OLD PEOPLE  8:04 pm April 14, 2009

Old White Guys In Stockton Launching Militia

by Ken Layne

Angry mob fun run.Some old white dude in Stockton is starting a militia because the police might have a few layoffs. He’s got 270 fellow gun nuts ready to, uh, hit the streets and take out the trash! Just avoid the hell out of Stockton for, let’s see, how about forever? Yes, Forever sounds good.

“They’re going to have rifles, shotguns, pistols — whatever they get their hands on,” said 66-year-old Alan Pettet. “We’re not going to go out looking for trouble, but the first person who fires on us, will get a lot of return fire going his way.”

Stop this. Send some Lipton’s to the mayor or whatever, but stop this shit.

Stockton Militia Organizer Claims Strong Support [ABC News 10]

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facehead April 14, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Stockton Syndrome?

chascates April 14, 2009 at 8:09 pm

A car filled with four heavily-armed untrained ‘Hammers in search of a Nail’ is an idea that is bound to spread.

JesseJB April 14, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Well I guess I will be avoiding Stockton! Oh wait. This won’t change my bahavior at all.

Johnny Zhivago April 14, 2009 at 8:10 pm

Stockton, California or Stockton, New Jersey?

dsdrane April 14, 2009 at 8:10 pm

I like turtles!

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 8:12 pm

They want the City to pay them something like $350 an HOUR for their services, even though the mayor’s office is like “Umm, fuck no, you ‘tards.”

BillyClubb April 14, 2009 at 8:13 pm

We’re not going to go out looking for trouble, but the first person who fires on us, will get a lot of return fire going his way.

This is going to be the genesis of some huge tragedy. I can see the headline now: “Young Boy Shot While Setting Off Firecrackers.”

SayItWithWookies April 14, 2009 at 8:15 pm

So how’s that not-paying-taxes thing going, guys?

El Pinche April 14, 2009 at 8:15 pm

With all of these nutcases come out of the wood work getting their inspiration from glenn beck and hannity, something BAD is bound to happen soon.

WagTehGod April 14, 2009 at 8:16 pm

It’s not like pre-militia Stockton was worth going to either. Although I got a good deal on meth at the Denny’s off I-5 once.

The Unfairman April 14, 2009 at 8:20 pm

I hope someone fires on them. Like, with a flamethrower. And napalm.

Loves me some napalm.

Delicious April 14, 2009 at 8:20 pm

Stockton, a respite from the hurly burly of Fresno!

YesWeKant April 14, 2009 at 8:24 pm

This should improve the local economy. Nothing says “come visit our fair city” like gun nuts on parade.

wonderboom April 14, 2009 at 8:24 pm

These guys have clearly not thought this through. They are totally going to miss the American Idol finales.

hoosiermama April 14, 2009 at 8:26 pm

Strait outta Stockton, yo

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. April 14, 2009 at 8:26 pm

“We’ll have four men in a car, and as many cars as we can put out there”, said Pettet.

Ohhhhh, so it’s like that. For a second, I thought it would be dangerous; now I think it will be Kenneth Anger.

stew April 14, 2009 at 8:26 pm

With all the news of late, you’d think America was overflowing with angry white trash losers. Oh yeah…

Scandalabra April 14, 2009 at 8:27 pm

I used to drive a cab in Frisco back in the day (’76). Once I (against my better judgment) I picked up two yuppie assholes outside a fern bar on Union Street. They were drunk as shit–said “take us to Stockton”. It was a slow night, so I thought, “WTF?” Forty-five minutes later I pulled into the asshole’s suburban drive and he puked all over the backseat of my cab. His BF just giggled. I demanded cab-fare from the infuriated harridan wife, which she reluctantly gave up, but bitch would not help me clean up her husband’s vomit off my backseat. I had to go to a gas station to perform this duty, then spend the rest of the night finding my way back to the city. I have voted Democratic ever since, and get gay-married every chance I get.

The Church of Realism April 14, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Snake Plissken moved from NY to Stockton for the challenge.

Gopherit April 14, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Is it profiling if police start pulling over carloads of fat old white men with guns in stockton?

Delicious April 14, 2009 at 8:32 pm

Mmmmmm, Civony girl…

badmuthagoose April 14, 2009 at 8:35 pm

I don’t even know where Stockton is. Besides, I live in Texas. Like I’m afraid of people with guns or something, please. Even my liberal lesbian left-handed legally blind latte sipping Latina friend has two.

grevillea April 14, 2009 at 8:35 pm

I misread it as Stockholm. Which did not fit with my preconceptions of middle-aged Swedish men as a bunch of overeducated, tweed-jacketed, goateed, akvavit-sipping chaps at a Schoenberg concert in a birch-lined modernist concert hall.

erectiledisfunction April 14, 2009 at 8:35 pm

Stockton … the armpit of California. And in a state full of armpits, that says a lot. I wonder if there will be lynchings? Is this happening in Wasilla too?

