Wonkette
America’s barely-remembered poor little rich girl got herself a book deal, through her dad’s agent! You can’t call Meghan McCain “chronically unemployed” anymore, or at least not until next year. But what will our nation’s confused, tattooed spinster write about, in her book? We have a few clues.
The New York Observer notes that Meghan is getting an advance in the high six figures — you know, because she’s already an heiress to an immense beer fortune, and it’s not like there are maybe 20 actual writers out there who could maybe each use a $50K advance for actual books they’ve written, that people might want to buy and read, and not just glance at the author photo and laugh, while waiting in line at Barnes & Noble to buy, who knows, a LOLcats trade paperback.
But actually writing books is for, let’s face it, pussies. The important thing is that, according to John McCain’s literary agent, “a number of possible approaches to the book” have been discussed with “editors around town.” Hey that is most of the work right there! Meghan hasn’t had it so easy since some terrible illustrator drew a picture book of her father being tortured by the Japs, and the publishers put her name on it, and Republicans were literally forced by Minnesota thugs to purchase this book at the 2008 Republican convention. We were there, man.
According to Juli Weiner’s prophetic publishing-industry column of March 9 on our sister site, Wonkabout, “Meghan McCain writes a book of ‘fiction’ called, hm, something like First Daughter, First Love, about a gal on the campaign trail looking for love or whatever …. Go, fall in love, just like beautiful young Meg McCabe, the protagonist in Farrar, Strauss and Giroux’s upcoming First Daughter, First Love.
If only Farrar had bid a little higher!
Anyway:
Ken L. hahahahah: “Go, fall in love, just like beautiful young Meg McCabe, the protagonist in Farrar, Strauss and Giroux’s upcoming First Daughter, First Love.”
Mar 9 3:00 PM
Ken L. That is the most pathetic part of Meghan McCain’s upcoming novel, that she makes herself the actual first daughter in this (so far, pretend) book.
Jim N. She has a NOVEL? I missed that.
Juli W. Only in my fantasies.
Ken L. Juli and I are writing this novel together, on Twitter.
Juli W. “140 characters, but only one Meg McCabe.”
Juli W. That is the tagline, for the movie version of the experience of Meghan McCain writing this novel on twitter.
Ken L. And it actually has 140 characters, as in each twitter, Meghan whines about somebody who has some success in life.
Ken L. I mean “Meg.”
Ken L. “Why am I so lonely? And what’s the big deal about Ann Coulter, anyways?”
Juli W. Like Dubliners, but everyone is Sarah Palin
Ken L. Oh god …. this should be written, just to teach us a lesson.
And now it will be, the end.
You mean this flirtation-with-incest-thing isn’t exclusive to Alaska Republicans?
This is how the rich get richer while the rest of us eat hobo beans, isn’t it….*sigh*….Time to go collect tin cans so I can have money to buy weed.
Blogging for Idiots, by Meghan McCain
It’s good to see the McCain tradition of sucking off your more successful father’s teat is passing down to a new generation.
Maybe it will be a brilliant retelling of Moby Dick.
I’ve never heard anybody reference the Dubliners as much as you fuckers.
Too bad semen cookbook has already been done.
Maybe a bukake baking book?
averyspecialjoedonbakerxmas: Maybe she’ll find a nice rich girl and settle down.
Brilliant alt-text
I’m not buyin’ any damn book! But if she makes a porno with Ed Henry, call me.
alt text EPIC WIN!
I’ll be terribly disappointed if Lexington Steele isn’t a central character.
Dyes, Lies and Thunder Thighs. Cold Bloggin’ on The Epic Fail Express.
Is this going to be a book with, like, WORDS in it? Or maybe just a bunch of Blingees of her imaginary boyfriend Paul “R-Money” Ryan?
Naw, my guess is it will be like the Madonna Sex book. Either that or a poignant coming of age story.
Red Zeppelin: so long as it ends with everybody learning a valuable lesson. about ass-fucking.
It can be a retelling of Jessica Cutler’s novella?
a book from someone who reads status updates on facebook instead of books. but she sure has a purdy mouth.
tunamelt: StephanieInCA: so, yes, ass-fucking.
It was going to be a children’s book about Whizzy the White House Helicopter, but apparently that fell through.
I’d tell her to eat a bag of dicks, but I’m afraid she’d take it literally.
No one can ever alt text again.
Alt text WIN forever.
“My Mom, the Cunt Trollop Cyborg WASP”
perhaps a Twitter version of “Fear and Loathing On The Campaign Trail ‘08″?
