Wonkette
Rick Perry has been governor of Texas for approx. 45 million years, ever since George W. Bush left office to be president. And he will serve for another 45 million years if he wins his next re-election attempt — a feat that, like all feats Republicans perform these days, hinges on attracting the endorsement of the Floridian mind-controlling swamp demon Rush Limbaugh.
(It’s a little-known fact that most Republicans have actually ceded their individual suffrage to Limbaugh in exchange for a lifetime supply of tea bags and a subscription to Juggs.)
Anyhow, Rick Perry thinks Rush Limbaugh should move to Texas, specifically Austin, because he is a dick.
Limbaugh should obviously move to Pearsall, the hunting capital of South Texas, where he can live in peace and tranquility with the other javelinas.
Perry invites Limbaugh to Texas [The Hill]
Fuckin’ Aggie. The motto is Keep Austin Weird, not Keep Austin Uneducated and Paranoid.
Oh HELL no. Isn’t it bad enough we just got the Bushes back? Or that Perry lives here at all, much less governs? /head explodes
rush looks really comfortable with a giant cigar in his mouth. it surprises me how someone who’s mouth is full all the time talks so much!!
As a side note, I will have the Pixies’ song in my head all day now.
Juggs? You would think they would be receiving _Chicks with Dicks_.
After Rush moves to Texas, can we finally give that hellhole back to Mexico? Please?
The slogan is “Keep Austin Wierd” not “creepy” or “addicted to pills”.
I am also not looking forward to the spike in Percodan and BBQ prices occasioned by Mr. Limbaugh’s consumption patterns.
please god please god please god please god don’t let him move here
Pfft. Rush ain’t going anywhere, once he checks out the availability of Russian whores in comparison to NYC. He’s going to leave New York the way Southern Republican governors are going to turn down their stimulus checks. Sorry, NYC.
norbizness: Props to you, Norbizness.
Lazy Media: I thought Rush had a preference for the young, male, Latin American type? Or is that just every other Republican ever?
I haven’t read Juggs since Latin Inches went into publication.
From one of those Pearsall “hunting” ranches.
“You also might want to consider a helicopter predator management hunt for an unbelievable experience using a semi-automatic 12 gauge buck shot strapped in but hanging outside of a helicopter at 30 feet, this is extremely exciting.”
Cognitive dissonance in the Comments Section of that Article:
The Hill welcomes comment from anyone and will almost always post it whether it is favorable or critical, as long as it is substantive and advances debate.
Hell Yes!…..We’ll take Rush and you east coast queers can have that shit hole liberal infested Austin. To bad Charles Whitman didn’t kill everyone of those spineless assholes!
Comment by JD — April 13, 2009 @ 2:56 pm
Monsieur Grumpe: “hanging outside of a helicopter at 30 feet” by your dick. Also.
Meaux: you could do worse
Rick Perry just wants another closet ghey to hang out with. There aren’t many left in Austin.
I wouldn’t mind Rush coming to my town, though, because there are plenty of people who would gladly take advantage of the opportunity to be rude or worse to him should he dare show his face in public. I wouldn’t mind a misdemeanor assault charge in exchange for taking a swing at fatboy.
Plus he would surely die should he step outside in August.
“Hey Rush come on over. I gotta humidor full of Cubans and a couple of hot young Dominican boys duct-taped in the basement. After we have our way with ‘em we can burn the place down again — I’ve got this down to a formula now.”
Rush? Move to Texas?? Perhaps you’re not paying attention Mr. Perry, but if anything, TEXAS can move to RUSH. He is the center of the cigar-sucking universe, and you’re either with him or against baby machine gun Jesus.
Haha screw Tejas!
Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat, moron, and he needs to retire, effective immediately.
shanemacgowan: How does someone like that find their way to The Hill? I didn’t think The Hill was a tabloid aimed at Teh Bitterz. Nice gratuitous use of the word ‘queers,’ though. Has anyone been offended by that word since, oh, the turn of the century?
Q: What is black, crispy, and hangs from a wire?
A: An Aggie electrician.
Fine by me, I can use the bidness. I cain’t hardly move my meth surpluses as it is, and my camo-baptismal gown bidness has been suckin’ canal water here lately as well. The way I figure it, Ol’ Limpdick could push the price of Oxy thru the roof and as ‘Ol Martha likes to say, that’s a good thang.
Get it straight, article writerer, Perry couldn’t have been governor of tejas for 45 million years. the world was only created 6000 years ago! And Bush was governor for the first 4000, when his buddy Jesus H.C. appointed him head decider of ‘Murika. And your prediction of how long he will be governor was only 1/2 right. Perry will be governor for the next 45 million years, or until he is raptured to heaven at the end times, whichever comes first.
Yes, please let him move to Austin. We haven’t had a good old-fashioned lynching for a while.
pfft. I came booking on over here to catch Wonkette’s take on the news that Dana Perino is going to go to work for Mark Penn. I shall sit back and anticipate your forthcoming masterpiece of snark, which I don’t doubt will be piquant enough to make Denby’s scrotum shrivel. Even more. Also.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123967036442315615.html
Fine by me. Then Texas can secede amidst a profusion of hearts and flowers and soft violins.
For what it’s worth, Perry is apparently doubling down on his normal amount of Consort-for-Men-induced stupidity in an effort to attract out-of-state dumbshits.
