UHH ...  5:38 pm April 14, 2009

Bachmann Keeps Guard Dog To Scare Socialists, Muslims Away

by Jim Newell

$20 and a Wonkette Tee Shirt to whoever steals Michele Bachmann’s dog. Just like that.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 93 comments }

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I am en route now, commando paint and everything.

Buzz Feedback April 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Hellhound.

NoWireHangers April 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

That looks like a bad photoshop drive by.

Big Daddy Tom April 14, 2009 at 5:41 pm

No shit there’s a dog inside. A bad, crazy dog. Bad dog!

slappypaddy April 14, 2009 at 5:41 pm

No no no, you don’t understand. The dog IS Bachmann.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 5:41 pm

The font makes it look like “Dog Jugside.” Which makes me want to ask what “jugside” is, but I’m afraid the answer will be either too wonderful or too frightening for my brain.

smashtheduck April 14, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Does she change the sign to “gone fishing” when she’s out meth shopping?

Gopherit April 14, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Maybe she’s just dyslexic.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=289313]Zadig[/re]: Onward Christian soldier, marching off to war…

jagorev April 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm

It would be even better to teabag the dog. Remember to bring peanut butter.

Man Without Qualities April 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm

“Dog Inside?”

ZING!

SayItWithWookies April 14, 2009 at 5:44 pm

She spelled “Idiot” wrong.

Nerdalicious April 14, 2009 at 5:44 pm

You be da dog!

smartypants April 14, 2009 at 5:44 pm

[re=289315]NoWireHangers[/re]: yup

TeddyS April 14, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Pig! Pig inside! How many times do I have to tell you? With lipstick.

iwillsavethispatient April 14, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Oh, I thought a Wonkette commenter had left the note on the door as a nasty reference to the esteemed Minnesotan Representative!

shanemacgowan April 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

A lifetime in hell to whoever stole her virginity.

americanscandoanything April 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

$100 and a superchunk teeshirt to anyone who gets me the sign

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

OH RIGHT like Wonkette has Tee Shirts. Whatever. I’ll steal the dog anyway. SEARCHING ORBITZ FOR PLANE RIDE NOW.

51dimes April 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

So, now Bachmann stole Ted Kennedy’s dog?

proudgrampa April 14, 2009 at 5:49 pm

[re=289320]Gopherit[/re]: Good one!

Suds McKenzie April 14, 2009 at 5:52 pm

so its an imaginary dog right?

WeirdInWimberley April 14, 2009 at 5:52 pm

And it’s a red-blooded American dog, not like that froo-froo thing with a perm at the White House.

LittlePig April 14, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=289333]shanemacgowan[/re]: That would be the dog.

chascates April 14, 2009 at 5:53 pm

And what kind of canine would she have? Something loud, scary, and constantly yapping.
Also stupid. Suggestions?

mattbolt April 14, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Yeah, a scotch taped sign on your nice century-old polished oak door, way to bring that nice Minnesota flava to the Senate, hey, how boutcha be a dear an’ cook up some macaroni & mayonnaise hotdish and maybe a nice Snickers salad for the next Senator booyah git-together deal

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 5:55 pm

[re=289321]comradepaulson[/re]: Well, this is a WARBLOG, after all…

smartypants April 14, 2009 at 5:55 pm

BARk, somebody, BARK!!

I has a sad ‘cuz i’m locked up in here and Bachmann’s one craaaaaazy ass bitch, and not in a good way.

HALP. !!!!11!!

Snerdley April 14, 2009 at 5:56 pm

isn’t Michelle just the gift that keeps on giving? What would we do without her insane actions on a weekly basis. Thank you Michelle!

Fivetree April 14, 2009 at 5:57 pm

It’s already quite obvious that she channels her inner bitch but does she really need to post notices about it as well? In stupid fonts?

Noonan April 14, 2009 at 5:57 pm

[re=289315]NoWireHangers[/re]: Can you tell by the pixels and having seen quite a few ‘shops in your time?

Snerdley April 14, 2009 at 5:58 pm

[re=289333]shanemacgowan[/re]: Does she have kids? I might reconsider my stance on guns. hmmmmmm

illnoise April 14, 2009 at 5:58 pm

If I believed you had t-shirts, I’d do it. Especially t-shirts with “Truck Nutz” written in arabic.

Bb.

katrina April 14, 2009 at 5:59 pm

ALT text: Dog is my co-pilot.

JesseJB April 14, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Probly feeds it Libruls n Bits.