Is it a sex crime if I throw feces at the book? What if they are not my own?
Jukesgrrl: Or you could just read Ed’s extremely detailed and boring article the next morning about how he couldn’t get it up.
StephanieInCA: Econ Punditry for Dummies?
Hart88: Do not associate this useless slag with anything HST. That is all.
tunamelt: It’s amazing what treasures you can find on teh interwebs:
“Many peoples are ignorant of the long history of cuisine utilizing seminal and/or vaginal fluids. My doctoral dissertation at the Free University of Budapest was entitled “Carnal Cuisine: An Examination of Semenophagy and Related Culinary Practices in Pre-Christian European Cultures”. Unfortunately, this is the only comprehensive work I know to document the extensive history of ritual semen consumption in early Central European cooking, but it has not yet been translated into English. Hopefully your book will spark a revival of interest in the traditional use of sexual fluids in cooking as well as in those scrumptious semen and vaginal juice pastries so popular today in some rural parts of the continent.”
Skank the Vote.
First all those “highly intelligent” banksters outwit themselves with their derivatives, then the heads of the Big Three automakers roll out a lemon, and now Meghan gets a “high six figure” book deal without even so much as a plot outline: I’m beginning to doubt that MY BETTERS are all that I have been taught they were. My whole world is being turned upside down.
I am a whore and so can you!
I see something about her total triumph over anorexia.
tunamelt: From the perspective of Ahab’s daughter?
Can you get more assfucking than there would have been on a boston whaler?
SayItWithWookies: Oh c’mon, he can get it up any time Wolf is on the hotel TV screen.
I’m going with “Hard Riding: One Girl’s Tail at Sturgis” . She’ll be doing the “research” coming up this spring.
Off topic, but the crazies have invaded this post:
http://wonkette.com/407662/wingnuts-angry-that-obama-didnt-suck-off-saudi-prince-like-bush-always-did
Dreams of My Father
Mr. Layne, I’ll thank you not to use the words leak and Meghan McCain in the same sentence ever again. Conjuring in our minds images of Ms. McCain peeing, or of her dripping wet snatch, is just cruel and unusual punishment.
Oddly enough, though, I’d still hit it.
SayItWithWookies: I hear that Lindsay Lohan is available.
1ofUS: Wet Dreams of My Father. /fixed
Jukesgrrl: That makes Ed a two-beard man, I reckon.
Wonkette and Wonkabout are sisters? Twins? Sexy…
ugh somebody make this girl go away already!
seriously, what is it with the neverending mccain campaign and its clown car of annoying personalities that just won’t crawl into a hole die?
Gopherit: Sorta-kinda been done already.
No literary jem, that one; but a ripping yarn including cannibalism, butsecks and Ralph Waldo Emerson walk-ons. If Megs can come with a story containing 1/10 the entertainment value, I’ll give a golf clap.
Bruno: Do they make out? Will they?
SayItWithWookies: zing!
Bruno: Yeah but as usual they are saying absolutely nothing.
sarcasticusername: Haven’t seen JTP this week.
I only have one question. Can Meghan lay on her back and put her ankles behind her head?
shanemacgowan: only if it’s done for sexual pleasure.
Bruno: Indeed there are still some over there. That post must have really pissed them off.
I took the time to forward it to Puffy Lopez and Nutty Steyn over at National Review because they sure have their panties in a bunch over “The Bow”.
No ugga.
It will never top the awesomeness that was Naomi Campbell’s “novel”, Black Swan.
That’s all the fucking snark I have right now. This failed author is going to punch a wall and then sob tears of jealous rage for a while.
I want to have that alt-text’s baby.
ManchuCandidate: Drink heavily. Worked wonders for Hemingway.
Bottoms Up: A compilation of Meghan McCunt’s Sturgis Diaries
Red Zeppelin: Are you somehow suggesting that Madonna’s sex book was _not_ a poignant coming of age story? Because I sure did! Thank you, I’m here all week, try the veal.
chascates: Congratulations! I will never eat again.
This is one of those magical posts where it makes us privy to some of the conversations going on behind the scenes between editors, and it makes me feel all sad and jealous that I cannot do the same. I want nothing more to be cool and talk with them all day like that about Meg McCabe and the Bonus Army! Can I be the new intern plz????
Genes Of My Father: The Non-Vixen Life Of A Closet Liberal With A Hearty Appetite.
Someone said to me once that what keeps conservatives in business is the fact that they have successfully convinced minimum-wage Republicans that they too can become fat cats if they work hard enough because, in America, it’s not about who you know or where you came from but what you can do.
