Texas Gov. Rick Perry is such a badass, right, and he doesn’t like it when those incompetent fucktards in Washington start fucking around with his Texas fucking budget. Ever heard of the 10th Amendment, about how states are responsible for powers not granted to the federal government? Well go suck a dick, Obama, cause Rick Perry went out of his way today to support a non-binding House resolution that fucking says right there, right there on the first page, that the 10th Amendment is… just a really good Amendment, motherfuckers. He supports it. Rick Perry supports that fucking shit.

From the Governor’s office it’s a fucking press release, Texas style:

“I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state,” Gov. Perry said. “That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states’ rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union.”

A number of recent federal proposals are not within the scope of the federal government’s constitutionally designated powers and impede the states’ right to govern themselves. HCR 50 affirms that Texas claims sovereignty under the 10th Amendment over all powers not otherwise granted to the federal government.

It also designates that all compulsory federal legislation that requires states to comply under threat of civil or criminal penalties, or that requires states to pass legislation or lose federal funding, be prohibited or repealed.

RICK PERRY YOU ARE AWFUL. Why are you lying? Don’t you know that lying is a Sin? It looks like you’re referring to, say, the $555 million in federal stimulus money that would temporarily boost your nearly empty state unemployment insurance fund, although it would require changing state law to expand unemployment eligibility. Well you have a *choice* to accept that. There are not civil or criminal penalties, and you cannot “lose federal funding,” because it’s never existed before this. You need to raise the unemployment tax on businesses either way, because the fund will be dry within months. It is insanely low. Make a choice and shut up. Stop blaming your own political weaknesses on the Socialists with this violent secessionist know-nothing demagoguery just because you can’t figure out how to beat Kay Bailey Hutchinson for your 57th term.

And this goes for you too, SANFORD. We see you down there.


HCR 50 [Texas Gov.]
Gov. Perry Backs Resolution Affirming Texas’ Sovereignty Under 10th Amendment [Gov. Rick Perry]

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  • gurukalehuru

    Whatever happened to Kinky Friedman?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Yeah, Rick. Fuck the poors and the jobless.

    Eavesdropping on private citizens for mostly political reasons, awesome. Being “forced” to help people in need, terrible.

  • Holy Cow!!

    “I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens…”

    This from the party that wants to legislate gays back into prisons and insane asylums.

    Dear Rick,

    Fuck you and your party.

  • Delicious

    Since I mentioned Howard Stern earlier…

    I recall he asked some stoner what the First Amendment was.

    Stoner: “It’s the Do-What-You-Want Amendment.”

    That’s all we need, really.

  • mhale0

    They should just fucking secede already.

  • FMA

    And thus does Rick Perry begin his quest for the presidency of the United Confederate States of America.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Hey, Rick ‘Good Hair’ Perry can’t let Snowbilly & Sanford get all the publicity (even though he’s too damn stupid to spell ‘president’, much less run for it). Kay Bailey’s looking pretty good right about now. At least she’s smart enough to keep her pie hole shut.

  • TGY

    So, secede already. Nothing secedes like secession.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Tell me again how Chuck Norris fits into all this?

  • El Pinche

    god damn texas! And i live in this asshole state.
    But thank goodness Kay Baily Hairspray is running…..ARGrGGGg..G…(i just threw up).

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I think this qualifies as a firmly worded memo that say: DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS.

    That Rick Perry is so badass.

  • Deepthroat

    doesn’t “Rick Perry” sound like the name of someone who was in a mediocre late-80’s hair metal group? Maybe, like, the keyboardist?

  • SayItWithWookies

    The goddamn federal government isn’t going to push Rick Perry around. If he wants to rock his hair ’80s style, with wings, then Rick Perry’s gonna fuckin’ have wings.

  • magic titty

    “Shotgun Willie sits around in his underwear . . .”

  • Nerdalicious
  • american mutt

    Kinky Friedman for TX Governor 2010!

  • No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!!

    Shut the fuck up, Texas; Lonestar Steak house is a shitty chain restaurant anyways.

  • Cape Clod

    Stop acting retarded,Governor. It won’t save you from the death penalty, at least not in Texas.

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • DrJimmy

    We haven’t had a governor here in Texas who was worth crap since the early 1990s.

  • Baconcat

    [re=289210]FMA[/re]: Too gay.

  • assistant/atlas

    Fuck yeah, Jim Newell. Fuck YES.

    Also, does anyone know if we can MAKE them secede? We’ll throw in Oklahoma if they act now!

  • chascates

    When the state you govern (South Carolina, Texas, Louisiana, etc.) is facing financial shortcomings you can’t (or won’t) do anything about its mighty handy to blame Washington even though that’s where you yourself dream of ending up.

