SELLOUTS  11:30 am April 14, 2009

Dana Perino Joins Mark Penn’s Firm

by Sara K. Smith

Focus Vulcan mind powersFormer Bush spokesmodels who do not know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was, finding work with reptilian Cheetos-addicted statisticians: it’s a Microtrend! Dana Perino recently joined this elite demographic when she was hired on at Mark Penn’s PR outfit to “communicate” things for “clients,” who include Lucifer and the reanimated corpse of Kenneth Lay. [Wall Street Journal]


Hola wonkerados.

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Lazy Media April 14, 2009 at 11:32 am

She’s purty in photos, but stupid and hawt are mutually exclusive.

ForTheTurnstiles April 14, 2009 at 11:33 am

Party Unity My Ass!

ManchuCandidate April 14, 2009 at 11:35 am

Must be an intellectual powerhouse at Penn’s shop. Probably arguing about the Cuban Missile Crisis and the rules for Democratic Caucuses.

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 11:36 am

OK, now I am going to be disturbed all day by the image of Mark Penn’s mountain of flesh atop the pert Ms. Perino. Cause rilly, why else would he have given her a job?

rev_matt_y April 14, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=288634]Lazy Media[/re]: “stupid and hawt are mutually exclusive.”

I’m with you on this, but I’m disturbed at the very high percentage of people who don’t view it this way.

Gorillionaire April 14, 2009 at 11:38 am

The other day someone here at Wonkette asked if there was possibly a better hate-fuck in the world than Michelle Bachmann.
Well, here she is.

StephanieInCA April 14, 2009 at 11:39 am
Noonan April 14, 2009 at 11:40 am

No Obama liveblog?

ChernobylSoup April 14, 2009 at 11:40 am

I did not know she was part Vulcan.

I’d still do her, tho.

Doghouse Riley April 14, 2009 at 11:40 am

My guess is they dispensed with the history quiz portion of the interview altogether.

hockeymom April 14, 2009 at 11:42 am

Oh, I think she sold out LONG ago.

gjdodger April 14, 2009 at 11:46 am

John McCain wants her sent to his office, pronto, for some, er, “lobbying.”

Squiggyfm April 14, 2009 at 11:47 am

A failure working for an Epic Failure?

Fail Squared?

magic titty April 14, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=288645]StephanieInCA[/re]: Win.

19kevin8 April 14, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=288648]ChernobylSoup[/re]: Vulcans are pretty good in bed, or so I’m told…

norbizness April 14, 2009 at 11:49 am

Let’s not have our minds in the gutters, people… she was mainly hired because she promised no objections if Mr. Penn wanted to eat her box lunch at conventions in addition to his own. DAMMIT.

SayItWithWookies April 14, 2009 at 11:51 am

Karen Hughes, Dubya’s babysitter, is also working for Penn. And for some reason, Alberto Gonzales still doesn’t have a job. Why some modicum of justice exists in this world I have no idea.

SmutBoffin April 14, 2009 at 11:52 am

In a world gone mad. . .where microtrends and misinformation are obsolete. . .can the affection between two washed-up apparatchiks survive?


In theaters June 12.

“Love just got greasy.”

ServiceJervixJuice April 14, 2009 at 11:52 am

Judging from the photo, Dana understands how to massage a perineum, no wonder she got the gig.

Zadig April 14, 2009 at 11:53 am

[re=288659]19kevin8[/re]: Only during Pon Farr.

norbizness April 14, 2009 at 11:54 am

She sold him with her “Caucuses and Primaries Are Two Different Things” power point presentation, which was enough to overcome the fact that she misspelled her own name on the application.

hobospacejunkie April 14, 2009 at 11:54 am

Stupid and hawt maybe mutually exclusive but hawt is hawt.


I would totally hit that, after a nice cuddle where we view and discuss the film 13 Days.

Scott-san April 14, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Wonkette should feature a daily Perino-Watch and SKS should write it.

Uncle Al April 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Oh for Chrissake she’s OK-looking. Washington really is Hollywood for ugly people. Any time some politician or bureaucrat isn’t completely repulsive, people talk like they’re supermodels.

SmutBoffin April 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm

[re=288659]19kevin8[/re]: If I recall correctly, Vulcan foreplay involves hand-to-hand combat with impractical-looking weaponry in front of spectators. Uh, I’ll pass on that and maybe go out with a nice Minnesotan girl, instead.

frumious_bandersnatch April 14, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Thank you, my day has been made. Microtrend.

timeoutofmind April 14, 2009 at 12:06 pm

lying like a stupid fuck is still a desirable attribute in the professional (communication) world.

Min April 14, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=288648]ChernobylSoup[/re]: IDIC, dude.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 14, 2009 at 12:09 pm

You people…she’s EMINENTLY hittable, as well as Nancy Huffenpuff Pfootballer…after the crap she’s spewed to the ENTIRE world, don’t you think she’d soothe away a little scene of premature by telling you it’s all right….and you’d buy it!


TGY April 14, 2009 at 12:12 pm

We at the Gigolos and Hos Political Action Committee (GHOPAC) congratulate Ms. Perino on her appointment as SpokesHo for veteran Clinton pimp, Mark Penn. We realize that at age 36, Ms. Perino needs a solid position from which to retire from the industry before her diamond rating suffers. Happy tricks, Dana!

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2009 at 12:16 pm

[re=288643]Gorillionaire[/re]: And to think I was going on and on yesterday about Angelina Jolie in a a pirate costume. What was I thinking?

