battle of the teatards

Paultards Started This Tea Party Business, So Shut Up GOP

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You teabag me and I'll teabag you.The teabagging controversy grows baggier by the hour, as pretty much every loser in 2006, 2008 and life in general is in a desperate battle to prove they started the tea-bag craze. Forgetting for a moment that the people who “started” the tea-party nonsense were actually greedy Englishmen of the British Empire’s colony of Taxachusetts way back in 1773, this is one thing we are going to totally give to the Paultards. They started it. We were there, man. We were there.

Sort of, anyway. In December of 2007, your editor heard about a wonderful idea hatched (of course) on — they wanted to rent an advertising blimp and put “Google Ron Paul” on one side and that dumb “ReLOVE(backwards)ution” on the other side.

And then they raised like $200,000 online in a few days, and your editor was soon on his way to Elizabeth City, North Carolina, where there was some World War II blimp hangar now used by a private airship company.

This is from your editor’s RADAR Magazine story about the ultimately failed attempt to ride the blimp to Washington and then to Boston, for the stated purpose of dumping tea into Boston Harbor, as a protest, against the big-spending Republicans, particularly the hated George W. Bush:

The original flight plan was a thing of goofy beauty: The airship would cruise over Washington, DC, the nucleus of Imperial America, land in northern Virginia for a triumphant rally, then fly to New York City to buzz the evil Federal Reserve Bank on Wall Street. From there it would cruise to Boston to reenact the original Tea Party by tossing boxes of tea into the harbor from hundreds of feet in the air, while crowds of Paul supporters and journalists looked on in wonder. Finally, there would be a three-week-long crisscrossing tour of the New Hampshire skies. Up until January 8, the date of the all-important primary in the Granite State, the great craft would mercilessly harass the other candidates from the air.

It was understood by everyone else on the Ron Paul discussion forums that the blimp would forever change America. Eyes would be opened. The “sheeple” would see the truth. All the Paulians had to do was cough up $200,000 by December 7 for a month’s blimp rental from Airship Management Services in Elizabeth City.

There. Stop arguing. Paultards for the win. Let the teabagging continue, but without Republicans, who were the target. GO RON PAUL.

Here’s the fun Ron Paul blimp from the Paultard Concert to, um, protest the St. Paul GOP convention:

Sponsored Intermission

(Carry on with your Internal War about mailing little teabags, teabaggers! And don’t forget to pay your taxes tomorrow, ya welfare cheats.)

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • comradepaulson

    I taste the tears of the Paultards and they taste strangely like Darjeeling.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    This just goes to show the RNC hasn’t had an original thought since…you got me–I’m stumped here.

  • ManchuCandidate

    As god as my witness, I thought Paultards could fly.

  • Fox News Light

    another tea bag story?

    Going to OD on Tea..You Win Teabaggers..

  • proudgrampa

    [re=289019]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Since 1865?

  • Terry

    [re=289019]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:

    I’d suggest you’d have to go back to Lincoln’s time perhaps.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=289020]ManchuCandidate[/re]: WKRP FTW!

    $200,000? How much is that in used GameBoys? You’d think they coulda raised that in a day.

  • bitchincamaro

    So Paultards were ‘bagtards after the colonists but before Repubs were teabaggers? I need a fucking scorecard.

  • slappypaddy

    Shouldn’t “tea bag” be hyphenated when used as a verb? Any English majors out there?

  • Mara47

    Flo-thru technology at work.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=289020]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “It’s a helicopter, and it’s coming this way. It’s flying something behind it, I can’t quite make it out, it’s a large banner and it says, uh – Happy… Thaaaaanksss… giving! … From … W … K … R… P!! No parachutes yet. Can’t be skydivers… I can’t tell just yet what they are, but – Oh my God, Johnny, they’re turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they’re plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!”

  • DemmeFatale

    But wouldn’t Paultards know full well what “teabagging” is?

  • shanemacgowan

    I’ve mentioned this before, but I am fully in favor of a reenactment of the Whiskey Rebellion. Or perhaps even the Opium War. Maybe even the BlackHawk War, now that they have their first realistic chance at the Cup in years.

    Teabagging Party, not so much.

