Wonkette
Did you know Barack Obama is an overzealous baby who obviously wanted to get into show business, but mistakenly became president? No? You don’t know that? Maybe you should turn off your “converter box government controlled t.v.s.” It’s even better than an Email of the Day — it’s the AOL comment of the day!
You know how your editor writes that AOL thing? Well, each comment is emailed by the AOL robot, and now and then your editor is bored enough to open one of these things, and …. just read, and enjoy:
Author: mikey
Comment:
how sad that MOST americans do not think for themselves..their t.v.s control their lives ..their converter box government controlled t.v.s. sadly MOST americans are very ghertto in thought because of this . who in the hell do all of you idiots think is going to pay this money back? this overzealous unprofessional baby that you call a president is ruining our lives. hes not stepping up and telling us to
stay in our houses,hes telling you to be strong because thats what americans do. meanwhile hes hanging out with low life hollywood sluts like fergie. what a joke. his dream was OBVIOUSLY to get in to the entertainment industry, as expected the idiot applied at the wrong place. for the record, HES BI RACIAL,NOT BLACK! another one of his many lies. this man is the BIGGEST THREAT to our so called freedom and the stupidity of america is appalling. george bush is a saint compared to this immature ego maniac..what a creep.
Jesus. Imagine all the heart attacks and blown gaskets caused by these people trying so hard not to say nigger.
I love it when people who can’t spell or use punctuation call other people stupid….
This is one thing that Mikey doesn’t like.
Dude, go eat some Life Cereal.
Why is NOBAMA HUSSEIN constantly avoiding talking about his white family? Except for all the times he did it, he NEVAR does it!!11!
Fergie’s a slut???? I’m shocked and disappointed.
All of us of a certain age know that Mikey will swallow anything.
I admit, I am very ghertto in thought because of “this” (???).
Also, I enjoy the “and another thing,” “and another (completely unrelated) thing” tenor of the email. Also.
WHEELIE I’M ONTO YOU
I’ve got Dish Network, so no converter box needed. Does this mean I’m off the hook?
Obama is bi-racial? OMFG! Are you serious?! ’cause this is like… the first time I’ve ever heard that! Certainly Barack Obama never said anything about the white Kansas mother that raised him after his family was abandoned by his Kenyan father (as detailed in and shown on the cover of Dreams From My Father).
When Barry opens the ACORN camps can we please make AOL users first in line?
OOOOO, I found this cool article about journalists and “teabagging” linked from Layne’s piece. Does this mean I’m networking? Hawt!
http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2009/04/16/the-word-teabagging-proves-too-much-for-cnn-msnbc-anchors/
braintonshire: His gallivanting with royalty is to be expected of an elitist.
“and the stupidity of america is appalling” I bet the irony of this statement has completely escaped mikey.
Serolf Divad: If only someone had made this public before the election!
Serolf Divad: “bi-racial” means he does anal with jews AND muslins!
I so cannot wait to get a job at a FEMA camp. That is, if my ACORN death squad app goes unnoticed…
We are all very ghertto in thought now.
“Jesus. Imagine all the heart attacks and blown gaskets caused by these people trying so hard not to say nigger.”
Not enough, certainly not enough fatal ones.
Sad. People like this must have slept through grade school. Or something.
shortsshortsshorts: LOL. I am not capable (yet) of this level of gibberish but it does gives me fresh inspiration.
And this little gem “their converter box government controlled t.v.s.” Sounds like someone’s disparaging Joe the Plumber’s 2nd job. When will mikey be forced to apologize to Rush for this travesty?!
“converter box government controlled t.v.s.”? And the contrails from jets are actually a government biomedical experiment.
Also.
Fergie isn’t a slut, she just has bladder control problemz. remember?
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1193/594695305_670f5b2d06.jpg
What exactly is this T.V.S. he speaks of? Government-controlled T.V.S. is controlling our lives.
Hmm…
Testicular Venereal Sodapop?
Tawny Vulcan Showers?
Titty Vagina Smorgasbord?
Total Volker Shitstorm?
You’re the baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!
I think the real issue here is that the american president should hang with american sluts, instead of foreigner sluts.
Jeebus Ken, AOL emails this dreck to you? One item at a time? How many per day or hour?
Oh, baby.
“the stupidity of america is appalling. ”
The one, half-digested, corn-kernel of thuth in that wholloping pile of shit.
This just has to be that poor, fat kid holding the picture of PRIX…
Poop-on-a-stick: THE MASSAGE IS OUR ACORN WORSHIPPIN MUSLIN SLUT PRESNIT DON’T TAKE GUNZ AND SHIT AWAY FROM OUR MONEY TAX JOBS!
