Wonkette
Let’s see, it’s … yep, it’s a day of the year, so that means another exciting “Help Hillary Pay Her Campaign Debt, With Your Money, Instead of, Say, the Clintons’ Fortune” email. Today’s spam comes from the “Actual Psychopathic Cajun,” Mary Matalin’s equally frightening spouse, James Carville. Just hit that DONATE button and fork over the cash and you may win an exciting and very sexy time with horny ex-president Bill Clinton, or an even sexier time with Carville and Paul Begala.
With a contribution today, one of these exclusive prizes could be yours:
Spend a day with President Clinton. Head to New York City to attend several interesting events with President Clinton followed by your own special New York City weekend.
Attend the American Idol season finale. You and a guest will watch live as the American Idol judges make their final comments and decisions on this year’s most anticipated season finale!
Want to talk politics with me? How about a spending a weekend in DC. You will have lunch with me and my great friend Paul Begala. We will talk about politics, you will get to tour all the amazing sites DC has to offer and who knows what else could happen!
Emphasis added. Shudder.
I won’t contribute because I just couldn’t decide between those three amazing prizes. Although the American Idol thing looks interesting.
Could I be Senator from Minnesota for a day?
Take off your blouse, and your unda-paants,
And take a looook…
‘Cause here me and Paul Begala come naked,
Out of the side hatch,
With the oil and perfume, and incense…
I feel dirty. I mean, dirtier than usual. Anyhow, DO. NOT. WANT.
I always felt DPed when I use to watch crossfire.
All I could think of when I saw the picture accompanying this article was that James Carville could be a new Marvel Comics villain. His name? Penis Head.
do ya think i could meet Michele Backmann?
For a small additional fee, you can play tummy sticks with Paul and James.
That’s kind of like holding a raffle where the holder of the winning ticket gets herpes.
She can have the rest of my beans if she doesn’t mind paying the postage.
That is the fucking worst prize ever.
Fuckin’ amateurs. If they really want to raise some serious coin, they should promise that all donors will never have to hear from, let alone spend time with, Bubba, LizardBoy or BoyHowdy Begala.
That’s how it’s done in the big leagues, boyeez.
“who knows what else could happen!”
Sword fight?
I hate to be the Protocol Police, but there is no “President Clinton”, and it annoys me whenever I see that. There is only “former President Clinton” or “Governor Clinton” or just plain “Mr. Clinton”. The founders were very very clear that only one person holds the title of President at a time.
(Ahem. Lecture done.)
It’s probably not anything dirty. Carville will probably just take the “winner” on a tour of his blindingly pink house.
Another contest to remind us why she lost.
They’ll kick you apart.
Zadig: Now you’re groovin’
Put on a cool seventies groove…
A funky groove to fuck to!
A funky groove to fuck you!
I’ll contribute when the prize is winning a date with Huma.
Gopherit: C’mon now, mrs. gopher would never stand for that!
I’m willing to take on either of these guys at backgammon, 10 dollars a point. They can donate anything they win toward retiring Hill’s campaign debt. Is that fair or what?
By “Special New York City Weekend”, I think they mean getting teabagged by Bill. NOT a prize.
A day cruising for chicks with Bill? No thanks, I’ve seen the ones he winds up with. I’m thinking I can do better on my own.
Jesus. What is that photo about? Another doomed NBC pilot?
magic titty: Those are wax figures, right? Carville’s face is not that full.
I look at this picture, and I begin to question my disbelief in The Lizard People.
This is what my nightmares are made of.
Violated— Cajun Style.
Carville looks like Captain Picard in a wind tunnel.
SayItWithWookies: I’ll contribute when the prize is winning a date with Huma.
A date with Huma? You kidding? A date with a bowl of hummus would be far more desirable than any of the offered prizes.
OOh, me, pick me! It would so improve my quality of life here in maximum security.
How much do I have to give to get a date with Chels?
I’d contribute for a chance to get an IPOD or an autographed picture of Tyra Banks.
nestor:
Sword fight?
Spit roast.
Zadig: Senator Bateman: I am totally shaking my fist at both of you for beating me to the Tenacious D reference.
Shaking my fist… soon that will also be outlawed.
user-of-owls: Hummus is affordable. Huma is probably a little more out of my league.
I have been puzzled by this since Hill dropped out of the primary. If an ordinary person racks up debt in their name, and has the means to pay it, can’t they be legally compelled to do so? She decided to “loan” the campaign a lump of her own money, and promised to pay various contractors for their help. After this much time, shouldn’t she just eat the balance? Maybe I’m injecting logic where it can’t survive for lack of oxygen.
CorkPopper: There is no “Governor Clinton,” only “former Governor Clinton,” or “Dirty Old Bastard Clinton,” though that last could be confused with “Secretary Clinton.”
Guppy06: Really? I thought you were allowed to use the gov title forever, kind of like Senator. But I think Dirty Old Bastard Clinton is best, since it leaves no room for confusion about which Clinton you’re talking about.
deutsch: Haven’t you been paying any attention for the past seven months or so? Her campaign isn’t really her, so much as… let’s call it a “subsidiary,” one intended to handle potentially toxic assets (vis-a-vis her candidacy) at arm’s length, in effect bilking millions of people out of their money while her own bank accounts remain separate and secure.
Expect her to be paid a bonus after the campaign finally retires its debt (if ever).
SayItWithWookies: Yowza. Maybe even out of your/our/my galaxy. But … “Hillary’s Mystery Woman”? Please no, anything but that.
deutsch: You are crackin’ me up! Ahh-hahahahaha!
nestor: nope. Cock-fighting has been outlawed in most states.
CorkPopper: Is “DOBOTUS” a lifetime appointment?
I would prefer the fourth prize: be the sole male invitee to Mary Matalin’s next CFNM party!
I’d send them money to keep me out of the drawing.
BillyClubb: http://www.gadzooki.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/redskull.jpg
These two so-called fucking “geniuses” (Obama can’t win — he only has the egghead and african american vote), encouraged Super Bitch to shoot her wad, instead of maybe CONCEDING before she had to dip into that ill-gotten stash that she and Pimp Daddy have socked away.
Let THEM throw fund raisers for Super Bitch — if there are still fools out there willing to listen to these fucking clowns.
This’ll help them, sure. Some poor supporter (maybe not even a PUMA) sends then $25, and wins…
Then they find out the SUGGESTED RETAIL VALUE of the prize is $50,000 (more? What’s Clinton’s speaking fee?) - and they have to pay taxes on that.
btw, I thought of this because that damned ad I keep seeing about winning a ‘cheese party’ for up to 25 people has an approximate retail value of $16,000.
Send her Hell money.
Zhu Bajie
masterdebater: No, no, my friend - never underestimate the determination and sheer team spirit of a slightly awkward looking, chubby Baptist chick.
CorkPopper: Yes, check Judith Martin. It’s Gov. Clinton and now Gov. Bush, even though both would be mortified if you called them govenor to their faces. When President Obama’s time is up in 2016, he should be Sen. Obama, but no one will call him that. He’s President Obama forever.
Also, where is Toe Cramps? She was my id.