  • SnarkNotFark

    Ahem. OK, here’s what we’ve got: the Rand Corporation Paultards, in conjunction with the saucer people Rick Santelli– under the supervision of the reverse vampires RNC– are forcing our parents broke-ass Freepers to go to bed early Teabag on Tax Day in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner “Death Tax”, gun control, Crypto-Marxist-Fascist-Muslin-Socialism, etc. We’re through the looking glass, here, people…

  • SnarkNotFark

    [re=289054]SnarkNotFark[/re]: Dammit, why didn’t my tags show up. [s]Nuts[/s]

  • norbizness

    What do they call the people whose sickness starts pandemics? Patient Zero?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I have it on good authority that teabagging was started by a guy named Buddy in a small little motel in the Tenderloin in San Francisco in 1972. Apparently their is a bronze monument to the moment of creation outside the motel to this day.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Ah the days of the Good Ship Paultard, when its aerial dominance brought the hope of a new order.

    And does anyone find it interesting that when a wingnut looses all hope, they degenerate into teabagging Paultards?

    I just hope their are a few reporters at every event asking “So, where was Obama born? When is he going to take your guns? Can you believe they elected one of ‘them’ as president, shouldn’t they know their place?”

  • Cape Clod

    [re=289067]norbizness[/re]: I think that makes Ron Paul, Candidate Zero.

  • Atheist Nun

    So, the ‘republicans’ are caught beating up the dweeby nerd and stealing his homework because they’re too lazy and stupid to do it themselves…. what’s new? Hasn’t this been their “game plan” for the last 60 years?

  • Min

    You forgot to mention their follow-up plan…to drop hundreds of crumpets in the Potomac.

  • chascates

    Where will Representative Dr. Ron Paul, Esq., be on Tea Bag Day?
    Here in Austin a morning event at City Hall will feature Gov. Rick Perry in a “Don’t Mess With Texas” rally after which “reenactors” will march to Lady Bird Lake and dump cardboard boxes labeled “tea” into the water. They will then immediately retrieve them via canoe.
    “We have all the permits,” a spokesperson said.

  • DC Hates Me

    [re=289017]comradepaulson[/re]: Oh no, they would never outsource their tea to India. They’d buy American tea from the Garden State of New Jersey. It tastes like America .. like Liberty .. like Jersey.

  • wonderboom

    Ah shit, ya’ll… I just got my 1st invit– I mean a friend of mine just got his 1st invitation to some teabaggary on facebook. I’ll get to break out the crotchless Carhartt overalls after all!

  • Mr Blifil

    Why can’t tomorrow be here already?

  • katrina

    Tomorrow’s Teabagging Event = Wingnut Naked Singularity

  • Patton

    Hmm, my dad works in downtown Atlanta, he could go hear the Great American teabag people and see the shit sandwich signs. Except he has to work. Like the irresponsible tax-and-spend librul he is. So while the GOPers get to teabag the libruls, he’ll be helping poor people stay alive. Gee, who’s more responsible here?

  • Mr Blifil

    “If ACORN wants to send some of their paid, pretend activists to show up, that’s fine,” John O’Hara, who is holding a tea party in Chicago, told FOX News. “They don’t have a message that resonates with the American people or resonates with this broad coalition that’s upset with the spending that’s going on in Washington.”

    It’s these douches, who think they’re so cute they’re actually getting over on people, who need to be the first sent to the camps. At least one of which I hope to be running, btw. It’s my due as a stinking demrat of long standing.

  • rev_matt_y

    [re=289041]slappypaddy[/re]: I thought it was a compound verb, myself.

  • Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    Teabagging Tuesday!

  • LittlePinky82

    Why am I not surprised this supposedly comes from them? Ha! It will be interesting to see how many of these people get a visit from the IRS.

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=289135]DC Hates Me[/re]: If they’re going to buy the tea doesn’t that mean they’re just pumping back money into the government and helping Obama?

  • Snowman

    Truck Nutz — for safer teabaggin’

  • TeddyS

    I will have five new portapotties available beside my elite gunz and ammo sales table at the teabaggie rally.

    Each potty will bear the name of a Republican leader, and taking a crap constitutes a vote. So far the names under consideration are “Sarah’s Shithous” and “Ron Paulturd”.

    The shit will be recyled into sandwiches and sold for a dollar, with the proceeds being donated to the winning candidate’s political action committee. No tax will be paid. Capitalism at work. Fox News will cover the event.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=289052]shanemacgowan[/re]: Don’t tempt me. It’s all we Scoth-Irish can do to avoid constantly starting rebellions.

  • Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=289362]Jim is for the gays[/re]: That video was teh fail paultard. Enjoy being mocked for enternity.

  • skutre

    Great, so the teabaggers are also carpetbaggers, this gets better by the minute.
    I wish I could get the day off tomorrow and record these idiots for airplay on Houston radio. I was thinking of a sign featuring the image of Eric Cartman in a Lipton T-shirt that reads SUCK MY BALLS!!11!

