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UHH ...

Bachmann Keeps Guard Dog To Scare Socialists, Muslims Away

$20 and a Wonkette Tee Shirt to whoever steals Michele Bachmann’s dog. Just like that.


5:38 PM on Tue April 14 2009
By Jim Newell
4477 Views

  1. I am en route now, commando paint and everything.

  2. Buzz Feedback says at 5:40 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Hellhound.

  3. NoWireHangers says at 5:40 pm, April 14th, 2009

    That looks like a bad photoshop drive by.

  4. Big Daddy Tom says at 5:41 pm, April 14th, 2009

    No shit there’s a dog inside. A bad, crazy dog. Bad dog!

  5. slappypaddy says at 5:41 pm, April 14th, 2009

    No no no, you don’t understand. The dog IS Bachmann.

  6. comradepaulson says at 5:41 pm, April 14th, 2009

    The font makes it look like “Dog Jugside.” Which makes me want to ask what “jugside” is, but I’m afraid the answer will be either too wonderful or too frightening for my brain.

  7. smashtheduck says at 5:42 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Does she change the sign to “gone fishing” when she’s out meth shopping?

  8. Gopherit says at 5:42 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Maybe she’s just dyslexic.

  9. comradepaulson says at 5:43 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Zadig: Onward Christian soldier, marching off to war…

  10. jagorev says at 5:43 pm, April 14th, 2009

    It would be even better to teabag the dog. Remember to bring peanut butter.

  11. Man Without Qualities says at 5:43 pm, April 14th, 2009

    “Dog Inside?”

    ZING!

  12. SayItWithWookies says at 5:44 pm, April 14th, 2009

    She spelled “Idiot” wrong.

  13. Nerdalicious says at 5:44 pm, April 14th, 2009

    You be da dog!

  14. smartypants says at 5:44 pm, April 14th, 2009
  15. TeddyS says at 5:45 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Pig! Pig inside! How many times do I have to tell you? With lipstick.

  16. iwillsavethispatient says at 5:45 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Oh, I thought a Wonkette commenter had left the note on the door as a nasty reference to the esteemed Minnesotan Representative!

  17. shanemacgowan says at 5:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    A lifetime in hell to whoever stole her virginity.

  18. americanscandoanything says at 5:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    $100 and a superchunk teeshirt to anyone who gets me the sign

  19. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    OH RIGHT like Wonkette has Tee Shirts. Whatever. I’ll steal the dog anyway. SEARCHING ORBITZ FOR PLANE RIDE NOW.

  20. 51dimes says at 5:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    So, now Bachmann stole Ted Kennedy’s dog?

  21. proudgrampa says at 5:49 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Gopherit: Good one!

  22. Suds McKenzie says at 5:52 pm, April 14th, 2009

    so its an imaginary dog right?

  23. WeirdInWimberley says at 5:52 pm, April 14th, 2009

    And it’s a red-blooded American dog, not like that froo-froo thing with a perm at the White House.

  24. LittlePig says at 5:52 pm, April 14th, 2009

    shanemacgowan: That would be the dog.

  25. chascates says at 5:53 pm, April 14th, 2009

    And what kind of canine would she have? Something loud, scary, and constantly yapping.
    Also stupid. Suggestions?

  26. mattbolt says at 5:53 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Yeah, a scotch taped sign on your nice century-old polished oak door, way to bring that nice Minnesota flava to the Senate, hey, how boutcha be a dear an’ cook up some macaroni & mayonnaise hotdish and maybe a nice Snickers salad for the next Senator booyah git-together deal

  27. comradepaulson: Well, this is a WARBLOG, after all…

  28. smartypants says at 5:55 pm, April 14th, 2009

    BARk, somebody, BARK!!

    I has a sad ‘cuz i’m locked up in here and Bachmann’s one craaaaaazy ass bitch, and not in a good way.

    HALP. !!!!11!!

  29. Snerdley says at 5:56 pm, April 14th, 2009

    isn’t Michelle just the gift that keeps on giving? What would we do without her insane actions on a weekly basis. Thank you Michelle!

  30. Fivetree says at 5:57 pm, April 14th, 2009

    It’s already quite obvious that she channels her inner bitch but does she really need to post notices about it as well? In stupid fonts?

  31. Noonan says at 5:57 pm, April 14th, 2009

    NoWireHangers: Can you tell by the pixels and having seen quite a few ’shops in your time?

  32. Snerdley says at 5:58 pm, April 14th, 2009

    shanemacgowan: Does she have kids? I might reconsider my stance on guns. hmmmmmm

  33. illnoise says at 5:58 pm, April 14th, 2009

    If I believed you had t-shirts, I’d do it. Especially t-shirts with “Truck Nutz” written in arabic.

    Bb.

  34. katrina says at 5:59 pm, April 14th, 2009

    ALT text: Dog is my co-pilot.

