hot ticket narratives

Is ACORN Seeking To Sabotage Teabagging Day?

It is only five days until the National Tax Day Tea Party, when the Teabaggers will be cold GOIN’ GALT on this country’s ass! (Although that is illegal in Oregon.) They will not pay their taxes and will go to debtors’ prison because Obama is Stalin Whoops! And according to a secret e-mail forwarded from inside the Teabagger HQ, in Texas, we learn that the ACORNs will be reporting on “dissention” — directly to President Obama.

From: America c2c- Coast 2 Coast
Subject: On America c2c- Coast 2 Coast: URGENT MESSAGE TO THOSE GOING TO TEA PARTY
To: XXXXXXX
Date: Thursday, April 9, 2009, 8:07 PM

A message from Charlyreddog to all members of Texans for America on America c2c- Coast 2 Coast!

ANOTHER TEA PARTY HEADS UP!

The following information was forwarded to me
from another webring:

Sponsored Video

TEA PARTY CAUTION! DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING -
FROM ANYONE – AT ANY TEA PARTY ANYWHERE IN
THE USA —- NO EXCEPTIONS!

Federally-funded ACORN operators will be at all Tea Parties to get signatures which they will give to Obama stating that the signatures are in support of his policies or to get the names of people who oppose his policies and report dissention.

NO MATTER WHAT, DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING! IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS WHO PLAN TO ATTEND, WHO DO NOT HAVE EMAIL, GET ON THE PHONE TO WARN THEM. TRY TO CALL OR EMAIL RADIO TALK SHOWS AND LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG.

PASS IT ON!

Remember, IF YOU DO NOT HAVE E-MAIL, YOU MUST E-MAIL RADIO SHOWS about ACORN and OBAMA who are basically the SS and Hitler, all over again.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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75 comments

  1. AfghanVet

    “Under no circumstances should you allow anyone to sit on your face and put their balls in your mouth…pass it on.”

  2. StephanieInCA

    I remember one time, back when I was an “adult” and worked in a Senate office, it became very clear that our press sec did not know what “teabagging” meant. For some reason, I was nominated to explain it to her. Those were some times.

    And! Shameless self-promotion: Urbzen’s 100th Post!.

    Clicky clicky, sheeple.

  3. shellbomber

    >>Remember, IF YOU DO NOT HAVE E-MAIL, YOU MUST E-MAIL RADIO SHOWS about ACORN and OBAMA who are basically the SS and Hitler, all over again.

    SLIGHT FLAW IN THAT LOGIC! DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING! NO EXCEPTIONS!

  4. TaxWallStreet

    Radio hosts and teabagging?

    ….don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…don’t vizualize Rush, don’t vizualize Rush…

  5. ChernobylSoup

    So these right wing nuts aren’t happy with tea in bags and now they’re forcing cats into bags and refuse to let the poor critters out? That’s sick. Just sick.

  6. choom gangster

    You know if ACORN had all this federal funding they probably wouldn’t beg me for money so often. I just don’t get how the wingnuts have managed to turn them into the liberal version of SPECTRE from old James Bond movies.

    Can they start suing for defamation or something?

  7. TGY

    Also, Jimmy, I think you overwrote Layne’s update on his latest AOL OUTRAGE! column. Might wanna check with him, ’cause it was just here a moment ago.

  8. ChernobylSoup

    [re=286417]ChernobylSoup[/re]: Nevermind. They ARE trying to let the cat out of the bag, you idiot. They’re not so mean afterall.

  9. Bruno

    When will more of the bailout CEOs going to Go Gault and deny us their valuable services while they live in Cape Town?

  10. shortsshortsshorts

    OMG DETENTION CAMPS EVERYWHERE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES ALL HOPE IS LOST.

    ZOMBIES!!!11!!!
    ZOMBIES!!!!!!11!!

  11. Violenza

    Will ACORN be reporting to Obama directly from his nostrils? That was a REAL PICTURE, by the way!

  12. The Cold Sea

    DON NOT SIYAGN ANYTING! DON NOT LIT ANYONE TELL U WHAT TO DO1 THATS A COMMAND, SHEEPLE!

  13. Bruno

    You know the ALL CAPS portions really help me get the message better.

