Lewd.Ha ha George Will: “Today it is silly for Americans whose closest approximation of physical labor consists of loading their bags of clubs into golf carts to go around in public dressed for driving steers up the Chisholm Trail to the railhead in Abilene.” It’s funny because it’s sort of true! We are a nation of wretched cowboy slobs.

But of course this is why George Will will eventually get kicked out of the Republican party — because he is such an unapologetic snob.

For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.

But that is not the point. The point is that some outraged commenters on are pointing out that Will has missed the real story of April 16, the day after America declared its independence from communist Kenyan proctologists:

Today every freedom loving writer is reporting on the TEA Parties and Will writes on denim???!!!

I’ll bet that 90% of the ‘drapes’ [Wha huh? — Ed.] on the ground yesterday were denim.

Is Will trying to alienate freedom-lovers?

Forever in Blue Jeans []

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  1. “For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it.”

    That’s it. From now on, I’m wearing a tuxedo to work.

  2. George Will is Herb Tarlek from WKRP

    Herb: The whole world is in revolution, and not just here, but everywhere. And you know who’s at war?
    Les: No.
    Herb: It’s the dungarees versus the suits, Les. The whole world is in two armed camps – over here, we have the dungarees, and over here the suits. Remember the riots from the sixties? It was the dungarees versus the suits. And then Watergate. Those guys arrested were wearing dungarees, and who suffered for it?
    Les: The suits!
    Herb: Exactly!
    Les: But there were issues, Herb.
    Herb: The issues, issues, were a smokescreen. Now listen. When a son disobeys his father, what’s he wearing?
    Les: The son? Uh… dungarees!
    Herb: And what’s the father got on?
    Les: Probably a suit!
    Herb: D’ya see what I mean, Les?
    Les: Yeah!
    Herb: And do you know what’s worse?
    Les: What?
    Herb: The fathers are beginning to wear dungarees too!
    Les: That’s right!
    Herb: And so are the mothers!
    Les: It’s just like “The Bodysnatchers”!

  3. I don’t get the ‘drapes’ reference either (unless it is said to ‘match the carpet’). Maybe the writer meant that most of the tea baggers had hair? Wait, no, the hair was on the ground? No, arr, that’s not it. Drapes=feet? Okay, I give up…shit, stumped by a townhaller–I need to call it a day already.


    Wow, typing like a nutter makes my head hurt.

  5. Because when I need sartorial advice, I turn to George Will, a man who has been wearing the same uniform (dark suit, white shirt, red or blue tie, lacy pink panties) since he was 6.

  6. Well here in fly over country all you need is a simple pair of Wranglers and a Big Ten sweatshirt. Quit talkin’ about tuxedos, Mr. Fancypants Will. We need jobs! Jobs, I tell you!

  7. That whole reference to the Chisolm Trail is more than a little homoerotic. What are the odds that Mr. Will types his column on his Selectric dressed in full leather-bear regalia?

  8. I can’t believe Will’s not dead yet, having to carry all of that concern on his shoulders all the time all by hisself.

    Did you read last week’s column? Poor Will is the only person in the world worried about the plight of women in Saudi Arabia. Thanks for bringing that up George… none of us had a fucking clue what was going on over there until somehow you managed to blame Obama for letting the Saudis punish the rape victims. If you had only pointed that out to us sometime in, say, the last 8 fucking years, maybe we could have gotten GWB to nuke their asses for not being more like us, as he was wont to do. But no, you waited until we had a wussie in the west wing before bringing it up. What the fuck can we do about it now?

  9. In the case of Republican members of Congress, “(F)or men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If J. Edgar Hoover would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, same thing.”

  10. Ugh, George Will. Strangely enough, a brief google image search turns up absofuckinglutely no pictures of Fred Astaire wearing Will’s buttfucking stupid bowtie. Is this really the guy we’re supposed to be taking fashion tips from?

    My Microeconomics professor was telling us in class yesterday about how WSJ reported that bowties are on the way back ‘in’. I glanced at his neckline and thought “surely you couldn’t be a partisan on this issue, hmmmm?”

  11. [re=291418]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Man, Herb had impeccable taste. I wish I know where I could get a powder blue jacket with suede lapels. Fred Astaire only wishes he could rock shit like that.

  12. Yes, I’ll take my fashion advice from a man who wears bowties.

    “It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravat’s supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?”

    [re=291418]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Dude, that you remember that scene is fucking scary and hilarious at the same time.

  13. I tried doing what Will suggested but it was really hard to type in evening gloves and my tiara kept sliding off and landing on my keyboard1 My mink stole got caught in the copier. When I climbed the ladder to retrieve a file, I stepped on the hem of my gown and almost took a header off the ladder. I don’t think this is going to work out very well. I think Mr. Will has no concept of what I like to call “reality”.

  14. [re=291447]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]:
    Not any photographic memory on my part. I just know a place on the intertubes that is a warehouse for WKRP quotes.