McDuff April 14, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Will the “four men in a car” provide their own white sheets and hoods, or do they want the city to provide those too? Enquiring minds want to know!

grevillea April 14, 2009 at 8:38 pm

[re=289500]Gopherit[/re]: That’s profiling we can believe in!

loquaciousmusic April 14, 2009 at 8:39 pm

270 people are driving around in Admiral Stockdale? I’m so confused.

Mad Farmer Manifest April 14, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Ohhh kayyyyyyy. My small town has already had one unemployed good old boy rob a credit union with a bomb this year. The teller knew him personally, natch, and he fled up a road that basically dead ends. Not smart on many levels. The police handled it well (including my relative on the force) and no one got hurt. No imagine some gun nuts are on the case, spraying lead into random houses along the way and causing multiple accidents while they are in hot pursuit. I hope these nuts get arrested and sentenced to cellmate sodomy. Or teabagging.

wonderboom April 14, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=289500]Gopherit[/re]: If they’re wearing baggy jeans w/ “greatest grampa” boxers hanging out, then yes.

Crank Tango April 14, 2009 at 8:42 pm

I am sure DHS has a website where they can turn themselves in, er, register to serve as official militias.

UM I say we forget about Irakistan and bring the military home to start setting up these FEMA concentration camps I have been hearing so much about. Personally, I would like to volunteer for an ACORN Death Squad.

smashtheduck April 14, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Before this, the only thing I knew about Stockton was they cooked a lot of meth. So this is not exactly shocking.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 14, 2009 at 8:44 pm

What’s the deal, is Branson, Missouri closed for renovations and NASCAR having a bye week?

Beetletheknee April 14, 2009 at 8:44 pm

[re=289475]dsdrane[/re]: Win!

Alabama Parrot April 14, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Thank you for sharing this. I checked my atlas and can find no Stockton in Alabama. I am shocked that such a progressive, visionary state as California would have such maroons. Also Chuck Manson.

KTHXBAI April 14, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Because I was just DYING to go to Stockton

Aquannissiwamissoo April 14, 2009 at 8:48 pm

I’m seeing a Mission Accomplished ceremony on a riding lawn mower with codpieces of Depends.

And lots of dead dogs … in the rigor mortis of mid-lawn pooping …

But not much else.

Min April 14, 2009 at 8:49 pm

Lipton’s, hell. Send Prozac.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 8:52 pm

Don’t hate on Stockton! They have great tractor pulls and monster truck rallies. It is real merika

Aquannissiwamissoo April 14, 2009 at 8:54 pm

[re=289504]grevillea[/re]: Those are the Danes, mothah. You can tell because they all do climate modelling on Linux Beowulf clusters just for a relaxing break from winning chess tournaments.

chascates April 14, 2009 at 8:55 pm

[re=289476]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You’re always ahead of the rest of the class.

[re=289485]The Unfairman[/re]: Flamethrowers are legal to buy. The same Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot always features demos of flamethrowers. WWII, Korea, and Vietnam era and they start around $500. Or used to.

Fear of a Black Reagan April 14, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Personally, I would like to volunteer for an ACORN Death Squad.

I’m with ya. Let’s shape up, fellow libtards! If only wingnuts have guns, all guns will have trucknutz. Is that Change We Can Believe In? Nope.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 14, 2009 at 9:02 pm

I guess Bakersfield is too gayed up and froo froo now …

Spiderfrommars April 14, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Although Stockton has a reputation for being a tough town, I saw a bumpersticker there that read “It’s OK not to shoot up” so how bad can it be?

Servo April 14, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Who, may I ask, will be watching the mean streets of Stockton when it’s 10¢ wings night at the VFW? Hmmm?

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 9:05 pm

OT: Wonkette just got a major shout out on Maddow. Which one of you is Rachel?

Will work for shoes April 14, 2009 at 9:10 pm

[re=289482]El Pinche[/re]: Yep. And that scares me.

Will work for shoes April 14, 2009 at 9:13 pm

[re=289508]grevillea[/re]: It would be a *change*

Hooray For Anything April 14, 2009 at 9:15 pm

I’m sure those members of the militia will be quite okay then with paying higher taxes to keep the cops on the beat and are huge supporters of the stimulus package as it’s supposed to give money to the state’s to help fight off just such a thing.

RoscoePColtraine April 14, 2009 at 9:18 pm

Just stay off the crazy streets when it’s Bingo night down at the senior center.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 9:23 pm

[re=289540]Hooray For Anything[/re]: We are already paying higher state taxes for the next couple of years. Pretty much off sets the fed tax cuts for most Californians. But your right about the stim money.

wheelie April 14, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Yo yo yo
Straight out of Stockton
We da Pensioner Posse
We old skool, We Olds rule
Two hunnerd and seventy
We be featured on Hannity
We be suckin’ on da peppermintz
While we act as police supplementz

[re=289534]comradepaulson[/re]: Seriously? More info please.

