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COW-NEGRO-DOG would make an excellent band name, in the South.
Whoa hey what’s going on at the liberal New York Times? Let’s take a look at the actual news article, which maybe started that whole “Also.” business ….

What tomfoolery!
COW, NEGRO, DOG, ALL DIE.; Train Hits Cow, which Knocks Over Negro, Who Falls on a Dog. [NYT]

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92 COMMENTS

  1. Wouldn’t have been a human interest story back in 1910 — judging from headline and description. Must have been a space filler. When Rush, Glenn Beck, and others read this they will long for the good old days.

  2. And this on the day we learn about First Dog Bo? Perhaps a Nostradamus-ey prediction of things to come? Obviously the train is the high-speed line between Disney world and the Bunny Ranch. We all know who the negro and teh dog are. What does the cow represent? A coming bail-out of Big Livestock? The mind reels…

  3. There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
    I don’t know how she swallowed a cow.
    She swallowed the cow to catch the dog.
    She swallowed the dog, to catch the cat.
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird.
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,
    that wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    I don’t know why she swallowed the fly
    I guess she’ll die.

  4. …if I were the Somali pirates I would be very cautious, because chances are some weapons maker is designing a surface to surface COW missile!

  5. NYT has a way to go to catch the New York Post. I maN was decapitated in a adults only club and the Post headline read “HEADLESS MAN FOUND IN TOPLESS BAR!”

  6. Conductor: I have bad news.
    Crowd: Booo!
    Conductor: No one onboard was injured!
    Crowd: Yaay!
    Conductor: But I killed a cow.
    Crowd: Booo!
    Conductor: But the cow killed a negro.
    Crowd: Yaaay!
    Conductor: But the negro killed a dog.
    Crowd: Booo!

  7. …what they forgot to mention is that the aforementioned “negro” was fined for the following:

    -Failing to capture a dairy cow in mid flight
    -Unlawfully laying in a puddle
    -Animal cruelty(for falling on the dog)
    -Dying without a permit

  8. [re=287766]ihasasad[/re]: Ahhh…but do you know the one about

    the “duck for a buck,

    a buck for a fuck,

    and a fucked-up-duck for a truck”?

  9. The moral of the story: Don’t watch trains near cows, dogs, or puddles.

    In fact, if you watch trains at all, the terrorists win.

  10. Hoax to cover up the truth.

    The train really hit a time-traveling Kenyan, in a delorean. Shownash ravine then became Limbaugh ravine.

  11. Typical liberal NY Times. The Chattanooga Beacon and Tribune would have gone with “Negro held for assault on train, murder of two humans (cow and dog).”

  12. It’s sad that the cow got top-billing, but it’s very progressive of the NY Times. It’s 100 years later and at least three or four brown people have to be killed before it makes the LA Time’s metro blog…. I mean, unless they fit the “gang-related” meme.

  13. “the life of the canine was crushed out also”. My new favourite phrase, beating out “illegal in Oregon”.

    Presumably this article was written just after the invention of the Thesaurus and everybody was over-using them.

  14. that poor negro

    although once i was thought a group of cows was going to kill me.

    “sorry bout all the steaks,” i said to them.

  15. Upon further investigation it is noted that in actuality it was the U.S. Navy Seals that took out all three at once…cow, negro, dog.

  16. [re=287746]Custerwolf[/re]: [re=287748]It is a well known fact that black people can’t swim and will drown in even two inches of water.

    AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Michael Vick is a sick fuck who should have his privates shaved, covered in gravy, and poked through a whole into a crate with a pit bull in it that hasn’t eaten in a week.

    Funny enough?

  17. I was bored shitless during my last semester of college,
    and would go to the Archives in the library, and read
    old bound issues of Time magazine.

    The Leopold-Loeb defendants were “queers”. The ethiopians
    who were invaded by Mussolini were “blackamoors” ….

    Hell “negro” is downright civilized.

  18. [re=287789]iwillsavethispatient[/re]:”So, I’m right in thinking the article is implying the puddle was the cause of the poor guy’s death?”

