CIVIL WAR  12:38 pm April 14, 2009

INTRA-TEABAGGER WARFARE: It’s Paultards/Randians/Truthers/Seceshes/’Libertarians’ Vs. ‘Astroturfers’/GOP Leadership/Hannititties/Fat Cats/Gingrichians/Santelliosos/Fox News/Dick’s Armey…??…!

by Jim Newell

What the headline said, duh! Uhh… hmm. It’s becoming impossible to follow the rapidly developing Balkanization within the Teabagger Movement. Let’s try to figure it all out in one post! Here’s the general storyline: Paultards and other “radical libertarians” are claiming that the Tea Party concept has always been their protest idea, for like infinity years, and that it was a damn good one too (got Dr. Cong. Paul elected president no?) until these fucking corporate-backed fucks, the mainstream Republican electoral apparatus, started laundering money into some “AstroTurf” (fake grassroots HA HA!) fat cat Establishment entities and hijacked the brilliant tea bag concept, (somehow) turned it into a joke, blasted it on Fox News, and fucking ruined fucking everything AGAIN WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER LEARN?

Now for something different, here’s a paragraph that makes sense! It’s from a fellow named Mark Thompson, who appears to be in the Paulrandlibertruthcession Camp — the creative minds behind this whole colonial- or Revolutionary-era imagery-as-an-ethos masturbatory Second Life style crusade:

As Stephen Gordon, fresh from the Bob Barr campaign, has been taking great pains to document, the people at the root – though for quite some time no longer the forefront – of the Tea Party protests have been as vocal as could be over the last 8 years’ orgy of spending, “preemptive” war, civil liberties abuses, etc., etc. Gordon is – rightly -skeptical that the other groups joining in the demonstrations are only fair weather friends. I suspect and expect that he will quickly find his skepticism validated as the protests increasingly become nothing more than a vehicle for movement conservatives to advance their whole agenda, including a whole host of things that were the reason people like Bob Barr and others turned their backs on Republicans in the first place.

Oh BOB BARR our ass. The “people at the root” don’t care about him. The “people at the root,” as someone wrote in to Andrew Sullivan yesterday, are just the Paultards, as usual:

Just wanted to let you know that Mark Thompson is right. The tea party idea has actually been around for a while now. It grew out of the left over Ron Paul supporter groups from the last election. I was heavily involved in that campaign and, as such, still am on the contact list for a lot of the grassroots groups that were created during it. The first time I heard about the “Tea Party” idea was probably well over a year ago.

But why is it catching on only now, after Ron Paul’s historic race to the presidency, when tea parties can no longer WIN HIM ELECTIONS? And why aren’t the Paultards getting full credit for this idea which, again, is basically the filet of brilliant political ideas?

Maybe because, let’s see, PAULTARDS ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PEOPLE ON EARTH.

Some Tea Party organizers are discovering what liberals discovered in the anti-Iraq War protests of 2002 through 2008 and fretting about how to avoid fringe activists from taking over the events. In Burleston, Texas, one Tea Party will be run by self-described secessionists. In Pensacola, Florida, a planned Tea Party has fractured over the involvement of Ron Paul supporters and 9/11 conspiracy theorists. “At any big gathering you’ll have fringe elements show up,” said Andrew Langer with a shrug. He plans to bring “big blue arrows” marked “Tea Party crasher” to point at any fringe protesters or infiltrators who show up at the event in Washington.

“Andrew Langer sounds like an asshole,” you’re thinking right now. “Who is he?” Langer is an employee of the surprisingly anti-Paultard “Institute for Liberty,” which along with Dick Armey’s “FreedomWorks” and Newt Gingrich’s “American Solutions” forms the evil “Astroturf Axis” of Fat Cat-bankrolled tea party organizers, the ones that have turned this friendly Paultardian jaunt in the April sun into little more than a front to raise cash for Republican candidates in 2010. Rick Santelli, the ranter, is also somehow involved with this.

You can imagine the mood at Ron Paul Forums these days. Here’s sexy poster “HOLLYWOOD” complaining about the Corrupt Republican Hijacking of their testicle-sucking idea, in the context of something that happened on The Rachel Maddow Show last night — you know, like when Maddow and her sniveling sidekick “Cocks” MADE UP LIES ABOUT RON PAUL?