Cicada April 14, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Having spent some time in Stockton, I can say with authority, that it’s a meth-ridden shit hole.

I can’t wait to see what “fun” these gun-totin’ grampas will get into when they confront a tweeker whose been up for three days robbing a 7-11.

Good times.

Cape Clod April 14, 2009 at 9:32 pm

I give it two weeks before these imbeciles start opening fire on each other.

Cicada April 14, 2009 at 9:34 pm

[re=289547]Cicada[/re]: ugh. Sorry for the extra comma.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=289546]wheelie[/re]: Right at the beginning of the show. She showed a teabag post and called us “cheerfully profane.” Not true, nobody here is fucking cheerful.

Who here is from the Maddow show? Come on, out yourself, you silly producer or intern!

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=289550]comradepaulson[/re]: Ann Marie Cox probably made her do it… she used to be the editor here, you know— right before she SOLD OUT AND STARTED EATING BABIES.

Hooray For Anything April 14, 2009 at 9:39 pm

[re=289543]lovekills[/re]: Eh…good point. But while I’m okay with paying those taxes because it will help California pay for important social services like the police (or my unemployment checks), my guess is that those guys aren’t. In fact, my guess is that most of those guys are going to be doing some teabagging tomorrow.

Hooray For Anything April 14, 2009 at 9:42 pm

True story…friend went to the gun range yesterday for fun but was told he couldn’t because they were out of ammo. Turns out there’s an ammo shortage out there because there’s been a run on it over the past few months.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 9:44 pm

[re=289552]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Ya, they were probably at some John and Ken anti-tax rally last month, crying like little girls. So the guns make them feel like men again, ahhhhh. much. better. also.

lawrenceofthedesert April 14, 2009 at 9:46 pm

I think they should call themselves the Senor Cialis Brigade and all should wear Napolean hats and crossed bandoliers. They could put bananas in their pants for the Fourth of July parade. Suggested motto: “Pacemakers on Patrol.”

DC Hates Me April 14, 2009 at 9:50 pm

I get the feeling that Alan Pettet is a lonely, old crank with a head full of bad crazy. Calling up newspapers with crazy ideas, harrassing politicians, you get the picture.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 9:50 pm

[re=289551]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Too true. It’s like Wonkette and all things connected Wonkette are seeping into the MSNBC family, bit by bit. Soon, the NBC Peacock will be replaced by a multi-colored set of Trucknutz.

BTW, those of us from Michigan sneer at your little Stockton Militia. Our Militia is way scarier, wing-nuttier and they made cheesecake calenders featuring womenz with gunz. When your militia has a Miss March holding an Uzi, then I’ll be quivering in my booties.

Servo April 14, 2009 at 9:50 pm

“You WANT me on that wall! You NEED me on that wall!”

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Now I’m thinking about it….why 4 men to a car, fucking pussy men. Do they not know this is how gang bangers roll?

Uncle Glenny April 14, 2009 at 9:56 pm

[re=289553]Hooray For Anything[/re]: From the “rightwing extremism” report listed on huffpo and referenced by Greenwald today:

“Open source reporting of wartime ammunition shortages has likely spurred
rightwing extremists—as well as law-abiding Americans—to make bulk purchases of
ammunition. These shortages have increased the cost of ammunition, further
exacerbating rightwing extremist paranoia and leading to further stockpiling activity.”

I guess it’s kind of like why supermarkets here (Boston area) seem to have runs on toilet paper before snowstorms.

btw, whoever said earlier today that huffpo jumped the shark should have been specific, because it’s not like the home page is static and anyone later can be sure what the f you were talking about.

Uncle Glenny April 14, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=289561]lovekills[/re]: they don’t want to have to take anyone into custody. Just shoot ‘em and leave ‘em I suppose.

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 9:59 pm

[re=289559]comradepaulson[/re]: Hardball with Juli Weiner?

DoctorCulturae April 14, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Why doesn’t Stockton just declare itself part of Idaho and call it a day. Maybe they’ll take over an Arby’s.

Juice Newton's Bastard Child April 14, 2009 at 10:00 pm

And what’s really groovy is the Supreme Court last year pretty much said people like this are heroes….

snideinplainsight April 14, 2009 at 10:00 pm

[re=289533]Servo[/re]: Oh, God. 10 cent wings. Do I miss upstate -

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 10:03 pm

[re=289564]Zadig[/re]: Also, “Hardball” will be spoken as some sort of bizzare triple-entendre.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 10:04 pm

[re=289563]Uncle Glenny[/re]: What a concept, Stockton: Land of the dead. Bloody idiots.