  35. JesseJB says at 6:00 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Probly feeds it Libruls n Bits.

  36. CaliforniaMike says at 6:00 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Seems to me there are three choices for Bachmann’s dog –

    1. A rabid pit bull

    2. A yappy little Chihuahua

    3. Benji’s ghost

    Of course, she might actually have the legendary three-headed Cerberus guarding the door to her office, but that would make her … wait for it … SATAN!

  37. Alternate ALT text: Hey, that was our line!

  38. jasper-f-krone says at 6:01 pm, April 14th, 2009

    chascates: Cerberus, perhaps? He was essentially a dumb, furry jackhammer. And there is a river that flows by Minnesota.

  39. Mr Blifil says at 6:01 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Let’s be sensible and not go quite so easily for the easy mockery. She has to have something around to eat peanut butter off her pussy, after all.

  40. Texan Bulldoggette says at 6:04 pm, April 14th, 2009

    What would be funnier is if you move the “Michele Bachmann” sign & put it on the men’s bathroom door or the broom closet. Would she ever notice the difference?

  41. Accordion-o-rama says at 6:05 pm, April 14th, 2009

    chascates: Buzz Feedback: Hoarhound!

  42. Ken Layne says at 6:06 pm, April 14th, 2009

    illnoise: We have t-shirts. We have a fucking CRATE of classic Wonkette t-shirts, to be doled out as Special Prizes.

    We’ve got “Wonkette Operative” and a couple other styles. They are fucking CLASSIC Gawker-era Wonkette fancy american-apparel shirts.

    DO NOT FUCKING DOUBT.

  43. ManchuCandidate says at 6:07 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Come one, Michelle isn’t ugly (on the outside, anyway.)

  44. Dreamer says at 6:07 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Wouldn’t it be funny if Bo knocks up the nutty lady’s dog. Would they have a socialist poppy?

  45. Accordion-o-rama says at 6:08 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Accordion-o-rama: BTW, Hoarhound is also a vegetable.

  46. Ken Layne: I want one of those ‘Wonkette Operative’ shirts tomorrow, for Tea Party infiltration purposes.

  47. chascates says at 6:12 pm, April 14th, 2009

    I will not be impressed until I see a dog cam. She could put up a unicorn inside for all that sign’s worth.

  48. Hedley Lamar says at 6:12 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Gopherit: FTW. You’re my new hero.

  49. Red Zeppelin says at 6:16 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Ken Layne: Hey Ken, ya got something fuckin’ valuable there, fuckin’ golden, and yer not just givin’ it away. Amiright?

  50. T-shirts? SOLD! I am in the “land of the free” 3 dayz this week. Please tell me how!!!1!!

    (I can pay you with any of the following: British Tea Bags, Greek Olives, Saudi Arabian Dates, Bahraini Aluminimum, Polish Biofuel, or duty free scotch or cigarettes)

  51. L Urchin says at 6:18 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Leave the sign. Just add underneath in nice calligraphy, “Bitch out to lunch.”

  52. CollegeStudent says at 6:19 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Do Wonkette T-Shirts even exist?

  53. Nerdalicious says at 6:21 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Red Zeppelin:
    He’s innocent I tell ya! (He’s just trying to help sick people & children)

  54. Scarab says at 6:24 pm, April 14th, 2009

    We knew there wasn’t any ‘intel’ inside.

  55. LittlePig says at 6:26 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Oh well, one more Republican shitpile to clean up.

  56. facehead says at 6:30 pm, April 14th, 2009

    This took much too long, but I was compelled:

    http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/88531279?image=428224105

    The reality is still funnier.

  57. Hmmm, what is “dog” backwards - strange coincidence on Bachman’s part - I think not.

  58. loquaciousmusic says at 6:32 pm, April 14th, 2009

    $100 and a Wonkette t-shirt to the person who writes “—gystyle!!!!!!!” in Sharpie on that sign and then takes a picture of it.

  59. facehead says at 6:35 pm, April 14th, 2009

    loquaciousmusic: for the win.

  60. shortsshortsshorts says at 6:35 pm, April 14th, 2009

    facehead: *golf clap*

  61. facehead says at 6:38 pm, April 14th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Is that like getting gonorrhea at the 18th hole?

  62. smashtheduck says at 6:38 pm, April 14th, 2009

    facehead: Now say my name bitch.

  63. thebaker says at 6:42 pm, April 14th, 2009

    speaking of scary, huffpo has straight up jumped the fucking shark! http://www.huffingtonpost.com

  64. mattbolt says at 6:44 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Requesting Rule 34 on Bachmann.

  65. Nerdalicious says at 6:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Rush:
    cute lil cheeks pinch pinch

  66. Atheist Nun says at 6:46 pm, April 14th, 2009

    So …would you take a severed dog ear with Bachmann’s RFID chip embedded in it? Or are we talking whole, live dog here? I think I might have to end up using the $20 for a rabies shot if you want it alive.

