Whoops you must keep an eye on this frisky new Preznet of ours, because every time you turn your back on him he’s sneaking off to deliver another speech on the economy. So we come to this one in medias res, because that makes it more exciting and suspenseful.
11:48 AM: He is explaining again how the economy ruined itself, which is by everybody losing their collective minds and acting like a bunch of greedy children who could not do math.
11:50 AM: Spiral of frozen credit, collapsing values, etc. Kind of weird to think that this is still new information to anybody.
11:52 AM: Dire times call for dramatic measures; problems with demand require massive gov’t injections of munnies, and so on. Is this irresponsible government spending? Sure, if you secretly want America to FAIL.
11:54 AM: This speech is completely fraudulent, because Obama is very obviously reading from a teleprompter. Why can our president not give an extemporaneous speech full of statistics and facts?
11:55 AM: “TARP’s not popular.” Why are they not showing the Dow at the bottom of the screen, to show how negatively the markets are reacting to Obama’s latest Debbie Downer speech?
11:56 AM: If you do not give these dumb bankers everything they want, you will suffer YEARS of recession. “A dollar of capital in banks can translate to 8 or 10 dollars of loans to families and businesses.” Yes, because banks are completely overleveraged!
11:58 AM: Hmm. Obama says he’s not being soft on banks; he’s just trying to behave in a way that doesn’t undermine confidence. Thus, the quiet takeover of banks instead of the very public and loud takeover of banks. “Nobody is more frustrated than me with AIG. I promise.” Nervous laughs from the audience.
12:00 PM: So basically, as with the campaign, he lets the debate simmer for a while before he steps in and says, “I am very disappointed with you children behaving childishly; here is my serious and reasonable opinion, now shut up already.”
12:02 PM: Oh yeah remember that time he went to the G20 and everybody loved him but nobody wanted to help him out with Gitmo detainees or economic stimulus or anything else? Good times.
12:03 PM: OK that is a pretty impressive list of programs and initiatives he’s introduced in his first three months on the job. Plus he got a dog!
12:05 PM: “2009 will continue to be a difficult year for the American economy.” Annnd Wall Street PUNISHES him with a devastating drop in the Dow, no doubt, for making this obvious point.
12:06 PM: DRAMATIC PAUSE. Is the telerprompterzzz brokededs?
12:07 PM: It is not sustainable for economic gains to be built on falsely overinflated assets, where people make a living by selling money to each other, says the president. Whaaaa?
12:08 PM: Brief silence as he wipes his nose, with his hand. Now onto the Sermon on the Mount: we must build our house upon Iraq, meaning, a rock. Five pillars of the (MUSLIN???) economy: one thing, and another thing, and investments in renewable energy, and new investments in healthcare, and new savings in our budget to reduce the debt of future generations.
12:10 PM: Ah. The first thing is new rules and regulations for those weasels in banking.
12:11 PM: And second, better education. Even Georgetown students will be able to enjoy the benefits of education!
12:14 PM: Harness new energies in race to future! Jetpacks! Solar jetpacks.
12:15 PM: Well, this is getting boring now. Go eat lunch, you fools.
{ 40 comments }
Professor Obama is once again in his element.
Thank you, Madame.
He didn’t do too well at the Master’s Last weekend, so he needs a good one today. But he did win Wimbledon in 1975, so he’s got that going for him.
8 dollars of loans per dollar held is not so bad if the loans are actually made smartly.
12:07 – finally, he gets applause from these frosty college jerks.
“I am very disappointed with you children behaving childishly; here is my serious and reasonable opinion, now shut up already.”
You forgot: “…and hand me the duct tape.” ‘Cause, you know, duct tape can fix anything.
Goldman Sachs thinks leveraging capital a mere 8 times is for pussies.
30:1 is where the real fun is.
Did you hear that, everyone? We must build our house upon Iraq. Send in the contractors!
I wonder if this’ll translate into a “MarcdMan wants a new camaro” bailout payment.
Wait…what?
What do the three little pigs have to do with this?
And why are they building homes with five pillars?
Don’t forget that Bubba was dumbfounded back in the 90s that he had to make the international bond market happy or we were screwed.
