What the headline said, duh! Uhh… hmm. It’s becoming impossible to follow the rapidly developing Balkanization within the Teabagger Movement. Let’s try to figure it all out in one post! Here’s the general storyline: Paultards and other “radical libertarians” are claiming that the Tea Party concept has always been their protest idea, for like infinity years, and that it was a damn good one too (got Dr. Cong. Paul elected president no?) until these fucking corporate-backed fucks, the mainstream Republican electoral apparatus, started laundering money into some “AstroTurf” (fake grassroots HA HA!) fat cat Establishment entities and hijacked the brilliant tea bag concept, (somehow) turned it into a joke, blasted it on Fox News, and fucking ruined fucking everything AGAIN WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER LEARN?

Now for something different, here’s a paragraph that makes sense! It’s from a fellow named Mark Thompson, who appears to be in the Paulrandlibertruthcession Camp — the creative minds behind this whole colonial- or Revolutionary-era imagery-as-an-ethos masturbatory Second Life style crusade:

As Stephen Gordon, fresh from the Bob Barr campaign, has been taking great pains to document, the people at the root – though for quite some time no longer the forefront – of the Tea Party protests have been as vocal as could be over the last 8 years’ orgy of spending, “preemptive” war, civil liberties abuses, etc., etc. Gordon is – rightly -skeptical that the other groups joining in the demonstrations are only fair weather friends. I suspect and expect that he will quickly find his skepticism validated as the protests increasingly become nothing more than a vehicle for movement conservatives to advance their whole agenda, including a whole host of things that were the reason people like Bob Barr and others turned their backs on Republicans in the first place.

Oh BOB BARR our ass. The “people at the root” don’t care about him. The “people at the root,” as someone wrote in to Andrew Sullivan yesterday, are just the Paultards, as usual:

Just wanted to let you know that Mark Thompson is right. The tea party idea has actually been around for a while now. It grew out of the left over Ron Paul supporter groups from the last election. I was heavily involved in that campaign and, as such, still am on the contact list for a lot of the grassroots groups that were created during it. The first time I heard about the “Tea Party” idea was probably well over a year ago.

But why is it catching on only now, after Ron Paul’s historic race to the presidency, when tea parties can no longer WIN HIM ELECTIONS? And why aren’t the Paultards getting full credit for this idea which, again, is basically the filet of brilliant political ideas?


Some Tea Party organizers are discovering what liberals discovered in the anti-Iraq War protests of 2002 through 2008 and fretting about how to avoid fringe activists from taking over the events. In Burleston, Texas, one Tea Party will be run by self-described secessionists. In Pensacola, Florida, a planned Tea Party has fractured over the involvement of Ron Paul supporters and 9/11 conspiracy theorists. “At any big gathering you’ll have fringe elements show up,” said Andrew Langer with a shrug. He plans to bring “big blue arrows” marked “Tea Party crasher” to point at any fringe protesters or infiltrators who show up at the event in Washington.

“Andrew Langer sounds like an asshole,” you’re thinking right now. “Who is he?” Langer is an employee of the surprisingly anti-Paultard “Institute for Liberty,” which along with Dick Armey’s “FreedomWorks” and Newt Gingrich’s “American Solutions” forms the evil “Astroturf Axis” of Fat Cat-bankrolled tea party organizers, the ones that have turned this friendly Paultardian jaunt in the April sun into little more than a front to raise cash for Republican candidates in 2010. Rick Santelli, the ranter, is also somehow involved with this.

You can imagine the mood at Ron Paul Forums these days. Here’s sexy poster “HOLLYWOOD” complaining about the Corrupt Republican Hijacking of their testicle-sucking idea, in the context of something that happened on The Rachel Maddow Show last night — you know, like when Maddow and her sniveling sidekick “Cocks” MADE UP LIES ABOUT RON PAUL?

So the GOP & Big Business win again, the small-government hippies lose. Another Tax Day in the history books. This post is long. It could be longer.

Meh. Here are some funny pictures from the defeated Georgia Paulrandlibertruthcessions, who have to sit through that git Sean Hannity at their co-opted Atlanta party tomorrow.