    Rather than Acorn, I’d like the IRS to be there collecting personal details. Audits for the anti-taxers anyone?

  14. freakishlystrong

    It all seems so grass-rooty don’t it? All snark aside, these fuckwits are insane. The guy has been in office for 2 and half months and the right wing is collectivly crapping their cages. The SS and Hilter? Really?

  15. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Ha, too bad they found out about Acorn’s plan to have all the teabaggers secretly sign gay wedding licenses.

  16. rmontcal

    Also, I’m going to find a group of these people, pick someone at random, point at them and yell, “that person is from ACORN!” and then get the hell out of the way.

  17. Kev-O-Tron

    I just found this “poem” posted on the teaparty website in the comments. Here’s a stanza.

    The Republic Is Dead

    When The People come to their senses,
    the trill of verbosity will cease to have
    any relevance, impact to jar the disdained
    lapping dogs of right or left; advancements of
    side against side and insult far flung.

    Evil lords over us all but you rattle
    your sabers and preen like cocks
    seeing who could pluck more clumps
    of feather with sharpened beaks;
    the guise of better skill or …
    indignant conviction.

    Pure Genius. Dylan Thomas and F. Scott Fitzgerald and such.

  18. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Please don’t laugh at me, but before I laugh too hard at the sign in the picture, someone please help me understand the verb “to teabag”.
    Is the person doing the teabagging sucking a ball sac or getting his ball sac sucked?

  19. shanemacgowan

    Had I not once watched approx. 90 seconds of Glen Beck, I would not have believed this was authentic.

  20. smashtheduck

    I’m just shocked, SHOCKED these fuckers are basing their entire lives on a shitty rape fantasy novel.

  21. qwerty42

    Sullivan’s post on the Tea Tantrum Movement. Final words:

    These are not tea-parties. They are tea-tantrums. And the adolescent, unserious hysteria is a function not of a movement regrouping and refinding itself. It’s a function of a movement’s intellectual collapse and a party’s fast-accelerating nervous breakdown.

    To which I say:
    but …. but …. what about the acornz?

  22. bitchincamaro

    [re=286410]StephanieInCA[/re]: There was a young Ukrainian woman working in my office to whom I enjoyed administering the occasional colloquial english lesson to. I convinced her that the fruit tea bags (her favorite) were mainly composed of the dingle berry. For months, all was well, until she actually found an entry for “dingleberry” in the Merriam Webster. So many good times with tea bags!

  23. smashtheduck

    [re=286445]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Tea bagger=pitcher
    Wingut=catcher
    Acorn= Leather Daddy
    No, wait…that’s not right at all.

  24. saucemaster

    i believe the teabagging double entendre has run its course; the paultards or whoever the fuck is mailing tea bags clearly are in on the ‘joke’, as well. ‘teabagging’ is a quasi-sexual act. ‘ha ha.’

  25. StephanieInCA

    so, say–hypothetically–that somebody started a blog at teabagging.net. is that something you all would be interested in helping out with?

  26. ProfessorJukes

    [re=286445]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Yes.
    “The senator teabagged him” means “The senator dunked his ballsack in his mouth”.
    “He teabagged the congresswoman” means “He dropped his balls into the eager mouth of Michelle Bachmann.

    It’s, like, a transitive property of the verb… or something. Grammarians?

  27. Rosie Scenario

    Where were these people when the U.S. Constitution was actually in peril? I mean besides listening to Rush.

  28. mdotsota

    Well done, whichever Wonkette commenter thought of this and spread it through the teabagsphere. Brilliant idea.


  29. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=286460]saucemaster[/re]: Yes the dirty joke may be over, but the ‘movement’ is still hilarious.

  30. americanscandoanything

    I just hopping that some giant ACORN PUPPETS will show up to taunt the rubes

  31. comradepaulson

    [re=286475]Jim Newell[/re]: [re=286460]saucemaster[/re]: Please don’t declare that the dirty joke has jumped the teabag. The movement may be more hilarious, but the dirty joke is still funny. Come on, we can have our cake and eat it, too, can’t we?

    Besides, I can’t wait until the “tossed salad” protests against immigration reform.

  32. Accordion-o-rama


    … to all members of Texans for America on America c2c- Coast 2 Coast!

    ANOTHER TEA PARTY HEADS UP!