HEALTH CARE IS FOR THE WEAK!!!
Manofsteel: something about testicles, I bet, given the teabagging obesession
I’m pictureing mikey as a character from “Squidbillys.”
Manofsteel: oh, and apparently this TVS robs one of the ability to use capital letters when appropriate, but forces one to use them when entirely inappropriate. Odd.
This is great news…for John McCain!
Mikey knows too much. Skynet is tracking him. He will be terminated.
Manofsteel: I’m really hoping for titty vagina smorgasbord, which sounds like fun. But, I admit I’m pretty ghertto, y’all Gs.
The Civony advertisements display an whole spectrum of tit-display, from the relatively chaste, fully-covered, to the nearly nipple-revealing. Fascinating. You never know which one will show up.
Yes, with the N-word no longer acceptable in written comunication, the knuckle-draggers have simply started using any word that they think sounds derogatory.
I am somewhat surprised that this one did not accuse him of being a known heterosexual, and didn’t call Michelle a known thespian.
Speaking of irony, my converter box government controlled TV contains scads of Fox programming. Are we to believe now that Fox is part of the MSM conspiracy? My head is pending explosion.
facehead: NOBAMA AN POLOSY WILL TAKE OUR GUNS AND GIVE THEM TO THE COLOREDS WITH TAXS WE’LL GO TO TRANNY! ALSO!
Which is cool, if you’re into that kind of thing.
This is kind of fun. No wonder these morans spend all days spouting gibberish in the Internets.
where can i git me one of dem “ghertto t.v.s converters”?
LEAVE THE FERGUSON OUT OF THIS, GODDAMNIT.
Dey terk our ghertto’s.
I’d like to believe that every once in a while, when one of Mikey’s inevitably cracker friends goes on a racist tirade, Mikey replies “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. To be fair, he’s not black, he’s BI RACIAL.”
t.v.s. stands for TelepVromptorS.
it’s a relatively thorough rant, but he forgot to talk about n00bama’s BI-RACIAL gay marriage abortions.
thread doesn’t deliver. >=(
Thank you mikey, I had never realized how ghertto in thought I was until you warned me. Although I am not sure what you mean by calling Obama an ego maniac. Could you mean that, as a comic reader, he is a big fan of Ego the Living Planet? Or could you have missed typing the L while warning us that, like Zach, he is a Lego maniac?
hes telling you to be strong because thats what americans do.
And Joe Biden said nothing.
I guess the one drop of colored blood rule does not apply when you are BI (wait for it) RACIAL.
amyazz: Win. I ask my undergrad students “how many of you believe that English should be the “Official Language of the United States”(tm)? Fully 80% of their hands go up. I then respond, “cool, then I expect you to write in English.” The scowling starts right then, and never abates (although they do write better than the protoliterate dipshit described above). “But this isn’t English class.” Which shows their amazing powers of discernment, also. Maybe they’re just all ghertto from too much gubmint controlled tee vee.
That is a good one. I really like this one from Jerry (11:58AM Apr 14th 2009):
Absolute power corrupts absolutely and Mr. Lanes column is a case in point. Nothing constructive, no point made, just mindless, childish harrassment of good people…
We’re onto you, Ken Layne. You’ve gone mad with the power that a column on AOL confers.
DangerousLiberal: What is the writing ability of undergrads these days?
DangerousLiberal: More better: “what are the writing abilities of undergraduate students these days, huh?”
Thank you for reminding me, once again, that I am not the craziest person in America.
Somebody needs to replace the logic chip on that old Mikey unit, because the old one is definitely shot. As I recall that model also shipped without a spell checker. You have all now seen how embarrassing that can be. New units come with an aggression inhibitor and an unabridged dictionary, but the Republican model still doesn’t know how to make any sense.
Good to see that PHYLLIS KUNZ is still bringing her special brand of crazy to Ken’s AOL articles.
chascates: Since most think texting is the height of communication and don’t read books unless forced, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were many sentences involving no capital letters and including many incomprensible abbreviations. Sad.
Doglessliberal: hahahaha, I spelled incomprehensible wrong in my posting criticizing grammar and spelling.
I M N IDIOT
This post is worthless without a ‘reply-to’ address.
…their t.v.s control their lives ..their converter box government controlled t.v.s. …
Holy Fucking Shit, these wingnuts are all starting to sound like Francis E. Dec, Esq.!!
I’M MIKEY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-GJRREG9Uc
you’ve left me speechless
Obviously, grammar and spelling are the tools of the Socialist Horde. I applaud him for not buying into this scam.