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  1. Oh thanks, it’s just about lunchtime and you print a picture of a “shit sandwich”. I’ll just toss my PBJ sandwich in the garbage now.

  2. Chris Matthews had an editor from the WSJ on his show last night. The WSJ fucker could not keep a straight face while trying to claim that Armey et al. were part of an organic protest movement, not opportunistic dipshits.

  3. Yes, but why do you lump truthers in with the retards? Surely it requires no stretch of the imagination to think Cheney was behind 9/11. More plausible than the alternative, if you ask me.

  4. I never thought that a real life version of the ending of “Life of Brian” would be so damned amusing.

    Ron Paul: You bastards! You bastards! You vacuous malodorous
    Obamanaut FBI guy: Where is Ron of Paul? I have an order for
    his release.
    Ron Paul: You stupid bastards!
    Wiseguy: Ehm…I’m Ron of Paul.
    Ron Paul: What?
    Wiseguy: Yeah, I-I-I’m Ron of Paul.
    Obamanaut FBI guy: Take him down!
    Brian: I’m Ron of Paul!
    Crucified man I: I’m Ron!
    Bignose: I’m Ron!
    Crucified man II: Look, look, I’m Ron!
    Brian: I’m Ron!
    Bearded Man: I’m Ron and so is my wife!
    Crucifixion party: I’m Ron!
    Obamanaut FBI guy: Right! Take him away and release him!
    Wiseguy: No, I’m only joking. I’m not really Ron. No, I’m
    not Ron! I was only…believe me, it was a joke. I’m only
    pulling your leg! It’s a joke! I’m not him, I’m just having you on!
    Put me back! Bloody Obamanauts, can’t take a joke.
    Crucifixion Assistant I: The Tea Bagging People’s Front!
    Fat Centurion: The Tax Cutter’s Tea Bagging Front!
    Tea Bagging People’s Front Commander: Forward, all!
    Crucifixion Assistant II: Look out! The Tax Cutter People’s
    Crucifixion Assistant III: The Tea Baggging People’s Front!
    Crucifixion Assistant IV: The People’s Front of Tea Baggging!
    Tea Baggging People’s Front Commander: We are the Tea Baggging People’s
    Front, crack suicide squad. Suicide squad…attack!
    Tea Baggging People’s Front committing suicide: Augh! Arrgh…
    Tea Baggging People’s Front Commander: That showed them, huh?
    Ron Paul: You silly sods!

    And…always look on the tea bag of life…
    Always look on the tea bag of life…

  5. Somebody needs please to inform those poor misguided ranting folks that they are not supposed to be smoking that tea, they’re supposed to smoke the other kind, and they’re not supposed to smoke those grassroots, either. They smoke the right kind of tea and the right kind of grass and there’s all kinds of sandwiches they might enjoy.

  6. Is anyone else enjoying this in-fighting as much as I am? Because I am really enjoying this. It’s just like the old days when the Naderites where fighting the Dems only this is way more fun because either way, we win!

  7. [re=288745]StephanieInCA[/re]: Violent internecene teabaggery! We need an inquisition to separate the heretics from the faithful! Bring in the comfy chair!

  8. So it’s like that story from Jason and the Argonauts, I guess? If I throw a rock at the Tea Party tomorrow, will they just stone cold start tearing each others’ jaws off?

  9. The banner ad underneath this post makes it all the better:


  10. [re=288772]donner_froh[/re]: Of course ‘Hollywood’ finds prepositions as useless and repulsive as all other parts of the English language, if not more so.

  11. Congresspeople are officially shaking in their boots now that they’re being opposed by a random assortment of libertarians and trolls who can’t even agree on who was invited to the party. This is sort of a hypothetical historical metaphor — or what would’ve happened if the Incas had been invaded by the Three Stooges.

  12. I was going to mock the last poster for a.) Misspelling Newt Gingrich’s name and b.) thinking he was still a Congressman. But then I googled “Gingrey” and discovered that there is, in fact, a congressman by that name. However, a “Shummer” appears to be a device that disperses chum to attract fish. So I still feel comfortable mocking them.