So the GOP & Big Business win again, the small-government hippies lose. Another Tax Day in the history books. This post is long. It could be longer.

Meh. Here are some funny pictures from the defeated Georgia Paulrandlibertruthcessions, who have to sit through that git Sean Hannity at their co-opted Atlanta party tomorrow.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 114 comments }

Prommie April 14, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Is “morphous” the opposite of “amorphous?”

Big Liver April 14, 2009 at 12:44 pm

This was a wonderful post to read, and I now understand everything. Wait, uh…

Dave J. April 14, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Note to Paultards: sometimes it’s not enough to SAY “shit sandwich,” you need to SHOW IT. Well done!!!!

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 12:45 pm

OBVS Teablogging.net has a comprehensive outline of the violent internecine teabaggery (sounds painful!) here: http://teablogging.net/teabagger-hall-of-fame/

Prommie April 14, 2009 at 12:45 pm

What language is that, the one Hollywood is using? It seems similar to english, except there are no sentences.

Judas Peckerwood April 14, 2009 at 12:46 pm

I’m having pleasing visions of the Paultards running down Hannity and group-teabagging him. A fella can dream, can’t he?

Big Liver April 14, 2009 at 12:46 pm

By the way, is that SarahPAC ad for real, or am I in a parallel universe? I mean, Huh?

BillyClubb April 14, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Oh thanks, it’s just about lunchtime and you print a picture of a “shit sandwich”. I’ll just toss my PBJ sandwich in the garbage now.

shanemacgowan April 14, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Chris Matthews had an editor from the WSJ on his show last night. The WSJ fucker could not keep a straight face while trying to claim that Armey et al. were part of an organic protest movement, not opportunistic dipshits.

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Yes, but why do you lump truthers in with the retards? Surely it requires no stretch of the imagination to think Cheney was behind 9/11. More plausible than the alternative, if you ask me.

Cicada April 14, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Wow, in that context a shit sandwich actually sounds appetizing!

TGY April 14, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Teabagging: when assclowns fall out over stealing each other’s rubber noses.

Accordion-o-rama April 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm

.. the more Krugman opens his mouth, the more his true colors shine through …

yellowish-white and uvular plum?

bluetom00 April 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=288740]Prommie[/re]: No, he meant “Morpheus,” like from The Matrix. It all makes a lot more sense in that context. Try it!

AxmxZ April 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Wait, Obama ISN’T part of the shit sandwich?

magic titty April 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm

My eyes crossed reading this.

Go Hannititties??

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Also, can we start spelling it asstrotuf, pls?

ManchuCandidate April 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm

I never thought that a real life version of the ending of “Life of Brian” would be so damned amusing.

Ron Paul: You bastards! You bastards! You vacuous malodorous
bastards!
Obamanaut FBI guy: Where is Ron of Paul? I have an order for
his release.
Ron Paul: You stupid bastards!
Wiseguy: Ehm…I’m Ron of Paul.
Ron Paul: What?
Wiseguy: Yeah, I-I-I’m Ron of Paul.
Obamanaut FBI guy: Take him down!
Brian: I’m Ron of Paul!
Crucified man I: I’m Ron!
Bignose: I’m Ron!
Crucified man II: Look, look, I’m Ron!
Brian: I’m Ron!
Bearded Man: I’m Ron and so is my wife!
Crucifixion party: I’m Ron!
Obamanaut FBI guy: Right! Take him away and release him!
Wiseguy: No, I’m only joking. I’m not really Ron. No, I’m
not Ron! I was only…believe me, it was a joke. I’m only
pulling your leg! It’s a joke! I’m not him, I’m just having you on!
Put me back! Bloody Obamanauts, can’t take a joke.
Crucifixion Assistant I: The Tea Bagging People’s Front!
Fat Centurion: The Tax Cutter’s Tea Bagging Front!
Tea Bagging People’s Front Commander: Forward, all!
Crucifixion Assistant II: Look out! The Tax Cutter People’s
Front!
Crucifixion Assistant III: The Tea Baggging People’s Front!
Crucifixion Assistant IV: The People’s Front of Tea Baggging!
Tea Baggging People’s Front Commander: We are the Tea Baggging People’s
Front, crack suicide squad. Suicide squad…attack!
Tea Baggging People’s Front committing suicide: Augh! Arrgh…
Tea Baggging People’s Front Commander: That showed them, huh?
Ron Paul: You silly sods!