  33. donner_froh

    [re=286444]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Wow.

    It is like “The Second Coming” by Yeats.

    Except it is missing any sense of wonder or dread, it is absent structure, it doesn’t scan, its imagery is labored and inept, its language is leaden and its message is commonplace crap.

    Other than that…genius.

  34. JadedDIssonance

    I am totally bringing a clipboard and a signup sheet to this teabaggin party on wednesday. I can’t wait! I’m bringing a camera to see if they get to teabag Daley.

  35. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=286491]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Evidently the HTML small tag doesn’t work here …

  36. saucemaster

    [re=286475]Jim Newell[/re]: well, the movement is fucking infuriating. but looking at that smug face in the banner pic, i know that she(?) has woken up with a set of balls in her mouth. either that is a undercover libtard plant, or a wingnut who seriously literally wants us teabagged.

  37. saucemaster

    [re=286457]bitchincamaro[/re]: i once informed a french friend of mine that a mouth harp was called a ‘skin flute’ in english. he went around for several months informing people, usually girls that he was trying to impress, that he played the skin flute. one day he called me to angrily ‘thank’ me for my lessons.

  38. Redhead

    [re=286475]Jim Newell[/re]: *gasp* teabagging jokes will NEVER get old. Do you hear me? NEVER!!
    Especially when teabagging references are being said, in all seriousness, live on FOX News. How can that get old?

  39. smashtheduck

    [re=286475]Jim Newell[/re]: Sixth grade humor that will never grow old to us:
    TRUCKNUTZ
    BUTTSECKS
    TEA BAGGING
    PALINS
    .also

  40. CrazyCatLady

    This “movement”, topic and entire thread all make me weep with transported joy. Thank you, Wonkette!

  41. TeddyS

    And don’t go to church on Sunday. Obama storm troopers plan to lock the doors of all churches across our beloved nation at five minutes before noon, hoist the buildings onto black flatbed trucks driven by ACORN zombies and deliver the faithful over socialist interstate highways to the incarceration camps.

  42. Mr Blifil

    Tell all your friends?

    Is it just me or does anybody else think that the teabagger’s paranoid fantasy trip is the result of his late realization that attending the teabagging meant leaving the house?

  43. hobospacejunkie

    [re=286590]StephanieInCA[/re]: Signal to noise ratio is rather high. May want to try at a less busy time. I think it’s a great idea, though one with a rather short lifespan. Keep on keeping on at Urbzen. Congrats on post #100!

  44. Redhead

    [re=286755]Anarchitect[/re]: They can’t be TOO hard to find… every Halloween I see at least five guys dressed up as giant penises (with testicles).

  45. smartypants

    Well, now it all makes sense. It’s a rampant epidemic of suppressed desires: People wanting another reason to dress up as something they wish they were, whether it be teabaggers, penises or just actual protesters who have a grasp on what it is that they are in fact protesting.

  46. Brendan M.

    [re=286463]StephanieInCA[/re]: I don’t know about teablogging.net, but I would DEFINITELY help you with teabagging.net.

  47. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=286443]rmontcal[/re]: Also, I’m going to find a group of these people, pick someone at random, point at them and yell, “that person is from ACORN!” and then get the hell out of the way.

    Ha! That’s right, just reach out and kick ol’ green teeth right in the knee!

  48. Cape Clod

    Does anybody know where I can rent a black helicopter? I want to fly over these knuckleheads and watch them scatter in terror.

  49. loupgarou

    See, those signs show that wingnuts just aren’t giving lovers. They don’t know that teabagging is supposed to be mutual.

  50. dijetlo

    ACORN ninjas lurk everywhere people, those inter-tube thingies are lousy with ‘em. That’s why whenever I leave my undisclosed location/global command post/hardened bunker/mothers closet, I make sure I take two things with me. First,just in case anybody tries to get me to register my guns I always carry a high powered automatic pistol with a flip/flop forty round clip, because once my hands start shacking, I can’t hit crap ( I also tend to wet myself, but that doesn’t make me less “armed and dangerous”). Second my Official Newt Gingrich Tin foil helmet with a chemically treated splatter guard for those situations that call for straight up, replacement killer type teabagging. The splatter gaurd is key, people. It’s all fun and games to somebody gets an eye put out.

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