Wonkette
WHAT DO YOU WANT, CLOWN?
For all of us in Minnesota and around the country who have waited for a final result in our razor-tight Senate race, yesterday was an important and exciting day.
The last few ballots were counted last week, and yesterday the election contest court cemented our victory. After a fair, transparent, and quite lengthy process, our margin of victory stands at 312 votes. And for that, I owe you more thanks than I could ever express. This has been an amazing campaign, and Franni and I will never forget how hard we all worked together to achieve this important win.
This is the immediate next sentence, the very smooth, subtle segue:
Later:
Hey GO GET A JOB man.
His wife’s name is Franni Franken?
It continues: Of course, you don’t have to give–I mean, I could just turn your email over to David Plouffe, who would fill your box with literally billions of these emails. Alternatively, you could give me $50, I could send you a set of trucknutz, and we could leave you alone for six years. What’s it gonna be?
Jim: smooth and subtle and Senator-elect Franken thanks you for preserving his links.
They should bypass the bullshit and just say
“YOU WILL FUCKING CLICK HERE NOW.”
“WE HAVE YOUR IP ADDRESS. CLICK HERE OR WE WILL FIND YOU.”
“YOU ARE ON SATELLITE FROM ST. PAUL. WE ALREADY FUCKING OWN YOU. CLICK. CLICK!!!”
“GUESS WHAT, FUCKER? YOU CLICK, WE WIN. SIMPLE RIGHT? SO DO IT. DO IT.”
Or maybe the more subtle:
“You are the 10,000th reader! Click here to claim your prize after completing a short survey!”
The end.
He wants money, doesn’t he? How unusual for a politician.
Wow, it sure costs a lot of money to occupy a senate seat you won, democratically, months ago.
That’s not a costume change we can believe in.
Is there just a “Punch Norm Coleman In The Mouth” fund? Cuz I will totally donate to that.
needs more funny for my money
So donate to me, Al Franken.
Another Man’s Sac - now there was a beautiful song.
Don’t be fooled. This is a phishing email scam from Lizard People.
Still waiting for the Joe Franken Decade. Me Joe Franken.
sezme: I KNEW IT!!
Gorillionaire: I was hoping to punch him a little lower down, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
sezme: hahahah that made me LOL. I’d like to see the final vote tally for the Lizard People.
Dear Al:
You should be very proud of that 312 vote margin of victory for a fucking state election. Now how much money did each of those votes cost the good people of Minnesota to find?
Fox n Fiends: If he puts on the baby costume, only then will I donate.
Greedy bastard.
Considering that everyone who runs for high office is already rich, will be drowned in lobbyist money while in office, and then become a lobbyist afterward I think it only fair that all politicians use their own money.
I’d like to thank all of you — the voters, the donors, the campaign volunteers — but most espectially, the Lizard People who made this all possible.
Norm, Your Fucking Out, Im Fucking In
-Al
People! The venom! What did Al Franken ever do to you besides deprive you all of the pleasure of seeing Norm do his perp walk while still a sitting U.S. Senator?
This is where Al and Norm come out in sumo wrestling girdles and announce they’re really homosexual lovers, right?
He would like more money in the bank before becoming the official Senator from Minnesota. This way he does not need to find a sugar daddy that thinks Senators are not paid enough and then funnels monies through a insurance company that Mrs Franken will have to have a office at.
Kathleen Harris wouldn’t have let it get this far.
magic titty: Actually, her full name is Condoleezza Tinklenberg Franken, but they decided to go with the nickname.
Sorry. I am putting all my internet money into helping Mitch Stewart ’strengthen movements.’ And apparently we are one $25 donation away from weakening the plan of those who seek to weaken the plan of those whose plans we don’t want to see weakened.
Dear God, someone unsubscribe me….
momus: heer heer. she would have, like, appointed someone by now and let the SC figure it out.