TIME TO GET EATED  1:52 pm April 13, 2009

Jonah Goldberg In Trooooooouble For Loving Obama

by Jim Newell

Illegal in OregonYesterday Jonah Goldberg committed the surf ‘n’ turf of Republican sins: (1) he posted something on The Corner on Easter Sunday, so Jesus will probably have to kill him, and (2) what he posted was praise for Barack Obama, the noted communist! Now he is being attacked by some readers and more importantly Rush Limbaugh, who is HUNGWY.

Here is the heresy Jonah committed against everyone yesterday:

Good For President Obama [Jonah Goldberg]

He approved the rescue. It was the right thing to do, with no small amount of risk. And God bless the SEALs.

Whoa whoa whoa. First of all, the timestamp on this post was, “04/12 09:11 PM.” Terrorist much?

But look: God will bless whomever He wants. Maybe consult K-Lo next time you mention His name, Jonah. K-Lo knows the shit out of this shit. (Oh right, ha, they are the same person. Nevermind.)

The reaction was predictable:

Obama & the Rescue [Jonah Goldberg]

My morning in-box is full of snark and bile from some folks who think I shouldn’t have congratulated President Obama for the rescue last night. It does sound like some of the reports saying he personally ordered the rescue were misleading.

Then APOLOGIZE you fucking socialist.

But you know what? Congratulations anyway. It’s good news the captain was rescued; Obama is the commander-in-chief and this happened on his watch; if he were thoroughly Carteresque he would have ordered that the pirates not be harmed, and you can be sure some of the snark-and-bilers would be blaming Obama if this ended badly (and I might have been one of them).

Might as well get a gay abortion at this point, liberal.

And now an update from yet another post about this major scandal shows that Jonah, The Corner’s juiciest steak, will be EATED:

Update: Apparrently Rush Limbaugh is attacking me now. Or so say listeners via email.

How dare he not listen to Rush Limbaugh! Jonah is finished.

Good For President Obama [Corner]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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AllHat April 13, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Terrorist much?


Cape Clod April 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Oh, I hope you rot in hell for using that picture again!

Aurelio April 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm

This has no political significance. Jonah is just glad when someone gets killed.

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm


Crow T. Robot April 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Can you please stop using that picture?

do not want. burns us.

magic titty April 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Jim, why is he not in his Spidey suit?

norbizness April 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Shorter dumb-o-sphere: Thank goodness that we as a nation are finally taking a good, hard look at the cult of personality that has sprung up around the President. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to angrily masturbate to that Dubya mission accomplished aircraft carrier footage.

Scarab April 13, 2009 at 2:00 pm

I heard the muslim pirates killed themselves to to help Obama who is also muslim. Why isn’t the MSM asking to see THEIR birth certificates?

Scandinavian Fetus April 13, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Either he needs to lose the Gene Simmons hair, or he needs to die his goatee with the same black shoe polish.

Can Republicans also be Goths?

CivicHoliday April 13, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Ahhhhh, my soul feasts on the continual self-destruction of the Republican party. Thanks for the Easter present, undead zombie Jeebus!

Judas Peckerwood April 13, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Praising a Muslin on Easter?!!! What do you expect from a Jesus killer?

thefrontpage April 13, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Really, who the hell is Jonah Goldberg?!!! Do people know who this guy is?

Jim Newell April 13, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=287664]magic titty[/re]: DAMNIT. We have too many good Jonah pictures.

AllHat April 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: Just look at the picture, that tells you pretty much all you need to know.

Scandinavian Fetus April 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=287667]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: “Die” his goatee was meant as a pun…actually….I really meant dye.

norbizness April 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: It’s like Inside Baseball, if baseball was populated by fat, pasty kids who pick flowers in right field as the ball goes rolling past them.

V572625694 April 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: Jonah’s mommie knows who he is. She probably shows him the blue dress once in a while, and he can masturbate to memories of it.

Bruno April 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Well, he is wearing a flag lapel pin, so he must only speak the truth.

user-of-owls April 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm

[re=287672]thefrontpage[/re]: He’s Rube’s younger brother.