And…always look on the tea bag of life…
Always look on the tea bag of life…

WalnutsThePlumber April 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

wow, these people…, also.

donner_froh April 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Hollywood sez: “Of course the preposition junk…”

Does that make sense in any context imaginable?

Terry April 14, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=288743]Dave J.[/re]:

I’m glad I’d finished my lunch before seeing that image.

PopeyesPipe April 14, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=288747]Prommie[/re]: It’s gibber from the land of Ish.

slappypaddy April 14, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Somebody needs please to inform those poor misguided ranting folks that they are not supposed to be smoking that tea, they’re supposed to smoke the other kind, and they’re not supposed to smoke those grassroots, either. They smoke the right kind of tea and the right kind of grass and there’s all kinds of sandwiches they might enjoy.

BadKitty April 14, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Is anyone else enjoying this in-fighting as much as I am? Because I am really enjoying this. It’s just like the old days when the Naderites where fighting the Dems only this is way more fun because either way, we win!

Paterlanger April 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=288745]StephanieInCA[/re]: Violent internecene teabaggery! We need an inquisition to separate the heretics from the faithful! Bring in the comfy chair!

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm

So it’s like that story from Jason and the Argonauts, I guess? If I throw a rock at the Tea Party tomorrow, will they just stone cold start tearing each others’ jaws off?

Capitol Hillbilly April 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm

at least they made the sammich on whole wheat bread. that’s a good thing, right?

Fox News Light April 14, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Teabaggers, Steep your Tea up your very own “Icon of the Democratic Party!”

Crab1 April 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm

So basically tea parties = crazy nonsense. Glad we cleared that up.

shortsshortsshorts April 14, 2009 at 1:08 pm

The banner ad underneath this post makes it all the better:
“DON’T PAY FULL PRICE! ! ! ! BIDS START AT ONE DOLLAR! ! ! !”

VOTE LIBERTARIAN.

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 1:08 pm

[re=288772]donner_froh[/re]: Of course ‘Hollywood’ finds prepositions as useless and repulsive as all other parts of the English language, if not more so.

Gopherit April 14, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=288747]Prommie[/re]: Amen. WTF did he say?

bright virago April 14, 2009 at 1:13 pm

What about the reverse vampires? How do they fit in here?

SayItWithWookies April 14, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Congresspeople are officially shaking in their boots now that they’re being opposed by a random assortment of libertarians and trolls who can’t even agree on who was invited to the party. This is sort of a hypothetical historical metaphor — or what would’ve happened if the Incas had been invaded by the Three Stooges.

kentuckienne2 April 14, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I was going to mock the last poster for a.) Misspelling Newt Gingrich’s name and b.) thinking he was still a Congressman. But then I googled “Gingrey” and discovered that there is, in fact, a congressman by that name. However, a “Shummer” appears to be a device that disperses chum to attract fish. So I still feel comfortable mocking them.

iolanthe April 14, 2009 at 1:18 pm

GO SECESSIONISTS!!! GO SECESSIONISTS!!! I will help you pack! I will rent you moving vans! I will even throw you a goodbye party! Let’s make this like a relatively friendly divorce. Pick a few states and set up Wingnuttia or Jesusland or Christendom or Randland or whatever-the-fuck!

I wish you well, just well away from *me*!

Or y’all could go to Somalia and JohnGalt it *there* — your kind of place, Libertarians. Tiny feeble government; no services; not much of anything, really. You could all pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and form little Galt Gulches everywhere!

Leave us to our Effete Socialism.

Prommie April 14, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=288789]bright virago[/re]: Its obvious; acting in league with Cheney and the Old Testament Zombies, they installed the remote controlls in the pilotless aircraft, and then installed the demolition charges in the World Trade Center. Come on, people, its all right there before your eyes. Also.