  15. [re=291424]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:
    I *think* the ‘drapes’ reference is to a G. Will phrase …
    “If mother is there, she, too, is draped in denim.”

    Which he later admits to stealing, along with everything else he ever wrote, from some old dead writer-guy.

    “Edmund Burke — what he would have thought of the denimization of America can be inferred from his lament that the French Revolution assaulted “the decent drapery of life”; it is a straight line from the fall of the Bastille to the rise of denim — said: “To make us love our country, our country ought to be lovely.”

    Urrr… whatever. But really, George, a pair of blue jeans would have been a MUCH better choice than these lovely lemon yellow … slacks.

    But what can you expect from a man who will still wear a bow tie, without a touch of irony?

  16. The drapes thing is a reference to the “drapery” quote Will uses from (who else) Edmund Burke. Do you think he dusted this column off from his archives, say circa 1973? Maybe he has been waiting all these years for the proper news hook, which he finally found on the Ed page of the WSJ.

  17. Even better is the sidebar ad showing right now for “Build your own jeans now!” Honestly, is there anything more ‘Merican than that? Especially the option for the back pockets-“simplicity or statement?” In your face, George Will!

  18. It wouldn’t be a full day in Red Amurka if George Will wasn’t butthurt about something no one else cares about.

    Now git off his lawn, ya damned kids.

  19. I was OK with Will’s little jeans protest, until I got to the bit about videogamers being allowed to vote. Now I want to totally frag his ass! Eat hot photons, Georgie! PYeiw! Pyiew! Pyiew!!1!

  20. [re=291415]slavojzizek[/re]: …those teabaggers would’ve made a much better impression dressed like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.
    it would have made one hell of an impression if the women dressed as Fred Astaire and the men dressed as Ginger Rogers. Geeze, scary.

  21. I just reread some of this and realize George is finally going senile. “…straight line from the fall of the Bastille to the rise of denim…” Jeebus!

    How long before he barricades himself in a fortified compound somewhere in West Virginia… or Chevy Chase? And, I repeat… LOOK at the man! He’s wearing his sister’s pants to a Nationals game! He’s one step from full crazy.
    OK, I’m done now.

  22. I am struck by two things:

    (1) George is rejecting the very free market system he usually claims to love so much, the system in which American consumers “voted” in massive numbers for blue jeans over other types of causal wear, and

    (2) George’s lack of interest in writing about the Tea partys can probably be explained by his fear of the mob, a fear he shares with the founding fathers — along with a taste for powered wigs, nickers, and starch , LOTS OF STARCH.

  23. [re=291439]shanemacgowan[/re]: I guess that means drag is accepted Republican wear then, eh?

    If it was good enough for Clyde Tolson, it’s good enough for me!

  24. [re=291486]snideinplainsight[/re]: Seriously, his entire column could be summarized as “I am a crazy old curmudgeon, the end.”

    If George Will’s name hadn’t been attached to this, I would have assumed it was some bizzare satire. I mean “straight line from the fall of the Bastille to the rise of denim”? Really?

  25. As I recall, Fred Astaire was tap-dancing during the Great Depression, bread lines and dust bowls. I think George is confusing the Republican Road to Recovery with Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.

  26. Good luck getting America to go back to menstrual pads, George, not even to mention garters for men’s sox. Grace and Fred are dead for a reason.

  27. Besides, someone tell George in Depression America, all the unemployed have no need to get dressed up to spend all day sitting around the house watching Comedy Central and waiting for the unemployment check to show up in their mailboxes.

  28. Oh, gee, George, I wonder if my jeans could possibly annoy you as much as your bow tie makes me want to spit in your stuck-up face. Also, I’ll stop watching adult cartoons like King of the Hill the day that you stop writing orgasmic columns of that 19th century boy’s pastime, the most stupid and boring child’s game in the universe, baseball.

  29. I don’t think it’s fair to claim that blue jeans look bad on fat people, as though a pencil skirt and a twin set with pearls will somehow make me look slender.

  30. ‘(A confession: The author owns one pair of jeans. Wore them once. Had to. Such was the dress code for former Sen. Jack Danforth’s 70th birthday party, where Jerry Jeff Walker sang his classic “Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother.” ‘

    There’s a song called “Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother’?

  31. Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

    Not that I agree with George, but jeans suck. At least in Texas. Too hot, as in warm. They do look good in a nicely shaped female booty, though. But framers of female booties are many, and I wouldn’t wish a woman the hell of wearing jeans in a hot climate.

  32. The East Coast is so weird. In Orygun, Fred Astaire/George Will would look mighty peculiar.

    My former neighbor, who died of colon cancer yesterday, told me what the dress code was when I was new here. There isn’t one. The former governor wore cowboy boots in the winter and Birkenstocks in the summer. Our current governor grew up in an orphanage, did a hitch in the Marines, and is a real guy with who does real work instead of whine about stupid shit like Prissy George.

    Maybe I’ll wear my best jeans to the funeral.

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