  • smartypants

    [re=289362]Jim is for the gays[/re]: You just gave Lego Jesus a sad.

  • Capricatony

    [re=289041]slappypaddy[/re]: ^English major. ‘To tea bag’ is one of those noun-to-verb coinages. A hyphen is only necessary when used as an a gerund if the usage presents ambiguity. ‘I tea bagged with Sean Hannity’ makes perfect sense. But ‘I drank tea bagging Sean Hannity’s semen” is ambiguous, and requires a hyphen.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=289052]shanemacgowan[/re]: That would be appropriate, since many Paultards and Libertarians believe that everything fell off the rails when that tyrant Washington crushed the American spirit by sending troops in to quash the Whiskey Rebellion.

    Shit, rich Boston merchants can fight teh power for their tea, but when a bunch of Pittsburgh farmers try to get cheap whiskey, The Law has to come in and ruin it for everyone.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=289128]chascates[/re]: Mexico called. They’d like to have Tejas back.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=289362]Jim is for the gays[/re]:
    How’s Preznit Ron Paul and that libertarian/pot paradise doing these days? Oh yeah, you lost. To Jamakain!

  • hahajohnnyb

    Mainstream “conservatives” lost their credibility, and proved you liberals to be right all along, in that they were no different than democrats, just mean spirited. Either way, neither neocons or leftists have real principle other than what is politically possible. The Ronulans or Paulites, or what ever other goofy name you want to give them are the only ones out there who honestly want to return power to the individual and liberate the people from this fascist totalitarian hell that America is becoming.

    BTW: Are you sure that Mexico wants Texas back? Why not give it back to Spain, the Comanches, the Confederates or the French? Better still, why not recognize that Texas fought 2 wars of indepence, one the first one against Mexico, but lost the Second one against Uncle Sam. Why not instead of giving something that does not belong to America, back to a Mexico which never owned it, give Texas back to Texans, and stop the occupation. Texas declared Independence from America in 1861, and is still its own nation under occupation.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=289627]hahajohnnyb[/re]: Either way, neither neocons or leftists have real principle other than what is politically possible.

    What is politically possible…sounds like the words of an astute politician, like, say, someone named Obama.

    Feel free to continue living in your dream world of Texas occupation and totalitarian hell (ever been to Soviet Russia? The DDR? I’m guessing no.) The grownups will concern themselves with the politically possible while you masturbate into your own feces under that sexy ceiling poster of Ron Paul. Also.

  • Kaves

    You people are insane. I have never seen so many defensive and absolutely hateful things said in one place. I sincerely hope none of you pretend to care for your fellow man when you’re not posting here. These are real conservatives knocking over a phony fascist propaganda machine called the GOP. Paul supporters are some of the nicest people you will ever meet and their ideas are not completely invalid. How about you read what he’s saying before you start spitting your hate? Fox News and the corporate media were so scared of Paul during the last campaign they did absolutely everything in their power to slander him and black him out. Why were they so scared? Because if people had started listening they wouldn’t have been able to steal all the money they’ve stolen from us with TARP and these other bailouts?

    How about you look at what Obama is doing rather than what he’s saying? Troops staying in Iraq, expanded wars in Afghanistan, expansion of the Patriot act. All of the healthcare and stimulus spending moves are promises, and considering he has literally broken most of the promises he made during his campaign in two months, I don’t see why anyone would trust any of the new ones. Look at all the people he has behind him, Geithner, Summers, its all just a continuation of the corporate facism we’ve been hoodwinked with for years and years and years. Even Chomsky knows this administration is a total fraud. Ron Paul has solutions. Don’t wait for four years cheering on Obama to have the same thing happen to you that happened to the honest taxpayers in the Republican party that were screwed by Bush.

    These are your neighbors. Really, how hard do you think it is for the corporate elite of this country to convince you that they will solve all your problems when they have the funds to shove the massive propaganda campaign that was Obama down our throats? “Grassroots” movements are not funded by David Rockefeller.

  • Noyura

    THere WAS a tea party in Dec 2007.
    We “Paultards” rented historic Faniuel Hall in Boston. We marched across the snow-ridden city and stormed the building and CSPAN was there. Rand Paul gave the talk. We did it again in Dec 2008. We will do it every year and month until 2012 when Ron Paul is president.

  • Noyura

    Oh of course these happened around america in ’07 and ’08

  • nader paul kucinich gravel

    west side story
    the jets v the sharks

  • NaderPaulKucinichGravelMcKinney

    Well, they began it!

    west side story
    jets vs sharks