Min April 14, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Tea for two,
And two for tea.
I hate you,
And you hate me.
Picture it, what assholes we can be…

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

Itsjustme April 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=288743]Dave J.[/re]: I’m stoopid. I thought by the looks it may be PB and J. Back to bed for me.

NoWireHangers April 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

That “shit sandwich” looks a lot like PB&J, or maybe that’s just what the MSM wants you to think. VOTE RON PAUL!!1!

davesnothere April 14, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Say WHAAA?

NoWireHangers April 14, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Also what is this “Bush Gallon Coins Video” they’re advertising at the bottom of the Ron Paul Forums screenshot? Ameros that weigh as much as a jug of milk? A a gallon container filled with coins? What? What the hell does it mean???

lampadadog April 14, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Tea bag your Representatives before they Tea Bag you.

NoWireHangers April 14, 2009 at 1:23 pm

God, I LOVE it when the wingnuts in fight b/c it happens so often and it’s so easy. There are many kinds of crazy, and each is different. Put all the crazy in one room and watch the magic happen. Just think, you’ve got secessionists and patriots. People that support torture and people who “support” the Constitution. People who love Ron Paul and people who love Mitt Romney. And all of them are teabaggin’ together. It’s wild wild world, kids.

President Beeblebrox April 14, 2009 at 1:24 pm

[re=288753]Red Zeppelin[/re]: What are you talking about? Everyone knows that JEWS DID WTC.

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2009 at 1:26 pm

I gotta rule in favor of the Libertarians. This whole teabag thing was their stupid idea before it was anybody elses stupid idea.

Lazy Media April 14, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=288753]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Retard.

thebaker April 14, 2009 at 1:27 pm

and the birthers… where are the birthers?

NoWireHangers April 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

The mainstream “screamer” Fox News/Rush/Hannity Republican Party is incapable of any sort of grassroots movement because all of these “leaders” are in the pocket of corporate America/only care about their money/stand for nothing but themselves. The fringe wackos, i.e. the Paultards, at least believe in something (even if it doesn’t completely make sense), and are passionate (i.e. crazy) enough to cultivate and follow through on a grassroots cause (i.e. Teh Blimp). I feel for the Paultards, because let’s face it, Rudy Giuliani was laughing at Dr. Congressman Ron Paul at the primary debates. They can’t get no respect.

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 1:29 pm

[re=288800]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yeah, and wtf does “the most concise 4:30 of your life” possibly mean?

thebaker April 14, 2009 at 1:29 pm

where are the birthers? isn’t Alan Keyes a keynote speaker?

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=288809]Lazy Media[/re]: Spazz!

wonderboom April 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm

seriously: when the anticlimax of this shit hits these people, (probably a few weeks after it hits those with functioning brains,) some people could get hurt, physically. cuz after the tea comes the whiskey and rebel flags and the bi-weekly pressed confederate costumes and/or hoods. in the midwest, glenn beck, i really am surrounded by your nut-jobs. oh, and a special thanx to McCain/Palin for stoking the fires.

Carrie_Okie April 14, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=288772]donner_froh[/re]: “Of course the preposition junk in what respect, Charlie?”

Cape Clod April 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=288806]NoWireHangers[/re]: It also sounds like a perfect spot to set up a gun show booth.

SmutBoffin April 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm

If only someone would shoot the Archduke, then Tard War I would break out.

TeddyS April 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Never fear. Michael Steele, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, has it all under control. He is the leader! Ask any Republican.

My suggestion is that they all drink Jonestown Kool-Aid instead of tea to wash down the shit sandwiches. When thousands of these idiots keel over and do that old time rapture boogie, then we would all be sorry for being such meanies and socializing social security. Maybe.

One Yield Regular April 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Tea-bagging? Shit sandwiches? This whole movement is starting to look like an anti-intellectual version of “Salo.”

wonderboom April 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

sorry; someone plz teabag me for that last downer comment…

engulfedinflames April 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=288747]Prommie[/re]: doesn’t scan well. is there anyone anywhere who can decipher? must be code.

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=288814]Red Zeppelin[/re]: It only lasts a minute and fifteen seconds?

snarkistani refugee April 14, 2009 at 1:38 pm

I LUVVED the way Rachel and Anna Marie pointed us MSM-suckled zombies to urbandictionary.com for that salacious definition of tea-bagging! So edgy and dirty!!!