S.Luggo April 14, 2009 at 10:06 pm

[re=289474]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Chchnya

S.Luggo April 14, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=289482]El Pinche[/re]: It happened. McCain/Palin 2008.

Rush April 14, 2009 at 10:17 pm

Don’t tell me, the favorite beverage is Stockton is tea. Meanwhile, some iceberg off Greenland just melted.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 10:19 pm

[re=289576]Rush[/re]: Thats what happens when you put lettuce in the freezer, disaster!!!! also.

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 10:19 pm

[re=289564]Zadig[/re]: Hahahaha NO COMMENT.

DeepFriedTwinkies April 14, 2009 at 10:20 pm

An armed Alzheimer’s patrol. What could possibly go wrong?

ALIVE! April 14, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Well helloooo there Civony.

Servo April 14, 2009 at 10:28 pm

If I yelled “Hey, Cooter!” into this posse of 270 morans, 220 of them would turn and say “Wha?”.

wheelie April 14, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=289550]comradepaulson[/re]: Pretty cool – a nice Happy Birthday for Wonkette. I hope someone grabbed the video. I’d like to see that.

Dr Tobias Funke April 14, 2009 at 10:31 pm

Humm lets see- on the low end:
2 cases of bud heavy / Marlboro reds = $50
1 tank of gas-$50
Ammo / Guns- $50
=$150 / month * 300 wackos = 45000 / month * 12 months = 540,000

Police officer salary @45,000

Thus for the same of less then these morons would spend driving around pistol whipping the colored folk, About 12 new cops… Or maybe a fee or ‘tax’ of $5-10 for every citizen and…. omg! no police officers!

grevillea April 14, 2009 at 10:33 pm

[re=289579]DeepFriedTwinkies[/re]: win

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 10:34 pm

[re=289584]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: You make the maths sing :)

Hunger Tallest Palin April 14, 2009 at 10:39 pm

[re=289477]BillyClubb[/re]: Or, their “squad car” will backfire and solve a lot of problems all at once.

Texan Bulldoggette April 14, 2009 at 10:41 pm

Sorry, I haven’t read all the comments, but I presume these old fart minutemen also oppose the stimulus thus resulting in the laying off of the real policemen because I’m sure the irony of that would totally escape them.

S.Luggo April 14, 2009 at 10:44 pm

“They’re going to have rifles, shotguns, pistols — whatever they get their hands on.” “We’re not going to go out looking for trouble, but the first person who fires on us, will get a lot of return fire going his way.”
- A warning from the Somali pirates.
History repeats itself.

Honi soit …

rocktonsammy April 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm

Get the next of kin phone numbers ready.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 10:47 pm

[re=289590]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Pretty close. No, wait your right. How did you know this? Incredible.

prophet1195 April 14, 2009 at 10:49 pm

What, the Simpleton Okies run out of nutty preachers to rapture them they have to have suicide by cop?

Bearbloke April 14, 2009 at 10:56 pm

I drove through Stockton once… as fast as I could with the windows rolled up…

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 10:58 pm

[re=289594]prophet1195[/re]: Simpleton Californians. Sorry to correct you. We have are fair share, trust me.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith April 14, 2009 at 10:59 pm

[re=289494]Scandalabra[/re]: That was my fav comment of the day. Though if I had lived in Frisco in the 70′s I most definately wouldn’t be alive. I barely survived Backstreets in Atlanta.

imissopus April 14, 2009 at 11:03 pm


[re=289584]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: You forgot to add the cost to taxpayers of housing these douchebags in Pelican Bay for extended periods of time when they go nuts and shoot a bunch of people. Though luckily they are old and will thus die before serving out long prison terms.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 11:05 pm

I’m sorry to be the official OT television watcher on this thread. But we have a freighter-nutz sighing. Comedy Central. 11:00.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 11:09 pm

Not sighing. Sighting! Freighter-nutz don’t sigh.

Lazy Media April 14, 2009 at 11:10 pm

This will last about one four-hour shift, assuming ol’ Crusty there can get three of his VFW buddies to get in his car with him. Then they’ll figure out that driving around randomly without being able to talk to a 911 dispatcher is a REALLY bad way to find crimes in progress. If the cops don’t bust them for illegally carrying loaded guns, they’ll get bored and go home.

DP April 14, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Oh crap!!! When I clicked on this I thought the headline was ” Old White Guys in STOCKINGS Form Militia.” I’d buy that for a dollar.

hockeymom April 14, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Stockton and Wasilla…a race to the bottom.

hockeymom April 14, 2009 at 11:15 pm

Remember that family from X-Files who kept their mother under the floorboards so they could continually impregnate her? If you ever get lost in the Delta, just outside of Stockton, you’ll probably run into them.

brianbull1 April 14, 2009 at 11:16 pm

Hmm, Stockton,gun nuts,this sounds familiar,but just can’t quite place it. Fuck it anyone wanna go to McDonalds?

