coarse mustache rides

A Children’s Treasury Of Delightful Quotes From Sarah Palin’s Attorney General Nominee

Now this is a man who loves gettin' his rape onPromising young Alaska governor Sarah Palin has selected a nice new fellow named Wayne Anthony Ross to be the state’s Attorney General. He is perhaps the worst selection for anything in politics since that time that John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his vice president. Just kidding, he’s a stitch! Anyone like RAPE JOKES? Wayne Anthony Ross has good ones! So good that they don’t even *sound* like rape jokes — they’re more like, “endorsements of rape.”

The Alaska blog Mudflats, which is still producing great stuff even though some dingbat politician up there has been working full-time for months to destroy it, reports a number wacky Ross things, which may or may not be true, but would not be considered unusual for Ross, also.

Here is how Ross, who hates Gays like the dickens, responded to a question about how he would view cases involving homosexuality and its practitioners:

Let me give you an analogy. I hate lima beans. I’ve never liked lima beans. But if I was hired to represent the United Vegetable Growers would you ask me if I liked lima beans? No. If I disliked lima beans? No. Because my job is to represent the United Vegetable Growers.

In other words, if you like lima beans, you’re gay as shit.

Sponsored Video

(UPDATE: Yes we know there is a SARAH PALIN GOOGLE AD right there. So…

(|===========8

Better. Also, it ties into the “post topic.”)

Next, some state Senate Judiciary Committee testimony from a lady who saw Ross appear at a lady-abuse panel discussion:

“When [Ross] got up and spoke, his views were fairly sexist and the implication was that domestic violence was starting to be on the rise because of the equal rights movement, and that it emasculated men, and therefore they beat their wives. He went on to make insinuations that there wasn’t a lot of real domestic violence and that a lot of women were liars and making it up. I just found those statements to be extremely sexist and the reaction of other people in the room was similar.”

Another woman who had been a citizen lobbyist on behalf of families and children in Alaska with regard to child support, custody, abuse, abandonment and neglect spoke before the House Judiciary Committee the following day about statements she heard at a meeting of Dads Against Discrimination. “Numerous comments were made that were appalling, not the least of which were remarks by Mr. Ross which included the following; “If a guy can’t rape his wife…who’s he gonna rape?” and “There wouldn’t be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut.”

Another anecdote, within which is the “added bonus” of the latest thing that makes Sarah Palin terrible:

But at the House Judiciary Committee meeting, Representative Jay Ramras expressed some concern over the governor wearing a jacket and pants with a giant Arctic Cat logo on the front (and ”Sarah” embroidered on the placket) at the start of the Iron Dog race. The fact that her husband Todd was being paid by Arctic Cat who sponsored his team, and the fact that getting product placement on the governor’s chest is….”priceless”, resulted in an ethics complaint.

Ramras actually gets that this is inappropriate, and said to Ross “We have a governor who is provocative in a lot of her actions. Recently it comes to mind when she was in Fairbanks for the finish line of the Iron Dog, she was wearing Arctic Cat gear, Arctic Cat leathers, while her husband…

Ross cut him off, and just to prove that he’s not a sexist, he said aloud in a Legislative hearing before the committee, on the record, “She was provocative. She looked very good in it, didn’t she?”

He also thinks that estimates of animal casualties resulting from the Exxon Valdez spill are a terrible conspiracy, because the liberals don’t like oil spoils like the rest of us decent Americans.

He is “divisive” in Alaska.

Leathers and Lima Beans [Mudflats]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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99 comments

  1. Fox News Light

    when viewing this there was a support Sarah PAC ad…. awesome…i think I will donate in Wonkettes name..

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    Sounds like he & Claytie Williams went to the same ‘how to offend every living female alive’ school (except Snowbilly & that’s because she isn’t a lady–more like a cyborg cunt). For those of you who don’t know about Clayton Williams: Ann Richards was losing to this Republican clown for TX governor, when he said something to the effect of ‘if women are going to be raped, they might as well lay back & enjoy it.’ He went on to lose (not by a landslide mind you, because this is TX after all). Also.

  3. mattbolt

    Hey, while the paultards or whoever send crusty envelopes filled with chai tea bags to that young black fellow, the President, I recommend that we all go commit sexual acts of unspecified but gay varieties, and send the used condoms to W.A.R, for freedom, the end

  4. Will work for shoes

    [re=288170]smartypants[/re]: But that tie means he’s Murikkkan and can therefore say what he wants. Also.

  5. mocowbell

    When obtaining a hair replacement system, choosing the “boys regular” model from the brochure is not always the best idea. But you can never go wrong with an American flag tie!