PerhapsSo April 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Just ate lunch. Then saw picture of shit sandwich. Going to go vomit now.

Servo April 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

I’m kinda enjoying this “tarder-than-thou” fighting.

El Pinche April 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

I fear the day when the Gingrichians collide with the Ballchinians. The Ballchinians are the ODB’s of the teabagger movement, dontcha know.

I hear white supremacists are showing up to one of the teabaggoramas in Texas. This will make a Palin rally look like a KKK rally only worse.

jagorev April 14, 2009 at 1:41 pm

I want to gay adopt a baby with Jim Newell.

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=288793]iolanthe[/re]: I am going to post your secessionist comment on Teablogging.net unless you come over here and stop me.

americanscandoanything April 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Twas the night before tax day
and all through the land
not a wingnut was stirring
they were making a plan

Their teabags were hung from
John Deere caps with care
like trucknutz for those
who are ironically impaired

The children were in bed
they couldn’t sleep late
with visions of book burnings
fueling their hate

And momma with her gun
and me with a flaming cross
were ready to show those libtards
just who was the boss

When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter
ACORNs! I cried
(we proceeded to scatter)

I waddled to the window
determined to know
and was confronted with the vision
of the great El Rushbo!

He began to speak
as proud as King Tut
sweating profusely
with a cyst on his butt

the socialist and/or communists are coming!
to establish a New World Order!
with hard to understand currency
and a turnstile at the border!

The gheys are getting married!
that’s one of their ploys
(although he enjoys buttseks
with dominican boys)

Fascism is here!
we barely have time
if you need any proof
just look at a dime!

Socialist diatribes are streaming
from shiny new TeLepRomTerz!
patriots are in FEMA camps
tranported by black helicopters!

The situation is dire!
the situation is urgent!
the commies in Oregon
are grabbing our detergent!

Now Malkin! now Hewitt!
now Bachmann!, and Cavuto
now Paultards!, now Birchers!,
and yes, even Menuedo!

And then he fell silent
and put a finger to his nose
(what he was snorting
no one really knows)

But as he dissapeared
into the dark night sky
I thought I heard
a very disturbing cry

It seemed to come from
the phallic object he puckers

Happy tax day to All!
thanks for the ratings suckers!

timmy_the_tooth April 14, 2009 at 1:46 pm

The good news is that both sides are heavily armed.

greg April 14, 2009 at 1:47 pm

at first I was going to dickishly spellcheck you, but then I realized that
Balkinization = Balkanization + Malkinization

BRILLIANT!

wonderboom April 14, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: bravo!

Bruno April 14, 2009 at 1:48 pm

“left over Ron Paul”

OMG the are cannibals. I knew it.

Snowman April 14, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I think we should deliver Truck Nutz to each of the elected officials who gets on stage at one of these events.

Nothing says tanks for being an asshat like a set of plastic testicles designed especially for your truck!

Adalai'sShoe April 14, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: Brilliant!

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: you too, americanscandoanything. this is going on Teablogging.net. If you want some sort of credit, email teablogging@gmail.com. or SUCK IT.

engulfedinflames April 14, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: BRILLIANT!!! I LOVE YOU (just not in that way)

decora April 14, 2009 at 1:53 pm

I just wanted to point out that unless you are talking about a 1980s situation comedy starring a ‘foreign man’, it is actually spelled BALKANIZATION.

Bruno April 14, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Attention IRS Agents – you know what to do. These people actually utter to other people they don’t want to pay taxes. Audit them, not me. Bring your cameras & catch them in the act.

unicow April 14, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=288819]wonderboom[/re]: “when the anticlimax of this shit hits these people”

I don’t think you need to worry about that ever happening.

gurukalehuru April 14, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=288753]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I totally agree. Motive, means and disposition.

GDTRFB April 14, 2009 at 2:00 pm

I”m hungry. Anyone know where I can get a good shit sandwhich around 10th and F? Oh well, might have to settle for some dank onion soup at Bistro D’Oc.