  67. shortsshortsshorts says at 6:51 pm, April 14th, 2009

    facehead: HAHAHA that had to be a prepared comment. Far too witty of a pun, dammit.

  68. Lascauxcaveman says at 6:55 pm, April 14th, 2009

    “Teeth like that, bitch don’ need no dog.”

  69. DangerousLiberal says at 7:02 pm, April 14th, 2009

    comradepaulson: Just think of the rural south, with a jug of ’shine next to your rockin’ chair, a hound dog sittin’ jugside, and a 12 gauge in your right hand, stone waitin’ for any revenoooers to come and upset your lifestyle.

    Of course, this is all happening in some shithole in rural MN, the dude in the rocker is thinking of ice fishing and freezing his ass off. But in the end, it’s all the same, and we’re all ‘merkins now, also.

  70. CollegeStudent: I’ve got a classic “Wonkette Operative” tee from the AMC days. Best purchase I ever made.

  71. facehead says at 7:09 pm, April 14th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Or maybe I’m just that good, bitch!

    Prepare to meet your blingee:

    http://blingee.com/blingee/view/88533892-Glitter-Graphics

  72. shortsshortsshorts says at 7:19 pm, April 14th, 2009

    facehead: NOOOOOOO!!!!! But YESSSSSSSSS!!!!

    I should make that the headline photo on ShortsandPants.

  73. loquaciousmusic says at 7:23 pm, April 14th, 2009

    MattW: On a related note, Consumerist is getting a tip jar. How about some Wonkette merchandise? Or a PayPal account? Or a Nigerian bank account? I’d be willing to donate $10,000 Zimbabwean dollars.

  74. DC Hates Me says at 7:27 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Forget the dog .. Inappropriate Font Whore Inside

  75. Scandalabra says at 7:27 pm, April 14th, 2009

    To fully grasp the scope and meaning of M. Bachmann, you have to NetFlic Todd Solandz’ “Palindromes” (note the first five letters of that title), and study the amazing character “Momma Sunshine”. You will shudder…

  76. sati demise says at 7:40 pm, April 14th, 2009

    crist, that woman has government health insurance and can take her dog to work.

  77. chascates says at 7:47 pm, April 14th, 2009

    How about making some more Wonkette swag available via Cafe Press or something?

  78. Spiderfrommars says at 7:57 pm, April 14th, 2009

    americanscandoanything: How bout taking my firstborn son for the superchunk teeshirt? (I don’t have the sign.)

  79. Biden Time says at 8:05 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Gopherit: win

  80. S.Luggo says at 8:41 pm, April 14th, 2009

    shanemacgowan: That would be the inseminator’s second leg of a round trip.

  81. LittlePinky82 says at 9:11 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Wow is there really a dog inside or did someone from Wonkette do a cute joke?

  82. grevillea says at 9:14 pm, April 14th, 2009

    sumbitch inside

  83. DoctorCulturae says at 10:09 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Ken Layne: Pleeze for to have neat-o texts on T-shirts!

    “Wonkette: Teabagging since 1492″

    “Bachmann: Turn’er Over, Drive!”

  84. Hunger Tallest Palin says at 10:15 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Someone alert Rick Santorum!

  85. rocktonsammy says at 10:38 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Isn’t “dog inside” code for , I’m blowing Boehner right now?

  86. hockeymom says at 11:03 pm, April 14th, 2009

    jasper-f-krone: A river runs through it.
    Also.

  87. S.Luggo says at 11:14 pm, April 14th, 2009

    CaliforniaMike:
    4. K-Lo

  88. arkitoothus says at 11:39 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Her sign board sure looks fancy. She must approve of spending lots of money on erroneous shit. Hope to god and God she will be unelected soon.

  89. arkitoothus says at 11:42 pm, April 14th, 2009

    Just look at her name plate. How much did that cost? Look to the economy of the dog sign. I like the idea of cheap print-outs for elected officials. After all they change every once and a while to include a newly reprehensible turd.

  90. KittyLitter says at 1:15 am, April 15th, 2009

    You’ll have to pry Rex’s penis from her cold dead vagina!

  91. SPlaTz says at 1:35 am, April 15th, 2009

    Is this like a twisted version of a do not disturb sign?
    GACK!
    I know the Repubs like their sex all back alley, bathroom-stally and illegal.
    But this has gone tooooooo far.

  92. Snowman says at 1:36 am, April 15th, 2009

    Star tribune now “embarrassed” by Bachmann OpEd:

    http://wonkroom.thinkprogress.org/2009/04/14/bachmann-lie-embarassment/

  93. bozofish says at 11:59 am, April 29th, 2009

    Shouldn’t that read “Bitch inside (and out)”?

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