• May 27, 2012

David Brooks Finds Love In Holy Land

by Jim Newell  2:59 pm April 17, 2009

A terribly immature homophobe sent us this childish nonsense earlier about what he and his girlfriend (Princess Leia) were typing to each other on the Internet: “Me and my girlfriend have been discussing it intensely over gchat for the last 20 minutes and we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve finally found definitive evidence that David Brooks is gay in today’s nytimes column.” Nonsense, David Brooks is white. It means nothing that his driver in Israel, a “young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude,” protected him after their car raped another car from the rear.

On my 12th visit to Israel, I finally had my baptism by traffic accident. I was sitting at a red light, when a bus turning the corner honked at me to back up. When I did, I scraped the fender of the car behind me.

The driver — a young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude — came running out of the car in a fury. He ran up to the bus driver and got into a ferocious screaming match. Then he came up to me graciously and kindly. We were brothers in the war against bus drivers. Then, as we were filling out our paperwork, another bus happened by and honked. The rocker ran out into the street and got into another ferocious screaming match with this driver. Then he came back to me all smiles and warmth.

Cuddles!

A Loud and Promised Land [NYT]

{ 48 comments }

chascates April 17, 2009 at 3:03 pm

“Israel is a country held together by argument.”

No, it’s held together at gunpoint by forcing the original inhabitants into ghettos and by the use of American vetoes in the United Nations.

slappypaddy April 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Where the fuck’d this dude learn how to write? No wonder the newspapers are going bust.

Come here a minute April 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Screaming at the bus driver wasn’t the only thing happening ferociously in that story.

AWOcoholic April 17, 2009 at 3:06 pm

What I learned in this article is that the right-wing and Israel lobby have apparently joined forces in a war against bus drivers. … Wait. Why?

V572625694 April 17, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Why didn’t the young, hip, alt-rocker dude lay a beating on Brooks, who backed into him like a jackass? The bus driver didn’t….oh, I see now. That David’s a cutie!

Capricatony April 17, 2009 at 3:08 pm

David Brooks is gay for the simple reason that he is so obviously gay.

Gorillionaire April 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

“The driver — a young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude…”

Apparently Brooks has been working on this column since 1993.

NutGobbler April 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Says Princess Leia, who MAKES OUT WITH HER OWN BROTHER.

Ferociously.

Monsieur Grumpe April 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

“Baptism by traffic accident” is teh gay code for bottom, butter flavored Crisco, rodents are optional and no pictures. Duh.

Urbanachiever April 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Anyone who admits to discussing ANYTHING “intensely over gchat for the last 20 minutes” is totally lying about having a girlfriend

user-of-owls April 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Next stop on David’s journey of discovery: IOWA!

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

I’m okay with whatever hairstyle people wanna wear, but it seems that a young Jewish fella with those long side curls is ripe for the tugging.

V572625694 April 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=293195]chascates[/re]: I’m sure you meant to say “gherttos.” What, Israel isn’t a Perfect Democracy? Who knew?

Here’s an ironic outcome: Iraq is more democratic than Israel.

Serolf Divad April 17, 2009 at 3:13 pm

David Brooks looks a little too much like Dr. Eldon Tyrell in that picture for my personal comfort level.

Mustang April 17, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Come oooon…Do we hafta talk about David Broooooks? Oh and do we hafta loooooook at him? He’s so groooooossss.

Fox n Fiends April 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm

just because he has a lisp….

choinski April 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Statistcally, 72% of internet users identified as “Princess Leia” fall into the male, while, over 40 demographic.

Red Zeppelin April 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

When he was an intern at NR, David had to take it up the ass twice a day from Bill Buckley while reciting choice bits of Atlas Shrugged. I thought everyone knew that?

choinski April 17, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=293223]choinski[/re]: GRRR! ‘Male, WHITE, over 40…” seesh, nevermind.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 17, 2009 at 3:21 pm

First of all, I doubted this story since I find it hard to believe that anyone on the internet has a girlfriend.

That being said, having read it, he does sound totally gay.

smellyal8r April 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=293227]choinski[/re]: Plus, when he’s on NewsHour, he wears pink lipstick. No kidding.

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Silly me — I thought there was no upside to making sure your lipstick matches your shirt. Kudos, Mr. Brooks.