  13. GO SECESSIONISTS!!! GO SECESSIONISTS!!! I will help you pack! I will rent you moving vans! I will even throw you a goodbye party! Let’s make this like a relatively friendly divorce. Pick a few states and set up Wingnuttia or Jesusland or Christendom or Randland or whatever-the-fuck!

    I wish you well, just well away from *me*!

    Or y’all could go to Somalia and JohnGalt it *there* — your kind of place, Libertarians. Tiny feeble government; no services; not much of anything, really. You could all pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and form little Galt Gulches everywhere!

    Leave us to our Effete Socialism.

  14. [re=288789]bright virago[/re]: Its obvious; acting in league with Cheney and the Old Testament Zombies, they installed the remote controlls in the pilotless aircraft, and then installed the demolition charges in the World Trade Center. Come on, people, its all right there before your eyes. Also.

  15. Tea for two,
    And two for tea.
    I hate you,
    And you hate me.
    Picture it, what assholes we can be…

    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

  16. Also what is this “Bush Gallon Coins Video” they’re advertising at the bottom of the Ron Paul Forums screenshot? Ameros that weigh as much as a jug of milk? A a gallon container filled with coins? What? What the hell does it mean???

  17. God, I LOVE it when the wingnuts in fight b/c it happens so often and it’s so easy. There are many kinds of crazy, and each is different. Put all the crazy in one room and watch the magic happen. Just think, you’ve got secessionists and patriots. People that support torture and people who “support” the Constitution. People who love Ron Paul and people who love Mitt Romney. And all of them are teabaggin’ together. It’s wild wild world, kids.

  18. I gotta rule in favor of the Libertarians. This whole teabag thing was their stupid idea before it was anybody elses stupid idea.

  19. The mainstream “screamer” Fox News/Rush/Hannity Republican Party is incapable of any sort of grassroots movement because all of these “leaders” are in the pocket of corporate America/only care about their money/stand for nothing but themselves. The fringe wackos, i.e. the Paultards, at least believe in something (even if it doesn’t completely make sense), and are passionate (i.e. crazy) enough to cultivate and follow through on a grassroots cause (i.e. Teh Blimp). I feel for the Paultards, because let’s face it, Rudy Giuliani was laughing at Dr. Congressman Ron Paul at the primary debates. They can’t get no respect.

  20. seriously: when the anticlimax of this shit hits these people, (probably a few weeks after it hits those with functioning brains,) some people could get hurt, physically. cuz after the tea comes the whiskey and rebel flags and the bi-weekly pressed confederate costumes and/or hoods. in the midwest, glenn beck, i really am surrounded by your nut-jobs. oh, and a special thanx to McCain/Palin for stoking the fires.

  21. Never fear. Michael Steele, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, has it all under control. He is the leader! Ask any Republican.

    My suggestion is that they all drink Jonestown Kool-Aid instead of tea to wash down the shit sandwiches. When thousands of these idiots keel over and do that old time rapture boogie, then we would all be sorry for being such meanies and socializing social security. Maybe.

  22. I LUVVED the way Rachel and Anna Marie pointed us MSM-suckled zombies to for that salacious definition of tea-bagging! So edgy and dirty!!!

  23. I fear the day when the Gingrichians collide with the Ballchinians. The Ballchinians are the ODB’s of the teabagger movement, dontcha know.

    I hear white supremacists are showing up to one of the teabaggoramas in Texas. This will make a Palin rally look like a KKK rally only worse.

  24. Twas the night before tax day
    and all through the land
    not a wingnut was stirring
    they were making a plan

    Their teabags were hung from
    John Deere caps with care
    like trucknutz for those
    who are ironically impaired

    The children were in bed
    they couldn’t sleep late
    with visions of book burnings
    fueling their hate

    And momma with her gun
    and me with a flaming cross
    were ready to show those libtards
    just who was the boss

    When out on the lawn
    there arose such a clatter
    ACORNs! I cried
    (we proceeded to scatter)

    I waddled to the window
    determined to know
    and was confronted with the vision
    of the great El Rushbo!