The world, however, has never worked that way. Throughout history and everywhere on this planet it is all about who you know and where you come from. I’m sure there are thousands of truly talented writers out there who would die for a book deal and a $24,000 advance. They will continue to work hard but they will never get to be as lucky as Meghan McCain. This girl has no talent but that’s irrelevant. It’s not about what you can do. It’s all about your connections and where you come from; even in America. Good for her (she’s still a cunt, though).
What does it say about teh GOP that chunky little Meghan is the hottest woman in teh party?
She totally should pull a Kelly Osbourne - she can start with covering
Bow Wow Wow’s “Hello, Hello Daddy (I’ll Sacrifice You)”.
Seriously, you cannot make this shit up!
http://www.showpigs.com/BOARPAGS/youngambition.JPG
“Imagine the balls on that fucker!”
– Withnail, speaking of Jeff Woad, Bruce Robinson’s “Withnail And I”
“a number of possible approaches to the book” have been discussed
Uh. I’ve never had a book published, but isn’t the author supposed to have an approach BEFORE the publishing company gets involved?
What is the saddest thing in the world?
A little retarded boy cuddling a broken egg promising to it that it will one day grow up to be a big healthy chicken, if it prays hard enough to baby Jesus, and that they can all play in the meadows one day when the egg gets better.
Or that twat, Meghan, with a nepotist’s book deal.
BRING MORE TROLLS.
When Gawker was the overlord, there seemed to be more. Can we hoz more? Please? TROLLS ARE FUN.
This post accidently. If you really wanted trolls I could probably bring some, but they don’t behave. So, I herd you liek mudkips…
caw
shortsshortsshorts:
there’s one here:
http://wonkette.com/407662/wingnuts-angry-that-obama-didnt-suck-off-saudi-prince-like-bush-always-did
Gopherit: Well, until the whole shotgun incident. And it certainly didn’t help for the duration of whatever the fuck The Old Man and the Sea was.
Sneek peak at Ch 1:
***
One day, Princess Meg was riding on her pretty pink pony. It was the bestest pony in the whole wide world. She rode through the enchanted forest of Arizona all the way to one of Daddy’s seven palaces. She passed her father’s noble charger “Straighttalk” and waved to the moat guardian, Joe the Shit Monster.
“It is a very lovely day to be a Princess,” Meg said happily. “We take such very good care of the peasants,”
“War is hell,” Joe the Shit Monster replied, smearing feces on his face.
“Oh Joe, you say the silliest things,” Princess Meg giggled. Joe did not reply having found some undigested walnuts to eat.
“If only I had a gallant knight to come and sweep me off my princess feet,” Princess Meg sighed. “But that will never be, for father has been worsted at war by all the neighboring kingdoms, with that horrible Ice Queen of the North as his only ally. I could take a husband from her family, but they are so frightfully dumb,”
Just then, a knight came riding up. His silver armor gleamed in the sunlight and his noble white warhorse reared up as he stopped to greet young Princess Meg. He lifted his visor and smiled his most perfectest smile at her.
“Oh, Sir Aaron Schock, have you come to sweep me off my princess feet?” Meg asked brethlessly.
“Nay, fair maiden. Such a thing can never be, for I am, you see, totally gay,” Sir Aaron flashed her his perfect smile. “I have but come to seek illicit carnal knowledge in the privies of yon castle,” He then rode off, towards the indicated keep.
Princess Meg wept bitterly. Joe, not knowing what else to do, offered her some shit to eat.
***
So be ready guys, I know I will be.
how bout’ “The Wide Stance of Hypocrisy
Gallowglass: epic
Gallowglass: Apply to ghostwrite this thing, right fucking now. We need this magnificent work on store shelves nationwide.
Gallowglass: Meggie’s will NEVER be that good. And I’m going to remember the phrase “frightfully dumb.” That says it all.
Hunger Tallest Palin: That rule is for people whose photos go on the BACK of the cover.
Gallowglass: Can you continue & complete this on your blog? I promise to contribute if you do. And I’m sure the thought of $25 will get you out of bed every morning hepped up & ready to write.
Forward by Jeffrey Gannon
An excerpt from Chapter 9 of Behind the Big Door: A First Daughters Awakening, The Day I Met Her and Learned What It Was to be A Woman:
Alaska. I can’t fucking believe I was in Alaska. But Daddy had made it clear to me that now that Governor Paulin was to be his running mate, it was up to me to do whatever I could to unite our families. “But what could little innocent Meg McCabe do?” I wonder to myself.