He’s NOT BLACK! He’s a QUADROON! LIAR!!
Crank Tango: I so cannot wait to get a job at a FEMA camp. That is, if my ACORN death squad app goes unnoticed…
We who have already been accepted and trained in the program prefer the term, “Humane Euthanizers.” We’ve got some great uniforms and bitchin’ recoilless trank guns. They’re a blast!
“their t.v.s control their lives ..their converter box government controlled t.v.s”
So THAT’S why my TV is always switching itself to Logo!
Does anyone perchance have a picture of this t.v.s.? I cannot visualize it.
I can picture Mikey, however.
http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/upload/2009/04/weekend_diversion_do_tinfoil_h/tinfoil-hat.jpg
oh my god. is this one real?
———-
Alabama Patriot2:55PMApr 10th 2009
This Layne creetin, with his Wonknete site, like so many other AMERICA HATERS and MARXISTS is trying to demoralize and DEMONIZE true Americans with his elitist, sarcastic “comments” and “humor”. His goal and those of of other socialist-NEW WORLD ORDER (NWO) elites is to his intimidate us into silence by collective embarassment while the homosexual / collectivist / atheist agenda plays out and secular humanism / marxism eventually comes over the country and smothers our way of life. We see this already in the Peoples Republic of Vermont. Its a form of beahaviorial control developed by the freudians and scientologists, perfected by the NKV in Bulgaria (working for their KGB masters including PUTIN) and now used by our “leader” and his followers. Real Americans like Sara, Michele and Glenn are being humiliated all the time with allegations that they are “wackos” thereby discreting their messages or they have, like Sara, their families humiliated by inuendo and comments about in-breeding (disgusting!) and what they wear. HUMILIATION = CONTROL = FASCISM. Oh and yes, Ken, we know all about “teabagging” and its hip hop connatations.
american mutt: Thats gonna be a lot of cum the socialists, homos, and sarcastic elites are gonna have to rpoduce, in order to inundate (”come over”) the whole country and smother their “way of life.”
Mostly I am just amusing myself with the eltist sarcasm. I didn’t think they were aware enough of it to actually ben humiliated, but I am glad to know it. Most pigfuckers I have known don’t understand sarcasm, let alone snark, and just have a dim suspicion they are being made fun of.
That post was actually just an amplification on the more common fucktard response to sarcasm, “that chick is messing with my mind, man,” as Jimbo Jones put it.
I can’t really imagine Sara[h], Michel, and Glenn ever being humiliated.
And hip hop has teabagging? Learn sumpin nue ever day.
american mutt: Yeah, I think he’s the real deal. He is obviously also somewhat smarter than the others, since he uses complete sentences and limits the full caps. The “hip hop” connotations of teabagging are a little baffling though. Is this part of MC Steele’s initiative?
Ghertto is the new Muslin. Everyone please take note.
american mutt:
Come now, Shorts, you are tricking no-one with that “Alabama Patriot” shtick. Fool me once, can’t get fooled again!
I just imagine Elvis with a speech impediment when I see that word, “Ghertto”.
I predict imminent announcements of Reynolds Aluminium Wrap shortages, as these lack-wits clearly wear tin-foil hats. Which element has leached into their miniscule brains, putting paid to any valid cogitation. Darwin, let’s put the evolutionary process into overdrive, because this subset needs extinction, pronto.
What are the odds that a wingnut could write that many words and not include “teleprompter”? It boggles the mind.
Oh and yes, Ken, we know all about “teabagging” and its hip hop connatations.
It’s like Jay Z says, “I got 99 problems, but a hairy ballsack in my mouth ain’t one.”
Interesting commentary via this link.
http://thedaily-nobama.blogspot.com/
DangerousLiberal: “I ask my undergrad students ‘how many of you believe that English should be the Official Language of the United States(tm)?’ Fully 80% of their hands go up. I then respond, ‘cool, then I expect you to write in English.’ The scowling starts right then ….”
That is a lovely scene, right there. Way to walk right into the trap, fuckwits!
So ghertto ….
I have reached a point where I can no longer point and laugh. Now, I cry. Big, sloppy wet tears. I weep for mankind. He’s so fucking stupid. How can anyone that stupid exist? It’s a miracle all of his higher brain function isn’t being utilized to keep him breathing, because obviously it’s not involved in any kind of thought process. How can you all laugh? We have to live with these moron fuckers. Most of them are armed. They also breed like rats. Fucking hell.
Forgive Mikey. He was out Tea Bagging all day yesterday, and his lips are chapped something fierce.
