A LONE VOICE CRIES IN THE WILDERNESS  10:10 am April 16, 2009

by Sara K. Smith

Ur doing it rongTHE SADDEST LIL’ TEA PARTY PROTEST: “Joanne Millard, 68, a resident at Riverfront Apartments, slipped on a rock and then fell into the water while dumping tea leaves from a plastic bag into the river to protest the recent trillions of dollars in government spending.” Thanks to tipster “Mike W.” for this story that kind of makes us want to cry. [The Daily Item]

 
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{ 100 comments }

Red Zeppelin April 16, 2009 at 10:15 am

HAHAHAHA Fuckin’ PUMA.

BigDupa April 16, 2009 at 10:16 am

They must have edited out the part where the lady pays back the cost of the police, ambulance and hospital because those things are “socialist.” Gotta put your money where your tea bags are.

BadKitty April 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

I’m not laughing. I’m not laughing. I will not laugh. I will not …. BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Zadig April 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

“Joanne Millard, 68″

Weren’t there ANY young (anyone whose parents pulled them out of elementary school doesn’t count) or black people at any of these things?

I weep for this lady, so sad and alone that she felt that even the saddest and loneliest protest in America wouldn’t care to have her along.

chascates April 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

The first, I hope of many, martyrs in the patriot’s game.

raysmuckles April 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

Some private business should erect a railing so nice old ladies who don’t like paying taxes can litter into the river without worrying about slipping on socialist algae!

ManchuCandidate April 16, 2009 at 10:18 am

She’s not a true teabagger. If she were then she should have refused help from the police and the ambulance folks because they’re subsidized socialists.

Zadig April 16, 2009 at 10:18 am

[re=291458]BigDupa[/re]: We should mail her a bill, with a note saying “still want to whine about government spending?”

ManchuCandidate April 16, 2009 at 10:21 am

[re=291458]BigDupa[/re]:
Damn you!

Min April 16, 2009 at 10:22 am

It’s not really sad, unless it makes the Baby Jesus cry.

ChernobylSoup April 16, 2009 at 10:26 am

That just warms the cockles of my heart.

(BTW, what the fuck are the cockles of my heart?)

Alabama Parrot April 16, 2009 at 10:27 am

I hope she lives another year – to 69.

jagorev April 16, 2009 at 10:27 am

Ha, awesome. I’ve had a shitty couple of days, but this cheered me right up.

Crazyfortheblue April 16, 2009 at 10:28 am

Nice that ya’ll make fun/take joy in the pain of another human being exercising her patriotism in her protest. How very consistent of liberals…

One Yield Regular April 16, 2009 at 10:28 am

Joanne Millard – the Crispus Attucks of the new revolution.

jagorev April 16, 2009 at 10:29 am

So many lonely, confused people doing stupid things badly… this teabag protest is straight out of a Vonnegut novel.

One Yield Regular April 16, 2009 at 10:29 am

(I do hope she get well soon, though. Perhaps a nice hot cup of tea would be a start?)

Vartan84 April 16, 2009 at 10:31 am

Wow… just wow… that is possibly the most pointless action ever conceived. But she probably had nothing better to do that way, so why not hobble down to the river and stand on some rocks for optimal placement of tea leaves into river. If she hadn’t gotten it at just the right angle, all her plans might have been ruined. Speaking of, step 2 is…?
Just imagine if the stupid GOP had encouraged people to protest by, oh say planting a tree, or volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen or… but no. We’re Americans and we’re proud of it, which means we only have the ability to make statements by being as pointless and wasteful as possible, the net result being that no one is helped, our environment and rivers are hurt (no doubt! All that caffeine will hurt the fishes!), and tea industry moguls are the only ones who win.

freakishlystrong April 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: Change posting name to Crazy, then go away.
SKS-Cannot stop giggling at the pic…

ChernobylSoup April 16, 2009 at 10:33 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: Yeah, we’re vulgar and mean that way. Just ask little retarded Cindy.

Alabama Parrot April 16, 2009 at 10:33 am

We need law-and-order. You kids get off the grass and out of the river! And stopped that gosh0darned littering.

answerbird April 16, 2009 at 10:35 am

All hail the new “Joe the Plumber”.