    He began to speak
    as proud as King Tut
    sweating profusely
    with a cyst on his butt

    the socialist and/or communists are coming!
    to establish a New World Order!
    with hard to understand currency
    and a turnstile at the border!

    The gheys are getting married!
    that’s one of their ploys
    (although he enjoys buttseks
    with dominican boys)

    Fascism is here!
    we barely have time
    if you need any proof
    just look at a dime!

    Socialist diatribes are streaming
    from shiny new TeLepRomTerz!
    patriots are in FEMA camps
    tranported by black helicopters!

    The situation is dire!
    the situation is urgent!
    the commies in Oregon
    are grabbing our detergent!

    Now Malkin! now Hewitt!
    now Bachmann!, and Cavuto
    now Paultards!, now Birchers!,
    and yes, even Menuedo!

    And then he fell silent
    and put a finger to his nose
    (what he was snorting
    no one really knows)

    But as he dissapeared
    into the dark night sky
    I thought I heard
    a very disturbing cry

    It seemed to come from
    the phallic object he puckers

    Happy tax day to All!
    thanks for the ratings suckers!

  25. I think we should deliver Truck Nutz to each of the elected officials who gets on stage at one of these events.

    Nothing says tanks for being an asshat like a set of plastic testicles designed especially for your truck!

  26. I just wanted to point out that unless you are talking about a 1980s situation comedy starring a ‘foreign man’, it is actually spelled BALKANIZATION.

  27. Attention IRS Agents – you know what to do. These people actually utter to other people they don’t want to pay taxes. Audit them, not me. Bring your cameras & catch them in the act.

  28. [re=288819]wonderboom[/re]: “when the anticlimax of this shit hits these people”

    I don’t think you need to worry about that ever happening.

  29. I”m hungry. Anyone know where I can get a good shit sandwhich around 10th and F? Oh well, might have to settle for some dank onion soup at Bistro D’Oc.

    And hey, deadheads are descending on Gallery Place/Chinatown. welcome to my people…

  30. [re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: Thank you! I look forward to another great poem next year – if we’re not all dead from gay marriage and visiting Cuba…

  31. [re=288838]StephanieInCA[/re]: Go for it! It’s not just a simple case of “don’t let the door hit you in the ass!” It’s, “Here … let me get that for you! Do you need some help with those boxes? I’ll get the cat kennel. Can I make you a sandwich for the road?”

  32. [re=288866]Servo[/re]: PRE-cisely. And tell Joel another actual female wanted him *bad*. Mike Nelson, although funny, never *ever* rang my little geekgirl chimes like Joel did.

  33. This is sort of like way back in the day when Nirvana made it big and all of a sudden the jocks and frat boys started listening to them and pretending they were all “punk rock” while all the “cool kids” were upset and started saying things like “I was into Nirvana when Kurt was Kurdt and Bleach came out” except it’s a battle over a ridiculously retarded thing fought over by two groups competing over the issue of who’s the biggest deluded moron.

  34. [re=288772]donner_froh[/re]: Yes, it does. I will translate from the Chomskian/Freudian here. Say one is teabagging someone else, for instance, and the teabagger has had it with the ballsucking for now and has decided that it is time for him to be fellated. Upon inserting the head of his rEVOLution blimp into the teabaggee’s mouth, a shocked look will pass across the face of the ‘baggee. Could the baggee (in this case, Hollywood) speak, it would say “Of course, the preposition junk…”: the “preposition” to “the junk” has been summarily introduced into the scenario. Hope this helps. Have another glans, if it doesn’t…

  35. We’re missing out on a much bigger issue than whether Mann Coulter wants to teabag anyone.

    We need to understand why the number of people who are fucking nuts — not to mention boring and tacky — seems to be increasing exponentially.

    Not just the wingnuts — they’ve always been with us — but now even formerly sane Republicans are jumping off the cliff with the rest of the lemmings.

    Is it buttseks?


