Clarence Thomas Marvels At Dishwashers

  banal observations from our intellectual elites

Just wait till he finds out about microwavesLet’s play a fun game and decide which of these three statements is a lie: at a recent address to a group of high school students, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas: 1) wondered why we did not have a “Bill of Responsibilities” to go along with the Bill of Rights; 2) admitted that he thinks the dishwasher is “a miracle” that performs actual magic; 3) announced that he would be compiling these revelations and other bits of folk wisdom into a Page-a-Day calendar called One Man’s Opinion, to be published by Reader’s Digest, cross-branded with a book of daily affirmations by Richard Cohen, and marketed at thousands of Cracker Barrel restaurants along I-95. [New York Times]

Related

 
Related video

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

63 comments

  1. DNotApply

    “Hello Ms. Hill, here is today’s ‘Bill of Responsibilities’ for you: wash this dish.”

  2. bored with gravity

    Appointed by a man who marveled at the miracle of bar code-scanning cash registers.

  3. Jukesgrrl

    Many facets of our daily lives are a mystery to the elite of Washington: bar-coding, the price of milk and gasoline, corporate usury, AK-47s are dangerous, the fact the dry-cleaner might lose your pants, etc.

  4. thefrontpage

    Does working at the U.S. Supreme Court as one of those judges rot your mind and make you go crazy? Because it has, at least, for about seven of the current nine judge dudes, and for dozens of others.

    Face it, these guys should not have life appointments–maybe an eight-year appointment, with a re-up after eight years by the current president–and then a maximum of eight more years. And then, that’s it.

    That’s 16 years–if they get renewed. And it’s not like a U.S. Supreme Court Judge won’t find work after eight or 16 years on the bench.

    But no one–no one–should have any open appointment in any judicial system in the United States–or in any country, for that matter. No one. None, zero, zilch.

    16 years, tops, and eight years minumum. Hell, that seems fair.

    Because, obviously, anything more than that in most judicial offices makes all of these guys go purely batshit crazy.

  5. hockeymom

    [re=287985]Red Zeppelin[/re]: let’s see….steele, keyes, thomas and (sometimes) charles barkley.
    I think you have an air tight case.

  6. TGY

    “I tend to be morose sometimes,” the justice said.

    *Just* the sort of guy you’d want on the bench of the top court of the land.

  7. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=287990]thefrontpage[/re]: I don’t think age/old age is Clarence’s problem. I think he’s just a dumbass, cranky bigoted Republican who got misplaced in a black body.

  8. problemwithcaring

    Yay, a CT post!

    Nostalgic for his made-up and militaristic childhood, a deeply-rooted hatred of those who feel entitled to dishwashers and usually watches a violent movie in his basement, as a stress-reliever …This sheds light on how he ended up such a misogynistic automaton.

  9. Hedley Lamar

    Did he say anything to honor the passing of Marilyn Chambers? Maybe he can officiate at the state funeral.

  10. Atheist Nun

    MAH MAGIC DISHWASHER: POWERED BY A FLAG AND A CRUCIFIX IN EVERY CLASSROOM!!!1!!!!1@!!!!

    [re=287981]Kim_Jong_LiL[/re]: FYI: Comments are moderated, pal, so please stop HURR DURR DURRing all over the Wonkette, thnx.

  11. Accordion-o-rama

    I was really quite moved by his tender description of his relationship with his dishwasher. One can only hope that someday law and society come to regonize and value this special bond.

  12. Come here a minute

    Clarence Thomas also finds the Thermos magical. It keeps hot things hot; cold things cold. How does it know?

  13. Hooray For Anything

    If your views haven’t really changed that much from the 19th Century, it would make sense that your knowledge of technology hasn’t really changed much from the 19th Century.

  14. DagNabbit

    By “Marvels at Dishwashers” do you mean “Marvels at Other Black People”?

    Do you?

  15. V572625694

    [re=287985]Red Zeppelin[/re]: All black republicans are lunatics by definition, in the same way that all trees are plants. Or all Alaskans are hypocritical welfare whores.

  16. ManchuCandidate

    He’s got all the hallmarks of Michelle Malkin disease aka old white bitter trapped in an minority’s body.

    I, for one, would like to meet any minority member of the Repub party who actually didn’t hate themselves or their people.

  17. user-of-owls

    [re=287994]magic titty[/re]: Slow train coming. Watch out for the cows, titty. And the puddles too.

  18. Fivetree

    [re=288023]V572625694[/re]: Speaking of Alaska, I hear they’re shopping around for a new Attorney General. It appears that Thomas, who was stumped by a question regarding changes in how Americans view the Constitution since the Civil War era, would be the perfect fit for a governor who could not name any Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade. He fit in there just like…..a pubic hair in a bottle of Coke.

