Wonkette
- Here is why Navy Seals get the big bucks: they can train their sniper rifles on pirates bobbing around in a little 18-foot lifeboat at dusk and kill them in a single shot. [New York Times]
- GM is preparing for a “surgical bankruptcy,” which is a very painful procedure involving the removal of massive amounts of dollars through the colon. [Fox News]
- That topless Disney tween who famously posed for an old lesbian photographer has been forced to star in a very popular movie, in fact the very most popular movie in all the US. [AP]
- The Christian Right is either withering on the vine or quite robust or both, or perhaps all three things at the same time, just like the Holy Trinity. [CQ Politics]
- Hey kids here is something not to do when it’s feeding time at the zoo: jump into the polar bear cage. [CNN]
- An aide to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown had to resign after it was revealed that he (the aide) was plotting to SMEAR various Tories with evil gossipy rumors (or “rumours”). [The Independent]
The trinity of topless tween bears has no comments? For Shame.
Uhrah! Now the SEALs can solve the overfishing of Somali waters by WESTERN fisherman. I’m guessing limpet mines on the keel, right?
Holy shit, there can’t be that many tween Hannah Montana fans with money these days. I figure it’s the mostly male waiting-till-she’s-18 demographic pumped up the box office.
R.I.P. Lindsay Lohan’s career.
well, until after years of obscurity, she’s cast as the overbearing mom of a troubled teen in a hilariously ironic, for Disney, coming-of-age film about life, love and…badminton or something.
(moment of silence.)
I will bet you a dollar, or a euro I guess, that the woman in Berlin heard God tell her to go into the polar bear enclosure.
I was glad they didn’t shoot the polar bear. Isn’t that the usual way? Person does something insane, then the animal ends up being killed.
Brilliant. I never realised the superfluous ‘u’ in the British spelling of “rumour” automically includes the extra meaning of “evil gossipy”. Well done.
Nice cross marketing with the “Polar Bear Expeditions.”
NebraskashireGentry:
Hey, we’ll always have LiLo’s upskirt shots.
Terry:
Maybe she just wanted to be hugged (and mauled) by four of nature’s most vicious meanest bears.
Terry: Why did they stop the bear? They could have called it a “Circle of Life/ Survival of the Fittest” exhibit? How many people jump off bridges or blow their heads off with zero educational contribution?
Was it wrong for me to be cheering for the bears?
Awwwww. Knut is all grown up and eating solid food.
SEALS good. Polar bears bad.
ManchuCandidate: OK, you hippies need to lay off with the “Somalis are pirates because of overfishing meme.” Even if the waters off Somalia were teeming with fish, the main reason they’re pirates is because it pays REALLY well, and there’s no government in Somalia to prevent them from being pirates.
I hate to be a gloomy Gus, but fishing fleets from “western” countries (aka everybody including (and especially) the Vietnamese) are overfishing EVERYWHERE. There is no international limit on fish catch, and the fishing industry strip mines every last fish they can catch rather than fish at a sustainable level, on the reasonable grounds that if they don’t do it, their competitors will.
The only place the catch is at all limited is in national fishing waters (within 200 miles of the coast) of countries that have the ability to enforce it.
or
Seal is to polar bear as Cougar is to ___________ (think Mark Penn)
BigDupa: Zoo animals eat a scientifically balanced diet designed for proper nutrition. Crazy German women are not only gristly and tough when compared to a nice, juicy seal, they could harbor dangerous parasites.
Monsieur Grumpe:Terry: I was wondering if Knut was the culprit. There would have been hell to pay if they had tried to grease the formerly cute polar princeling.
Anyone else outraged after another Saudi ruling? This time, a 8-year-old girl was denied a divorce from her 47-year-old husband. http://www.governmentalityblog.com/my_weblog/2009/04/saudi-judge-rejects-divorce-of-8-yr-old-girl.html
I can’t think of a more appropriate song for the occassion…
Don’t Feed the Bears - M.O.D.
You have to prove
That you’re not scared
Enter the cage
Take the dare
Screaming death
In the beast’s lair
You couldn’t read the signs
DON’T FEED THE BEARS
Don’t go in there
You best beware
Don’t feed the bears
Stupid fool
You should have known
That’s some place you shouldn’t go
Polar giant on you
Blood starts to flow
They belong not in a cage
But in the fucking snow
Don’t go in there
You best beware
And please don’t feed the fucking bears!