    Big gummit is jes bad! That’s why Perry should run for higher office in DC.

  • Hedley Lamar

    I’m too old to understand this, but did Texas just get Rickrolled?

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=289218]El Pinche[/re]: It’s a crying shame when we think Kay Bailey Hairspray would be a preferable alternative. We are so fucked…

  • 2goats

    Texas don’t need no stinking federal highway funds, fuck your goddamn medicare, get your NASA out of Houston, and all your troops out of Ft. Bliss. We’ll rebuild Galveston and we don’t need no stinking wall. We’ll send the mescans home soon the crops are picked. And, Texas pilots don’t need no air traffic control, by jesus. God’ll land ’em.

  • Cronopio77

    You’re surprised that Perry is being stoopid?
    Also, you forgot to mention his hair. He has pretty hair.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Is there any greater sacrifice that a man can make then to put out a press release in support of a non-binding House resolution.

    That’s fuckin’ teamwork!

  • choinski

    Okay. Maersk Alabama sailors – any Texans on board should go back to Somalia RIGHT NOW. The upper 49 are taking their toys HOME

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=289236]chascates[/re]: Or you can be governor of Mississippi, rank consistently last among states in everything that Western civilization holds dear, and be so monumentally fucked-up and racist that no one cares what you do in your provincial, chicken shit-hole.

  • Suds McKenzie

    Ive said it before, I’ll say it again; Why does the lead singer for Journey Hate America?

  • Dr. RosenRosen

    [re=289220]Deepthroat[/re]: keytarist.

  • Nerdalicious

    Someone related to Aerosmith, I believe.

  • slappypaddy

    Umm… so, ummm… there was this Civil War thing, you Texans may have heard about it. It happened a long time ago (more than four years) and your side lost. Sorry about that. And, umm… I mean, your side lost so badly, you didn’t even get a chance to surrender (your President was nabbed trying to escape in his wife’s dress). So, umm, a lot of time has gone by since then (more than four years, or even eight), and you Texans have pretty much been sucking at the same federal tit the rest of us Merkuns been sucking at. Been protected by the nuclear umbrella and the kick-ass air force and the marines and those sharpshootin’ naval seals, too. Not to mention the army, let’s not forget the army, which spends a lot of money in Texas. So, umm, Ricky — I can call you Ricky, right? or do you prefer Dick? (some do.) — in that picture, that’s an American air force plane and crew you’re standing in front of, verdad?

  • facehead

    [re=289220]Deepthroat[/re]: If Rick Springfield and Steve Perry had offspring, we could definitely milk a solo album out of it.

  • leelee

    that would be pretty awesome, if texas secedes. can we declare W an enemy combatant?

  • silversilver

    Rick Perry also just asked Rush Limbaugh to move to Texas. Oh, why did I commit to staying in Texas for another 3+ years? I am Texan born and raise, and can tolerate just about everything here other than our moronic fuckhead state government.
    And to whoever suggested Kinky Friedman, please just stop encouraging that buffoon. He’s just the cartoon version of the great party shapeshifter Carole Keeton Strayhorn.

  • Carrie_Okie

    [re=289235]assistant/atlas[/re]: and Utah!

  • silversilver

    p.s. being a Kinky supporter in Texas is the same as being a Paultard. In fact, those groups overlap.

  • Scandalabra

    Wonkette has been particularly galvanizing today. Probably in anticipation of tomorrow, which should prove to be a cornucopia of Wingnuttery, Paultardation and rampant Assholism. Let’s roll!

  • bitchincamaro

    I concur with all snark to the Texan commenters here, who have to live with this nitwit.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    So, if the 10th amendment states that the Federal government can’t require states to pass legislation or lose federal funding, why is the drinking age 21 everywhere in the US? Surely somebody could have worked this out sometime between 1982(?) and now.

  • chascates

    [re=289261]silversilver[/re]: I prefer using the full name:
    Carole Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn.

    My suggested bumper sticker for the mayoral race is:
    She couldn’t decide
    But WE can

  • threeb

    [re=289202]gurukalehuru[/re]: Unfortunately, Kinky is gearing up for his second run

  • loquaciousmusic

    I think that Rick’s done a great job as governor. I mean, look at the leadership he showed in 1957, when he denied nine African American teenagers entrance into Little Rock Central High School!

    Oh, wait. That was Orval Faubus, in Arkansas, and he was a miserable states’ rights fuckwit, too. In fact, the Citizens Councils and Mothers’ Leagues of that time remind me a lot of the National Organization for Marriage and…oh, wait, what’s the name of that other group of racist, sexist, homophobic white men who want to deny equal rights for all and who are planning terrorist attacks on domestic soil?


