Wonkette
A very smart eunuch has taken to the Internet to demonstrate, with his own two hands, how the various — well, just “two,” because binary thinking has its limits! — interpretations of tea protests “explain the difference between the anti-American left and the rest of America.” Mr. Person writes, “As it happens, when talking to an engaged, informed, and patriotic American, when a tea party is discussed the images of Boston Harbor, taxes and American history immediately come to mind. A true American automatically thinks of the American Revolution, the birth of our nation and that proud tradition of self-reliance and rugged individualism infused into our country by its founders. The words invoke the entire panoply of America in the minds of real Americans everywhere. Then we come to the left. Apparently, the first thing that comes to their ‘minds’ is some arcane, disgusting sexual perversion and not American history and tradition.”
A few things.
This sentence: “As it happens, when talking to an engaged, informed, and patriotic American, when a tea party is discussed the images of Boston Harbor, taxes and American history immediately come to mind.” Or perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is an actual “tea party,” where people drink tea in the presence of others. Ladies, usually, old ones. Old ladies drinking tea. More importantly, what does “the image” of “taxes” look like? Does keeping “Real American” status really depend on one’s ability to immediately conjure an image of an abstract budgetary concept, and then get angry? What *color* is Taxes? Is Taxes a black?
Also, the sexual act comes to mind with “teabagging,” not “tea party” — especially when everyone involved with the event says or writes, “Let’s teabag Obama!” Good for a laugh! Because (1) testicles! (2) the Boston Tea Party people didn’t actually throw tea bags at King George III, because (3) they didn’t even have tea bags back then, they had crates of loose tea, and they dumped them in the water (4) BECAUSE A TAX HAD JUST BEEN IMPOSED ON TEA. It was still kind of an insane thing to do — just pay your fucking imported luxury beverage tax, right? — but at least they were directly protesting the product on which a new tax existed! (Or whatever the hell it was! They were upset about the issue of Tea.)
Instead today’s History Scholars are protesting Obama’s massive tax increases, or as they are known back here on Planet Earth, “the largest middle-class tax cuts in history.” They also do not like that he is from Kenya.
So what this Warner Todd Huston fellow is trying to say is that the dirty hippies are anti-American and treasonous because, unlike Real Americans, they don’t want to overthrow and/or secede from America.
The Left and ‘Teabagging’ [American Conservative Daily]
Jim, you’re making too much sense. These folks will never grasp the subtle nuances of FACTS because they’re just wired differently (or proud to be obstinately stupid). Just drink more.
penises, the new microtrend.
I always masturbate when I watch the History Channel. Especially all the Nazi stuff, with the leather. I don’t get off on the Revolutionary War, too much lace and silk and knee socks and wigs and whigs.
I like my History more butch, at least my penis does.
Ah, as regards point #4, they actually were protesting because the British crown lowered taxes on the importation of East India Company tea, creating a virtual monopoly for the company in the Americas, which, if you think about it, makes the current tea parties all the more hee-larious!
Yeah, except when Abe Lincoln teabagged U.S. Grant–the R’s have been at it for a long time.
“engaged, informed, and patriotic American”
I know this guy is deluded. When have US Americans been engaged and informed?
SOMEbody is still recovering from the time his mom caught him masturbating in the bathtub and beat him senseless.
Disgusting sexual perversion is what makes this country great. Without it, our salads would be untossed, our teabags undunked, our panties unsniffed and our erections would not last up to four hours, causing us to have to see the doctor.
I’m sure Thomas Jefferson would agree with me.
PENIS PENIS PENIS DOUCHEBAG TEA-BAGGER HANNITY FUCKTARD STEELE PENIS
The fruit of our Nation’s loins.
I’ve never heard tea-bagging described as an “arcane, disgusting sexual perversion.”
“Tuesday night,” yes. “Wednesday night,” yes. “the only part of your love-making that isn’t completely boring,” yes.
“arcane, disgusting sexual perversion,” no.
“…the profane folks at Wonkette”
Hey, they’re the ones who put the gay porn star in the White House Press Room, not us.
It’s basically the same argument they hear from the Homosexuals and Blacks.
“Teabagger. It’s OUR word. You have no right to use it!”
People! ALL the protests are about one thing and one thing only!
WE HAVE A NEGRO PRESIDENT!!!!
(Get over it, asshats.)
DeLand DeLakes: fine….just drag my pubescent experiences out in the open for everyone to laugh at.
Like Octomom, wants to copyright “octomom”, we should therefore, like out forefathers, copyright the foul “teabagging”. I owe a few people $800,000 right now.
