Wonkette
Despite Governor Rick Perry’s tuff talk, it appears that most Texans are inclined to remain United States citizens. Boo! A Rasmussen survey shows that a mere 18 percent of residents are willing to throw off the shackles of federal tax slavery and go it alone as a moderately sized First World nation sandwiched between the prosperous US and the feudal anarchist drug-state of Mexico. Oh well. [Rasmussen Reports]
I suspect that 82% of Texans want the option of fleeing to another state without having to go through the PITA of applying for a green card, should Texas keep getting more… er… you know… Texasy.
Perhaps the 18% could be moved to Cuba. Obama should have that as part of his agenda down there…
Biased poll. It didn’t ask them what they’d do if we sweetened the deal by throwing in Stockton, CA.
Please leave. Pleeeeeease. Pretty please with Velveeta on top.
Seriously, Texas? I mean this is the time to do it, with our Kenyan, Muslin userper in office. OK, then, how about you, Florida!
Little detail, the State Archives came out to say that whole “secede whenever we want to” thing was a bit of an urban legend. Not as easy as it sounds. But you know, if Texas did decide to secede, there wouldn’t be a Civil War this time. The other 49 States would say “Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Good luck, Texas.” Louisiana may want Galveston and a little strip of East Texas to make sure they have the whole Sabine River, but that’s about it.
Then the border states and Mexico could get together and build a giant wall around Texas with razor wire on top and be done with it.
Fair up trade…send us the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, you get to leave. We build a fence.
Don’t forget about the 7% who aren’t sure. They’re like little semi-treasonous Hamlets.
elburrito:
Do you think Ontario would take Ohio? It’s across the lake, still….
If they actually did have the cojones to secede, how long before they are begging for foreign aid from the US?
Secede if you must, but you know the drill. You leave and you take Michelle Bachmann with you.
NO BACKS!
I suspect Rasmussen didn’t try hard enough to call places outside the major cities.
I say we let the 18% have a little sliver of south Texas, that just happens to border Mexico and let them form their own country.
As for the idea of succession…give me $5 and I will pretend like I give a shit about Texas.
…they should secede from the planet earth.
That’d be some teabag!
Aw, damn it.
Even if we can’t get rid of Texas, maybe we could still convince Alaska to leave.
Don’t there morans see the irony of a Republican governor, ostensibly of Lincoln’s party, threatening the secession of his Southern state? The President’s race is almost just the irony on the side.
Canmon (the Inadequate): I know. Maybe the Alaska Independence Party is accepting donations? Sarah Palin could be Queen. She’d like that. We could even send her a kick-ass tiara as a “Now get the hell out and stay out!” gift from a grateful America.
Everything’s bigger in Texas, including moronic, insipid, seditious, empty threats.
PopeyesPipe: “these morans” Ugh.
Canmon (the Inadequate):
Yeah, if only there was some way we could exile that whole state to some far northwestern corner of the continent.
I guess those folks just TALK big.
AngryBlakGuy: The Blown Star State.
Another thing: I’m pretty sure most of the respondents thought they were being asked if they wanted Texas to ’succeed,’ as that is how most of our secessionists pronounce the word without realizing it. Rasmussen said ’secede’ but most respondents ‘heard succeed’ and thought “hell, yeah, nothin’ succeeds like success, like that guy with the enormous teeth says on late night TV.” Not that the poll results would’ve been much different, but Rasmussen should take this into account.
…we really should give the Rethuglicans a state and tell them “Do whatever the fukk you want with it”. Just to see how long it takes for it to degrade into a “hunter-gather” civilization.
It’s only 18% of Texans that want to secede but I’ll bet it’s 98% or more of non-Texans that want Texas to secede. Why didn’t they let the rest of us vote?
Please do it, Texas. And no visa for Duhbya and his idiot family. We’ve had just about enough of illegal aliens.
Yaybuls: …not to nitpick but you left out “treasonous” and “myopic”.
First World? That’s a tad generous, SKS.
See, I keep telling you people that we’re not all crazy.
A new Civil War could be much more cost-effective than these ongoing wars in Middle East and Central Asia. It’s a global recession/depression right now; don’t waste your precious tax Dollars by waging a war overseas!
Can we return it?
Other states could ship some of their wingnuts down there in order to up the percentage who want secession. They have plenty of space down there. It’s a win-win situation.
AngryBlakGuy:
I’d give them a year before they go all “Lord of the Flies” with some major differences.