The Cold Sea April 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Nice Alt-text.

El Pinche April 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Hahaha, this post is the reason why I love wonkette.
Snfffff, I love the smell of burning GOP in the morning.

Cicada April 13, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Someone needs to do a horror movie about the modern conservative movement. I even have a title for it:


SmutBoffin April 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Goldberg vs. Limbaugh? Only one way to settle it — Thunderdome. They are well-matched, each having approximately the same intelligence and mass as Master Blaster.

BONUS: Chainmail-clad Michelle Bachmann officiates.

AngryBlakGuy April 13, 2009 at 2:11 pm

…I swear these right-wingers were having wet dreams and spontaneous ejaculations at the thought of being able to pin the death of that captain on Obama. I guess now they are just suffering from a case of “blue balls”; that Obama is such a cock tease!

Custerwolf April 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Is that a polar bear wearing a German woman’s skin?

user-of-owls April 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

BTW, Jim, is that the British spelling of ‘trouble’?

bored with gravity April 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Obama must order a Navy SEAL strike on the sidebar ads from Sarah, Ann and Newt ASAP.

TaxWallStreet April 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Scandinavian Fetus :

Google “gothopatomous”

Mild Midwesterner April 13, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Why is he going on about the seals? What is it with these bleeding heart PETA Canadians and their baby seal obsession?

Custerwolf April 13, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=287695]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Club sandwiches not SEALs.

Lascauxcaveman April 13, 2009 at 2:16 pm

!!!1!1!!1! NEVAR FORG… (aw screw it, not that funny anymore).

ihasasad April 13, 2009 at 2:17 pm

[re=287661]smartypants[/re]: Dear Lord Lego Jesus, I pray that you help me through this difficult time, Lego Jesus, that you find it in your infinite love to protect me from your creation. Lego Jesus, please help me tear down the hate so that, with your help Lego Jesus, we may together build up the love with all the red and white and blue pieces. Dear Lego Jesus, may the pieces fit snugly and firmly as your creation are like bullies wantonly seeking to take these pieces to build pistols and guns that go ‘pew! pew!’ causing your children to cry and tattletale. I ask for this small favor in your name Lego Jesus…Amen.

tunamelt April 13, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Oh, I didn’t recognize Michael Moore without the hat.

TGY April 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Need betting pool for how long he holds out before apologizing to Rush. 2 days? 3 days? NEED SPREAD HERE, PEOPLE!

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Hey, Jonah? Which party is the secret Fascist party now?

prototype April 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm

om nom nom nom nom I love republicans eating their own

user-of-owls April 13, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=287697]Custerwolf[/re]: …while listening to the Rescue Shelter Boys.

user-of-owls April 13, 2009 at 2:23 pm

[re=287702]TGY[/re]: Need spread here?? You did look at the picture, didn’t you? How much more spread you want?

iwillsavethispatient April 13, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=287702]TGY[/re]: I dunno, Jonah’s pretty stuck in his ways. I’m going long… 5 days!

Does anyone have the Rush quote yet?

SayItWithWookies April 13, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Jonah failed to follow the incorruptible Republican flowchart on this one: If Obama hadn’t ordered the action, he would have looked weak, for obvious reasons. If Obama had ordered the action, it’s pointless because he was just authorizing something that was obvious and inevitable anyway.

A president only looks strong if he authorizes something completely out-of-the-blue and hairbrained.

Come here a minute April 13, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Remember that stupid DNC web ad that was an unfunny parody web form apology letter to Rush? Yeah, Goldberg is googling that now.

Godot April 13, 2009 at 2:26 pm

What does Bruce Vilanch have to do with any of this?

imissopus April 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=287686]SmutBoffin[/re]: I was thinking sumo wrestling match. Then I had a mental image of Rush in one of those sumo diapers and decided I like your idea better.

proudgrampa April 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=287709]user-of-owls[/re]: Win!

