Birth Certificate?Not to be all Andrew Sullivan but WHAT THE HELL is Levi Johnston doing here, in May of last year, tenderly cradling supposed Sarah Palin child “Trig Palin” in this photograph taken in Sarah’s kitchen, days after Trig’s birth? And WHY was this photo shown on the Tyra Banks Program to illustrate teen father Levi Johnston holding his supposed son “Tripp Johnston,” supposedly birthed by Bristol Palin? And why is sister Mercede Johnston also photographed lovingly cradling this child she refers to as “baby brother,” (supposedly Sarah Palin’s supposed baby “Trigg Palin”) in the exact same Palin kitchen setting, on the same day? Look, we liked Twin Peaks, too, but this is just getting ridiculous. [Palin’s Deceptions/Flickr]

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  1. All I know is, Sarah Palin is playing with fucking fire if she’s expecting Levi Johnston to be able to keep some super secret that requires him to remember which one is Tripp and which one is Trig.

  2. If anyone can get all Andrew Sullivan-y, its Ken Layne! (ala Homer Simpson)…..Ken Layne…arrgghhh…. (you’re the one with the beard, right? Anyway, …him)

  3. Aren’t these from Mercede’s facebook page, and didn’t Wonkette post these after Trig was born as part of the theory that Trig was actually Bristol’s?

  4. Based on previous work by Tommcatt. A mishmash of two cinema classics…

    The pivotal Scenes from Wasilla: The Dropout

    Levi: Oh my god.
    Sarah Palin: Pardon?
    Levi: Oh no, Mrs. Palin. Oh no.
    SP: What’s wrong?
    Levi: Mrs. Palin, you didn’t… I mean, you didn’t expect…
    SP: What?
    Levi: I mean, you didn’t really think I’d do something like *that*.
    SP: Like what?
    Benjamin: What do you think?
    SP: Well, I don’t know.
    Levi: For god’s sake, Mrs. Palin. Here we are. You got me into your house. You give me a drink. You… put on music. Now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won’t be home for hours.
    SP: So?
    Levi: Mrs. Palin, you’re trying to seduce me.
    SP: [laughs]
    Levi: Aren’t you?

    After the birth of the child, Levi’s sister Mercede confronts her brother…
    Levi: He’s my son.
    [Mercede slaps Levi]
    Mercede: I said I want the truth!
    Levi: He’s my brother…
    Levi: He’s my brother…
    Levi: My brother, my son.
    [More slaps]
    Mercede: I said I want the truth!
    Levi: He’s my brother AND my son!

    Last Line of the movie
    Walt Monegan: Forget it, Mercede. It’s Wasilla.

  5. [re=284710]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yes, probably. But this stuff keeps COMING BACK TO HAUNT US. If we look at these pictures enough, soon we will see BOB.

  6. Trig(ger) is Tripp(ed). Finkel is Einhorn.

    She’s my daughter…
    Evelyn Mulwray: My sister, my daughter.
    [More slaps]
    Jake Gittes: I said I want the truth!
    Evelyn Mulwray: She’s my sister AND my daughter!

    So. Fucking. Confusing.

  7. As far as that clothing comparison goes, where she’s supposedly wearing the exact same outfit and earings as she wore the year before – uh – hello folks, it’s Alaska.

  8. [re=284719]slinkimalinki[/re]:
    It would be like that complicated chart of Who Screwed Who chart from the L Word.

    One could do a drama along similar lines.

    The I Word

  9. [re=284715]Ken Layne[/re]: Holy crap. I don’t know who that Audrey person is, but she’s one harebrained theory away from boiling a couple of bunnies. Has she ever been arrested at David Letterman’s house?

  10. “Sister-mom, may I go to the bathroom?”
    “How many times do I have to tell you, at homeskool you call me Teacher, Trick… er, Trapp… Trog… whatever the fuck your name is.”

  11. [re=284725]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

    Water and land rights, meth subsidies, nasal lacerations, Roman Polanski, bridges to shitholes, incest/inbreeding, finger tattoos, mentally disabled infants being used as campaign props… it’s all just too much.

