It’s great that the poor little lonely Obama girls finally got a nice dog that won’t make allergy-prone Malia sick with its dog hair, because it is a special hairless breed. NO WAIT. It is an outrage that the Obama girls were given this dog because it isn’t LEGALLY a “rescue dog.” (Did you know “rescue dog” is a legal term? READ THE CONSTITUTION.) And guess what organization is demanding that Barack Obama personally slice off this dog’s nuts?
PETA, of course! Sadly for both the “People for the Ethical Treatment of the Animals” and Barack Obama himself, the dog — this elitist garbage bear, “Bo,” named for Hollywood legend “Bo Derek” — was already neutered, long ago.
SO? Just make the Obamas pay a lot of money (your tax dollars) to implant some of these “nut-sicles” in Bo’s currently-empty ball sack, and then cut those fuckers off, during that “weekly youtube” Obama likes to do on Saturdays.
But many questions remain about this bi-racially colored swamp cur: Is it Muslim? Probably. Portugal was Muslim for 3,000 years, until it was liberated by the Pope. Is the dog a homosexual? YES EVERY DOG IS BASICALLY HOMOSEXUAL. And is it, for real, a “rescue dog” like Nobama promised? Let’s ask the important national wire service of news, the Associated Press:
Still, conspiracy buffs might speculate that Bo was meant for the Obamas all along. Was his adoption engineered to look like a rescue — or at least blur the line to head off criticism that the Obamas had picked a purebred from a breeder?
Good fucking christ. STOP IT.
Anyway, rescue-dog people are Very Upset because they wanted Obama to pick some dog from a rescue-dog organization. Instead, he and his evil family of fucktards long ago decided they wanted this particular breed of dog, in large part because it does not shed and will not make their daughter sick. ELITISTS.
And it turns out that with this type of dog, the breeders have some Portuguese Water Dog Growers Association code of conduct/moral commitment to take back any of the beasts, if the original buyers decide, “Hey, I hate dogs!” So the breeder took back this full-sized, six-month-old unwanted dog, and Ted Kennedy’s personal army of Dog Trainers took it to Harvard, and now the Obamas will get this dog, okay? Hmm let’s see should Obama maybe not 100% please every goddamned animal fanatic in America or should he just look right into Ted Kennedy’s eyes — yes this is the same Ted Kennedy currently dying of brain cancer — and say, “You know, Ted, I just don’t want your motherfucking dog, right?”