  • shanemacgowan

    No wonder Neal Schon threw his ass out of Journey.

  • shanemacgowan

    PS: Is that Crow, Servo and Mike sitting in front of the screen?

  • liquiddaddy

    Rick Perry is a strong man. A firm man. A man other men can get behind. And they do in great numbers seeking to push, push, push for what they hold dear. Ask Roger Williams, one of the men behind Perry, who can attest to his decisive firmness.

  • twowheeljunkie

    Gov. Rick Perry
    Your state claims to have once been a country.
    Go try it again ass hole.

  • evolutionista

    it’s so embarrassing being from texas sometimes. at least we have willie.

  • Deepthroat

    shanemacgowan: Joel, duh.


    [re=289209]mhale0[/re]: Maybe Texas can secede, so that we can INVADE IT AND RAZE IT TO THE GROUND.

  • Dave J.

    I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union.

    Shut it, you whiny biatch. Texas was in the Confederacy, and you got your ass beat DOWN. Don’t try to get all up in our Union bizness.

  • PerhapsSo

    Yes, the federal government refusing to give you money is repression of the highest order. Good for you for taking a stand against such tyranny!

  • cricket feldstein

    oh dear. texas seems to have reclaimed the fucknut crown back from alaska…perhaps we austinites could burn down the mansion again, only this time with The Hair(tm) in residence.

  • Mr Blifil

    Perry is Blago with normal hair, prior to the release of the tapes.

  • PomPom

    “Oh yeah, but those other 9 amendments in the bill of rights? Fuck ’em! Establishment Clause? Fuck that noise. Fourth amendment, with all that search and seizure shit and bullshit about warrants? Fuck it! Due process? Fuck it. Fuck it haaaard. Witnessing against yourself? Fuck you. If you’re innocent, you shouldn’t mind answering questions, should you, fuckface? Speedy trial? Fuck it. Assistance of counsel? Fuck you. Hire a lawyer. Fuck both of you. No cruel and unusual punishment? Fuck it! Viva the tenth amendment!”


    Fuck, Marry, AND Kill Perry. Each, with hate.

  • populucious

    [re=289268]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Apparently there’s nothing anti-constitutional about the Feds putting a big pile of money out back and saying to the states, hey, if you want some of that there money to help you build your roads, have at it. But we totally understand if you don’t want it. We’re not Big Brother after all, heh heh heh. Of course, we can’t let any state take the money who hasn’t passed the following laws. But that’s totally up to you, pass the laws, don’t pass the laws, take the money, don’t take the money. All totally up to you.

    And it’s the same thing here. Mr. Perry is throwing a piss fit because he doesn’t like the game, but no one is requiring Texas to suck at the Federal teat. More for the rest of us!!

  • Capricatony

    Aww the wingnuts learned about another amendment today. That makes 2!

  • DustBowlBlues

    When will the Republitards live up to their lofty, fuck-the-feds rhetoric and refuse to accept the ultimate socialist money for their state–Medicare. Time for Perry to step up and demand Texans all care for incontinent old fucks at home. And say no to those totally New Deal for Communists checks from Social Security. Also.

    Weren’t none of this fancy ass federal socialism in 1929, and look how well that turned out.

  • DeepFriedTwinkies

    Rick: There’s a country that would be just perfect for you and your leadership: It has gorgeous beaches, a tiny government, no welfare or food stamps, unfettered and unregulated capitalism, and not only is gun ownership allowed…it’s ENCOURAGED. No taxes, either. I think you should check it out. Here’s the number. 1-800-SOMALIA.

  • rocktonsammy

    I can’t relate to all the swear words describing “the hair” unless Molly is cussing this shit bag out.

    I miss Molly. snif

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=289225]Nerdalicious[/re]: These persons really are too stupid to know that Socialism and Fascism are oppositional political philosophies. Somebody needs to hit them with a history book…tied to the front of a truck.

  • Nerdalicious

    [re=289309]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]:
    Yeah, lets help people where there is a need; then f*****g destroy them! What a concept!

  • americanscandoanything

    of the 100 poorest counties in the USA, 17 are in Texas…beating out Kentucky and Mississippi for first place

    and that’s just the way they want it

  • denver_80203

    look closely at the post… even though it’s subtle, I sense some bitterness.

  • proudgrampa

    What a planet. WTF.

  • LittlePig

    [re=289282]evolutionista[/re]: So does Gov. Goodhair, when he can get it.