  12. okay, I’m baked and I can’t re-find it. Did somebody say something about “Seward’s Follies?” Godamnitt, I can’t find it. Anyway. Great book title.

  13. so, to recap, trig is mercedes (at least the possessive makes that name look relatively normal) baby brother because levi is her father who she is also maybe fucking while he is banging his girlfriend’s mother and his own mother is at home baking the meth while lanesia beats up bristol in the parking lot and johnny goes unforgiven?

  14. Alls I know is, that faintly moustachioed canary is ready sing. Even Mercede will probably be making enough $ from spilling her story to buy herself an s.

  15. I’m inclined to believe that all this Tripp/Trigg conspiracy nonsense is nonsense, but then again I REALLY want it not to be. In the darkest regions of my love of salacious family dramas involving morons and greedy people, I am eagerly awaiting the Anna Nicole Smith turn of events in this one. I am ashamed.

  16. Wait, has anyone confirmed that there are in fact TWO babies and not just Trig and a stunt one for that Susteren video? And are there pictures of Bristol definitely preggers after Trig was born? I don’t ever want this to go away.

  17. so these people are physically attractive for exactly the length of a ‘star’ magazine publication cycle. it’s really extraordinary.

  18. Ken – please! oh please! oh please! run your “Erotic Underwear As Economic Indicator” story with the SAME Armani graphic as HuffPo. Thank you in advance.

  19. The woman who wants us to put her in charge of finding Bin Laden can’t find her daughter’s boyfriend living inside her house for two months.

    Ahh, smug, intellectually dishonest, childishly taunting personal matters… feel free to use that one, Keith Olbermann!

  20. In all seriousness, what are the chances Mercede put that photo in by accident? I mean, she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I know the blogger at Palin’s Deceptions is convinced it’s a secret message from Mercede to the Palins, but she doesn’t strike me as the type to be that subtle.

  21. I just got back from a brief tour of duty over at HuffPo. Okay, two things: Award for creepiest and most unconvincing cover shot EVER goes to People magazine this time around. Travolta’s ideology is more believable than that expression on his face. Secondly – so you’re telling me that THAT is what a $1,000 hooker looks like (well -if she tried to apply her lipstick on a bumby road)? WHAT is it exactly she has to do? Cause if it’s only like a BJ or a straight lay, I just quit my day job.
    I could be flexible. Also.

  22. That family & their saga are a riddle wrapped in a mystery locked inside a whole LOT of stupid. After shotgun engagements & meth-dealing in-laws, hell, what’s a little game of Musical Sprogs among family?

    Can we just FFWD to where Sarahcuda gets ugly drunk in public?

    Get a hold of the Log Lady, she’ll have the answers.

  23. I wish that I could make macrame with my hair….I mean with my bangs.

    I have a stellar pot implanted in a lattice woven from my shoulders.

  24. [re=284718]obfuscator[/re]: That shit happens to me all the time. I’ll have an idea, scan through the comments, and then post. Post comes up after somebody else’s saying the same thing. I probably need a helmet so I can’t hurt myself while existing….


  25. [re=284716]Ken Layne[/re]: Please advise us on the best Wonkette funding strategy*: should we click and click often?

    *Hopefully this is nicely aligned with a SnowBilly PAC bankruptcy strategy as well

  26. [re=284765]lulzmonger[/re]: Ebaum’s World has video of her pleasuring me. It took 8 shots of a $10 whiskey and a couple of lines of blow to get her. We’re gonna name the baby Algebra, unless her husband has a better idea.

    [re=284768]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: Go with highlights. Highlights would probably look good on you.

  27. [re=284771]2druk2phluq[/re]: Highlights? Really?

    Okay, I am liable to look like an extremely pale Rhianna with a mono-tit.

    But, if that is what you recommend….

  28. With all due respect to everyone at Wonkette, my anus is bleeding profusely. I am retiring for the night as soon as I can get this male “episiotomy” stitched the fuck up.

    It has been a pleasure being abused by all of you!

  29. [re=284784]Uncle Glenny[/re]: By the grace of God, there was Uncle Glenny!

    I cannot remember where I placed my underwear, let alone where I mentioned it.

    Thanks to Uncle Glenny, someone is keeping track of my underwear.