Texan Bulldoggette April 14, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=289602]comradepaulson[/re]: Saw it too. If all boats had such Nutz, them damn pirates would be too awed to do anything.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=289613]hockeymom[/re]: I’m hearing Johnny Mathis off in the distance. Locking door now…

youareanidiot April 14, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Ugh! These idiots were out in full force in parts of New Orleans after the hurricane in 2005. We still don’t know the death toll from their activities.

hockeymom April 14, 2009 at 11:25 pm

[re=289616]comradepaulson[/re]: I had forgotten that part. Well, I guess I know what tonight’s nightmare will be.

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 11:27 pm

[re=289615]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You missed the red meme. Nobama loves the muslins and just wants to sit down and talk about their mother issues.

obfuscator April 14, 2009 at 11:32 pm

gee, i sure hope psycho bitters across the nation pick up on this well-planned model of civic involvement.

El Pinche April 14, 2009 at 11:39 pm

[re=289614]brianbull1[/re]: That had to be the most disturbing episode of any show on TV….well, not the most disturbing. Everytime i catch a glimpse that the Glenn Beck show, my eyes get ass raped.

Texan Bulldoggette April 14, 2009 at 11:40 pm

[re=289613]hockeymom[/re]: Loved that episode & the one where the pet dog (a Pomeranian) ate the dead dude’s (I think Peter Boyle of “Everybody Loves Raymond”) entrails because no one seemed to miss him. Something we should all seek to avoid.

El Pinche April 14, 2009 at 11:45 pm

[re=289622]El Pinche[/re]: that was ment for hockeymom’s comment. IM NOTT DRUQNK!

lovekills April 14, 2009 at 11:46 pm

[re=289625]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Ok, I’m out. I have a pom and if the little shit ever stops eating underwear and tissue according to you people it will be my body next. Can I have some peace? I’m going to have a cup of tea, you people are sick.

V572625694 April 14, 2009 at 11:49 pm

[re=289494]Scandalabra[/re]: He was going to be an actress, and you were going to learn to fly? He took off to find the footlights….

gjdodger April 14, 2009 at 11:50 pm

“We’ll have four men in a car, and as many cars as we can put out there”

And they’ll be dressed like

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 11:53 pm

As long as everybody knows the cure:

Mr Blifil April 14, 2009 at 11:55 pm

Four men in a car? What happens when they apprehend somebody? Just drag them behind the car back to the “station?”

Crow T. Robot April 14, 2009 at 11:56 pm

I’ve lost track of the conversation, but let me just say I, for one, welcome King Mob.

Other than some small local tragedies that will not happen to anyone I know, I figure this can only accelerate what all the recent murder-suicides have begun: the universal realization that we’re all scum & robots should be driving our cars and protecting us from harming ourselves.

As long as they’ll let me smoke hash (after they find me some hash), I’m good with that.

trondant April 14, 2009 at 11:57 pm

[re=289550]comradepaulson[/re]: Huh. Stewart put a humongous pair of Freighter Nutz on that Maersk line ship tonight. So, the media takeover plan continues apace. also.

assistant/atlas April 14, 2009 at 11:57 pm

Um, Stockton? You guys do realize the Attorney General of your state is Edmund Gerald “Jerry “Moonie” Brown” Brown, Jr.

Waiting for the tards to do the Google. Yes, THAT Jerry Brown. I am almost giddy with anticipation.

trondant April 14, 2009 at 11:58 pm

or, what you already said.

Texan Bulldoggette April 15, 2009 at 12:00 am

[re=289633]Mr Blifil[/re]: If that’s good enough for the folks in Jasper, TX, that’s good enough for the folks in Cal-i-for-nye-ay.

lovekills April 15, 2009 at 12:06 am

[re=289637]assistant/atlas[/re]: No google necessary. I may be a wanna be hippie, but I love the Jerry Brown. Bring em on!!

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 12:11 am

We should be able to spot them easy enough , though , cruising in the fast lane at 27 miles per hour with their left turn signal on……

imissopus April 15, 2009 at 12:12 am

The chant of “Jerry! Jerry!” is a familiar one in Stockton for a multitude of reasons.

Mr Blifil April 15, 2009 at 12:30 am

[re=289639]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I hope the city of Stockton acquiesces to their every demand, except they require them to ride around individually on goofy-looking Segways instead of 4 to a car. Difficult to look badass on a Segway. They’d probably all quit within 3 days.

itgetter April 15, 2009 at 12:33 am

Oh jebus. I think I’ve hit my scary-as-shit-winger quotient for the week. I’m not sure I can drag myself to the local teabagging party tomorrow, even to send in pix to Wonkette.

itgetter April 15, 2009 at 12:41 am

One confused local replies to a facebook invite by posting on the Syracuse group wall:

“Hey Meg! What fun! Donavan actually has a doctor’s appointment, so don’t think I will make it. We will have to find another time to get together though. I have been meaning to write as I still have a question for you. Will soon. Enjoy tea!”

