Wonkette
CAPTION CONTEST! See who writes the drollest of captions! Winner gets to be brutally murdered by Barack Obama. [Pete Souza/White House]
CAPTION CONTEST
THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!!
Where’s the third Pip?
“Chapter President Obama inducts the newest pledge into Phi Slamma Jamma.”
I have nothing to say other than “Why can’t it be me?…”
It is so rare to see a photo of Obama with some other guy and be all OH MY GOD THAT OTHER MAN IS IMPOSSIBLY HANDSOME SO HANDSOME HANDSOME oh yes and there’s our Preznit WHAT ABOUT THAT HANDSOME CRICKETER?
“Oh, this is SO gonna be my profile pic. Pete, don’t forget to tag Reggie.”
Invisible Extraordinary Rendition
“Just imagine the ball is Boehner’s kneecaps, mon.”
“…but black Presidents swing it LIKE THIS.”
Bend over Chavez!
World-famous cricket legend Brian Lara shows President Obama the Trinidadian alternative to “cold shootin’ Whitey.”
I AM A MUSLIM ELITIST TELEPROMPETR BILL AYERS
-Barack Hussein Obama
CIA demonstrates alternative fraternity technique for President; awaits OLC ok.
“Watch carefully, Mr President, this is how you bash your opponent’s skull with a cricket bat.”
Sometimes a wide stance is just a wide stance.
all right wingers line up for your presidential azz whoopin
“You hold Newell’s nuts; I’ll show him an alt-text contest he’ll never forget!”
“This is how Rezko always liked it.”
“Barack Obama practices tossing a copy of the constitution in preparation for the Bogus Script Party.”
I can haz invisible spanking?
“Just easin’ the tension baby. Just easin’ the tension…” - Chubbs/President of the United States Barack Obama
“This is what democracy looks like.”
Hey Vitter, Vitter. Sa-WING, Vitter!
Corporal punishment has never looked so hot!
“President Obama filming his response to Stephen Colbert’s latest red screen challenge.”
bitchincamaro: me likey.
“And this is how badly I spanked the Republicans”
“…and the best part, Mister President, is that after you perform the procedure Ms. Noonan will block out all memory of it.”
So how does a wicket get stuck, anyways?
“Dammit, the one time Michelle lets me borrow the paddle, cameras show up.”
…so you said you want to know how I got Joe Lieberman to vote with the Democrats?”
Chuck me googly!
“This isn’t how Larry Craig described about jerking a bat with a wide stance.”
Mmm…that made my wicket sticky…
bitchincamaro: I fully expect to see that as the alt-text from this point forward.
OMG, as a cricket fan myself, I feel like Barry just touched me in my special place (the guy with him, Brian Lara, is one of history’s greatest cricketers). This is what it must have felt like for basketball fans when he nailed that three pointer.
“An unknown Hilton doorman quietly muttered ‘yes, I’m your bad little white boy’ to himself as he got lost in a haze of daydreams and secret fantasies while watching President Obama and Brian Lara demonstrate how to use a paddle.”
That’s an 0.5 point deduction for not pointing your left foot, buster.
Finally, proof that Obama is a leftie! John McCain was right all along.
SayItWithWookies: Nice.
Hart88: “YES YOU CAN!”
“Yes, they do seem to have hit it off,” said the nondescript security guy.
“Basically, it’s like baseball with two bases, a few dozen outfielders, no gloves, and the games last for a full Goddamn week in hellish third-world humidity. The scores of games come out looking like introductory calculus equations, the bat is an S&M tool, the ball is thrown at some sticks stuck in the mud and everyone dresses like yacht sailors. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it in America, Mr. President.”
Dude? Move….your….hands. Thanks.
This is how you spank that white ass!
freakishlystrong: I’ll be immortalized. Banned, but immortalized.
Hart88:
See, it’s no fun if you win it right off the bat.
…now we know why Dick Cheney was in that wheel chair!
Sorry Michelle…
…Sorry Michelle…
And then the young Barak Obama approached the Great Red Wall to extrude Excalibat to become the true messiah of the world!!!!1!
“Y’all ready to bust some ass?”
“This first lick I’d like to dedicate to your mother…”
-Ben Affleck, Dazed & Confused
…well I did hear someone say that Michelle’s ass looked swollen.
POTUS demonstrating his signature cool headed demeanor, spanks the shit out of another African leader because he can.
COMUNIS BAZEBAL?
UR DOIN IT WRONG.
Bats Left, Throws Critics to the Sharks
Hart88: That was the very first thing I thought of. And 99.9% of the people who saw this, also.
“…the president explaining the nuances of Chicago politics to a fellow head of state.”
Obama: That’s a bulky hunk o’ lumber
Dude 1: That’s what she said!
(translation for our conservative friends:)
Obama: I am a gay socialist who hates the constitution!
Dude 1: I welcome our new homosexual overlords!
