Jonah Goldberg In Trooooooouble For Loving Obama

  time to get eated

Illegal in OregonYesterday Jonah Goldberg committed the surf ‘n’ turf of Republican sins: (1) he posted something on The Corner on Easter Sunday, so Jesus will probably have to kill him, and (2) what he posted was praise for Barack Obama, the noted communist! Now he is being attacked by some readers and more importantly Rush Limbaugh, who is HUNGWY.

Here is the heresy Jonah committed against everyone yesterday:

Good For President Obama [Jonah Goldberg]

He approved the rescue. It was the right thing to do, with no small amount of risk. And God bless the SEALs.

Whoa whoa whoa. First of all, the timestamp on this post was, “04/12 09:11 PM.” Terrorist much?

But look: God will bless whomever He wants. Maybe consult K-Lo next time you mention His name, Jonah. K-Lo knows the shit out of this shit. (Oh right, ha, they are the same person. Nevermind.)

The reaction was predictable:

Obama & the Rescue [Jonah Goldberg]

My morning in-box is full of snark and bile from some folks who think I shouldn’t have congratulated President Obama for the rescue last night. It does sound like some of the reports saying he personally ordered the rescue were misleading.

Then APOLOGIZE you fucking socialist.

But you know what? Congratulations anyway. It’s good news the captain was rescued; Obama is the commander-in-chief and this happened on his watch; if he were thoroughly Carteresque he would have ordered that the pirates not be harmed, and you can be sure some of the snark-and-bilers would be blaming Obama if this ended badly (and I might have been one of them).

Might as well get a gay abortion at this point, liberal.

And now an update from yet another post about this major scandal shows that Jonah, The Corner’s juiciest steak, will be EATED:

Update: Apparrently Rush Limbaugh is attacking me now. Or so say listeners via email.

How dare he not listen to Rush Limbaugh! Jonah is finished.

Good For President Obama [Corner]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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81 comments

  1. norbizness

    Shorter dumb-o-sphere: Thank goodness that we as a nation are finally taking a good, hard look at the cult of personality that has sprung up around the President. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to angrily masturbate to that Dubya mission accomplished aircraft carrier footage.

  2. Scarab

    I heard the muslim pirates killed themselves to to help Obama who is also muslim. Why isn’t the MSM asking to see THEIR birth certificates?

  3. Scandinavian Fetus

    Either he needs to lose the Gene Simmons hair, or he needs to die his goatee with the same black shoe polish.

    Can Republicans also be Goths?

  4. CivicHoliday

    Ahhhhh, my soul feasts on the continual self-destruction of the Republican party. Thanks for the Easter present, undead zombie Jeebus!

  5. AllHat

    [re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: Just look at the picture, that tells you pretty much all you need to know.

  6. Scandinavian Fetus

    [re=287667]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: “Die” his goatee was meant as a pun…actually….I really meant dye.

  7. norbizness

    [re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: It’s like Inside Baseball, if baseball was populated by fat, pasty kids who pick flowers in right field as the ball goes rolling past them.

  8. V572625694

    [re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: Jonah’s mommie knows who he is. She probably shows him the blue dress once in a while, and he can masturbate to memories of it.

  9. El Pinche

    Hahaha, this post is the reason why I love wonkette.
    Snfffff, I love the smell of burning GOP in the morning.

  10. Cicada

    Someone needs to do a horror movie about the modern conservative movement. I even have a title for it:

    THEY EAT THEIR OWN

  11. SmutBoffin

    Goldberg vs. Limbaugh? Only one way to settle it — Thunderdome. They are well-matched, each having approximately the same intelligence and mass as Master Blaster.

    BONUS: Chainmail-clad Michelle Bachmann officiates.

  12. AngryBlakGuy

    …I swear these right-wingers were having wet dreams and spontaneous ejaculations at the thought of being able to pin the death of that captain on Obama. I guess now they are just suffering from a case of “blue balls”; that Obama is such a cock tease!

  13. bored with gravity

    Obama must order a Navy SEAL strike on the sidebar ads from Sarah, Ann and Newt ASAP.

  14. Mild Midwesterner

    Why is he going on about the seals? What is it with these bleeding heart PETA Canadians and their baby seal obsession?