I prefer these friendly, dumb folk to their angrier, batshittier counterparts.

lovekills April 15, 2009 at 12:56 am

OT: I saw a diary from Angry Blak Guy today on Kos, Should we help him??

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 12:57 am

Domestic Terrorists

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 12:59 am

“In the city…..the city of Stockton…..keep it rockin’

Aquannissiwamissoo April 15, 2009 at 1:01 am

Straight outta Stockton
Got my Depends on
Don’t know what my friends on
They out on the lawn, bringin’ it on
Chuggin some Mylanta
I say, dood, wash it down with Fanta
They say the lime
I say the lemon
But when the heat comes
We bring the slam on.
I’m straight outta Stockton.

peorgietirebiter April 15, 2009 at 1:03 am

No wonder George Lucas snubbed his hometown for Skywalker Ranch. Friggin’ community organizers are a pox on the republic..

Mr Blifil April 15, 2009 at 1:06 am

[re=289657]lovekills[/re]: I sent him a few boxes of tea bags. Hope he appreciates the gesture!

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 1:07 am

[re=289660]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: WIN!!!

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 1:13 am

Faux Alert!!! Sean Hanniteabag will be teabagging in Atlanta TODAY!!! Good to see him take a wide stance on taxes.

KittyLitter April 15, 2009 at 1:13 am

Carloads of stupid asshole white men in guns with cars.

Oh well, so much for that downtown revitalization project.

Maybe they can tool down 99 to Fresno and visit Freeperville HQ and start a gang war. If we’re lucky there will be no survivors.

Aquannissiwamissoo April 15, 2009 at 1:27 am

Cropdusters of Thorazine …

brokengambler April 15, 2009 at 1:55 am

There is actually a bit of something too this. Stockton has, I believe, the highest murder rate in California, due to an abundance of Asian gangs. So my guess is that this man just recently watched Gran Torino, and started getting ideas.

Still, I think this has the potential to turn into a “who do you trust” sort of cops vs. thugs story. With the ruthless, but secretly sentimental gang leader up against the soulless authority figures. Too bad Charleton Heston is dead.

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 2:07 am

[re=289672]brokengambler[/re]: ” Go ahead punk, make my day “

GaySailor April 15, 2009 at 2:21 am

I think maybe the militia ought to coordinate with the teabaggers! They could be a potent strike force, right? chortle.

GaySailor April 15, 2009 at 2:40 am

All this NRA militia stuff reminds me of a flea market where they made the unfortunate decision to merge with an NRA gun show! I was selling clothing samples. Someone accidently fired off a round and people scattered EVERYWHERE, with kids crying, dogs barking, smattering of screams and customers diving behind booths. Being a veteran, I reacted by diving in one of my racks. Once my lone customer crawled out from under my clothes rack, she began angrily snapping the clothes back and forth on my rack and hissed, “I’m sick to DEATH of my husband dragging me to these damned gun shows! This is the second time this has happened THIS MONTH! Last time they shot a lady in the face. Grazed her, but SHOT HER IN THE FACE!” I just gulped, grinned, nodded and made a mental note for the nearest exit just in case we were dealing with a postal militia guy! I was like, “Uh, I thought the guns were supposed to be unloaded.” She just cocked her eyebrow and kept snapping the clothes back and forth… DOH! Old right wing militia guys playing cop just shouldn’t happen. I’m with giving them tea bags to send to the mayor.

lulzmonger April 15, 2009 at 3:22 am

I wonder if some similarly-inclined trigger-happy “patriots” will be providing informal security for some of Wednesday’s Tea Party hate-ins … Darwin moves in mysterious ways.

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 3:33 am

“Coming soon….The Stockton Patriots Spring Film Festival Presents…….BIRTH OF A NATION!

mr. wunnerful April 15, 2009 at 3:40 am


TGY April 15, 2009 at 4:09 am

Bo will sort it out.

Aurelio April 15, 2009 at 4:14 am

And there were militias in those days, and economic collapse to come. And yea, there arose a black Chicago politician who smote them utterly, and banished famine from the land.

iolanthe April 15, 2009 at 6:42 am

[re=289547]Cicada[/re]: It takes a Stockton Tweaker three days to rob a 7-11? Here in LA, our tweakers are much more efficient.

As for folks surprised by the presence of folks like this in Cali: There is a dumbcon enclave in the middle of the state, where folks raise a lot of alfalfa hay, pears, and almonds. Jesus-y and gunnutty billboards grace the freeways in those parts. Stockton, Fresno, and Bakersfield are the jewels in the region’s crown.

The almonds are good, though.

Scandinavian Fetus April 15, 2009 at 7:39 am

Why did I KNOW the militia leader would look like that?