POTUS BOWS AGAIN
“…and so then Rahm just pulls this thing from the trunk of his car, and, long story short, no one fucked with us on the streets of Chicago again.”
…Barack Obama taking lessons on how to house train “Bo” Obama.
Thank you lil Jesus for breaking my knuckles. It has been a pleasure.
Like all good muslins, the President and his caddy refuse to use golf clubs on a holy day, thus resorting to “air golf” and wooden paddle golf.”
The presidential rendition of “Pony” was surprisingly not well received.
“… and this is how you handle a googly.”
Prez: “I qualify to play for Kenya, you know.”
NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! AHHH!..thaaanks..
damn….I thought it was Lew Rawls showin’ Hopey some dance moves
Tired of the constant unpaid ripoffs by indecisionforever.com, Wonkette steals their caption challenge.
Our Barry: Just cold spankin’ invisible midgets.
Paddling the school canoe? Ooh, you better believe that’s a paddling.
President Obama illustrated his admirable combination of gangsta savvy and effeteness by kneecapping some guy with a cricket bat.
I’m SINGIN’ in the rain, just singin’ in the RAIN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWvWyYz9ttk
Brian Lara: world’s greatest cricketer until Obama went all “Tanya Harding” on his knees.
“Talking out of turn? That’s a paddling. Looking out the window? That’s a paddling. Staring at my sandals? That’s a paddling. Paddling the school canoe? Ohh, you better believe that’s a paddling.”
willdude: ugh, you beat me to it. son of a
I’d hit that
Origami: You for the WIN
We call this move the Tonya Harding.
HE DOESNT EVEN PLAY BASEBALL BUT PLAYS CRICKET LIKE ALL THE OTHER AFRICANS AND MOSLIMS!!!!!!1!!! FACE FACTS SHEEPLE MORE PROOF THAT DICTATOR NOOBAMA ISNT AMERICAN!!!!!1 FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR CONTACTS ON AOL!!!!!!!!!!1!
Cannot think up drollery right now; too busy fantasizing about naughty me getting spanked by hunky president — he’s HAWT!
“10 ten year old boys, watch closely–this is how your Republican congressperson likes to be spanked–hard!!”
forgracie: Win.
DeLand DeLakes: I have nothing to say other than why can’t he be hitting on me?
SayItWithWookies:
I hate myself. I am getting turned on at the thought of paddling Peggy Noonan.
“Already we’ve had five hours of England batting, and they’re naught for naught.”
“Obama receives lessons on stroking from another man”
“You ain’t my bitch, nigger. Buy your own damn fries.”
Did anyone win the caption contest or did we all just suck?
Hit my hole, Batty Boy.
Upon arriving in Trinidad and Tobago for the Summit, Mr. Obama was seen laughing and joking with cricketer Brian Lara. Lara also gave Mr. Obama a gift: a cricket bat. Some in the U.S. are questioning Mr. Obama’s commitment to baseball.
“Peggy Noonan and Rush Limbaugh both like it? Just like that, as hard as you can?”
Seriously, as someone who actually knows a bit about cricket, Obama’s stance is a little too erect. (Insert inevitable pun about bowling a maiden over here…)
INVISIBUL NEKKID EX-PREZNIT IN HEDLOK
NO CRY, BUSHIE. MUSLIN LOYERZ SEZ IS OK.
KAN WE HAZ JUSTIS?
YES WE KAN!
O HAI BUSH. YER INVIZIBUL 2 ME. BUT NOT TO MAI LITL FREND.
“Larry Sinclair didn’t tell me about this part”
“No, look, I learned this one in LA. If you’re gonna beat a nigga down you need to keep your leverage.”
jagorev: Cricket: a game popular in England and other third-world countries.
… and that’s what you get when you cross Tiger and Phil…
No, Mister President. Cheney’s CPU cannot be destroyed unless you do like this.
“Inter-American puppy discipline.”
When we listen, we learn. Aim high.
I was robbed. Revised entry: Hey Mr President, instead of pretending to be a jock, or hanging with Tiger and the Whitesox making endless sports predictions, maybe you could, like, use your useless Justice Dept to persue government criminals and corrupt politicians? Or maybe use your useless State Dept to attend important UN conferences and repair our international relationships and stuff? Oh sorry, are we “distracting” you from glad handing?
DC Hates Me: Dang, you *was* robbed. By God. At birth. Of everything.
“Barack Obama delights in finding new and inventive ways to publicly masturbate. Pictured above, Obama is teaching an urban homeless man to properly use an abortion wand to both ruin heterosexual marriage and gain a magnificent erection.”
bitchincamaro: You are in line for Number one in my book my friend.
AxmxZ: dudebitch, I’m beginning to think we all were robbed. Glad handed indeed.
dem sistas got nothing on me!
So, I’m supposed to stick my ass out when I do the white man’s overbite, right?
ok you grab Chavez, Brian, while i spank the hell out of his Venezuelan behind!