DemmeFatale: Well said.
Tommmcatt: (The colonists) actually were protesting because the British crown lowered taxes on the importation of East India Company tea, creating a virtual monopoly…
Well, Obama just lowered our taxes, too. So the Rightards are actually being consistent, after a fashion. They fact that they believe they are protesting HIGHER taxes, is kinda beside the point? Maybe?
I think I’ll go lie down with a cool towel over my forehead now.
You see, when a true patriotic American thinks of a cleveland steamer, he imagines a proud steamboat faithfully cruising down the mississippi (transporting tea).
When a real American thinks of a “Hot Carl” — they are masturbating to Mr. Rove.
When a real American thinks of a dirty sanchez, they think of thier illegal household gardener.
When a real American thinks of a rusty trombone, they fantasizing about the death of jazz and other negro music.
I won’t bother to go into the perversion at which the left is laughing because, well, it is utterly meaningless as legitimate political discussion.
Y’know, that’s what he writes — but all I hear in my head is “wmmmf wmmmf wmmmf wa-wmmmf wmmmmf,” as though someone were trying to speak around a mouthful of testicles.
Aaaaaw…. cute. Another sour-grapes fucking LOSER upset that the ‘teabaggers’ were punked by themselves because they didn’t think to do some research before naming their little circle-jerk parties… and broadcasting it on national television. Over and over again. Yeah, it’s MY fault, asshole, that you are incapable of using google. Use it now and you’ll see: this term was not invented in April 2009.
I love it when the conservatards say things like, “we didn’t vote for….” Well, WE did, that is the majority of folks voting. You lost. Go have a sad. In silence. Also.
Tommmcatt: That is basically the best thing ever, or possibly the best thing possible.
Did you say penis? Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!
hee-hee
facehead: Major lulz.
DemmeFatale: Yeah…I see what you’re saying, but no. I don’t really think so. I mean, obviously a sizable little piece of that crazzzy pie is all about the racism, but I don’t think anyone really knows what the majority of them are wailing about.
My theory is that they have no understanding of how finance, budgets, public spending, fiscal policy…uh all teh maths and economics…work. And the big numbers scare them. And he’s muslin.
Bearbloke: That’s actually how I read the column, too.
How can one call teabagging arcane? It features prominently in today’s adult productions. Perverted? Perhaps. Unsanitary? Without a good courtesy wipedown, yes. Arcane? I think not.
Get a fucking dictionary, you stupid motherfucker.
Tommmcatt: But we all get our American History from Looney Tunes (or was it Merry Melodies?) and that’s how they portrayed in that one cartoon. I forget the name of it but I remember one of the characters saying “But there’s no tax on tea!” and then the English governor is like “There is now!” and he dumps a box of thumbtacks on their tea, while cackling.
Um, Mr. Right Thinking American and expert historian, the Boston Tea Party of 1773 wasn’t a protest of the tax imposed on tea. They were protesting taxation without representation. The current day teabaggers are represented (except those living in DC). They have a Congressperson, two Senators, a President, as well as representatives at the state and local levels. So your comparison of yesterday’s circle jerk to the Boston Tea Pary is pretty fucking idiotic.
Tea parties are also strongly associated with 5 year old dress-up and imaginary friends.
Gopherit: oops, I should have read that ‘arcane’ part.
My brain is starting to hurt from all this teabagging fuckery.
Yeah boy howdy, when I think “Patriotism”, I think “stealing government services” and “free lunches”.
Treason is not Patriotic, Warner Todd Shitferbrains.
Gopherit: Teabagging fits in with Primal better than Arcane anyway. I could definitely see a Half-Orc Barbarian teabagging someone, but not so much an Eladrin Wizard.
Honestly, I don’t think these people know what “extreme left” is. I have friends who believe, with all sincerity, that anyone who makes over 120K should be forced into labor camps for reeducation, ala Mao. Rachel Maddow may be a gay dyke lesbian, but “extreme left”? Puh-leez.
(Also.) John Waters is definitely a vibrant part of American history and tradition.
DemmeFatale/Median-Hater: I think a portion of them are protesting the fact that the president is black. Then I think there is a larger concentric circle that might not be racist per se but has a lot of direction less cultural rage that “Real Americans” are out of power.
Also, as has been expressed ad infinitum, the original Tea Party was about the fact that the colonists LACKED REPRESENTATION IN PARLIAMENT. They can’t understand the difference between losing an election and not getting to vote at all.
Damit, you made me go look at Mr Person’s webblight.