EnBuenOra April 15, 2009 at 8:36 am

I am sorely aggrieved. My entire life’s work has been conducted with the hope of one day going to Stockton. Wait, I meant Paris. I get those two mixed up.

Carrie_Okie April 15, 2009 at 8:37 am

Oooh rifles and shotguns!
Please, every nutfuk join this group. A good time to weed out the McVeighs, I say.
So if Navy Seals can take out three guys bobbing in a boat, 4 douches in a car should be cake, no?

Servo April 15, 2009 at 8:39 am

[re=289692]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]:
I’m sure they all talk like Jerry Reed too.

Terry April 15, 2009 at 8:44 am


“Soon, the NBC Peacock will be replaced by a multi-colored set of Trucknutz.”

Comedy Central, too, evidently. The Daily Show last night showed a photo of one of the Naval vessels involved with the Maersk Alabama rescue with a massive set of Trucknutz on it. Oh Battlecruiser Nutz, I guess.

peorgietirebiter April 15, 2009 at 8:47 am

Why do I keep seeing the wife-ditching queens from the Flomax commercials?

Terry April 15, 2009 at 8:49 am


Yes, what should we do?

finland April 15, 2009 at 8:51 am

yes they’re very upset that they don’t have enough police…i bet that has nothing to do with not wantin to pay those darn tax0rz. at least this way they get to keep those preshus tax dollars AND roam around the streets with guns. fun!

btw did anyone else have to look up where stockton was? is this a personal fail and stockton’s like some well-known place or is it ok to not know?

LittlePig April 15, 2009 at 8:52 am

I read the headline as “Stockholm” and thought, Jesus Christ on a crutch! The Swedes are goin’ gun nut?! Game over, man, game over!

Aquannissiwamissoo April 15, 2009 at 8:54 am

As Magic Titty said:

Dear God.

thebaker April 15, 2009 at 9:14 am

[re=289562]Uncle Glenny[/re]: for you, mr glenny- cum- lately:


thebaker April 15, 2009 at 9:20 am

[re=289708]thebaker[/re]: http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/74651/thumbs/s-GUNS-large.jpg

fuck it! we’ll do it live!

Zadig April 15, 2009 at 9:21 am

[re=289672]brokengambler[/re]: Or it could be like how Gran Torino started out, with old white dudes menacing minorities.

proudcitizen April 15, 2009 at 9:27 am

Why is it most of these gun toting assholes are old FAT guys. Do they just sit around cleaning their guns and forget about keeping themselves fit? I can see if now, the first gun fight and about half will get shot because they can’t move fast enough, and the rest will have heart attacks.

Mustang April 15, 2009 at 9:51 am

I was just reading in my newspaper (that’s Wonkette for old people)that Homeland Security has issued a warning because all the wingnuts are unemployed and drunk and pissed off and they are right on the edge of whoop ass, and it’s all Obama’s fault because he’s black. So watch out America! Homeland Security says it’s finally located the terrists and they are us.

iolanthe April 15, 2009 at 10:20 am

[re=289703]finland[/re]: It’s OK not to know about Stockton, CA. It’s a mid-sized Ag and shipping town (they have a canal!) and not very famous even to life-long Californians … on a par with Lodi and Santa Paula and Modesto and Salinas and Atascadero, etc. ;-> If it weren’t for the song lyrics, “Oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again”, or “Somewhere out near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away …”, you’d have no reason to know such places exist.

AFAIK, nobody’s even written any methbilly songs about Stockton. It’s famous mostly for sordid little murders. It’s a place where people disappear, just down the road from the truck stop and the Bates Motel.

That kind of town.

I only know about it ’cause my sister was an Asst District Attorney there during the worst years of her life.

iolanthe April 15, 2009 at 10:24 am

[re=289735]Mustang[/re]: Won’t it be funny if all those creepy spying-without-a-warrant provisions of the PATRIOT Act end up being used to catch seditious ‘Winger trash … the very folks who were so in favor of shit like that, back when they thought it would only be used to round up Hippie Commies and Muslins and Brown People?

Ah, yes. Hoist by their own petards.

iolanthe April 15, 2009 at 10:34 am

[re=289758]iolanthe[/re]: BTW, isn’t it amusing to catch the names of little Cali and Texas towns, and then reflect on all the idiots who worry about Mexicans infiltrating Cali and Texas? “Why don’t they go back where they came from?” Plenty of ‘em came from right about hyar, buddy.

One morning, in a cafe in Playa del Rey, a beachy suburb of El Ciudad de La Reina de Los Angeles del Porciuncula (LA to you), some wealthy elderly fratboy-looking douchebag was holding forth at the next table, loudly impressing his friends, telling them that the story that the Mexicans had Cali first was a *myth*. My sister – the ex-Prosecutor – stood up, walked over, and verbally ripped him several new ones.