C’mere, you evil little rightard spokesmodel minx, you. I want you to try on this tricorn and scabbard for me…

AllHat April 14, 2009 at 12:25 pm

She looks nice, what on earth could have happened in her childhood to make her grow up to be a spokesperson for W?

TGY April 14, 2009 at 12:26 pm

[re=288704]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I agree. Pirate costumes are teh sex.

Scarab April 14, 2009 at 12:31 pm

“Dana Perino joins Mark Penn’s firm …”
His “firm” what? Hurry, finish the sentence, I’m trying to masturbate here.

TaxWallStreet April 14, 2009 at 12:31 pm

I want nude tagteam catfights, Perino Palin VS Maddow and that hot congres lady from Florida who survived cancer.

Then, Oberman and Coulter can have a “Mines bigger than yours” contest. Or a chest hair comparison

TaxWallStreet April 14, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Also, is the headline the only time “Mark Penn” and “firm” were used in the same sentence? Also.

sevenrepeat April 14, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=288648]ChernobylSoup[/re]: haha!! she’s totes saying “live long and prosper” with her vulcan gang signs.

shanemacgowan April 14, 2009 at 12:34 pm

I’ve been fixated on the “Stupid v. Hawt” issue since [re=288634]Lazy Media[/re]: first raised it nearly an hour ago. Yeah, I want to hit it, but no amount of whiskey could scrub the image out of my brain. Given the alternatives, I must vote Ms. Perino “Toxic.”

Rush April 14, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Microtrend brewing in my lap, also.

Anonymous Office Zombie April 14, 2009 at 12:40 pm

she was mainly hired because she promised no objections if Mr. Penn wanted to eat her box lunch at conventions …

Must… try… to… resist… gutter… interpretation… of… said… statement…

WadISay April 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Sheeples, she is both pretty bright and pretty good looking. She is also, however, evil. On the other hand, who hasn’t gone there once or twice?

MahFL April 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Bad news always sounds nicer coming from an attractive vagina…….

Red Zeppelin April 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

As for the lede, the words “Mark Penn” and “firm” should never appear in the same sentence.

Capitol Hillbilly April 14, 2009 at 12:55 pm

now a typical day for Penn will be rolling into work around 11:30, eating everything in the refrigerator, taking a dump that clogs up every toilet in the building, and then hoisting his blubbery ass on top of ms. perino for a 38-second hump.

in the afternoon he will write about a new trend.

thefrontpage April 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Burson-Marsteller just lost a ton of credibility. What a dumb move. When are some people going to wake up and realize that we just emerged from one of the worst, most corrupt, most lyng and deceiving, most inept and most socially and progressively backwards and wayward administrations in our history? Not to mention the string of White House Press Secretaries who stood up there at that dumb podium in that dumb room and blatantly lied, covered up or stonewalled the country week after week, spewing inconsistencies, lies, untruths, lying spin and idiotic statements. That’s exactly what Scott McClellan has revealed–and what others have revealed about the lying, corrupt bush White House. So why on earth does a p.r. firm hire Dana Perino? What possible value would you gain? Name, fame? Neither are applicable. Honesty and trust? Hah! Sorry. It’s amazing that p.r. firms–who are supposedly expected to be experienced in, uh, public relations–continue to make dumb, ridiculous and strange p.r. moves. You’d think that businesses would take their p.r. business elsewhere from a company that can’t understand basic p.r. and basic government and politics. Unbelievable.

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=288735]shanemacgowan[/re]: Not even if she was wearing a skimpy pirate costume? Srsly?


bluevelvetelvis April 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=288645]StephanieInCA[/re]: hahahah, oh god I wish they would have. Thats awesome & perfect. Thanks

trondant April 14, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=288760]WadISay[/re]: Bright? Hahahahahahahaha. Haha.

Well-lit, perhaps. Otherwise no.

torera April 14, 2009 at 2:01 pm

That’s wonderful, I couldn’t be happier. They fully deserve each other. Expect the company to implode next week.

19kevin8 April 14, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Apparently, she is also a spinner.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 14, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Does she know what the Bonus Army was?!

nutcracker April 14, 2009 at 2:50 pm

She can bounce on me anytime, and she still has plenty of time to remake herself and become a real star. Don’t forget, Diane Sawyer was once Ron Ziegler’s assistant liar in the Tricky Years.

engulfedinflames April 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

it seems obvious to me that she (and all the other tight-assed bitches like her) have never experienced the soulful liberation of out-of-body orgasm that leaves one twitching like an epileptic on the beach and simultaneously raises and resolves all mysteries of existence. they opt for the most superficial,quick and dirty then feel shameful. when these people somehow stumble into power the rest of us suffer because of their crappy sex lives.

TGY April 14, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=288872]Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish![/re]: Don’t be silly. She knows it’s the army you get for free after you buy the first one, much like the Lagniappe Army only less French.

Custerwolf April 14, 2009 at 3:32 pm

I imagine that Dana Perino is what Jodi Foster would look like if she weren’t gay.

nader paul kucinich gravel April 14, 2009 at 4:30 pm

$$$ paid for lies

Scandinavian Fetus April 14, 2009 at 4:59 pm

I can’t help it. She works for the Devil and speaks for the Devil…

but she is so damn hot!

natteringnabomb April 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

She is hawtly fuckable and I’d be stupid enough to do it toit.

kona farmer April 14, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Ugga bugga bugga

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