Autochthon April 16, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=291476]One Yield Regular[/re]: “lonely, confused people doing stupid things badly” Wow. I’d say that pretty much covers every American protest since Vietnam…

Alabama Parrot April 16, 2009 at 10:37 am

I just realized — it was a suicide attempt. Joanne is the Buddhist monk of tea-baggers.

shortsshortsshorts April 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

[re=291488]Alabama Parrot[/re]: She should have just set herself on fire. THAT would be newsworthy. TEABAGGERS UNITE. SET YOURSELVES ON FIRE.

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. April 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

While tea party protests occurred in groups of thousands all across the country on Wednesday, Millard protested alone.

“I just felt at the time that no one else here would be interested,” Millard said.

“I mean, why should today be different from any other day? The kids, they never call anymore. That bitch Hazel is never on time. Never. So, yeah, I went down to the river alone, and I dumped my tea alone, and, yeah, maybe I slipped, and maybe I wasn’t going to bother to get up, and maybe this would have been the sweet release I’ve been pining for, just pining….Anyway, then that bitch Hazel showed up, and everyone made this big deal about it. Fine. Sure. Someone cares today. But where will they be tomorrow?…….Socialists.”

AngryBlakGuy April 16, 2009 at 10:39 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: …“Nice that ya’ll make fun/take joy in the pain of another human being exercising her patriotism in her protest. How very consistent of liberals…”

Uhhhhh, yeah! Isn’t that what you do to retarded people?!

Noodle Salad April 16, 2009 at 10:39 am

My only regret is that I have but two hips to give for my country.

Advocatus_Diaboli April 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: It’s cute the way you think Wonkette would somehow look at this story any differently. Now go away.

loquaciousmusic April 16, 2009 at 10:41 am

[re=291473]Alabama Parrot[/re]: You got there first. I’m proud of you. Also! Microtrends. NOM.

freakishlystrong April 16, 2009 at 10:42 am

[re=291496]Noodle Salad[/re]: Jesus, thank you Noodle, now I’m giggling at that!

itgetter April 16, 2009 at 10:43 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: I laugh whenever old people fall. Party ID has nothing to do with it. So nyah.

Also, gay marriage in NY maybe? Is anyone else watching the press conference and hearing that chick on the right say “yayyyyyy” and laugh like a hyena every two seconds? Who is she??

chascates April 16, 2009 at 10:43 am

[re=291492]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: THAT is how any real patriot would express their anger. Paultards & Teabaggers, show your mettle.

ihasasad April 16, 2009 at 10:43 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: What are all you teabaggers bellyachin for! Jesus F. Christ, y’all are the ones who adore war and want to kill all the bad bad bad brown people. Well guess what?? The largest portion of Your taxes pay for that! You should be very very happy! And guess what again!?!?! The second largest chunk of the tax moneys goes to social security where you old idiots, who are so fucking gullible it’s sick, get to benefit. And then it’s the health care for the old folks (and the poor, which sucks, i know, i feel your fucking pain). The smallest amount of YOUR tax money goes to social programs, like those folks who rescue your dumb ass for walking on slippery rocks because you can’t think for youself and get foreign ideas from church and faux news all stuck up in your mushy brain. Go play in the fucking road.

AKAM80TheWolf April 16, 2009 at 10:43 am

[re=291485]answerbird[/re]:

“Joane the Plunger”

or

“Joane the Tumbler”

WickedWitch April 16, 2009 at 10:45 am

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

There now, I feel much better.

WickedWitch April 16, 2009 at 10:47 am

Shit, it gets better.

If you click on the story, there’s a banner ad with a picture of some kid with a massive shiner and the tag line, “Do you regret beating up on that kid back in elementary school? Contact him and tell him you’re sorry” —

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kingbee April 16, 2009 at 10:49 am

The central fact about the Boston Tea Party was that was a protest of people who had no representation in Parliament. This protest is about losers who can’t believe they lost a fair election. It’s like “Losers times 2″ — lost the election, too stupid to see the difference.

Come here a minute April 16, 2009 at 10:49 am

The article says she was dumping tea leaves, and the photo caption says tea bags. Get your story straight, Daily Item! Is this what passes for journalism these days?

itgetter April 16, 2009 at 10:51 am

[re=291504]itgetter[/re]: answering my own question here, but she’s the speaker of the NYC council, Christine Quinn. Jesus, this woman is so loud. Heckuva laugh. She rivals Tweety.