    Or simply standing too close to Sarah Palin?

  36. [re=288767]ManchuCandidate[/re]: The more you read and understand politics, the more brilliant “Life of Brian” becomes.

  37. Watching these douches argue over who teabagging “belongs” to is like finding a baby in the toilet at prom and having all the girls argue over who squeezed it out between songs.

  38. Seriously, I’m beginning to conclude that Lincoln, although well-intentioned, made the wrong decision. Think what a Paradise this place could be if we had just let the South go when they wanted to go!

    “United we stand; divided we fall”? Anyone who has ever had their life immeasurably enriched by a divorce understands that forced unity, forced geographical proximity, between two parties who loathe each other, who no longer just disagree but appear to inhabit totally different realities with totally different perspectives and, apparently, even different *facts*, is not unity at all, but just a recipe for permanent pain, stagnation, true division, and eventual mutual destruction.

    So let’s opt for a friendly divorce. We could start out with the kind of relationship America and England have had for the past 100 years, not the relationship they had in 1777.

    Why shed each other’s blood when we can merely peacefully separate? As for dividing up the Stuff, well … you guys could maybe have the Old Confederacy plus a state or two. Sure, we’d have to figure out a way to let Orange County, CA and Michelle Bachmann’s MN district swap places with Austin, TX, but I’m sure that could be negotiated.

    One people, two completely different ways of dealing with power, finances, religion, minorities, healthcare, the border, etc.

    Plus, then we could have a friendly competition to see whose way is more successful, using that metric beloved of Conservatives everywhere: we’ll watch which way the traffic flows at the border. And we’ll see, in 20 years, whose people are happier and healthier and dealing better with challenges like climate-change stress and the rise of violent Islamic religious extremism. Finally, each time an ideologue on either side tells somebody, “IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, FUCKING *LEAVE*!”, there will actually be someplace for that somebody to go.

    I love this idea.
    Tell your friends.
    Pass it on!

    Friendly Divorce by 2012!
    But please take Rush, O’Reilly, Beck, and the rest of the right-wing media with you, ‘K?

  39. [re=288950]iolanthe[/re]: I don’t think it’s fair to lay this on the South. I think that at least 25% if all people everywhere are completely flat-ass retarded. We’re just less ashamed of them than we ought to be in the South.

  40. [re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: You are a hero and a patriot. May a FEMA concentration camp/reeducation camp be named in your honor.

  41. [re=288950]iolanthe[/re]: Tempting idea but I’ve got to side with Gallowglass on this one. As annoying as it is to share the USA brand with hateful racist idiots, we’re better off not letting them have their own country. It would be funny, though, to see the look on their faces when they figure out they still have to pay taxes if they want the roads plowed in time for church on Sunday.

    [re=288975]Gallowglass[/re]: I’m afraid it’s closer to 45%. And it’s hard to be ashamed of the ones with the cute accents.

  42. I really shouldn’t be giving anyone here the chance to shoot me down, but it took me three times reading this article to understand what the writer was writing about. “Paultard”? “Teabaggers”?…….. and everything in the title of the article was gibberish the first two times i read it. Your killing my self-esteem here, man!
    By the way, i “StumbledUpon”, (StumbleUpon is a web browser add-on, that allows people surf to websites that interest each individual), this article somehow. Maybe I’ll bookmark it just to reinforce my self contempt.

  43. You have the story down cold!
    The “fun” will start very soon now.


    (and remember who is not being paid)

  44. Maybe I’m stupid. At the end of the idea which side will be sucking which side’s ballz? This is what I can’t wrap my nuts around.

  45. [re=288839]americanscandoanything[/re]: + 1bn. I love you – and I’m not ashamed to say – in that special intimate sexy inter-commenter way.

  46. [re=288740]Prommie[/re]: Morphous, in Wingnuttian folklore, is the God of Incoherent but Hilarious Outrage. He’s pictured in early Wingnuttian trailer paintings wearing a shiny and crinkled helmet made of very thin metal, and is often depicted with his brother God, Crushed Velvet Elvis.

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