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2009 at 3:26 pm

[re=293239]smellyal8r[/re]: Preemptive plagiarist!

Magnus Maximus April 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Serolf, Brooks is a replicant programmed by the GOP to bring the Times to its knees by writing crappy columns that are full of poop, and gayness.

TGY April 17, 2009 at 3:35 pm

came running out of the car in a fury

I am a little feverish and read that as ‘out of the car in a furry’. C’est la vie.

Holy Cow!! April 17, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Sorry breeders, he’s all yours.

Dave J. April 17, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Talk about burying the lede, NY Times! Ryan Adams is now a cab driver in Israel, yet you consign this news to the back of the editorial page? Insane!

Min April 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm

I scraped the fender of the car behind me.

The Israeli equivalent of having a wide stance.

AnnieGetYourFun April 17, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=293240]SayItWithWookies[/re]: OOOH, ZING. You sure you don’t want to expand your awesome blog to comment on fashion in the world of politics?

Scandinavian Fetus April 17, 2009 at 4:00 pm

[re=293196]slappypaddy[/re]: A-fucking-men! Then, there is Maureen Dowd’s lastest shit… Are you kidding? People Magazine would reject their tripe.

AxmxZ April 17, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Kudos to David Brooks on good taste in men, at least. Israeli boys are on the crazy side, but damn pretty.

Harvey Birdman April 17, 2009 at 4:04 pm

alt-rocker. Christ.

choinski April 17, 2009 at 4:08 pm

[re=293239]smellyal8r[/re]:

It can’t be worse that that clumpy maybelline Jeffrey Brown keeps sporting.

comradepaulson April 17, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Not only is this shit gay, but because they were “brothers,” is is also bordering on incest. That being said, I’m not down with condemning David Brooks because of unorthodox lifestyle choices. Clearly, looking at that picture, he had nowhere else to go and we should pity, not berate.

dijetlo April 17, 2009 at 4:55 pm

“A terribly immature homophobe”
Translation: Charles Krauthammer

” sent us this childish nonsense ”
Please make sure he CC’d the WaPo, they were expecting his column.

“about what he and his girlfriend (Princess Leia)”
FYI: Princess Leia was the Deciders nickname for Newt Gingrich

“were typing to each other on the Internet”
Got me on that one, probably some kind of code for teabagging….

WIDTAP April 17, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Ok, David is suffering from a little cultural ignorance. Israelis generally don;t engage in what they perceive to be screaming matches. An Israeli “screaming match” (to American eyes) is, in fact, the usual robust debate that is the cornerstone of Israeli sports. …and how how the Israelis love their sports.

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2009 at 5:15 pm

[re=293313]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I would, but I’m wearing dungarees right now — so my George Will cred is just shot.

engulfedinflames April 17, 2009 at 5:21 pm

“filling out our paper work”

edgydrifter April 17, 2009 at 5:23 pm

This would explain Brooks’ extensive collection of Grace Jones albums.

moldilox April 17, 2009 at 6:43 pm

he doesn’t look like he got any of the gehy on him, maybe just confused by the “accident”.

problemwithcaring April 17, 2009 at 6:57 pm

[re=293326]Harvey Birdman[/re]: Wondering if he was a Gen X-er, like I am?

LittlePig April 17, 2009 at 6:59 pm

“David Brooks rear-ended in Holy Land by young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude”

Holy Land? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

AWOcoholic April 17, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=293523]LittlePig[/re]: He wasn’t technically rear-ended. He willfully, and forcefully backed in to the alt-rocker.

BeRightBack April 17, 2009 at 7:22 pm

“[B]aptism by traffic accident” is the most indirect, yet still indescribably filthy, euphemism for a cumshot to the face I’ve ever read.

LittlePig April 18, 2009 at 8:29 am

Ahhh, HolEy Land. I get it now.

tiger April 18, 2009 at 11:08 am

Hey dude,in Israel,that’s called “conversation”.

AWOcoholic April 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm

This drivel is the 2nd “most emailed” article in the NYT right now. What the fuck?

wander_lust April 19, 2009 at 3:23 pm

it took TWELVE visits to get one fender bender and a driver crazily screaming? dude, cross the border over to egypt, you’ll get twice that in the first twelve minutes

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