Hopey knows that as well. So if they’re happy they buy our crap debt.
Same story.
Manipulating numbers=bad
Scientists=good
And the Dow drops.
He’s quoting Jesus now.
Actullay, the guy who built his house on sand was self-evidently a d*ckhead. What a lame moral. “Once there were two guys and they were hungry and one ate food, but the other ate razor blades. Lo, the food-eater survived . . . And then this other time, a guy jumped off the roof of a high building, but another guy just took the stairs, and, guess what, only one of them survived! He ye my mighty wisdom!!”
Way to preach, Jesus.
“in media res”? Speak Murikan!
Yay, Hoyas! I’m not picturing the speech, but I can picture them all now, with their popped collars and Nantucket reds.
(justifiable) Huge slam on Georgetown out of nowhere!
Shoot a few more pirates in the head to get the economy going.
[re=288687]4tehlulz[/re]: AIG just called, and would like to offer you some sweet, sweet insurance on that action.
[re=288705]PerhapsSo[/re]: I mean, I’m not watching the speech, but I can picture them all. d’oh.
[re=288705]PerhapsSo[/re]: Anxiously awaiting the end of thing so that they can get to Rhino’s for Jager bombs.
Oh sure — blame Dubya for cutting taxes and spending huge amounts of money on wars. You’ve been in office three months now — it’s time to take responsibility for last year’s trillion-dollar deficit.
Ha! Grateful applause from college kids who want to keep smoking pot on campus when their Dads would prefer if they just went to work in Burger King already.
Major props to Sarah as usual for another witty intelligent reference pulled out of the air re: The Five Pillars (of Muslin! or is it Izlam?) She’s like a one person Gilmore Girls writing staff.
what does John McCain’s twitter say about the speech because I only listen to a senile twitter.
Argh. Hopey, you promised this will be prose, not poetry. And there you are fluttering off into the poetic mists again. You thwarted auteur you.
FOX has a tiny box on the screen with Blago’s tiny head and giant hair bopping around. Just pleaded not guilty.
Oh noes…Barry’s having visions. It’s only a matter of time before he sees the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast.
I only saw the last bit of that speech, but it was good. It makes me wonder what happened to that previous guy, who always sounded like a drunk gas station attended who had looked at the front page of USA Today without taking it out of the newspaper box. He still around?
TARP = Teleprompters All Reading Perfectly!
Hm, or maybe that’s ‘Teabaggers Are Randy Perverts’.
[re=288724]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was an interesting speech. He took this ‘rational argumentation’ approach though. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I thought this was the announcement about a settlement being reached on ABG’s townhouse.
Sorry I missed the speech…at Georgetown??? Why didn’t the Hoya alums rise up to defend one of the institution’s core values, to which BHO is fundamentally opposed? (douchebagism)
“A dollar of capital in banks can translate to 8 or 10 dollars of loans to families and businesses.”
I believe that’s called inflation.
[re=288731]wheelie[/re]: It is a clear contradiction of America’s core values, that’s what it is. But then again, such commie wuss talk was what the people voted for…
[re=288715]Vartan84[/re]: Oh shit I mean Sara! I knew that!
Even Georgetown students will be able to enjoy the benefits of education!
Meow.
[re=288699]hockeymom[/re]: The Dow doesn’t like reality. It runs better on rumor and instinct. And shininess.
“A dollar of capital in banks can translate to 8 or 10 dollars of loans to families and businesses.”
It is not sustainable for economic gains to be built on falsely overinflated assets, where people make a living by selling money to each other, says the president.
This message brought to you by the Cognitive Dissonance Association of America.
See ya at the recovery!
[re=288700]wheelie[/re]: Yea, he should have substituted the word “sand” with Santa Ana Fire Canyons and “house” with multi-million dollar Malibu mansions.
[re=288900]Roger the Shrubber[/re]: Bizarrely, it all usually works out just fine. Until someone starts leveraging up 30:1 instead of 8:1 and giving money to people who can’t repay it.
Ya know, if Bush were to quote Jesus in an economy speech, I’d run for the hills (because he was talking bout the economy, duh). But when Obama does it, somehow, it feels… good. *shudder*
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