CaliforniaMike April 14, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Seems to me there are three choices for Bachmann’s dog –

1. A rabid pit bull

2. A yappy little Chihuahua

3. Benji’s ghost

Of course, she might actually have the legendary three-headed Cerberus guarding the door to her office, but that would make her … wait for it … SATAN!

Min April 14, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Alternate ALT text: Hey, that was our line!

jasper-f-krone April 14, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=289351]chascates[/re]: Cerberus, perhaps? He was essentially a dumb, furry jackhammer. And there is a river that flows by Minnesota.

Mr Blifil April 14, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Let’s be sensible and not go quite so easily for the easy mockery. She has to have something around to eat peanut butter off her pussy, after all.

Texan Bulldoggette April 14, 2009 at 6:04 pm

What would be funnier is if you move the “Michele Bachmann” sign & put it on the men’s bathroom door or the broom closet. Would she ever notice the difference?

Accordion-o-rama April 14, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=289351]chascates[/re]: [re=289314]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Hoarhound!

Ken Layne April 14, 2009 at 6:06 pm

[re=289364]illnoise[/re]: We have t-shirts. We have a fucking CRATE of classic Wonkette t-shirts, to be doled out as Special Prizes.

We’ve got “Wonkette Operative” and a couple other styles. They are fucking CLASSIC Gawker-era Wonkette fancy american-apparel shirts.

DO NOT FUCKING DOUBT.

ManchuCandidate April 14, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Come one, Michelle isn’t ugly (on the outside, anyway.)

Dreamer April 14, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Wouldn’t it be funny if Bo knocks up the nutty lady’s dog. Would they have a socialist poppy?

Accordion-o-rama April 14, 2009 at 6:08 pm

[re=289378]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: BTW, Hoarhound is also a vegetable.

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=289381]Ken Layne[/re]: I want one of those ‘Wonkette Operative’ shirts tomorrow, for Tea Party infiltration purposes.

chascates April 14, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I will not be impressed until I see a dog cam. She could put up a unicorn inside for all that sign’s worth.

Hedley Lamar April 14, 2009 at 6:12 pm

[re=289320]Gopherit[/re]: FTW. You’re my new hero.

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=289381]Ken Layne[/re]: Hey Ken, ya got something fuckin’ valuable there, fuckin’ golden, and yer not just givin’ it away. Amiright?

Bruno April 14, 2009 at 6:17 pm

T-shirts? SOLD! I am in the “land of the free” 3 dayz this week. Please tell me how!!!1!!

(I can pay you with any of the following: British Tea Bags, Greek Olives, Saudi Arabian Dates, Bahraini Aluminimum, Polish Biofuel, or duty free scotch or cigarettes)

L Urchin April 14, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Leave the sign. Just add underneath in nice calligraphy, “Bitch out to lunch.”

CollegeStudent April 14, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Do Wonkette T-Shirts even exist?

Nerdalicious April 14, 2009 at 6:21 pm

[re=289395]Red Zeppelin[/re]:
He’s innocent I tell ya! (He’s just trying to help sick people & children)

Scarab April 14, 2009 at 6:24 pm

We knew there wasn’t any ‘intel’ inside.

LittlePig April 14, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Oh well, one more Republican shitpile to clean up.

facehead April 14, 2009 at 6:30 pm

This took much too long, but I was compelled:

http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/88531279?image=428224105

The reality is still funnier.

Rush April 14, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Hmmm, what is “dog” backwards – strange coincidence on Bachman’s part – I think not.

loquaciousmusic April 14, 2009 at 6:32 pm

$100 and a Wonkette t-shirt to the person who writes “—gystyle!!!!!!!” in Sharpie on that sign and then takes a picture of it.

facehead April 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=289408]loquaciousmusic[/re]: for the win.

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=289406]facehead[/re]: *golf clap*

facehead April 14, 2009 at 6:38 pm

[re=289411]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Is that like getting gonorrhea at the 18th hole?

smashtheduck April 14, 2009 at 6:38 pm

[re=289410]facehead[/re]: Now say my name bitch.

thebaker April 14, 2009 at 6:42 pm

speaking of scary, huffpo has straight up jumped the fucking shark! http://www.huffingtonpost.com

mattbolt April 14, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Requesting Rule 34 on Bachmann.

Nerdalicious April 14, 2009 at 6:46 pm

[re=289407]Rush[/re]:
cute lil cheeks pinch pinch

Atheist Nun April 14, 2009 at 6:46 pm

So …would you take a severed dog ear with Bachmann’s RFID chip embedded in it? Or are we talking whole, live dog here? I think I might have to end up using the $20 for a rabies shot if you want it alive.