AngryBlakGuy April 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm

…after looking at that photo, if K.Lo and Jonah Goldberg ever had children; they would be so ugly that when she cries, the tears run down the back of her neck!

Custerwolf April 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm

[re=287706]user-of-owls[/re]: Indeed.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I’ve been able to listen to Limbaugh today, and he cannot conceal his hatred of Obama. Limbaugh is trying to make it meta, claiming he is lecturing on the media giving Obama credit.

Its a shame. Limbaugh was passable during Clinton, where he didn’t really care. (Hell, let’s face it, if Limbaugh and Clinton ever met, they would be in a naked pile fucking within minutes. Never before in human history would a person who loved himself so much have met a person who loved himself so much. It would just make a black hole of self-love. But I digress).

I have a feeling the right is so upset that Obama looks good today (in military action, no less), that O’Reilly will look almost reasonable on Fox tonight.

Of course Mathews will be having an orgasm over at MSNBC, but, then again, maybe so will Rachel…..

Which raises the question, why does Rush Limbaugh hate the military(and all those phony soldiers) so much?

[re=287656]AllHat[/re]: FTW!

bfstevie@yahoo.com April 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm

[re=287678]V572625694[/re]: Shows him the blue dress? She makes him WEAR it.

Mustang April 13, 2009 at 2:31 pm

If the rescue attempt had gone snafu, Rush would have taken time away from his day of pious religious meditation to squeal in his pig-like manner about what a loser Obama is.

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 2:33 pm

[re=287700]ihasasad[/re]: Lego Jesus hears you…and needs your donation of 20 boxes of peeps to combat teh evul teabaggers.

nader paul kucinich gravel April 13, 2009 at 2:34 pm

An all day, Easter bloodfest, for AIPAC’s msm:

THREE sniper head shots!


Mustang April 13, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Is Jonah Goldberg really Rush Limbaugh?

Cicada April 13, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=287727]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yup. Remember all that rhetorical pretzel-twisting over Rush saying he hoped Obama would fail? How it was supposed to be that his “policies” would fail. So much bullshit!

I can just imagine the orgy of happy loathing Rush would have slathered over his listeners today if the captain has been killed.

And no, I will not apologize for using the words “orgy”, “slathered”, and “Rush” in the same sentence.

StrangelyBrown April 13, 2009 at 2:42 pm

[re=287662]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Behold the Republican Kwisatz Haderach!

problemwithcaring April 13, 2009 at 2:43 pm


Ew, sounds like something made by Keebler, that whatever that is in that picture snacks on while watching 7th Heaven.

Itsjustme April 13, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=287656]AllHat[/re]: Double Win

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=287727]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: RL should be bowing to his Muslin King for letting him go teh Cuba to buy drugs anytime he wants to….

Where’s the gratitude, El Rushbo?

imissopus April 13, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=287772]smartypants[/re]: Drugs AND those fine Cuban stogies he’s so fond of sucking on.

Also, he can get cigars. Also.


qwerty42 April 13, 2009 at 2:52 pm

well, now Sullivan has linked to this story. So should someone explain the photo to visitors?

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 2:55 pm

[re=287778]imissopus[/re]: Lego Jesus loves you! Now gather all teh peeps–yellow ones are best–and throw them at evul cult of teabaggers–

I weep.

ihasasad April 13, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=287785]smartypants[/re]: Dost thou wantest us to nuke teh peeps first or just taketh them out of the plastic and hurl?

MarSF April 13, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=287782]qwerty42[/re]: I think it is a good likeness, no explanation needed.

4tehlulz April 13, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Rush vs. Jonah.

Whoever loses, we win.

Zadig April 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=287755]Cicada[/re]: Fine, don’t apologize. But you will be made accountable. The punishment will fit the crime, I assure you.

snarkattack April 13, 2009 at 3:21 pm

[re=287666]Scarab[/re]: Do we even know if the three individuals killed were even “pirates?” Were there ever any “pirates” at all, or was this whole incident an elaborate hoax orchestrated by Hopey to curry favor with the ‘mericun public?