Tom Delay would be Jack
Karl Rove would be Piggy
There would be no Simon or Ralph in this
They failed to poll the other 49 states on the topic.
I’ll be curious to watch how Glenn Beck can turn a meager 18% of shithead Texans into a revolution. Personally I was kind of hoping Texas would secede, but on the other hand, I’m a Floridian. If we lost Texas, who would I mock then?
No off ramp for the Democratic Peoples Republic of Texas from the North American NAFTA Highway being built by the North American Union.
hobospacejunkie: As for thinking the word was “succeed” and not “secede”, yes, not only do most of the people on the Right Wing boards spell it “succeed” and “succession” … so do about 20% of the people here.
Shame on you, spelling like a Neocon.
What kills me is the folks who, right below a headline saying something like, “Should the Red States secede?”, answer “Yes. The Red States should succeed!” Are they so damned oblivious that they don’t see the real spelling 1/4 inch above their noses? Or are they so damned oblivious that they don’t realize they didn’t spell it the same way?
How the hell did these people ever cheat on tests? (You all remember how a badly-designed test would end up giving away about half the answers in the wording of the other questions.)
Once, while teaching a middle school computer class, I received about 40 papers with the same absurd nonsensical error (they all added “S” to something that was supposed to increase by 5). The person they all copied from had bad handwriting, I guess. I devoted the next class session to teaching them how to cheat smarter via the miracle of Paying Some Fucking Attention.
heroinmule: We’re 18%!!!! WE SURROUND YOU!!!!
I know. They still think they’re the majority, and that the polls are somehow lying.
jagorev: Yep. First World for about six months … maybe.
AngryBlakGuy: I keep trying to talk those Brave Tax Protesters into moving to Somalia. Think what they could do with it, after renaming it either “Reagania” or “Galtland”.
I hereby donate my entire fortune of whore diamonds to the Texas Secessionist Movement.
If they want to secede so bad, I say we beat them to the punch and just sell them to another country. That’d pay off most our debt and give us free socialist $$$$, right?
And the penis cactus, again. Tres amusing.
Y’all dicklickers actin’ like there isn’t some secessionary/Paultard/golden admiralty fringe on the flag-element in y’all’s states. (spits)
ManchuCandidate: …with their obsession with all things gas-guzzler, I kinda imagined it more like “Mad Max”.
elburrito: Where would Jerry Springer find guests for his show?
shanemacgowan: Mississippi?
norbizness: And we would gladly send them to Texas!
All hat and no ranch!
folks, we’re not all morons in texas. in fact, most of us aren’t. this whole secession thing is one big unpleasant surprise. no one in texas even likes rick perry except for the wingnuts.
saridout: …everyone in Texas has been exposed and might be infected. Therefore we must lump all you together into one single group. Don’t worry your sacrifice will be noted in our history books!
It does remind me a bit of being lectured on racism by somebody from South Boston, the place where integrated school buses go to die.
Terry: The real reason we’ve put off building a fence on America’s southern border is that we were waiting for Texas to be south of it.
I really wish they would do it. Run away from the US screaming “Haha, we’ve got your oil bitches!” And Obama gets on his presidential PA system and says “turn off their water.”
Terry: Do you think Ontario would take Ohio? It’s across the lake, still….
That’s not a half-bad idea. Tell them they could call it “Lesser Sudbury”.
saridout: Im guessing you live in either Austin, San Antonio, or Dallas. I’m out on the front lines in Waco, and there was a near-unanimous call for secession at Wednesday’s tea party here. The stupid are numerous and powerful.
If Texas does in fact secede, I’m emptying my bank account and driving straight north to Chicago that very day. Fuck my friends, fuck my family- I’m bouncing the FUCK out of here.
All hat and no cattle.
We’ll secede from that sweet federal money pipeline about as successfully as William S. Burroughs seceded from heroin usage.
InsidiousTuna: Be sure to take the “I don’t like roads” chick with you.
AngryBlakGuy: see Texas 1995-present. 9 elected republicans on the state supreme court; republican majorities in both houses of state lege; 9 republicans on the state’s highest criminal court; republican governor; republican lt. gov.; not a single statewide non-republican office holder. welcome to the shittiest government outside of sub-Saharan Africa. massive budget deficits. appellate courts that hate juries–unless said jury decided to execute a minority or someone with an IQ below 40, in which case they love juries. tort reform. broke ass public schools. toll roads. urban sprawl. fat, angry white people with a collective sense of entitlement the size of newt gingrich’s turkey neck.