  • chascates

    And since the state’s unemployment fund is running low he’ll end up having to raise the taxes employers pay. Which will not go over well. He’ll cover that up by switching to pro-life, illegal immigration, or gun rights.
    Works every time.

  • Tomthebunny

    [re=289290]cricket feldstein[/re]: Not so fast, Bucko- we’ve got fucktards up here you’ve never even heard of- yet. We’ll be trotting them out on a regular basis now that Snowbilly has shown them the way. Hang on to yer hats, America!

  • 19kevin8

    Why the fuck didn’t Perry do this shit when the guy who preceded him as GOTSOT was POTUS? I mean really, WTF? GFU PERRY!

  • Min

    Yo, Rick! Tennessee will gladly take your stimulus money, and you won’t have to pass a damn thing.

  • americanscandoanything

    When this first came up a few weeks ago, perry was saying that if they had to raise taxes in 3 years after the federal funds ran out, it would cause sacred cow “small businesses” to go bankrupt.

    Then he introduced one of these business types who complained that he had X number of employees and it would cost him Y amount in extra taxes in 3 years, if the economy didn’t improve.

    I did the math.

    It ammounted to $1.34 a week, per employee

    What a terrible price to pay to keep people from starving!

  • 19kevin8

    [re=289325]americanscandoanything[/re]: Not only is everything bigger in texas, there is more suck.

  • imissopus

    [re=289284][/re]: Well, they do have oil and lots of brown people, so they already satisfy our invasion criteria.

  • lostinmidland

    It’s a wig.

  • imissopus

    So let me get this straight: the federal government will give you money but wants a say in how it is spent. So if they give you a billion dollars for unemployment, you don’t turn around and hand it over to a bunch of oil company execs in Houston? That way the federal government won’t have to one day explain to the taxpayers that our money is subsidizing said oil execs’ Nimitz-sized yachts? And they make you pass laws saying you will spend it on unemployment rather than just taking you at your word?

    Did all the constitutional scholars in Texas get their law degrees by coloring in place mats at a Josh Evans?

  • V572625694

    [re=289268]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: As an apparent Limey, you may not understand the subtle ways in which the feds influence state gummints. They said, “You can set the drinking age wherever you want, seven, eight, we don’t give a rat’s ass. But if you wand Federal highway moneyz, you gotta set it at 21.” Worked quite well, even in Texas.

  • chascates

    [re=289412]imissopus[/re]: Texas is very different. The Comptroller of Public Accounts actually has more power than the Governor or Lt. Governor. The Court of Criminal Appeals hears the criminal cases rather than the state’s Supreme Court. And the Texas Railroad Commission is considered the most powerful state agency next to the Comptroller’s office.

    Plus so many counties are no-alcohol, or certain precincts therein, and some places allow no liquor stores but liquor by the drink, or allow BYOB, or insist you be a member of a private club to drink.

    And the state religion is football, not Christianity.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=289428]chascates[/re]: I thought the state religion was executions?

  • chascates

    [re=289443]19kevin8[/re]: No, execution is the state sport.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=289448]chascates[/re]: Ah, I had them mixed up!

  • bobtheflob

    As an ex-Texan, I have to say: Please please please don’t think Rick Perry is representative of Texans. I can honestly say Bush was a better governor than him. The guy is a total hack. He won the 2006 election because too many people ran against him and split the opposition vote. He only got 39% of the vote, and he only got that because he was the only one on the ballot with an (R) next to his name.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=289464]bobtheflob[/re]: Bush was better at something than someone? Please please please tell me Perry doesn’t have any presidential ambitions!!

  • RobPetrified

    He’s obviously gearing up for a run for the White House.
    George W Bush + Ron Paul + Jesse Ventura = POTUS 2010.
    Unless he picks Sarah Palin as his running mate….

  • stew

    This should quell the gay rumors once and for all–or at least until the next election.

  • McDuff

    No more “volcano monitoring” for you, Ricky boy! Also no more hurricane monitoring, flood control projects, or building and maintaining a ship channel to a shitty city 50 miles inland. Oh, and from now on, the astronauts will be saying “Come in Dover.”

  • prototype

    Everyone in Texas hates Rick Perry too, so don’t blame us. In 2006 he only won 39% of the vote, but we had too many independents (damn you Kinky Friedman!!) splitting the vote so he won. I happen to love the United States of Socialist America and want to stay.

  • badmuthagoose

    Have pity upon your librul Texas brethren and sistren, por favor. We’ve had this mental midget in office, inexplicably, for 78 years.

  • S.Luggo

    The Tenth Amendment? Anglo Texicans move their lips just to count up to four. After that, they get hopelessly lost.