And hey, deadheads are descending on Gallery Place/Chinatown. welcome to my people…

Guppy06 April 14, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Akshually…

Here in Florida, we had a presidential candidate from the “Boston Tea (political) Party,” which was apparently a splinter group that left the LP because they just weren’t libertarian enough. So Barr and Paul actually ripped off these folks:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Tea_Party_(political_party)

So put that in your “more rightist than thou” pipe and shove it up your ass.

Giant Robot April 14, 2009 at 2:01 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: Thank you! I look forward to another great poem next year – if we’re not all dead from gay marriage and visiting Cuba…

Servo April 14, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=288793]iolanthe[/re]:
“We wish you well in your quest for Morandell.”

L Urchin April 14, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Beautiful! Can’t wait for the pop-up book.

iolanthe April 14, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=288838]StephanieInCA[/re]: Go for it! It’s not just a simple case of “don’t let the door hit you in the ass!” It’s, “Here … let me get that for you! Do you need some help with those boxes? I’ll get the cat kennel. Can I make you a sandwich for the road?”

InsidiousTuna April 14, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: This is fantastic.

[re=288767]ManchuCandidate[/re]: This is some of your best work.

iolanthe April 14, 2009 at 2:06 pm

[re=288866]Servo[/re]: PRE-cisely. And tell Joel another actual female wanted him *bad*. Mike Nelson, although funny, never *ever* rang my little geekgirl chimes like Joel did.

gurukalehuru April 14, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: Very good. Thank you for your hard work. Sincerely, very, very good.

GreyPanter April 14, 2009 at 2:09 pm

It’s time for Rush Limpbaugh to invite the principals onto his “show” and broker a peaceful solution.

Hooray For Anything April 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm

This is sort of like way back in the day when Nirvana made it big and all of a sudden the jocks and frat boys started listening to them and pretending they were all “punk rock” while all the “cool kids” were upset and started saying things like “I was into Nirvana when Kurt was Kurdt and Bleach came out” except it’s a battle over a ridiculously retarded thing fought over by two groups competing over the issue of who’s the biggest deluded moron.

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. April 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=288772]donner_froh[/re]: Yes, it does. I will translate from the Chomskian/Freudian here. Say one is teabagging someone else, for instance, and the teabagger has had it with the ballsucking for now and has decided that it is time for him to be fellated. Upon inserting the head of his rEVOLution blimp into the teabaggee’s mouth, a shocked look will pass across the face of the ‘baggee. Could the baggee (in this case, Hollywood) speak, it would say “Of course, the preposition junk…”: the “preposition” to “the junk” has been summarily introduced into the scenario. Hope this helps. Have another glans, if it doesn’t…

CaliforniaMike April 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm

We’re missing out on a much bigger issue than whether Mann Coulter wants to teabag anyone.

We need to understand why the number of people who are fucking nuts — not to mention boring and tacky — seems to be increasing exponentially.

Not just the wingnuts — they’ve always been with us — but now even formerly sane Republicans are jumping off the cliff with the rest of the lemmings.

Is it buttseks?

Trucknutz?

Or simply standing too close to Sarah Palin?

hobospacejunkie April 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=288849]StephanieInCA[/re]: Aren’t you supposed to be having sex with people?

Hooray For Anything April 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=288767]ManchuCandidate[/re]: The more you read and understand politics, the more brilliant “Life of Brian” becomes.

Gallowglass April 14, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Watching these douches argue over who teabagging “belongs” to is like finding a baby in the toilet at prom and having all the girls argue over who squeezed it out between songs.

katrina April 14, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Splitters!

iolanthe April 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Seriously, I’m beginning to conclude that Lincoln, although well-intentioned, made the wrong decision. Think what a Paradise this place could be if we had just let the South go when they wanted to go!

“United we stand; divided we fall”? Anyone who has ever had their life immeasurably enriched by a divorce understands that forced unity, forced geographical proximity, between two parties who loathe each other, who no longer just disagree but appear to inhabit totally different realities with totally different perspectives and, apparently, even different *facts*, is not unity at all, but just a recipe for permanent pain, stagnation, true division, and eventual mutual destruction.

So let’s opt for a friendly divorce. We could start out with the kind of relationship America and England have had for the past 100 years, not the relationship they had in 1777.