Kinbote April 16, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: Nice that ya’ll make fun/take joy in the pain of another human being exercising her patriotism in her protest. How very consistent of liberals…

Crazy, since you seem to be new to this Concern Trolling business, here’s a pro-tip: pace yourself. With the level of snark on this side and the level of Stoopid on the other, we’ll be doing this for a while.

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: I didn’t realize being Grover Norquist’s tool was an act of patriotism. But speaking of patriotism — how’s the weather in Iraq? Oh, sorry — you probably have no idea.

answerbird April 16, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=291492]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Or boil herself in tea.

TbaggersUNITE April 16, 2009 at 10:53 am

FAIL

S.Luggo April 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

She finally found my rock. I want it returned.

answerbird April 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

[re=291508]AKAM80TheWolf[/re]: If Professor Proffy is right – Joanne the Jumper

Mustang April 16, 2009 at 10:55 am

[re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: I really really really want to know . This is serious. Where have these protestres been the last 8 years? Because the government has been throwing trillions into a great big toilet.

And I don’t think the story of the lady falling in the river is funny. I think it’s sad that she lived that long and is so ignorant.

hobospacejunkie April 16, 2009 at 10:56 am

This is the saddest story I have ever heard that does not elicit even a tiny amount of sympathy from me. Joane is the victim of a practical joke from future time travelers. They stole her from 1802 and deposited her here sometime in the 1970s. She hasn’t yet learned that the glowing box in the corner is not actually god speaking to her.

Lorax April 16, 2009 at 10:57 am

Moral of the Story: It’s Not Nice To Teabag Mother Nature.

That bitch fights back.

tootsieroll April 16, 2009 at 10:57 am

[re=291477]jagorev[/re]: So it goes.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 16, 2009 at 11:01 am

I’d hit it.

tootsieroll April 16, 2009 at 11:03 am

Just imagine if the stupid GOP had encouraged people to protest by, oh say planting a tree, or volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen…

1) That would require missing a NASCAR event?

2) Too compassionatehippie/commie/libtard for them.

The Church of Realism April 16, 2009 at 11:05 am

Rivers – 7, Milkshakes – 0

TGY April 16, 2009 at 11:05 am

Alas for the first martyr of the Revolution. She fell and strained her tea.

Mapmonger April 16, 2009 at 11:07 am

I logged on figuring I’d take a swipe at the troll-bagger myself, but then I figured the rest of you guys already beat the tootsierolls out of that piñata already.

Texan Bulldoggette April 16, 2009 at 11:08 am

Not to get OT, but that picture reminds me of Walnuts (who eerily also resembles Hank Hill’s dad) trying to find a clue (or Cindy’s G-spot).

as the world burns April 16, 2009 at 11:11 am

[re=291506]ihasasad[/re]: for the fucking win !

and hey, [re=291475]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: like your side’s comments on sites like redstate are any better….blatantly hate-filled and racist. go back to your trailer.

Cape Clod April 16, 2009 at 11:12 am

Slipped on a rock, my ass. This stupid old bat pulled an Ophelia because she’s a retarded attention whore just like all the other teabaggers.

isadelia April 16, 2009 at 11:17 am

[re=291532]Lorax[/re]: Win

Monsieur Grumpe April 16, 2009 at 11:18 am

[re=291472]ChernobylSoup[/re]:
Parasites.

Zadig April 16, 2009 at 11:18 am

[re=291480]Vartan84[/re]: How does the pointlessness of this protest surprise you? Remember RedStaters’ counter-protest to the silly “big turn-off” or whatever? If liberals protested cutting social programs by volunteering at a soup kitchen, these bitters would counter-protest by spitting in the soup.

McDuff April 16, 2009 at 11:19 am

Dumping tea leaves, my ass. I have reliable sources posting on Twitter, that got picked up on Red State and repeated on Townhall, who heard from their sister-in-law’s third cousin’s ex-husband’s Army buddy that she got freaked when she heard a siren and was dumping her stash — which she bought with money from George Soros. And ACORN. Also.