  15. ihasasad

    [re=287661]smartypants[/re]: Dear Lord Lego Jesus, I pray that you help me through this difficult time, Lego Jesus, that you find it in your infinite love to protect me from your creation. Lego Jesus, please help me tear down the hate so that, with your help Lego Jesus, we may together build up the love with all the red and white and blue pieces. Dear Lego Jesus, may the pieces fit snugly and firmly as your creation are like bullies wantonly seeking to take these pieces to build pistols and guns that go ‘pew! pew!’ causing your children to cry and tattletale. I ask for this small favor in your name Lego Jesus…Amen.

  16. TGY

    Need betting pool for how long he holds out before apologizing to Rush. 2 days? 3 days? NEED SPREAD HERE, PEOPLE!

  17. user-of-owls

    [re=287702]TGY[/re]: Need spread here?? You did look at the picture, didn’t you? How much more spread you want?

  18. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=287702]TGY[/re]: I dunno, Jonah’s pretty stuck in his ways. I’m going long… 5 days!

    Does anyone have the Rush quote yet?

  19. SayItWithWookies

    Jonah failed to follow the incorruptible Republican flowchart on this one: If Obama hadn’t ordered the action, he would have looked weak, for obvious reasons. If Obama had ordered the action, it’s pointless because he was just authorizing something that was obvious and inevitable anyway.

    A president only looks strong if he authorizes something completely out-of-the-blue and hairbrained.

  20. Come here a minute

    Remember that stupid DNC web ad that was an unfunny parody web form apology letter to Rush? Yeah, Goldberg is googling that now.

  21. imissopus

    [re=287686]SmutBoffin[/re]: I was thinking sumo wrestling match. Then I had a mental image of Rush in one of those sumo diapers and decided I like your idea better.

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    …after looking at that photo, if K.Lo and Jonah Goldberg ever had children; they would be so ugly that when she cries, the tears run down the back of her neck!

  23. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’ve been able to listen to Limbaugh today, and he cannot conceal his hatred of Obama. Limbaugh is trying to make it meta, claiming he is lecturing on the media giving Obama credit.

    Its a shame. Limbaugh was passable during Clinton, where he didn’t really care. (Hell, let’s face it, if Limbaugh and Clinton ever met, they would be in a naked pile fucking within minutes. Never before in human history would a person who loved himself so much have met a person who loved himself so much. It would just make a black hole of self-love. But I digress).

    I have a feeling the right is so upset that Obama looks good today (in military action, no less), that O’Reilly will look almost reasonable on Fox tonight.

    Of course Mathews will be having an orgasm over at MSNBC, but, then again, maybe so will Rachel…..

    Which raises the question, why does Rush Limbaugh hate the military(and all those phony soldiers) so much?

    [re=287656]AllHat[/re]: FTW!

  24. Mustang

    If the rescue attempt had gone snafu, Rush would have taken time away from his day of pious religious meditation to squeal in his pig-like manner about what a loser Obama is.

  25. smartypants

    [re=287700]ihasasad[/re]: Lego Jesus hears you…and needs your donation of 20 boxes of peeps to combat teh evul teabaggers.

  26. nader paul kucinich gravel

    An all day, Easter bloodfest, for AIPAC’s msm:

    THREE sniper head shots!

    [wow...]

  27. Cicada

    [re=287727]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yup. Remember all that rhetorical pretzel-twisting over Rush saying he hoped Obama would fail? How it was supposed to be that his “policies” would fail. So much bullshit!

    I can just imagine the orgy of happy loathing Rush would have slathered over his listeners today if the captain has been killed.

    And no, I will not apologize for using the words “orgy”, “slathered”, and “Rush” in the same sentence.

  28. problemwithcaring

    “snark-and-bilers”

    Ew, sounds like something made by Keebler, that whatever that is in that picture snacks on while watching 7th Heaven.

  29. smartypants

    [re=287727]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: RL should be bowing to his Muslin King for letting him go teh Cuba to buy drugs anytime he wants to….

    Where’s the gratitude, El Rushbo?

  30. imissopus

    [re=287772]smartypants[/re]: Drugs AND those fine Cuban stogies he’s so fond of sucking on.