I was curious about posting a response, so I read the “rules.” Among other things, all posts must be in English and the posting of personal information is “verboten.” He’s so fucking clever. No wonder the extreme left is in disarray.
AnnieGetYourFun: No kidding. These folks need to tune into Pacifica once in a while. “Extreme Left”. Yeah, when we follow George Carlin’s advice and start crucifying one white banker a week, then talk to me about “extreme left”.
Life was better when these rimrods just kept to their Klaverns.
dsdrane: Also
We are all profane string pullers, today.
Godot: and here I thought everyone that played Warcraft were defacto Paultards. Happy to have you here, I think.
see … manly men think about the American Revolution, only the extreme leftistical sort of men think about arcane horrible sex stuff. not manly men. never.
shanemacgowan: QFT. God, this thread settles it - I *am* getting some Cuervo when I get out of work.
I do not get the tea thing. I mean, sure, I “get” the Boston Tea Party, because, well, tea was being unfairly taxed then! Without representation! But what does tea have to do with any issue these people are concerned about today? Are they simply so uncreative that they can only recycle irrelevant conceits that have been ineptly plagiarized from revolutionary war re-enactments? I mean, frankly, and not that I care, since I find the whole movement deeply embarrassing at best - but wouldn’t it make a lot more sense for them to be tossing, say, packs of Marlboros in the rivers? Or gasoline? Or loan officers?
facehead: Super win.
doxastic: AMEN.
Why do so many conservative sites not bother with secure comments? THey are easy pickings, my brothers and sisters.
Godot:
“Hellooooo Nurse!’
Dear Warner Todd Huston,
Suck my balls.
the end.
Let’s get this straight:
George Washington = Salad Tossing
John Adams = Teabagging (thank you, Abagail!)
Ben Franklin = Frottage
Seriously, it’s like nobody studies history anymore.
SlouchingTowardsWasilla: I heart your post AND your user name.
The American Revolution was a complete FAIL until the gay French got involved. Just sayin’.
Are we done with this yet? The American Scrotum is egregiously chafed!
Poor Wonkette, they are forcing you to be the voice of reason, and that is not a good look for you.
Just curious about whether there will be any non-teabagging-related news items this week. I’m in Canada and this ‘movement’ is just that much more incomprehensible than usual from this side of the border. Is it more because the president is black or that math is hard? I guess math has always been hard, but the president hasn’t always been black so probably the former. Still, it’s nice I suppose for the muslin-fearing morans to keep themselves occupied for a time in an uncharacteristically harmless activity.
SlouchingTowardsWasilla hits it on the nose. The take home message from these protests was statehood for Washington D.C.
AnnieGetYourFun: Sing it Sister! I’ve heard Hannity call Obama a “radical”. I was like… “Say What?! America has a good percentage of people who think Obama is WAY TOO CONSERVATIVE!”
Although it made me very happy because it means the wingnuts have NO FUCKING CLUE as to who the left actually is, or what a radical actually looks like (hint: no tie).
Nor do they know how to suck balls in public, from what I’ve witnessed on teevee.
Tommmcatt: The government-created monopoly was indeed one of the reasons, but technically the East India Company already had a monopoly due to trade restrictions. The Tea Act helped them undercut the price of smuggled tea. The actual tax on the colonies remained the same, however, so that was the point of contention (as well as other issues like the restricted list of importers and the fact that a lot of merchants were tea smugglers).
So the tea price was going down, but technically the tax on the colonies remained.
Or whatever. It was a tea party, and we learned about it in elementary school!
“A man who uses three names for his by-line will be ever unsure of his parentage.
– Patrick Jake O’Rourke”
So it has been said, so it shall be written.
LittlePig:
Yours truly from Pacifica
The Teabuggering Pirates of Mydikistan
http://acksisofevil.org/audio/inner220.mp3
I’ll always remember a quote from ‘America: The Book’:
“Whenever a motherfucker fucks with another motherfucker’s tea, the shit be going down.”
JFC…these a-holes called themselves teabaggers first. It’s not like “the left” decided they were teabaggers. They proclaimed *themselves* to be teabaggers, and now they are getting all uppity about it, after someone clued them in. Apparently the terms teabagging and 2M4m got as much vetting as Mooselady.
I guess things are really going to be awkward at the July 4th Lemon party.
“Warner Todd Houston?” I thought only at-large wicked sex criminals on America’s Most Wanted used three names…
I actually pull the strings around here- I command thy editors to set up dates with your interns
Have you seen a photo of Warner Todd Houston? I wouldn’t try to beat him to the draw for a buffet ham sandwich. I’d pull back a stub where my hand used to be…