I am a little late to this party, but I once had a friend get a BJ from a ‘chick’ on 6th St. He was NOT HAPPY to find out that said ‘chick’ was not a chick. Moral of the story: Rush will fit in just fine here because I get the impression he wouldn’t care.
But, really, FL can keep him. I think the tare weight to transport him from FL would probably bankrupt him, anyway. Also.
hobospacejunkie: If I recall my Sociology correctly, they on’y things they got down there in Tejas are steers and queers
shanemacgowan: Um, yeah, kind of hard to argue with that. Though in Austin we have far more queers than steers. In fact I’m not sure there are any steers at all within the city limits.
As a former Texan (is that actually possible?):
DOWN WITH RICK PERRY
KINKY FRIEDMAN FOR GOVERNOR!
http://www.kinkyfriedman.com
We are a cocaine town, not an oxy town.
AxmxZ: No kidding. Instead of kicking the shit out the pig, we’ll just make him eat salads and let Leslie perform lap dances on him.
Rick can take Rush down to Pease park. They’ll have a grand time in the bathrooms at 1 am.
Also, nice use of ‘masterstroke’, The Hill. Would that be a polite way of noting what a jerk off Rick Perry is?
Shit, I’m gonna start using that one.
He’d fit in really well in Pearsall, since they apparently interpret “336 miles away from the Golden Triangle” as “right in the heart of the Golden Triangle.”
I’m sure Rush is going ape shit today over Hopey lifting the Cuban travel restrictions and such, but I’ve always wondered how Rush rationalizes his support of Fidel’s government via his purchase of Cuban cigars by the container load (”pre-Castro” my ass). I think the Fat Man’s got some ’splaining to do.
AxmxZ: Good luck finding a tree branch that can hold his weight.
Governor Perry should remember that Austin went OBAMA! Maybe Rush should head to Vidor, Texas. All the other fat, obnoxious Racists are already there.
45 million years? Impossible. Everyone knows the Earth is only 6,000 years old.
Itsjustme: Oh yeah. I’ve been warned not to go to Vidor, TX.
Itsjustme: Or better yet, Teneha.
Monsieur Grumpe: Extremely exciting only if I was shooting at Rush Limbaugh.
american mutt: Yeah, they got bad food there. Oh, and racism.
Could we get Limbaugh and Alex Jones to agree to a cage match at the Erwin Center? That might make it all worthwhile.
Ah cain’t wait to see Limbaugh and Perry face off in a game uh tic-tac-toe.
4tehlulz: As in receiving a magazine by that title, or actually catching?
I love that picture of Limbaugh. It reminds me of a movie star.
Lassie.
Taking a dump.
He reminds me of Yarnek from Star Trek, the molten rock lump that could transform into Abe Lincoln.
http://marno.biz/images/yarnek.jpg
Carrie_Okie:”Haha screw Tejas!”
If you don’t think we’ve been proper fucked already, I want to meet you, and I’ll kiss your daddy’s dick cause you’re special.
mm… Austin, huh? Well as long as he don’t come to San Antonio.
Dear god, he probably will… especially for Fiesta; Lord help our abundance of “Meat-on-A-Stick” and “stack-beer-cups-as-tall-as-you-can” events!
Well let him choke for all I care…’Cause Stone-cold says so…
I really hate the fact that most people associate Texas with “Boot-wearing 10-gallon hat-sporting, Sissy-Shootin’ Cowboys”, riding to the Wal-mart in our horses, shootin’ Injuns and Messycans with Winchesters.
And I also hate the fact that people automatically think that if Rush were to move to Texas he would NOT be beaten up to a doughy pile of refuse.
The story makes no sense.
I didn’t know that Austin had a gay, S&M club….
No, wait, I did. Now it makes perfect sense.
Pluses for Mr. Limbaugh if he moves to Austin:
A) No one will recognize him. Do you think any of the college kids, 30s hipsters, or Whole Foods shopping baby boomer liberals who live in Austin would even notice him if he were standing right next to them? Fat white idiots with expensive suits and thinning hair are everywhere in Austin, and most “typical” Austinites (as romanticized by yankee tourist fucks during SXSW) are too coked up, self absorbed, or drunk before noon to notice much of anything that isn’t on whatever tiny screen they are staring into. (Ahem.)
B) Drugs are everywhere and pretty cheap in Austin.
C) The tranny scene in Austin is pretty good, considering its a fairly smallish city. Methinks the large amount of unsupervised middle aged men with business in the Capitol has something to do with that.
Cons:
A) Might get assaulted at Longhorns football game by drunken (possibly shirtless) Matt Mcconaughey.
B) Might get assaulted at fancy dining establishment by drunken (possibly shirtless) Matt Mcconaughey.
C) Might accidentally get involved in nasty local GOP politics after he insinuates Tony Romo is queer.
Sharif DelMonte: Just the thought of being able to spike his drink with several hits of acid has sustained my fantasies for many years.
Sharif DelMonte: A) Might get assaulted at Longhorns football game by drunken (possibly shirtless) Matt Mcconaughey.
B) Might get assaulted at fancy dining establishment by drunken (possibly shirtless) Matt Mcconaughey.
Total WIN. That muscular hippy dude would kick Rush’s ass if he weren’t high all the time.