Crapola April 16, 2009 at 11:23 am

She cashed her Socialist Social Security Check to pay for the Socialist mass transit system to traverse the Socialist public roads and safely deliver her to the Socialist public park where the rest of the Anti-Socialists were gathered. She then promptly fell into the Socialist EPA monitored river along with her Socialist FDA approved for consumption tea and then waited for the socialist Coast Guard to fish her out and was later checked out by the Socialist EMS workers.

Have I got all of this about right?

Snerdley April 16, 2009 at 11:24 am

ahhhhhhhhh…That is a sad story on ‘The Daily Item’ link! But I’m ok..there’s an ad on the upper right GET YOURS AT BEAVER MOTORS. Rofflelawlzpimp signed, Cindy Loo

bitchincamaro April 16, 2009 at 11:26 am

Ms. Millard, henceforth to be known as Ms. Mallard.

Monsieur Grumpe April 16, 2009 at 11:26 am

Any bets that Joanne is on a first name basis with the ambulance drivers and 911 operators?

saucemaster April 16, 2009 at 11:30 am

i hope the epa nails her ass with a fine for polluting a river with caffeine.

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 11:31 am

Aw, man! Poor lady.

Seriously. Glad people helped her. But she should know that receiving help from others smacks of Socialism.

Crapola April 16, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=291567]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: My mom was a paramedic for 20 years and she used to tell me all about people like Joanne and how she would cock punch me if I ever became one of them.

bitchincamaro April 16, 2009 at 11:35 am

[re=291519]itgetter[/re]: She’s gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but has her nose so far up Mayor Bloomberg’s butt, I’m surprised she can be heard at all.

Crapola April 16, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=291576]iolanthe[/re]: Exactly. The correct “non-socialist” response would have been to do nothing and then later lament that if she just wasn’t quite so old or wearing quite so many layers of clothes she would have surivived her little swim. It’s called individual responsibility.

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=291528]Mustang[/re]: Where have these protesters been? Asleep. Fast asleep. Rising only to call the rest of us Unamerican Traitors and to tell us to move to France or someplace. What’s different? Well … they *LIKED* the *LAST* President who pissed away all our money and/or gave it to his friends.

But they don’t like *THIS* President.

Despite their indignant protestations to the contrary, I believe this difference is fundamentally a matter of the two men’s pigmentation, not their success, or lack thereof, in dealing with the economy or the war(s) or anything else.

All the reasons they gave for yesterday’s protest (of about 17 different reasons I’ve heard) seem to be utterly contrived and inconsistent.

They hate him for all the reasons he *said* they’d hate him:

- he has a funny name
- he looks different
- his Dad was foreign, and not from a “real” country (i.e. not from someplace in Europe)
- they’re scared and clinging to their guns and their fucked-up non-Biblical version of their Pet God

… you know, all the things that are totally true, that it makes them apoplectic to hear said out loud?

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 11:42 am

[re=291593]Crapola[/re]: That’s right! This lady should have Planned Ahead! That’s what all the 24-year-old male Freepers who’ve never had anything bad happen to them ever in their lives (other than deciding to be a Freeper asshole) like to tell the rest of us about our health care!!

mocowbell April 16, 2009 at 11:49 am

Bet that handy 911 service is paid for with…taxes.

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 11:50 am

[re=291563]Crapola[/re]: You don’t quite have it right. She was the only protester in her town.

I got an amusing note from the Libertarian Party yesterday telling me that “millions of Americans” joined this protest. Anybody have the real numbers? 10,000 max, maybe? All over the country? Or let’s get generous and figure … 50,000?

In 2003, 30,000 people in *LA* (not exactly a hotbed of political activism) gathered and marched to protest the War in Iraq. The “Liberal Media” (snort!) reported 5,000, managed to get a shot of one stretch in the middle of the demo when folks were spread out over a block and looked sparse, and then gave equal time to a “counterdemonstration” of 250 ugly old fatasses from some Fundie church who were screaming at us about how we loved to kill babies.