WendyK: breed with rats
“the stupidity of america is appalling”
You’ve certainly made a strong arguement for that, Mikey!
Listening to Michelle Bachmann’s latest crazyrant. Now, Mikey. You gotta wonder how these people make it through the day…how they avoid killing themselves falling out of bed in the morning…
Mikey is obviously intellecually superior to your average real american so I wonder why he can’t spell Tee Vee correctly.
american mutt: Aw, I was going to go for that one.
As the snow flies
On a cold and gray Chicago morn’
A poor little baby child is born
In the ghertto
chascates: Let’s put it this way: WTF were they learning in English classes–or anywhere else–from K to 12th grade? Some students write well, most write poorly. Bright students must be kept as far from thesauruses as possible; not so bright students need to learn that the spelling and grammar checker may not be their friend. And this is just the mechanics of writing–the actual framing of an expression of an idea, argument, or fact is not generally a part of their skill sets. And they use lots of jargon! Meh.
I googled ‘ghertto’ and found a girlfriend for Mikey!
http://daughter76.newsvine.com/_news/2008/11/05/2074653-obama-tells-hometown-change-has-come
Ken Layne: Exactly. I love nothing more than returning papers I’ve bled all over, and then they complain “are you going to grade on ‘writing style?” because they cannot distinguish between style and “spellin’ the werds write.” I taught frosh comp once and one student complained that I spent too much time on “grammatics.” Clearly. They bitch, and I say “hey, your standard, not mine. If you all had decided that Dipshit was the official language of the class, you’d be settin’ the curve.”
Wake up, morans!
…although I’m not sure Mikey desereves a girlfriend…
I bought a little anger bear at the pet shop the other day. Cutest damned thing you ever saw, especially around anyone a shade south of dusky. He didn’t have a name, though, and I was having trouble finding one that suited him. Now I think maybe “Mikey” sounds grand.
Combover: Ghertto is the new Muslin. Nice find.
Ready for it….?
Reagan.
DangerousLiberal: hey bitch, and I say “hey, your standard, not mine. If you all had decided that Dipshit was the official language of the class, you’d be settin’ the curve.” Biggest laugh of the day! You are the kind of bitter scholar I’d love to buy a beer, just for the stories.
MY favorite:
Your Mom6:30PMApr 10th 2009
If obama’s tax cuts are helping me then why am I spending $7.00 a pack on cigs when they were $3.45 beofre he took office.
HAHAHAHAHA
lung cancer.
Well up here in the Peoples Republic of Bulgarian Vermont, we don’t take orders from no NKV, whether it’s the secular-humanist Nederlandse Kitesurf Vereniging cell or the far more insidious Nederlandstalig Kano Verbond (Belgian Canoe Federation, Dutch-speaking wing) or their vile fellow travelers, the K.V. Lustige Water Kletsers LWK.
He might mean the NKVD, but we don’t go for that commy-freudian crap neither. Freudian?
GHERTTO!
american mutt: Smoking or driving without a seatbelt or riding a motorcycle without a helmet should have the legal status of a do not resuscitate bracelet. If they think it’s cool, let them clean up.
TetonJumper: Holy Christ. Well, he’s apparently a Yankees fan, so that explains a lot.
Wish I could be snarkier today but for once the laughter is not making the tears taste less bitter.
The sheriff is near?
DangerousLiberal: If I ever have the dubious fortune to teach another class, I am stealing your line.
WTF?
Very ghertto? My damn tv box did all this shit?
There’s some srs hip hop connotations up in this bitch.
Fuckin ghertto marxist teabaggin biracial fag swillers.
Shit. What about the motherfucking children huh? The poor motherfucking children.
DangerousLiberal: WIN!!!
Bronkers: You clearly like nice chewy words. So do I. But that word is spelled “minuscule”. It has “minus” in it, not “mini”.
Not “nigger,” … “Redistributer”
(Remember that? Wasn’t THAT a fun week?)
http://meaningfuldistractions.wordpress.com/2008/10/28/news_palin_rally_n_word_used_92173/
Serolf Divad: I’m glad this guy is finally clarifying why all the crackers are so worked up. Obama is not black, he’s hi yella, and he’s trying to act white, which 1/3 of the country will tell you is much worse.
Gopherit: Thanks for the virtual brewski. Yeah, I’m all that, bitter about the little scholars. But then they get to do teaching evaluations, which is kind of like being teabagged, also. Those are the times in which only liquor–in mass quantities–will suffice.
I tried to hold it back, but here it goes:
“In the ghertto. IN THE GHERTOOOOOOOO!”