittlePig[/re]: step one, Eat a big Bag of Dicks.

  • american mutt

    Oh no, I’ve been hit by the gay storm!

  • american mutt

    did he say obama embraces child molesters?

  • DagNabbit

    International Teabaggers Anthem

    Ruff Ryder!

  • One Yield Regular

    If Buddy Ebsen and Ralph Nader had a child…!

  • OReillysVibrator

    This man should run for office! And lose by 15 points like all other unelectable Republicans!

  • OReillysVibrator

    Nuke Fox Nation.

  • Hooray For Anything

    I agree with the guy on Fox News. The next time Obama meets some leader at a conference who’s positions we don’t agree with, he should not only refuse to shake their hands but he should cold cock them instead. “Oh, yeah, Mr. Chavez, here’s what I think about your anti-American statement” and then, POW! For better effect, he should then stand over them and shout “how you like America now, bitch!”


    Peters has been writing the most twisted offensive shit for the NY Post for years. Him and Malkin share a page usually before the letters section. I don’t want to hear him talk, and I don’t want to give him youtube hits. Him and Michael Savage are past tolerable.

  • erectiledisfunction

    I think Col. Peters panties are a little too tight. They’re squashing his low testosterone testicles.

  • imissopus

    [re=294644]One Yield Regular[/re]: I was thinking he looked like a less burnt-out Ralph Nader. Nader/Peters 2012!

    If anyone needs me I’ll be in a tequila coma.

  • doloras

    The funny thing is that the Washington Post and the other CIA-funded Venezuela-haters have been saying for ages that the election of Obama spells DOOM DOOM i tells ya for Chávez, because he ain’t got evil Dubya to kick around any more and thus he will stop winning elections by 20-point margins, etc. So you’d think that Obama being nice to Chávez would be part of this strategy, showing Venezuelans that the USA ain’t so evil, wouldn’t you?

    Unless… these people know PERFECTLY WELL that Chávez is popular for reasons other than “standing up to the evil empire”, and they are just saying any crap that will help them believe that the Bolivarian Revolution will run out of steam… any day now… yep…

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    Did he have to have his testicles removed to make his voice that high or are they just really, really small?

  • americanscandoanything

    TMG has a picture of Hopey not only shaking hands with a mexican dog….but bowing to him too!!!



  • problemwithcaring

    [re=294685]doloras[/re]: “He’s empowering the worst guy on the planet.

    No ways. Still totally contained in Texas.

  • rocktonsammy

    Barry is cutting the Dept. of Propaganda out completely.


  • bago

    Kernel Peters. Heh.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=294650]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Or whack with that cricket bat from the caption contest that disappointed Jim so badly.

    Is this guy nuts? I was the one who was beaned by the crown of thorns hurling itself at me yesterday, but this guy is so gay crazy he makes me feel outrageously calm and studied.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    EnBuenOra, so true. I’m amazed how many Repubs in general seem to have gay sex on their minds. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if many are closet themselves. But as they say, the more you repress it, the more it must come out…

  • DustBowlBlues

    On a serious note, I glad he didn’t bring up Ecuador’s Correa, who is totally hot. And Chavez dangerous? Isn’t he just another tinpot demagogue? Who gives a shit about him?

    If the South American people love Hopey, doesn’t it make any of their leaders who call the USA evil look bad? I mean, really.

    And how gay is that guy in the video, btw.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Kernel Peters is just butt hurt cuz he won’t be able to cheer on his buddies’ planned invasion of Bolivia any more. Probably works for Xe or somesuch and wanted to be able to say he participated in freeing Bolivia from its democratically-elected shackles. Also he wanted sweet sweet Bolivian buttsecks high up in the mountains so as to simulate auto-erotic asphyxiation.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=294560]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Well, yeah, it’s not like the media has ever fabricated a war with a Spanish-speaking nation before or anything. Yesterday’s Hearst is today’s Murdoch.

    I wish these guys would just admit they want some hot M4M action and be done with it instead of accusing Barry of fisting Hugo… er, I mean fist-bumping.

  • Hagar77

    This just told me everything I need to know about Republicans and fucking. Because if the dry handshake and shoulder clasp = “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey,” then “a night of hot sweaty passionate lovemaking” in the Red States = thirty seconds of fully-flannel-pajama-clad missionary, no foreplay, eyes shut to avoid sight of heaving, throbbing, tumescent, or otherwise un-Christlike sexyparts.

    Which explains why they’re all so fucked up and angry.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=294703]problemwithcaring[/re]: He actually said, “continent”, but I thought the same thing.

  • bitchincamaro

    “Also he wanted sweet sweet Bolivian buttsecks high up in the mountains so as to simulate auto-erotic asphyxiation.”

    Pure, 100%, Wonkette oxygen! +1

  • S.Luggo

    Despite [or to disguise] the nation’s Bush-era continuing economic troubles, the Cons’, in a slant affirmation of their own homophilia, have focused on the Barry/Hugo man-shake as a sign of the rise in the Americas of half-bloods. With or without leaf-blowers.

    Mmmm. So who is left for the Cons to nominate in 2012?
    A. Caribou Slut-Mom.
    B. Pompei Bobby.
    C. Mitt-I-never-meant-what-I-said-as-Mass-Governor political whore.
    D. Crist.
    E. Jeb “George who?” Bush.
    F. Moldor.

  • Suds McKenzie

    who doesn’t do Gay shit off camera?

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=294541]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Thank you for that. There is a dire shortage of music-geek-dick jokes on the interwebs.

  • iolanthe

    [re=294620]american mutt[/re]: Win … the “eat a bag of dicks, then ralph peters” thing.

    Both of you. Very good.

  • randem

    Most ironic line: “Colonel, you speak as well as you write.”

    Cue the Lowered Expectations theme song!

  • Prommie

    Ummmm, Civony chick.

  • Mustang


  • Mustang

    [re=294731]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I don’t know if he’s gay, but I can hook him up with my groomer who I guarantee can do a MUCH better poodle cut than the one he has now.

  • Styrofoam Boots

    WHy are Fox News anchors always giving their gusts verbal handjobs at the end of segments? Just say, “thanks” and move on.