Hey, y’know, we owe China a trillion bucks or so. Do you think they’d be dumb enough to swap for … ?
Nah.
No takesy backsies, dude. Texas is seceding, whether you like it or not.
Awwww, no Texasinistan ?? i haz a motherfockin sad now.
norbizness: True but for the most time we don’t elect them Governor. Twice.
Lascauxcaveman: When I lived on South Bass Island, Ohio, I could see Ontario from my house! Also.
pat robertsons personal trainer: You said it.
Texans are ok to secede as they have their Home Depots and Chili’s on every block.
My self loathing is killing me inside (even though im from Harris county) .
Servo: No shit. Obama - you must pay reparations to Mexico immediately and return Texas to them!
How appropriate that after gifting America with eight year sof the Worst Administration in History, Texas’ next step is to “threaten” cesession from the very country they fucked up in the first place.
Better yet I say we give ALL of the Gulf (of Messico touchin’) states to Palestine for a new homeland. Ought to be interesting given the semitic make-up of la Florida. Let’s face it NoLa is just gonna get eaten by another godzilla storm. Now that baby JinDoll has sworn off knowing about disasters ahead-a-time it is purty much GOD’S WILL. SXSW will need to move to Atlanta or some sh*t. Houston you has a problem. Also.
hobospacejunkie: the Rasmussen pollsters probably don’t speak Texan. To get more accurate results the need to have a Lone Star in one hand and to holler across the bar to the other shitkickers……something like, Hey y’all!! Do we want to stay with them yankee fags and muslins?” Wait for the chorus of “Hells no!!”
But I was all packed and ready to head to the Red River and look for me some of them Texican illegals to shoot. =(
The Sovereign Christian Republic of Texas as a First-World nation?? HAH HAH HAH HAH…. how long d’ya think THAT will last before it all starts to degenerate into a congenitally-bellicose, theocratic quasi-feudal oligarchy that’s externally, constantly monitored by Amnesty International & the WHO, and that American parents use to scare their children … 15 years max?
do it … do it … do it …
Santa Cruz, CA Fannin County, TX
77.8 29.7 Barak
19.9 69.4 Magoo
That’s the report from the last election: the district I moved to some years ago, and and the one left.
I go back sometimes, electronically, and I find, in blogs and chat groups, confirmation for my sneaking suspicion that simpletons adhere to simplistic solutions, which is the oinly power the Repugnants can still claim.
If Texas had never joined the union, then JFK would’ve served two full terms, and there never would’ve been even a Nixon.
I hope they do it because I just bought SevenFlagsOverTexas.com and I’m going to clean up, bitches!
Lascauxcaveman: HEY! What the fuck, you guys?
PopeyesPipe: No ugh at all. Moran is the preferred spelling in Wonkettania.
Yaybuls: But you know what those Alaskans will say, “Pipe down Texas, or we’ll cut Alaska in half and make you guys the third largest state.” Get it? Cause Alaska’s so BIG. So big it can almost eclipse Sarah Palin’s towering ego. I suppose it gives them something to laugh about on those cold winter nights when the realization dawns on them that living as their ancestors did 2 million years ago is really kinda pointless and retarded.
L Urchin: Yeah, but someone should totally kick his ass for using the non-possessive “there.”
Texans are worried about Federal power interfering with their lives? Try this, you seceders –
U.S. Customs Officer: May I see your passport and your gun importation permit?
Texan: Passport?! Permit! I’m an American!
U.S. Officer: No, you’re a Texan. After ya’ll succeeded at seceding, you need a passport to enter the 49 United States of America and an importation permit for your hunting rifle.
Texan: It’s my Constitutional right to go anywhere I want and take my gun with me!
U.S. Officer: That’s true for you only in the nation of Texas. This is the independent nation of the United States of America. We’re not part of Texas and Texas law doesn’t apply here. We have our own laws and when you want to visit, you have to follow our laws. So, you can step back across the line into Texas or I can arrest you for trying to smuggle a gun into the United States.
Texan: My Texas Congressman is going to hear about this! I’ll have your job!
U.S. Officer: Yeah, good luck with that. By the way, you’ll have to pull your car into our garage; we going to take it part to look for those Mexican drugs you Texans are always trying to sneak into our county, but remember, we are under no legal obligation to put your car back together again. Oh, and I’m confiscating all alcohol beverages in your possession as well — it’s getting real tough to find “Lone Star” up here after our Congress passed that big import duty on Texas-made goods. Next!