  19. americanscandoanything

    Of course he marvels at a dishwasher

    the other supremes make him wash the dishes every day court is in session

  20. DustBowlBlues

    [re=287985]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Perfect opening for my theory on black Republicans. Yes, they are lunatics or intellectually deficient (and willing dupe of rich white guys) like OK’s own JC Watt. Were they Democrats, they would belong to a the party of Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson Jr, Cory Booker, Deval Patrick. etc. Lots of competition where being black is nothing unique–you gotta’ be smart and talented, too. Repugs, however, are so desperate to appeal to ethnic voters, they welcome the D team of lack luster sad-sacks and lunatic losers.

    This also pisses me off, because douche bags like Clarence Thomas would have been riding at the back of the bus a whole hell of lot longer if liberals and the Democratic party hadn’t done the right thing, in spite of what it cost us.

    Clarence Thomas is creepy. Also.

  21. LFC

    Clarence Thomas is one of the great legal minds of the 20th and 21st cent… (snarf, snort, giggle).

    Damn! I almost made it with a straight face.

  22. MarSF

    And you wonder why Thomas never opens his mouth while hearing arguments. He is just too darn smart for all that!

  23. Jukesgrrl

    [re=288036]DustBowlBlues[/re]: You better watch out or the Democrats will be asking YOU to run for office. They need sacrificial dogies in the Dust Bowl.

  24. LeastExcellent

    This explains the reasoning behind the Supreme Court case Maytag v. Russell, wherein the case was dismissed because Clarence Thomas stated that because Maytag built washing machine they must be warlocks and therefore above muggle laws.

  25. picyou

    Yeah, it’s a tough job, especially when one of the law clerks calls in sick. And talk about something hard—you just try to interpret Scalia’s under-the-table hand signals!

  26. picyou

    [re=288031]Fivetree[/re]: That’s a pubic hair on a *can* of Coke. And as I understand, he has since clarified that statement, explaining that he meant to say, “There’s a crucifix on my can of Coke.”

  27. Gallowglass

    Yeah, all this fixation on “rights” is just silly. If we did away with them all it would make Thomas’ job soooo much easier.

    What a jackass. I thought I couldn’t hate anyone more than I hate Scalia, but damn, was I wrong.

  28. problemwithcaring

    This also pisses me off, because douche bags like Clarence Thomas would have been riding at the back of the bus a whole hell of lot longer if liberals and the Democratic party hadn’t done the right thing, in spite of what it cost us.

    It pisses me off when white people say shit like this.

  29. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    You have to remember that Thomas is slightly to the right when it comes to the Catholic Church. If you had nuns whipping you to clean plates with your tongue, wouldn’t you find a dishwasher a miracle full of magic?

  30. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=288080]WABishop[/re]: What did the founders think of dishwashers house negroes?

    /fixed

  31. AllHat

    I’d love to hear more about this ‘Bill of Responsibilities’. Imagine the freepers’ reaction to a list of demands on citizens from the (all caps) Federal Government (/all caps).

  32. chascates

    “Today there is much focus on our rights,” Justice Thomas said. “Indeed, I think there is a proliferation of rights.”

    And I’m sure he’d love to remove some of those rights if he got the chance. I’ve read that while he believes the federal government can’t mandate a national religion a state does have that right.

    That’s not one of the rights he would restrict I’m assuming.

  33. professor.cj

    His mother (and I think sister) work/worked in a cafeteria in an orphanage in Savannah. If they wash dishes, does that make them witches?

  34. NunnaTheSOBs

    This is the man who will along with his fellow justices, makes decisons about complex claims in patent law, bio-engineering, and copyrights?

    God help us.

  35. SayItWithWookies

    His answers and the remarks that preceded them provided a revealing look at his worldview these days.

    And what does he discuss? Days in elementary school when there was “a flag and a crucifix in every classroom,” watching Saving Private Ryan (without being able to explain why), and the magic of dishwashers. Sorry, but that’s not a worldview. That’s the view of the inside of a lampshade from the perspective of a moth.

  36. Darkness

    [re=287985]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Some are just self hating.

    Nothing about Thomas can surprise me. It was clear he was an utterly useless douchebag when he was confirmed and this is not something one outgrows.

  37. hobospacejunkie

    [re=288089]problemwithcaring[/re]: It pisses me off when white people say shit like this.

    I think you are misunderstanding Ms. Blues. It cost the Democratic Party pretty much the whole south when the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act were passed. It took until last November for that loss to be overcome in a national election. I do not believe she was counting the cost to herself personally for ‘saving the negroes.’

  38. JDHART

    Seriously, is there anyone out willing to plunk down $$ for a calendar that offer up daily ramblings of a nut like Clarence Thomas? I think a George W. Bush soap-on-a-noose would do better.

  39. BRI1776

    Justice Thomas’ complete speech is going to be aired this Wednesday, April 15, at 8:00pm EST on CSPAN, should anyone want to hear Thomas in his own words.

Comments are closed.