  6. mattbolt

    [re=288187]mattbolt[/re]: Addendum: women-types are encouraged to send used tampons in envelopes because what the fuck, “if women would learn to keep their mouths shut”, what a weird gross clown

  7. Gallowglass

    I can only interpert this as the governor’s endorsement of keeping her mouth shut and getting raped. Either that or she’s just dumb as a fucking brisk and will sign any nomination that’s put in front of her.

  8. wheelie

    The blinking ASCII dick gag is why I am proud to read this site every day.

    I think I have something in my eye.

  9. Min

    I’ve read it three times, and I still don’t get the lima bean analogy. Obviously, I’m just a dumb old girl.

  10. SmutBoffin

    The individual who maintains the ‘blink’ tag in the HTML spec (or, alternately, who builds browsars with the capability) is True American Patriot.

  11. AnnieGetYourFun

    Are his eyes really that color. I didn’t know that The Children of the Corn got old and fat.

  12. mattbolt

    [re=288198]Min[/re]: He hates gays with an adamant and furious righteous passion, but if he was chosen to be INVOLVED in those gays, much like in the lima bean/vegetable rep analogy – say, if he wound up at a gay bar, and some cute young stud was just begging to be blown, then, yeah, he’d like every second of it, because he was now involved in it.

  13. Min

    SarahPAC sounds like a new drug to cure some disease that you’d prefer not to discuss in polite company.

  14. edgydrifter

    His eyes may say “nay, nay,” but that schlong-duster begs to differ. No, actually his piercing blue eyes look pretty gay, too.

  15. Min

    [re=288209]mattbolt[/re]: That’s the part I don’t get. The guy who represents the Vegetable Growers is not representing the interests of the lima beans any more than the guy who represents the Beef Council is representing the interests of the cattle. In fact, one might say that he is actually working against the lima beans’ interests.

    Oh, wait. I get it now.

  16. smartypants

    [re=288190]Will work for shoes[/re]: Heh..and he has a flag pin the size of a sanitation truck, you can bet yur stilleto…btw,Lego Jesus loves you AND your shoe.

  17. Bruno

    So I am finally starting to understand the flag-wearing protocol, in more detail. In the election I learned you had to wear a flag pin if you were a black mooslem, but if you are a republican or Hillz, it is not required.

    Now I see you can avoid getting called out by wearing tie neckwear instead. I would very much have preferred that to be a bolo tie however. That’s a sign of real class.

  18. smartypants

    [re=288210]Min[/re]:
    “sarapac…may cause dizziness, dry mouth, erectile dysfunction, sleepwalking, catfucking,truthyness and a false sense of worth and importance. Do not use while operating governments or conductng interviews with teh Couric.”

  19. Bruno

    I thought republicans went into a hissy-fit whenever a hippie or rock star ‘disrespects’ the flag by wearing as clothes. Of course the rock-star variety would wear the t-shirt with $1000 jeans and this guy is wearing a $200 suit so there is an obvious difference.

  20. imissopus

    This guy just screams “closet case.” I say confirm him so we can enjoy the inevitable scandal when he and Levi are found naked in some Motel 6 outside Fairbanks with a dozen hits of Ecstasy and a bathtub full of Russian dressing.

  21. Bruno

    OK, if I get the first point correctly, if 2m4m.org were to seek his legal representation, he would suddenly become pro-gayz?

    Or I suppose he has a lot of anti-gay, pro-rape, snowmobile companies as clients.

    Did he go to high school with Caribou Barbie and/or attend one of her 6 “colleges”?

  22. Bruno

    [re=288197]wheelie[/re]: Damn, for once I am served up a non-contextual ad for 2 months of free home insurance. I will now close my eyes and picture where the blinking text-dick might point.

    Please Wonkette, we need guidance – do you get more $$$ if we click on those Sara ads? Beacause that would be more than awesome and you deserve an Easter bonus.

  23. DeepFriedTwinkies

    I tried to donate $5,000,000,000 to Sarah immediately, and $50,000 per month, but there was a little problem with my credit card. Number. And name. And address. Darn.

  24. Bruno

    [re=288236]Bruno[/re]: OK, according to someone on another thread, Wonkette does get more $$$. Let’s get them enough from Caribou Barbie send the editors to Cuba for Spring Break.

  25. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    I clicked on the Sarah Palin ad and boy oh boy am I glad I did. And no, I’m not pregnant.

  26. Neilist

    “and that it emasculated men, and therefore they beat their wives.”

    I’m having a great deal of trouble following the logic in that sentence.