    Don’t be absurd. He died from being knocked over.

  19. [re=287855]Custerwolf[/re]: It would be interesting to see the legal outcome of this case. Since the cow was probably trespassing on L&N property, the cow and it’s owner would be responsible for the negro’s death, unless the negro was also trespassing on the cow owner’s property .. or was the cow’s owner, in which case, he killed himself.

  20. [re=287832]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: Apparently Loeb had teh gheh, alright. He had his life sentence end a bit prematurely when his throat was slit by an inmate who was not interested in the sexytime buttsecks Loeb had offered him. The Chicago Daily reports it this way:

    “Richard Loeb, despite his erudition, today ended his sentence with a proposition.”

    Now that’s some fancy reporting.

  21. [re=287992]Bronkers[/re]: So correct me if I’m wrong – the plaintiff in that case (Miss Palsgraf) ultimately LOST on appeal. Please tell me she did.

  22. [re=288010]Custerwolf[/re]: Lawsy, but I’m laZEE, but it’s been nearly four decades since I took that course and read that case for the first time, so, I did a GOOGLE search and am giving you the Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palsgraf_v._Long_Island_Railroad_Co., 162 N.E. 99 (N.Y. 1928)

    A divided decision with Cardozo, Chief Judge for the New York Court of Appeals, writing the majority ruling, finding that Mrs. Palsgraf’s injury was too removed from the action of the LIRR guard in manhandling a passenger carrying (non-visible) fireworks onto a train, causing passenger to drop the fireworks, which exploded, causing a scale on/by/above the platform that fell and injured Mrs. Palsgraf. A real Rube Goldbergian chain of events. Mr. Justice Cardozo wrote: The court wrote that “there was nothing in the situation to suggest to the most cautious mind that the parcel wrapped in newspaper would spread wreckage through the station. If the guard had thrown it down knowingly and willfully, he would not have threatened the plaintiff’s safety, so far as appearances could warn him.” Digested summary: the end result – concededly not willful – was not foreseeable from the extended chain of events that occurred, ergo, no liability.

    Vigorous dissent (written by Judge William S. Andrews) would have held the RR liable under the theory of “proximate cause,” that each occurrence in the chain of events led to Mrs. P’s injury, and the guard’s actions in negligently pushing the passenger directly led to the harm the Plaintiff suffered.

    There is a LOT of yaddahdah that has gone on for 80 years about duty of care and negligence… still is. A first year torts class full-class discussion.

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane, but this has been heck on my billables for the past half hour!

  23. In 1910, this story was so important it demanded to be telegraphed up from Alabama to NYC. In today’s dollars (but not tomorrow’s), that’s like the expense of putting a space tourist up for 15 minutes.

  24. [re=288361]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]: From TIME : “I think I’m going to make it,” he whispered. He was wrong.

    Oh come on. He was DEAD wrong. Hadn’t adjectives been invented yet??

  25. Apropos of blatant stereotypes and newspaper reporting, in 1893 there was a a small riot in my great grandmother’s home town of North Abington, Mass. when the railroad tried to prevent the local trolley company from laying their tracks over the RR crossing. The NYT reported that the railroad hired “obvious Italian thugs” to prevent the town from laying the tracks. They further noted that a firetruck showed up and turned a hose on the Italians which drove them back because everyone knew Italians couldn’t stand water.

    I’m guessing 100 years ago, nearly everyone would have been teabaggers.

  26. [re=535712]Joshua Norton[/re]: There is a disappointing lack of Chinese Peril in that story.
    But my Hyper-essential God, people believed in some weird-ass racial theory back then. Unfortunately we still do, just most people talk about culture instead of race these days. You know, to keep all respectable and shit. Its going to be a fun immigration debate in the weeks ahead.

  27. Although both “Cow, Negro, Dog all Die” and “Overly sensitive woman suddenly realizes that all men in her native state are filthy, sexist pigs and behave as little better than animals, hanging extremely realistic rubber testicles from their cars, so they are right in your face in traffic” are extremely comical memes in their own right, did I miss the segue?
    Was it too meta or am I a racist?

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