Why shed each other’s blood when we can merely peacefully separate? As for dividing up the Stuff, well … you guys could maybe have the Old Confederacy plus a state or two. Sure, we’d have to figure out a way to let Orange County, CA and Michelle Bachmann’s MN district swap places with Austin, TX, but I’m sure that could be negotiated.

One people, two completely different ways of dealing with power, finances, religion, minorities, healthcare, the border, etc.

Plus, then we could have a friendly competition to see whose way is more successful, using that metric beloved of Conservatives everywhere: we’ll watch which way the traffic flows at the border. And we’ll see, in 20 years, whose people are happier and healthier and dealing better with challenges like climate-change stress and the rise of violent Islamic religious extremism. Finally, each time an ideologue on either side tells somebody, “IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, FUCKING *LEAVE*!”, there will actually be someplace for that somebody to go.

I love this idea.
Tell your friends.
Pass it on!

Friendly Divorce by 2012!
But please take Rush, O’Reilly, Beck, and the rest of the right-wing media with you, ‘K?

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=288911]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I WAS TAKING A BREAK.

InsidiousTuna April 14, 2009 at 2:42 pm

[re=288958]StephanieInCA[/re]: I didn’t know you were on Wonkette, too. I’ll be sure to get you your keychain.

x111e7thst April 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=288745]StephanieInCA[/re]: Violent internecine teabaggery – I think I last saw that at Plato’s Retreat in late ’79.

Gallowglass April 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=288950]iolanthe[/re]: I don’t think it’s fair to lay this on the South. I think that at least 25% if all people everywhere are completely flat-ass retarded. We’re just less ashamed of them than we ought to be in the South.

comradepaulson April 14, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: You are a hero and a patriot. May a FEMA concentration camp/reeducation camp be named in your honor.

Giant Robot April 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=288950]iolanthe[/re]: Tempting idea but I’ve got to side with Gallowglass on this one. As annoying as it is to share the USA brand with hateful racist idiots, we’re better off not letting them have their own country. It would be funny, though, to see the look on their faces when they figure out they still have to pay taxes if they want the roads plowed in time for church on Sunday.

[re=288975]Gallowglass[/re]: I’m afraid it’s closer to 45%. And it’s hard to be ashamed of the ones with the cute accents.

ScottB April 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm

I really shouldn’t be giving anyone here the chance to shoot me down, but it took me three times reading this article to understand what the writer was writing about. “Paultard”? “Teabaggers”?…….. and everything in the title of the article was gibberish the first two times i read it. Your killing my self-esteem here, man!
By the way, i “StumbledUpon”, (StumbleUpon is a web browser add-on, that allows people surf to websites that interest each individual), this article somehow. Maybe I’ll bookmark it just to reinforce my self contempt.

nader paul kucinich gravel April 14, 2009 at 4:26 pm

You have the story down cold!
The “fun” will start very soon now.

STAND BY…

(and remember who is not being paid)

Man Without Qualities April 14, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Looks like HOLLYWOOD’s been playing a little too much Civ IV, to judge by his signature. Or maybe it’s just me.

Mr Blifil April 14, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Maybe I’m stupid. At the end of the idea which side will be sucking which side’s ballz? This is what I can’t wrap my nuts around.

moldilox April 14, 2009 at 7:32 pm

is that sweet ole rushbo playing taps on the ass trumpet….good night.

aflurry April 14, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Before that American Dream Video, my wedding night was the MOST CONCISE 4:30 minutes of my life.

wheelie April 14, 2009 at 10:40 pm

[re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: + 1bn. I love you – and I’m not ashamed to say – in that special intimate sexy inter-commenter way.

Gallowglass April 15, 2009 at 1:59 am

[re=289183]ScottB[/re]: It’s just context. If you go through the old stuff most of that gets explained.

phineas_bounderby April 15, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=288740]Prommie[/re]: Morphous, in Wingnuttian folklore, is the God of Incoherent but Hilarious Outrage. He’s pictured in early Wingnuttian trailer paintings wearing a shiny and crinkled helmet made of very thin metal, and is often depicted with his brother God, Crushed Velvet Elvis.

J05H April 15, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Wake up, Sheeple!

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