That gal argues in real life the way the best of us only argue on the Web. When she finished, he was ashen. Just ashen.

jbd April 15, 2009 at 10:58 am

And here I thought you were just talking about Stoughton. But then my spelling has always sucked and so I just assume others’ does as well.

Mustang April 15, 2009 at 10:58 am

Stockton has the highest foreclosure rate in the country.

El Pinche April 15, 2009 at 11:22 am


Carrie_Okie April 15, 2009 at 11:37 am

You know who else is str8 outa stockton?
So it basically been downhill since he moved away….

zenferret April 15, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=289572]S.Luggo[/re]: McCain Palin wasn’t bad. They lost with great amusement factor.

El Pinche April 15, 2009 at 12:01 pm

[re=289888]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Hahaha, who would have thunk it?

dzymzlzy April 15, 2009 at 12:47 pm

I would find this hilarious if my mother didn’t still live in Stockton.

aflurry April 15, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=289492]Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.[/re]: I’m just waiting for the scenario where two sets of “four men in a car” lay panicked seige to one another, all the while radioing EACH OTHER for backup.

please oh please oh please oh please, etc., forever.

aflurry April 15, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=289773]iolanthe[/re]: This post made me think of the stupidest name ever given to a pro sports team (yes, including the Mighty Ducks, also of Anaheim… WTF?). I am referring of course to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, or “The The Angels Angels of Anaheim.”

Bearbloke April 15, 2009 at 4:12 pm

[re=290191]aflurry[/re]: puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzeeeeeeee, pleeze pleeze!!!!!

bubba April 18, 2009 at 5:48 pm

We ridicule what we fail to comprehend. Pretty much the motto of this page. Absolutely nothing constructive to be witnessed thus far accordingly. Consider for a moment it were a different subject. A fire department for example. Well intended citizens offer up their services to augment or offset a shortage in the local firefighting ranks. Do you likewise ridicule them? Do you cheer for the fire or worse yet, help the arsonist sprinkle the gasoline (or soy diesel)? Your lack of respect for a view other than your own is symptomatic of your lack of understanding or willingness to view an issue from a differing perspective. Sadly a very 2 dimensional view from a group who I’m certain consider themselves open minded. Understand for example that out here in the high plains we commonly carry in our car,truck or on our person firearms of one design or another. Usually for sport but they are quite adaptable to other needs as well. As such, you find little crime here. And not uncommonly, we are directly involved in the apprehension of anyone committing a crime. We don’t consider the police force as the sole provider of safety and security. We look to each other as well. We know our neighbors and their children and their pets by name. We don’t clog the courts with frivolous lawsuits against each other. If a mistake is made, we correct it and own up to it. We raise our kids as we were raised. People from the left live here as well. And I believe they are happier and safer (and know it) than those living in more liberal environs. I guess I would suggest if you don’t want the help from anyone other than the official policing agency send them away when they arrive to save you or your loved ones from whatever ill fate has befallen you. The cops will be there eventually and the bad guys probably won’t get away or kill you (more than once).

AgentJen June 6, 2010 at 8:15 am

I’ve been a resident of Stockton for more than 17 years, and I don’t like the idea any more than you folks do. But what’s all this crap about turning this into a race issue. That’s rediculous to say the least. I have never met any white biggots in this town at all. Here we have every color under the sun. Black, white, asian, spanish, middle eastern, you name it. This is not about racism what so ever. What it is about is the fact that Stockton has been the target of a lot of criminals. In fact this city often rates as the number 2 or 3 most violent and crime ridden city in the nation. Many of these men who may form a militia do not want it to happen. Most of them are also war veterans with plenty of training on how to use a weapon and how to use it properly. You have no idea how serious the problem is. They decided to do it because someone has to. If the city council continues to lay off officers as they have slowly over time, it will be open season here for criminals. Like a kid in a candy shop they’ll have free reign. No way in hell the upstanding citizens of this area are going to allow that to happen. As it is I can drive around Stockton for 2 or 3 days sometimes and never see a single marked patrol vehicle, not even a sherrif’s black and white. I think the SPD need to come to terms with reality and do something like add additional free training for these proposed militia individuals, so they can properly police the streets of Stockton. In short all these guys want to do is patrol the streets, detain anyone commiting an obvious crime, then hold them until what police officers are available to respond show up up and turn them over to them for proper arrest and booking proceedures. Even before lay-offs began this city was a pretty dangerous place ridden with crime. With too many lay-offs it would be a horrible situation indeed. The only thing that worries me is that these men will be driving vehicles that will be cearly marked so that just about any violent criminal that desires to can target them. And don’t think they wouldn’t someone not all that long ago executed two secirity officers sitting in their vehicles. one night.Something has to be done to keep law and order in this town. Even if I have to sign up and help my self. But turning this entire idea into a race issue is childish and irresponsible, and most of all misguided. Grow up.

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