Terry: Not only is it an urban legend, there’s the small matter of a U.S. Supreme Court decision that held Texas never had the right to secede in the first place. Texas v. White, 74 U.S. 700 (1868). Hot damn!
/yes, I’m an ambulance chaser
Wishful thinking by the Obama adminstration:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/17/state-department-lists-te_n_188151.html
pat robertsons personal trainer- Yeah, but how ’bout them Cowboys?
Terry: We tried to give ‘em Detroit, as part of the “Make Greater Windsor Even Greater” initiative, but that nixed the deal.
Hooray For Anything: regarding the cowboy in the pic - I’d hit it… if fact I think I might’ve the last time I was in Texas…
Jeez, I thought the torture memos were depressing. Then I come shoot through the intertubes to Wonkette, only to find out that Tejas wants to stay together (for the kids, ya know).
Now, I want to die.
iolanthe: Freeper Logic
McDuff: LOLs. You put a lot of work into that. I assure you, it was worth the effort.
Custerwolf: I meant “these” not “there.” If it was a “there,” “their,” “they’re,” confusion I’d also advocate for my own ass kicking.
So we lose Marilyn Chambers, but get to keep Texas?
Lascauxcaveman: According to a Canadian friend of mine who used to work at their embassy in DC, some form of that conversation takes place fairly regularly at Canadian border stations since many U.S. Americans can’t wrap their head around the idea that U.S. law stops at the yellow line painted across the road.
ahhhh, the great state of texas. anybody ever been to van horn? when my van broke down there (in 1972) i had to have money wired to fix it . rebuilt engine . guess what it cost me? exactly the amount i had wired. the fuckers didn’t even leave me any gas money. spent 3 days in the twilight zone,being ogled by the dimmest of the dim…jaw drop, “how’d ya’ll get yer har so long.” they”d never seen a hippy. upon arrival in phoenix i discovered that mr goodwrench had sold me an engine with a cracked block. good christian values. texas is most certainly a state of mind, the one most sentient beings left behind several thousand years ago.
We’re big enough we could carve out a big chunk for those eighteen percenters and still have a big state. I suggest either the panhandle or out near Ozona. We’ll thrown in Beaumont so they can have a port.
I’m a little late to get around to Wonkette this morning, but I have to take the time and congratulate Sara on finding the Zen of Alt-Text.
PopeyesPipe: So does this mean I know have to sleep with you?
So, will I still be considered an American citizen if I was born in another state? Trust me, if Texas secedes, the 82%(okay, 10%) of us intelligent Texans are running for the OK border BABY!!
The best part is that Gov. Perry is still taking all the stimulus money he can get (minus the additional unemployment insurance, of course, since it’s for losers). It’s just him blurting out whatever comes into his mind. He’s been Gov for 10 years (and thanks to our lax Constitution, there’s no term limit on Governor), he thinks he can win again…even more doubtful now…not a lot of voters in West Texas..Dallas and Houston hate him. 18 percent of Texans believe anything, agree with anything, especially if it includes a complimentary plate of Tex-Mex or a chance to talk on the phone with someone who’s not a bill collector.
engulfedinflames: Eech! Sounds like you stumbled into the last 5 minutes of Easy Rider…
PopeyesPipe: The ‘Party of Lincoln’ was assassinated by the ‘Party of Nixon’ quite a while ago…
No comment needed.
I once witnessed Rick Perry playing drums for ZZ TOP in Houston. Anyone?
I heartily endorse an independent Texasistan.
Is there somewhere I could send money?
Custerwolf: Hey - how’d that ‘k’ get in there??? I should see if that upset YouTube ladee wants it for her own fukkin self.
If Texas isn’t voting to secede, what about the rest of America voting to eject it from the union?
sticky:
…and then Mexico will invade. Former Texans across the new providence of Mexico Supreme, will commit suicide, in an attempt to kill all the Mexicans that moved in.
engulfedinflames: How’d the dimwits know how much money you had wired?
This should be non-negotiable: The Dixie Chicks get to leave before Texas secedes. The wingtards have just been waiting for their chance to do god knows what to them. And all they said was that they didn’t like GWB? WTF???
And, HEY, cactus penis and balls guy — on what PLANET do you think you will be getting laid? You’d better rethink this.