    Besides, most of Perry’s horndog constits will think that Rick is squakin’ about them NASCAR bylaws. Not dealin’ with a bunch of Constitutional scholars here. No, sir or ma’am. Now get me a cold one, Manuel, por favor, hom-bray.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=289428]chascates[/re]: Yup. Molly I. pointed that out a number years ago. But as has been said in song, fable and story, in the land of the blind, he with the biggest cowboy hat gets the media to see him fart the loudest. (Aesop)

  • prophet1195

    Bizarro Republicans:

    Dumping trillions in Eye-rack, neat!

    Outsourcing millions of jobs, cool!

    Lining the pockets of the already wealthy, great idea!

    Feeding hungry Americas, sinful.

    There’s a showdown coming and boy the fringe loony republicans are not going to like it.

  • imissopus

    [re=289428]chascates[/re]: Not sure what that had to do with my post but interesting to learn nonetheless.

  • Kingbee

    Texas’ separation from Mexico was clearly illegal, and I recommend that we allow Mexico to re-occupy their sovereign territory. Also, not let Rick Perry come crawling into our U.S.A.

  • chascates

    [re=289604]imissopus[/re]: I had to jump in somewhere. Maybe it was the law degree thing.

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    Barry offered teh Queen South Carolina as a present but she turned it down for an iPOD. I wonder if Felipe Calderón would like Texas back? Then we can make a deal with them to get the oil and they can keep Rick.

  • Joey Ratz

    [re=289202]gurukalehuru[/re]: Ah, Kinky Friedman. Like his books, hate his music. But doesn’t his inability to beat a pompadoured buffoon like Rick Perry indicate that he’s all hat and no cattle?

  • chascates

    [re=289643]Joey Ratz[/re]: When he ran the last time he was so flustered during a live debate he said he probably wouldn’t even vote for himself.

  • peorgietirebiter

    Okay, I guess somebody’s got to represent- I’ll start by reminding some of you more vociferous jerk-offs that 3,528,633 of us down here voted for Barry, and that was after giving him an important primary win. And at least 99% of us are glad we lost the Civil War and to date, 435 of our citizens have died in Iraq and Afghanistan. So, either put a little snark in your snark, state your state, jes’ so we can reply in kind, or eat a big bag ‘o spotted northern dicks. Better yet, send us some linoleum smooth carpetbagger with enough money to beat these assholes until we can naturalize another million or so, way-southern Democrats.

  • TGY

    Bah. Texons.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    OK, first: when I was a homosexual law student at a fancy-pants law school, no one knew what the fuck the 10th Amendment really means. I’m glad that the Governor of Texas has it all figured out.

    Second: I love how folks get hardons over states’ rights until it comes to same-sex marriage (regulation of marriage being the quintessential states’ right matter), and then we absolutely have to have the federal government involved.

    Third, and speaking of hardons: Perry is a DILF. Right now I’m pleasuring myself thinking about a hot fourgy with him, Mitt Romney and Todd Palin. Preferably in a bathroom stall at a busy airport. Hawt!

  • ZIpster90

    “I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens…”

    Oh, and your crusade to inject all of Texas children with an HPV vaccine isn’t intrusive?

    I live in Texas, and this asshole is the source of every last one of our problems. Our high schools graduate droves of borderline retarded students into the world and yet more than 75% of the state budget goes toward Perry’s personal Aqua-Net and buttplug supply. Go suck John Cornyn’s dick.

  • Baconbits

    “that requires states to pass legislation or lose federal funding”

    Right, because Texas totally turned down all that federal highway money when the federal government wanted us to raise the drinking age to 21. Shut up and sit down, Rick Perry. I’ve spent the last 8 years defending my home state, despite the presence of a moronic mouthpiece. I’m not doing it anymore.

  • octupletsmom

    Rick Perry is so gay.

    Don’t dump Texas. It’s going to be majority-minority soon, and won’t be a stewpot of Republican assholery much longer. That is why they are so desperate and frothy-mouthed. Just look at John Cornyn on the teevee. White man knows his time is runnin’ out.

  • octupletsmom

    [re=289227]american mutt[/re]:

    Rick Perry is (still) governor largely because Kinky just blew it. He got people enthused about him running for governor. I have friends who didn’t vote in the primary for the first time since they started voting because of the rules for voting for an independent…then he just started rambling around, and lost interest in politics, and issues, and governance. Split the vote when Perry was weak, Carol Keaton Rylander Grandma Scotty McClellan’s-mom Strayhorn was picking votes away from Perry and the Democrat had a CHANCE.

    Kinky doesn’t get a re-do.

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