    In good faith, Uncle Glenny, where is my underwear?

  30. [re=284782]CuntryFirst[/re]: No, in strange twist of fate, Cheney’s got “Johnson” tattooed there. It was a preemptive tattoo from 1962.

  31. O.k, long time listener, first time caller. just back from redstate, which is like an acid trip with no high but twice the headache. Clearly, attacking Levi…who was pretty reserved by my standards of kiss-n-tell is surely what jeebus would have done

  32. [re=284779]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: With all due respect to everyone at Wonkette, my anus is bleeding profusely. I am retiring for the night as soon as I can get this male “episiotomy” stitched the fuck up.

    Jesus christ that’s funny. Are you OK in there?

  33. I’m confused. Is Levi the father of Sarah’s child? Or is Trig Palin the President of the United States? If so, where’s his birth certificate?

  34. [re=284764]Custerwolf[/re]: I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who reads the Huffington Post and then comes over here to comment because they won’t let me use words like pigfucker and douchenozzle.

    …and as to Mercede, I’d definitely do ‘er, even though she’s got a stupid name and, in view of the fact that her mother is a meth dealer and her brother is Levi Johnston, is undoubtedly dumber than a suitcase full of hammers because, actually, that’s my type.

    …and custerwolf, again, i think it’s perfectly acceptable to use 3 instead of three, so long as you’re consistent, most of the time.

  35. I don’t follow these people–in the Midwest you can get the same effect just by going to the Mall–so I apologize if this has already been answered, but “Mercede”? Did they think that was the singular of Mercedes?

  36. Levi would immediately ascend to the throne of Alaska if he knocked up both mother and daughter or if he knocked up daughter twice during home-school abstinence only lessons or if he knocked up sister and daughter of governor. I’m pretty sure it’s written someplace. Like maybe the Alaskan Treaty of Secession from the U.S. America and Other Cool Stuff about Oil & Delicious Desserts Named for a Territory. And you all thought Todd was a moran. Moran like a shot-up wolf, maybe. Also.

  37. [re=284787]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I really shouldn’t have read this the first thing in the morning. My head hurts as if I had downed a fifth of vodka.

    This breaks all records for how an amalgamation of power, money and stupid can create a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

  38. So how does Levi exert his manly wiles on all these ladies? Is he writing a how-to book — or has he made a how-to video? Just asking.

  39. Helpful hint. Trigg is before Tripp alphabetically. That’s apparently the order the order they came popping out of their mom(s).

    Reading that blog was getting pretty confusing.

  40. [re=284716]Ken Layne[/re]: That’s exactly what I was thinking. I mean, she’s smiling at all the comments that are eviscerating her. Perfect.

  41. What is it with Snowbillies and naming their kids after products – Levi? Mercede(s)??? Fuck me, I’ll bet there’s at least one poor kid wandering around Wasilla named Drakkar Noir

  42. [re=284843]Hart88[/re]: It seem they take the names of products and then leave off the “s,” whether possessive or not. So, as well as Levi and Mercede, Wasilla probably has a couple of 10 year-olds named “Tuck” and “Depend.”

  43. Looks like Levi and family are sitting on something foul enough to knock the Governor’s “pro-family” conservative wingnut base out from under her (and, yes, it’s probably centered around Trig’s parentage), and that bitch is not only crazy and power-hungry, but also suffering from the delusion of being anointed to lead. So I guess it’s just a matter of time until one of the Johnstons is a victim of a “weapons misfire” during a “routine traffic stop” by the AK staties.

  44. Oh, come on, there is an easy explanation for the pictures. Disabled preemies that have just gone through a difficult birth following a long flight with no amniotic fluid should always be passed around to as many people as possible to expose them to as much contagion as possible. I know I read that somewhere.

  45. Trigg is totally not Levi Johnston’s baby. They just told him that because Bristol Palin didn’t want him to know that Todd Palin was really the father of the baby Sarah Palin was pretend pregnant with.

  46. I highly recommend the Palin Deception “MySpace 2” post – probably the post interesting thing I’ve read all day. I think they should make a gossip girl like tv show about hicks in Alaska, it would be HIGH-larious. Levi could star as himself, he’s pretty enough.