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 6:51 pm

[re=289413]facehead[/re]: HAHAHA that had to be a prepared comment. Far too witty of a pun, dammit.

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2009 at 6:55 pm

“Teeth like that, bitch don’ need no dog.”

DangerousLiberal April 14, 2009 at 7:02 pm

[re=289318]comradepaulson[/re]: Just think of the rural south, with a jug of ‘shine next to your rockin’ chair, a hound dog sittin’ jugside, and a 12 gauge in your right hand, stone waitin’ for any revenoooers to come and upset your lifestyle.

Of course, this is all happening in some shithole in rural MN, the dude in the rocker is thinking of ice fishing and freezing his ass off. But in the end, it’s all the same, and we’re all ‘merkins now, also.

MattW April 14, 2009 at 7:03 pm

[re=289399]CollegeStudent[/re]: I’ve got a classic “Wonkette Operative” tee from the AMC days. Best purchase I ever made.

facehead April 14, 2009 at 7:09 pm

[re=289426]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Or maybe I’m just that good, bitch!

Prepare to meet your blingee:

http://blingee.com/blingee/view/88533892-Glitter-Graphics

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=289438]facehead[/re]: NOOOOOOO!!!!! But YESSSSSSSSS!!!!

I should make that the headline photo on ShortsandPants.

loquaciousmusic April 14, 2009 at 7:23 pm

[re=289436]MattW[/re]: On a related note, Consumerist is getting a tip jar. How about some Wonkette merchandise? Or a PayPal account? Or a Nigerian bank account? I’d be willing to donate $10,000 Zimbabwean dollars.

DC Hates Me April 14, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Forget the dog .. Inappropriate Font Whore Inside

Scandalabra April 14, 2009 at 7:27 pm

To fully grasp the scope and meaning of M. Bachmann, you have to NetFlic Todd Solandz’ “Palindromes” (note the first five letters of that title), and study the amazing character “Momma Sunshine”. You will shudder…

sati demise April 14, 2009 at 7:40 pm

crist, that woman has government health insurance and can take her dog to work.

chascates April 14, 2009 at 7:47 pm

How about making some more Wonkette swag available via Cafe Press or something?

Spiderfrommars April 14, 2009 at 7:57 pm

[re=289334]americanscandoanything[/re]: How bout taking my firstborn son for the superchunk teeshirt? (I don’t have the sign.)

Biden Time April 14, 2009 at 8:05 pm

[re=289320]Gopherit[/re]: win

S.Luggo April 14, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=289333]shanemacgowan[/re]: That would be the inseminator’s second leg of a round trip.

LittlePinky82 April 14, 2009 at 9:11 pm

Wow is there really a dog inside or did someone from Wonkette do a cute joke?

grevillea April 14, 2009 at 9:14 pm

sumbitch inside

DoctorCulturae April 14, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=289381]Ken Layne[/re]: Pleeze for to have neat-o texts on T-shirts!

“Wonkette: Teabagging since 1492″

“Bachmann: Turn’er Over, Drive!”

Hunger Tallest Palin April 14, 2009 at 10:15 pm

Someone alert Rick Santorum!

rocktonsammy April 14, 2009 at 10:38 pm

Isn’t “dog inside” code for , I’m blowing Boehner right now?

hockeymom April 14, 2009 at 11:03 pm

[re=289371]jasper-f-krone[/re]: A river runs through it.
Also.

S.Luggo April 14, 2009 at 11:14 pm

[re=289368]CaliforniaMike[/re]:
4. K-Lo

arkitoothus April 14, 2009 at 11:39 pm

Her sign board sure looks fancy. She must approve of spending lots of money on erroneous shit. Hope to god and God she will be unelected soon.

arkitoothus April 14, 2009 at 11:42 pm

Just look at her name plate. How much did that cost? Look to the economy of the dog sign. I like the idea of cheap print-outs for elected officials. After all they change every once and a while to include a newly reprehensible turd.

KittyLitter April 15, 2009 at 1:15 am

You’ll have to pry Rex’s penis from her cold dead vagina!

SPlaTz April 15, 2009 at 1:35 am

Is this like a twisted version of a do not disturb sign?
GACK!
I know the Repubs like their sex all back alley, bathroom-stally and illegal.
But this has gone tooooooo far.

Snowman April 15, 2009 at 1:36 am

Star tribune now “embarrassed” by Bachmann OpEd:

http://wonkroom.thinkprogress.org/2009/04/14/bachmann-lie-embarassment/

bozofish April 29, 2009 at 11:59 am

Shouldn’t that read “Bitch inside (and out)”?

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