    Also, he can get cigars. Also.

    Ba-boom!

  31. smartypants

    [re=287778]imissopus[/re]: Lego Jesus loves you! Now gather all teh peeps–yellow ones are best–and throw them at evul cult of teabaggers–

    I weep.

  32. ihasasad

    [re=287785]smartypants[/re]: Dost thou wantest us to nuke teh peeps first or just taketh them out of the plastic and hurl?

  33. Zadig

    [re=287755]Cicada[/re]: Fine, don’t apologize. But you will be made accountable. The punishment will fit the crime, I assure you.

  34. snarkattack

    [re=287666]Scarab[/re]: Do we even know if the three individuals killed were even “pirates?” Were there ever any “pirates” at all, or was this whole incident an elaborate hoax orchestrated by Hopey to curry favor with the ‘mericun public?

    Yes, it’s all falling into place…

  35. smartypants

    ihasasad, Lego Jesus wants all teh libtards (my people, my people) to do whatever they feel is most humane toward teh sad,sad peeps.

    Examples: One might have ingested teh peeps already–and THEN hurl. One might find a lovely and tasteful ensemble upon which to display teh peeps (pink ones would work here) and then with teh mighty libtard hand rip from the ensemble and hurl.

    Then again, one might nuke teh poor peeps (for they have suffered mightily and now suffereth no longer) thus making a glorious goo to hurl.

    Disclaimer–Lego Jesus will not be held responsible for any libtard being charged with assault with a deathly peepblob.

  36. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=287686]SmutBoffin[/re]: More likely, Michelle Bachmann will end up chained in a bikini in front of the victor like Carrie Fisher in Jedi.

  37. smartypants

    ihasasad, thou art faithful. However, Lego Jesus cannot be thrust into the fray, nor can LJ be called upon to make bail, nor to driveth a libtard home from any earthly holding cell.

    Go forth and spread the good news! Peeps–be they yellow, pink or (shudder) blue– are ALL blessed in the eyes of Lego Jesus!! Go tell it on the mountain—or in the parking lot, or wherever there is an evul teabagger there I WILL BE….in spirit.

    And now….Lego Jesus must go to other sites and bless them.

  38. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=287760]StrangelyBrown[/re]: So the bastard child of K-Lo and J-Gold is the final result of centuries of right wing selective breeding? It is able to bring the masculine and the feminine together? So we are to assume that Larry Craig, David Vitter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Foley, Rick Santorum and the rest were just failed stops along the way?

  39. stopmebeforeitypeagain

    Jonah and Rush will face off for some good ol’ Mom-and-apple-pie All-American Easter sumo.

    With K-Lo to referee. Also.

    Look, she’s waddling in to break up a clinch. Oh God God God, she’s not breaking up the clinch, she’s TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES AND JOINING IN. Oh noes, it’s, it’s — please make it go away …. a Giant Wingnut Threesome. Brain_melt.

  40. StrangelyBrown

    [re=287876]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “bring the masculine and the feminine together”?! Dude, I said this was the Republican Kwisatz Haderach. It’s only able to bring its own genitalia and mouth together.

  41. LFC

    Scandinavian Fetus asked… Can Republicans also be Goths?

    I can’t believe you asked that question. Where you were for the 8-years that Dick Cheney was V-P?

  42. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=287910]StrangelyBrown[/re]: So Larry Craig, David Vitter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Foley, and Rick Santorum were successes?

  43. Pug

    Captured Negotiator = 16 yrs old

    Three dead = all 17 to 19 yrs old

    Piracy can lead to a drastically shortened life span. Same as all those yound Marines in Fallujah.

  44. serj!

    Jennifer said,

    April 14, 2009 at 0:17

    OT, but you Sadlies should know: Wonkette is stealin’ your stuff, without attribution.

    Posted on Sadly No website–the chick linked to this post. Does anybody know what Miss Thing is going on about??? Oh but I’d love to see a snark war between Wonkette and SN! The commenters are both sites are the best humor on the net (except me–I suck at snark on both!)

  45. CapnFatback

    [re=288253]serj![/re]: That would be the Little Photoshop of Horrors of a pic with the article.

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