  47. [re=284887]Birdcrash[/re]: No, Mercede is just a quickie stop for Champion Todd on his snowblower race. Trig married Tramp, Sarah revealed that she has been preggerated, this time by a transgendered oil worker, Levi and Willow are living the the same room at the governor’s mansion and his mom is supplying the meth for them all and taking the photos for the book, while Bristol has become a muslin and wears a burkha now as she campaigns to replace her mother as goobernor, with Jennifer Anniston playing the role of Levi.

    All that and more, including a flow chart and the delicious recipe for how to lose 20 pounds by eating chocolate cake, in this week’s supermarket tabloid.

  48. [re=284753]Principal Blackman[/re]: EXACTLY – Who has seen the two babies at the same time? And how do we know Levi isn’t fucking his sister? That would be the most comprehensible revelation in this whole thing.

    Can you get Creutzfeldt-Jakob from moose stew?

  49. [re=284716]Ken Layne[/re]: No shit. This is the first thing I noticed, and it’s seriously funny I took a screengrab just for the sheer Irony. The internet is a mature advertising medium. Yup, it sure. Family Research Council ad right next to post on gay marriage and Diaper David Vitter in 3,2,1….

    Also, this Trigg/Trapp/Troe WTF ever stuff is really confusing. Or maybe I can’t focus because, also, I just bit through my cheek after taking a buncha meth.

  50. All of these kids should be given one of those Japanese toy baby robots in high school to care fore. The kind that actually cry, expel noxious substances, and demand to held for hours a day. If you don’t do it correctly the thing dies. You’ll know in a few months if you’re qualified to be a parent. If not you should just be sent into the military.

  51. Didn’t ANYONE even notice big foot’s footprints on the refrigerator door? That’s the real story, here. Why is it being covered up?

  52. Goddamit, these people are like the Mafia–every time I try to ignore them, they pull me back in with their sheer WTFness.

  53. [re=284713]Custerwolf[/re]: Nice try, Mr. Palin-bot. Mercedes wasn’t the one who had rumors about her being pregnant, Bristol was. Mercedes wasn’t the one who was transferred from Wasilla to Anchorage schools near Christmas 2007 and wasn’t seen by her friends from Wasilla until April 2008 — Bristol was.

    In other words, that’s a proud-as-can-be AUNT you see there.

  54. If you’ve been to Palin Deceptions, you know I post regularly there and I don’t subscribe to Bristol being Trig’s mother, based on the facts. I take a lot of heat for that, and the alternate theory I’ve put out there. (Read about it on PD blog.)

    Again, based on a separate set of facts, Sarah Palin is not likely Trig’s mother either. There are too many discrepancies and too much evidence against Gov. Palin being pregnant and delivering a child in 2008. PD has done an excellent job collecting the evidence for that. The only evidence supporting Gov. Palin’s story? Her own statements. No medical records for pre-natal care. No declaration from her doctor that she attended the birth. As one can say is Gov. Palin ‘claims’ to be Trig’s birth mother.

    The only reason this story hasn’t broken is the insistence on trying to prove Bristol is Trig’s mother to refute that Gov. Palin is. I don’t think we have to do that. I think Gov. Palin and her family wants us to continue try to prove Bristol is Trig’s mother because it distracts from the stronger questions surrounding her own statements and actions that raised all the doubts.

    Therefore, Audrey on PD and contributors might be wrong, but we aren’t crazy or conspiracy theorists. There’s plenty of smoke and probably some fire. PD’s discovery that it’s Levi, Sadie and Trig (not Tripp) is just one example of many provable discrepancies between the official version and the TRUTH. MSM WAKE UP or we’re going to scoop you.

  55. Everyone else thinks “Chinatown” but I think it’s “The Dunwich Horror”! They’ve all of them, even Todd and Meth-mama Johnston and the dog, been having sex with Cthulhu! And probably Nyarlathotep and Azathoth, too. How could Sarah NOT be a devotee of the blind, idiot, god?

    As for who/where is Tripp/Trig, I’m wondering about the invisible twin, like Wilbur Whateley’s invisible twin?

    Ia ia….

    Zhu Bajie

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