The bloody carcass of some wild animal was fastened, disemboweled and bleeding next to the door, along with the heads of several wolves and deers arranged as an arrow. I was later informed that they pointed toward Russia, as a warning to the Ruskies should they ever think of invading.
I entered to find Governor Paulin sitting at her table. “Sit down” she said, offering me a glass of red wine, “It is so nice to have someone as young and innocent as you visit. The young grow up so fast here.” She added nodding toward a door off of the living room. I then noticed the animalistic noises and musty smells that emerged from that direction.
“My daughter is so much like her mother,” she continued, “although you would think that she would hold off until she had her second brat before working on the third.”
Gov. Paulin moved behind me. “But where are my manners, I haven’t offered you any meat yet.” She then offered me a piece of elk jerky. I demurred and she took a giant bite from the dark, smoky length that she held in front of me.
“Oh dear,” she said, as her hands dropped to my shoulders, “You seem so tense. Why, dear, there is nothing to worry about here.” Her hands made their way down my blouse, graping at my scoops as they defied gravity. Her hands were rough from cleaning her latest kill, but well practiced as they drew me out, introducing me to a world that I had only known from when I took the young filly for a ride when I was thirteen.
“Governor Paulin, are you trying to seduce me?” I gasped, already knowing the answer. Already knowing that rug of deer skins in front of the fire would not be the only rug getting a work out tonight. I let myself melt into her advance, knowing that I would make Daddy happy as I came to know myself.”
To find out what happened next, pre-order the book from Amazon!
Meghan, if you haven’t hired anyone yet, I’m available to ghost. For 20% I’ll even deflower you if that will seal the deal.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Log cabin repubelickens
Zadig: “store shelves nationwide” aka Costco remainder bin right next to the latest Regnery Publishing N. Gingrich/L.Ingraham tour de force
font9a: Will work tremendously on the daughters of PSSS Off the Hizzy Wasilla 69…
If she really wants to be a successful author, I suggest a Palin-billy tell all. It has the potential to turn into an entire series. Plus, you’re more likely to get a TV series or movie rather than some crap about the Straight Talk Express or the boring love life of a Republican Senator’s daughter
“The important thing is that, according to John McCain’s literary agent, “a number of possible approaches to the book” have been discussed with “editors around town.”
Let’s rephrase this to:
“…the number of possible ‘lines’…”
I’m not wearing my glasses, but in that photo it looks like she’s sitting on a rumpled bed and shielding her wewa with her laptop.
Why do people buy this sort of book? They all end up remaindered at Hamilton Books in CT for $2.98 — which just clutters up the catalog for thus of us looking for a bargain on a real book or two.
Gopherit:
That and a better agent (I had a literary agent, I swear!)
I’m starting to think that Meghan McCain is the real life Meg Griffin (Family Guy.)
My Dad, My Hero.
Most of the book is already written.
Excerpt pg. 12 of 23.
We went overseas today to see our friend Canada. Mom let Dad use the plane if he promised not to try and fly it. Not since his staff gave him that movie Crash for fathers day. Anyway after I was done in the Blue Jay’s dressing room I met Dad upstairs where He and mom were lighting up Cubans with $100 bills and the ambassador was holding the lighter. The press that traveled with us was nowhere to be seen until flight time when they showed up with a lot of junk food and an elderly lady by the name of Flame that claimed to be an old friend from Florida. She works in the underground ballet industry.
This is awesome back home and no customs.
http://proud2bhumble.blogspot.com/
ManchuCandidate: Silly you. Everyone knows you need a Literistic Agent. And Flip Brophy’s not taking on any more projects right now.
Mehgan, its time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You’re using your dad’s literary agent? Is he going to edit all of your independent Republican thoughts? Break free & let loose!
Even Campaign Girls get the Blue Walls
Er, fake news about real fiction?
However, please encourage Juli to write more: novels, blogs, or whatever. She has a ‘classics’ touch. Tyger, tyger, burning bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight? and so forth. A fearful synergy, indeed.
“First Daughter, First Love”
Better title:
“I Wake Up Screaming.”
“Dumb Blonde Joke”
By Meghan McCain
Chapter 1
When I woke up in the morning, I opened the car door.
Then I went home.
Obviously I’m just a misogynistic pig because all I could think about the whole time I was reading this was, “Yeah, but I’d still tap that!”
Best alt text EVER.
Serious: Hi, Wonkette.
Wonkette69: This is blog material!
*closes IM window*
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Yum. That’s some hot alt.text!