It appears that the neocons’ prey (dumbasses who hang on Limbaugh’s every word) are as good at running demonstrations as they are at everything else. And I didn’t see very many Big Name Rich Neocons speaking at these things. I mean, where was Saint Rick Santelli, the guy who talked so big on the teevee, for instance?

hobgoblin of little minds April 16, 2009 at 11:56 am

The old (batshit crazy) lady slipped on an ACORN.

slappypaddy April 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

[re=291472]ChernobylSoup[/re]: The cockles of your heart are the snails and slugs that live deep within your chest. If you’re feeling sluggish, it’s because the cockles of your heart have become frigid and need warming. Teabagging can help with this.

momus April 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Karma, or God’s way of saying “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s.”

engulfedinflames April 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm

im a self admitted asshole who would usually laff and laff at a story like this. imagine my confusion when i felt sympathy for this lonely old woman then anger at her family for abandoning her in her dotage. my wife is possibly the most compassionate living human, when i showed her the story she laughed so hard she farted and nearly wet herself.

answerbird April 16, 2009 at 12:14 pm

[re=291564]Snerdley[/re]: Motorized beavers – that is change I can believe in!

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=291624]momus[/re]: I always enjoy telling Righty Fundie friends “You know, Jesus never said one word about homosexuality or abortion, but he *did* tell people to shut up and pay their fucking *taxes*.”

Nice to watch the convolutions and weasel-wording that then ensues. My favorite, from an otherwise Biblical Literalist: “The Roman Empire made them *PUT* that in the Gospel, hundreds of years later. He never said that.”

Inconsistent much, Mister “The World is 6000 Years Old ‘Cause the Bible Tells Me So” and Mr “The Bible Is the Word of God, Unchangeable and Forever True, Not the Mere Words of Men”?

trondant April 16, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Bitch needs a hobby.

ALIVE! April 16, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=291641]iolanthe[/re]: I love this.

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=291703]ALIVE![/re]: Then you’ll really love their interpretations of “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Just screamingly funny. I’ve told the best one here before, so I’ll only repost it on request.

iolanthe April 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

And never forget, guys! This lame-ass thing was billed by Fox News (you know … when they weren’t *promoting* it, only *reporting* on it … before it had happened) as “The Largest Protest in American History”!

Lascauxcaveman April 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=291462]raysmuckles[/re]: Some private business should erect a railing so nice old ladies who don’t like paying taxes can litter into the river without worrying about slipping on socialist algae!

Call John Galt Landscaping and Construction for all your handrail needs!

Kinbote April 16, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Strange women laying in ponds in no basis for a system of government.

hobospacejunkie April 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=291625]engulfedinflames[/re]: my wife is possibly the most compassionate living human, when i showed her the story she laughed so hard she farted and nearly wet herself.

Does your wife have a sister?

Oliver April 16, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=291625]engulfedinflames[/re]: Everytime I see a story like this, I think to myself, “well, there’s a reason she is lonely.”

engulfedinflames April 16, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=291765]hobospacejunkie[/re]: yes but she’s dead.

Bearbloke April 16, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=291458]BigDupa[/re]: hopefully they all demanded advance payment in solid silver Liberty dollars, just like the Constitution requires….

McDuff April 16, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Many have already made this point, but I’ll add my version: They all say they want to “go Galt,” but when they fall in the river (or their house is on fire, or they get mugged, or their broker steals their retirement money) it’s all “help me, government, help me.”

Damn Sunday Socialists!

Bearbloke April 16, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=291532]Lorax[/re]: win!

glamourdammerung April 16, 2009 at 2:18 pm

The worst part is that this lady is probably still too stupid to realise that her taxes pay for the people that fished her stupid ass out of the river.

Bearbloke April 16, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=291744]Kinbote[/re]: Neep!

smartypants April 16, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Lego Jesus is crying peep blood at the sad, sad, sadness and at the mean, mean, meaneyness of the wonktards. Evul teabagging results in DROWNING caused by demons that come in through ANAL POISONING. You must all do penance. Send money now to the usual place.

ihasasad April 16, 2009 at 4:05 pm

[re=291730]iolanthe[/re]: I know it’s late, but I’d like to hear a funny.
[re=292015]smartypants[/re]: Dear Lego Jesus, far be it from me to say anything against your word, but it really bothers me that you said anal.

lulzmonger April 16, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Was she left to steep for exactly three minutes?

hobospacejunkie April 16, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=291778]engulfedinflames[/re]: I’m sorry I asked.

Ohio Wonkette Fan April 16, 2009 at 9:50 pm

The old bitty probably bought the tea with her old man’s Social Security money, and then complains about globalization while wearing a nightgown sold by wally world and made by child slaves in China. I bet she doesn’t even pay for watching Lawrence Welk on PBS.

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