    But enough of that; let’s get to the jokes!:

    Q. What do you tell a female governor of Alaska with two black eyes?

    A. Nothing! You’ve told her TWICE already!

  27. MrsNateSilver

    What everyone needs to do is click on the SaraPAC ads a bunch. They get charged for each click through. Also, Wonkette gets money for our clicks, too. Also. So, win-win!! Now click click click!!!!!

  28. SmutBoffin

    [re=288236]Bruno[/re]: Ahem.

    Of course Ken et al. want you to click on ads, but encouraging you to do frivolously so might be seen as. . .abusive. It will make the nerds at Google cry, too.

  29. oldguy

    Isn’t he wearing that flag tie upside-down? But I suppose with gays and women and minorities and animals and kids all over the place, the country is in distress.

  30. smartypants

    Well clickety fuckin’ click, Snowbilly…we’ll get that money back that you stole for that bridge to more hair…and give the clothes back to N.Marcus before they go bailout too, you nasty freak.

    Damn, I feel clean.

  31. gjdodger

    Q. What does Wayne Anthony Ross tell a woman with two black eyes?

    A. Nothing. He already told her twice.

    Yuck, yuck, yuck.

    That’s “yuck,” as in “syrup of Ipecac.”

  32. Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.

    Let me clarify the lima bean analogy–for those without legal background, I’ll try to make it simpler, less full of what we call “lawyer-ese.” Say you don’t really like lima beans, but you don’t mind them if they’re slathered in butter. I mean, drippily, greasily slathered–you can’t just hide them in the mashed potatoes. That doesn’t fucking work anymore. And you can’t give them to the dog because the dog got ran right to death in some twisted sled-pulling snowbilly horrorfest. So, you slather the lima beans. And then, you say to yourself, well, I still don’t really like the lima beans, but now they are lubed up and it reminds me of gay sex (what with the whole SUCCOTASH thing), anyway with the gay-sex-reminding-slathered-lima-beans, now you see just what it takes to be a State Attorney General. Hope that helps.

  33. WadISay

    Somewhat in Ross’s defense, he probably hasn’t had consentual sex* since 1993.

    *hetero sex, anyway

  34. Caitifty

    “While rising through the ranks of the NRA’s national leadership in the 1980s, Ross published a piece in the mercenary magazine Soldier of Fortune, defending the right to form antigovernment militias.”

    **wiping away tears of laughter** Oh snowbilly, how did we get amusement out of right wing politics before you?

  35. MonaLisa65

    I see no SarahPAC ad… how can I abuse peruse the site and support Wonkette the Future of America if I can’t see the penis-pointin’ ad?!?

    (*shakes clenched fist sky-ward*) FIREFOOOOOX!!!

  36. MonaLisa65

    Ok, so the only ‘strikeout’ code I know doesn’t work here, and I figuratively fall down the stairs and face-plant at my official Wonkette debut.

    (I, uh… I meant to do that. Yeah.)

  37. President Beeblebrox

    [re=288231]Crow T. Robot[/re]: O no! I will NEVAR 4GET her many amazing scenes with Mr. John Holmes, including the, um, backdoor scenes with him in Up ‘n; Coming and Private Fantasies. What’s left for fantasy material now – Sarahpac ads?

    NB: Marylin still kinda had the cougar thing going just a few years ago.

  38. Guppy06

    Wait… he was in favor of anti-government private militias… in the 1980′s?

    W.A.R. hates Ronald Reagan!

  39. CaliforniaMike

    Piyush and Bible Spice need to trade states. If our little brown governor is all covered up in big warm coats, nobody will care, and if Sarah is down in Loosey-anna, she can appear in the nude. Everybody wins except Levi, who has to keep fucking his sister.

  40. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=288338]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: It appears the blink tag is dis-abled in Wonkette comments. This makes baby cheeses cry :(

  41. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=288341]Guppy06[/re]: NOOOOO!!!! How can he be a wing-nut against wing-nuts? That’s just…. terrible.

  42. gliberal

    He should make a do rag out of the tie and wear the hair piece as macho chest fur. NOW we’re talking lima beans, sailor.

  43. threeb

    [re=288175]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Even scarier is that some people think he didn’t lose because of the rape comment at all, but because he refused to shake Ann Richards’ hand. Apparently we Texans will tolerate every manner of fool except a rude fool. Also.

  44. DeepFriedTwinkies

    He’s never had pussy that he didn’t take by force. Look at his eyes! Come on..give the nazi a break! He’s a just a man, who thinks womenz ought to stay quiet and take his fists and his dick in their mouths. That’s all! Is that so wrong?