Yes, it’s all falling into place…

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 3:27 pm

ihasasad, Lego Jesus wants all teh libtards (my people, my people) to do whatever they feel is most humane toward teh sad,sad peeps.

Examples: One might have ingested teh peeps already–and THEN hurl. One might find a lovely and tasteful ensemble upon which to display teh peeps (pink ones would work here) and then with teh mighty libtard hand rip from the ensemble and hurl.

Then again, one might nuke teh poor peeps (for they have suffered mightily and now suffereth no longer) thus making a glorious goo to hurl.

Disclaimer–Lego Jesus will not be held responsible for any libtard being charged with assault with a deathly peepblob.

HungryMohican April 13, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Lest we forget…his epic FAIL appearance on The Daily Show in January 2008:

ihasasad April 13, 2009 at 3:32 pm

[re=287823]smartypants[/re]: My Lego Jesus! My Lego Jesus! Why wilst thou forsake me??

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=287686]SmutBoffin[/re]: More likely, Michelle Bachmann will end up chained in a bikini in front of the victor like Carrie Fisher in Jedi.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm

[re=287714]Godot[/re]: They sent the Coon in to rescue the Captain?

smartypants April 13, 2009 at 3:49 pm

ihasasad, thou art faithful. However, Lego Jesus cannot be thrust into the fray, nor can LJ be called upon to make bail, nor to driveth a libtard home from any earthly holding cell.

Go forth and spread the good news! Peeps–be they yellow, pink or (shudder) blue– are ALL blessed in the eyes of Lego Jesus!! Go tell it on the mountain—or in the parking lot, or wherever there is an evul teabagger there I WILL BE….in spirit.

And now….Lego Jesus must go to other sites and bless them.

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 3:57 pm

[re=287760]StrangelyBrown[/re]: So the bastard child of K-Lo and J-Gold is the final result of centuries of right wing selective breeding? It is able to bring the masculine and the feminine together? So we are to assume that Larry Craig, David Vitter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Foley, Rick Santorum and the rest were just failed stops along the way?

stopmebeforeitypeagain April 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Jonah and Rush will face off for some good ol’ Mom-and-apple-pie All-American Easter sumo.

With K-Lo to referee. Also.

Look, she’s waddling in to break up a clinch. Oh God God God, she’s not breaking up the clinch, she’s TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES AND JOINING IN. Oh noes, it’s, it’s — please make it go away …. a Giant Wingnut Threesome. Brain_melt.

StrangelyBrown April 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=287876]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “bring the masculine and the feminine together”?! Dude, I said this was the Republican Kwisatz Haderach. It’s only able to bring its own genitalia and mouth together.

LFC April 13, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Scandinavian Fetus asked… Can Republicans also be Goths?

I can’t believe you asked that question. Where you were for the 8-years that Dick Cheney was V-P?

nader paul kucinich gravel April 13, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Captured Negotiator = 16 yrs old

Three dead = all 17 to 19 yrs old

Lionel Hutz Esq. April 13, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=287910]StrangelyBrown[/re]: So Larry Craig, David Vitter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Foley, and Rick Santorum were successes?

WadISay April 13, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Obama has one little Seder dinner and Goldberg is all in the tank.

Pug April 13, 2009 at 8:05 pm

Captured Negotiator = 16 yrs old

Three dead = all 17 to 19 yrs old

Piracy can lead to a drastically shortened life span. Same as all those yound Marines in Fallujah.

serj! April 13, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Jennifer said,

April 14, 2009 at 0:17

OT, but you Sadlies should know: Wonkette is stealin’ your stuff, without attribution.

Posted on Sadly No website–the chick linked to this post. Does anybody know what Miss Thing is going on about??? Oh but I’d love to see a snark war between Wonkette and SN! The commenters are both sites are the best humor on the net (except me–I suck at snark on both!)

CapnFatback April 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm

[re=288253]serj![/re]: That would be the Little Photoshop of Horrors of a pic with the article.

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