Lazy Media:
I think it’s a bit of both. A combination of desperation and greed. Worked well on Wall St, no?
You know the old saying, people,
“People who live in glass houses…should not jump into polar bear pools.”
Jsab: Ick. It’s early on Monday. Only stories with redeeming humor potential, please.
“topless Disney tween” is the most shameless pageview whoring I’ve ever seen you undertake, SKS. Kudos.
Lazy Media: Yeah, but it’s not like America is gonna stand for the heathen UN standing in the way of free trade and exploitation.
That’s why I say nice shot
Good shot, man…..
AllHat: Monday morning apologies AllHat! Still, how outrageous!!
The woman who hopped into the cage was a pirate. Seals, bears, either way it’s justified.
Zadig: Meh, it’s not us so much doing the overfishing as the Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese and Europeans (’cause we have way more domestic fishing waters and eat less fish). We’re not the ones dumping waste off Somalia; that’s the Italians and Eastern Europeans, because their waste-disposal plan is “contract it to the Mafia.” We’re more likely to go along with international fishing regs than most, because it doesn’t gore our ox.
jump into the polar bear cage.
Stupid is as stupid does.
I’d make some sort of phallic comment about Navy Seals and their guns, but I don’t want to die.
Jsab: I’m still outraged that NOBAMA BOWED TO THE SAUDI PRINCE AND DEMEANED THE OFFICE OF THE PREZNIT!!1! or whatever he did. Poor 8-year-old little girls matter not at all when we are ruled by the USURPER-IN-CHIEF who is bent on imposing Sharia law on us all. WAKE UP SHEEPEL!!1!
Is anyone surprised that the inmates at the ANIMAL PRISON are finally rebelling? This is just the start of their global plan to eat us all as revenge for global warming. ANIMAL INMATES OF THE WORLD UNITE! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR ZOOS!
Lazy Media: Maybe so, but haven’t you heard that government regulation of trade, and in fact government in general, is SOCIALISM?? The Red Staters would call for opposition of such a measure on principle, and because we fear that Zombie Joseph McCarthy will come after us.
Lazy Media: Needed saying.
I got bit by a zoo squirrel once.
Scandinavian Fetus: She saw the movie Dances with Wolves and was inspired to provide the impetus for a new feature, Synchronized-Swims with Polar Bears.
Also, Coming Soon:
Cavorts with Cougars
Boogies with Boa Contrictors
Mambos with Mountain Lions
Sashays with Sharks
Rhumbas with Rhinos
Maybe this bear should start some zoo animal version of NATO with Santino, the chimp in Sweden who is smarter and meaner than previously thought.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/09/AR2009030901458.html?hpid=topnews
Just stay away from the snakes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cc6L9DIr7cU
Lascauxcaveman: Don’t forget Hip-hoppin’ with Hippos, starring Michael Steele.
Custerwolf: That’s not funny! I almost jumped out of my shorts!
hobospacejunkie: I’ve got some handi-wipes here too, if you need to borrow some.
Joey Ratz: Moonwalks with Mamabas?
Gordon Brown looks like a shifty-eyed sleazoid all the time.
Lascauxcaveman:
Tango with Tigers.
Rumba with Raccoons
Robot with Red Pandas
Hula with Howler Monkeys
Ballet with Bighorns
Cha cha with Cheetas
Conga with Coati Mundis
Fandango with Flying squirrels
Polka with Pygmy Goats
Soft shoe with Sidewinders
Waltz with Walruses
Gavote with Gorillas
Jitterbug with Jerboas
Zapateado with Zebras
and some obvious ones…
Flaminco with Flamingoes
Foxtrot with Foxes
Tarantella with Tarantuals
Turkey trot with Turkeys
The German girl was thirsty. She saw the polar bears and thought that was where the Coke machine was. Capitalism is dangerous.
Lascauxcaveman:
Gavottes with the Gators,
Discos with the Dingos,
and Tangos with the Tasmanian Devils.
Bruno: Rumours is worst album ever made? Peter Green was a visionary, however.
I would go with “Waltzes with Wolverines”, personally.
I keep reading that as ‘Boner Polar Bear Mauling’.