  45. Darkness

    He’s wearin’ that flag upside down. The way it’s knotted that’s not an über-flag pin of the patriotic variety that’s a secessionist logo.

  46. shortsshortsshorts

    Oh Jesus. JESUS SAVE US. To JESUS DO WE SAVE US ALL.

    You Mormon’s have been influencing our culture for far too long. If you want your barriers roasted, you can do better than that on a Monday night. Wankers.

  47. lukewarm

    All I know of this man is from the article above, but I believe I can say with confidence that he is the greatest state’s attorney general nominee in the history of the world.

  48. mr. wunnerful

    “So, there I am, right; in the shitter stall at the Anchorage Airport, when the guy in the stall next to mine sticks his foot in and…………….”

  49. lulzmonger

    Wow, just look at the mug on that guy. Boy, Sarah sure knows how to pick a winner, eh?

    Rape jokes? Hell, he’d have to cornhole & disembowel a Boy Scout on live TeeVee to lose public support in Alaska – & even then he’d have to do it during Sweeps Week … this is the place that re-elected Ted Series-Of-Tubes, AFTER his felony bust. Move over, Florida – there’s a new psycho in town!

  50. Suds McKenzie

    [re=288409]El Pinche[/re]: my ascii cock&balls haz a sad: I just bought her movie “Nailin Palin”. I just assume I am helping out “The Cause”. Evidently Russia is very close as she has tank crews in her front yard… Also.

  51. Jukesgrrl

    Just think, if Sarah had been elected Vice President she might have convinced the senile President to nominate W.A.R. to the Supreme Court. And you thought public hair on a Coke bottle was a hoot.

  52. wonderboom

    Finally, the real Slim Shady stands up! Dude’s all chokin’ bitches and shit! And hanging out w/Sarah P — just like the other Slim Shady is in his new video, (which is actually pretty funnyz, yo.)
    Also.

  53. Bruno

    [re=288262]SmutBoffin[/re]: Abusive and Sarah Palin. You mean we should be nice to Sarah Palin? Well that’s not how I roll.

  54. mr. wunnerful

    [re=288428]lulzmonger[/re]: Ted series of tubes…..I”m crying cereal through my nose that shits so funny…..perhaps I’ve overmedicated.

  55. dijetlo

    Listen guys to be fair the state is nothing but wall to wall meth addicts and their mutant progeny…I think it’ll be OK if their attorney general is some kind “Klondyke Bart” character.

  56. El Pinche

    [re=288433]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I’ve never seen it. Do they cut Todd some slack in it ? I heard she’s fuckin every cock in Wasilla but the snow machinist. Does she ever take her glasses off or does she use them as spooge goggles? Yeah, I know. We wouldn’t want to give away any spoilers (or ‘spoogers’ in pr0n?).

    I should just watch the filthy thing and help out the Cause.

  57. El Pinche

    [re=288428]lulzmonger[/re]: lol. Like it was said earlier. Palin is just Bush with beluga udders.

  58. AllHat

    Any boy scout knows there’s a ton o’ laws governing proper treatment of the American flag. I’m pretty sure what we see in that pic is desecration.

  59. SmutBoffin

    [re=288446]Bruno[/re]: Nah, not abusive to The Mooseface Killa and her stupid PAC, but to the whole ‘internet advertising’ thing in general. Click that linky too many times and the Google click-fraud detection heuristics will recognize that (a) a lot of hits are coming from a single site, (b) none of those hits are being converted to other page-views on the SarahPAC site, much less actual donations. In the event that Wonketteers end up putting enough clicks through to adversely affect SarahPAC’s Googleads budget, SarahPAC probably won’t be charged for them.

  60. liquiddaddy

    Look, you bunch of nancy boys! Hunting moose gets cold in the Klondike. A blizzard can come up quick-like. That’s when you and the other boys need to build a snow shelter, get naked, slather on the walrus fat and cedar berries, and huddle close together for warmth. It’s a matter of survival! I don’t like lima beans either, but when they’re the only thing between you and oblivion, you bet I’m gonna eat ‘em – and how!

  61. Texmandie

    [re=288364]threeb[/re]: Dude, I believed that up until reading this thread… I was a very, very sheltered Republican girl.

  62. AWOcoholic

    I don’t trust anyone who would forget to take that Forth of July BBQ napkin out from his collar before posing for a serious serious photo.

  63. stunned

    To say I am stunned is ,believe me an understatement, I am British therefore fairly tolerant but after reading the comments on this site I am quite frankly more than stunned I knew that America is a country of hicks and hill billys (and convicts ) after all Britain did ship out most of our undisadourables in the 18th century which, is probably why the whole country is the way it is..

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