Best Teabagging Threat EVER

  teabagger art

This latest one, it is a Masterpiece. A House staffer sends us this image and writes, “This is what we get in the House… apparently we don’t warrant actual teabags like the Senate, just a good ol’ teabagging by fax.” Ha ha, the House will always just be the poor man’s Senate. But how remarkable is this! The “value” wordplay was quite the deft maneuver. And look at the little dog lady in her window, barking. And CONTRACTS — MONITOR CONTRACTS. Jesus!

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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94 comments

  1. Accordion-o-rama

    Why should we worry about the screaming of lamprey monsters with saggies (upper left)? Aren’t monsters bad?

  2. norbizness

    [re=283985]StephanieInCA[/re]: Apparently that’s the day Skynet became sentient and instead of launching nuclear weapons decided to send Paultard-emulating faxes into the past.

  3. Noodle Salad

    When you’re in the process of photocopying tea bags, drawing pictures of people yelling out of their windows on the photocopy, then narrating that picture, then sending the whole crazy mess to your congressional representative via fax, how do you not stop at some point in the process and think, my god, I am a lunatic. Oh, right, it’s because you’re a lunatic.

  4. Kev-O-Tron

    The date on the top says 9/25/2014… We are being visited by wingnuts from the FUTURE! Apparently they stay idiots for five more years.

  5. Thegreatbacon

    This image is now the cover art for my band’s new album. My band is called Shouting Man, and so it fits.

  6. The Station Manager

    I love the picture in the upper left! Nothing says “Your constituents in Maine are absolute raging idiots” better than a faxed sheet of paper full of inane ramblings, drawings and fucking teabags.

  7. Cicada

    I admire the writer’s ability to fully flesh out their thesis, creating a compelling argument sure to sway the reader.

    VOTE NO ON GAY MARRIAGE CONTRACTS AND SPENDING MONEY ON THE CONSTITUTION!!!!! GEITHNER!!1!!

    Yes, it’s all so clear now.

  8. NoWireHangers

    Jim, if you give me your address, I’ll switch from Blingees to tea bagger collages. Everybody wins!

  9. Styrofoam Boots

    [re=284001]Thegreatbacon[/re]: I hope you’re serious and will you let me know when it’s released?

  10. IceCreamEmpress

    Going back on contracts is wrong. Except when they’re with unions. Or between same-sex spouses. Or with anyone who isn’t rich.

  11. Cape Clod

    In all seriousness, if I was in this person’s family I would start burying all the weapons in the house somewhere deep in the forest.

  12. BillyClubb

    How much you wanna bet that message was run through the fax machine with tea bags attached?

    [Fax repairman] “It appears that your fax machine is full of tea leaves. But how?”

  13. DC Hates Me

    I’d hate to see their grocery list: -NO- more Twinnings Tea! STOP spending money on expensive foreign TEA! And NO hippie herbal tea! EVER!!

  14. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Screaming from our windows hoping you’ll listen.

    *screaming from the ground* JUMP!

  15. Gopherit

    [re=284006]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: If anyone would try to send anthrax through a fax machine, it’s the paultards.

  16. Hooray For Anything

    I think you’re all misunderstanding the genius of the collage. This isn’t some fax put together by some Moran, but instead, their using collage as an avant-garde practice that anticipates postmodern art with its emphasis on language at the expense of autobiography

  17. IceCreamEmpress

    My favorite Maine joke:

    So a guy from Maine goes into a drugstore and says, “I want some anal deodorant.”
    The druggist is taken aback, and says, “I’ve never heard of that, and I’m sure we don’t stock it.”
    “No, I’ve bought it here often.”
    “Really, I think you must be mistaken.”
    The Mainer goes off and wanders the aisles for a bit, then pounces on something with a triumphant “A-HA!”
    Bringing it back to the druggist, he waves a SpeedStick in her face. “See here? The directions are right on the side: ‘To use, push up bottom.’”

  18. user-of-owls

    Well, perhaps “volunteerism is not should not be mandatory,” but I think elementary level English education should be.

  19. user-of-owls

    I know I haven’t been following Congress as closely as I should, but when did Johnny Damon get elected and what is this bill he’s apparently sponsored?

  20. ManchuCandidate

    [re=284053]user-of-owls[/re]:
    The A-Rod Narcissism Relief Fund (aka the BoSox Sux Bill)

  21. freakishlystrong

    This person needs to dail wayyyyy down on the Glenn Beck…”Read the Constitution and stick to it1!”, it’s as though the last 8 years never happened, NOW they care about the Constitution?

  22. The Station Manager

    Screaming from our windows, hoping you’ll listen

    Bitch, it’s called THE INTERNET. USE IT. They can’t hear you in DC when you’re in fucking Maine.

  23. TeddyS

    Ola, teabagger amigos! The change happened in November, as mandated by the Constitution. You lost. Live with it.

  24. shortsshortsshorts

    CLEARLY THE INJUSTICE IS SO PERVASIVE AT THIS POINT THAT THE ONLY REAL SOLUTION IS TO TAKE TEA BAGGING ONE STEP FURTHER. ASS FUCKING IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE POSITIVE ATTENTION OUR COALITION DESERVES. GET OUT THERE AND FUCK SOME ASS. TEA BAGGING JUST ISN’T DOING IT ANYMORE. GATHER IN YOUR CHURCHES, AT YOUR TOWN HALLS, AND ON CAPITOL HILL. ASS FUCK YOUR WAY OUT OF THESE SPENDING POLICIES, ONCE AND FOR ALL. DON’T STOP UNTIL CHANGE COMES TO WASHINGTON ACORN JESUS BILL TELEAYERSPROMPTER.
    ASS FUCKING!!!!11!

  25. AngryBlakGuy

    …whomever this is obviously burned out the last 2 braincells they had, figuring out how to operate the fax machine. I take comfort in the thought of him/her spending their life in a vegetative state unable to procreate!

  26. qwerty42

    As long as folks like this are willing to step forward and be counted, I don’t see the Democrats losing the presidency, either house of congress or most of anything. semi-coherent tirades would not seem to make for victory (or profit) (or am I missing some ?????)?

  27. AngryBlakGuy

    …$5 bucks says the ass-weasel lives in his mothers basement, has a stockpile of weapons and thinks the government is controlling his mind using some weird alien technology that they obtained by selling out the rest of the human race?

  28. user-of-owls

    [re=284066]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well that should stimulate both the pharmaceutical and mirror industries quite nicely.

    [re=284062]bitchincamaro[/re]: I think that’s a Portland Seadog in the windie.
    I think its a Portugese Waterdog in a hoodie.

  29. Gopherit

    [re=284072]chauncey[/re]: it’s called the draft, moron. Service to your country isn’t a new idea. Even here.

  30. Advocatus_Diaboli

    The author of that, that, thing should not be allowed near objects sharper than a cotton ball. And furthermore, I call bullshit because there’s no way that author was capable of using a fax machine. Also.

  31. Tawk

    God I love my adopted state. Oh. Damon is a State Sen. up here. So among everything else we have a libertarian appealing to congresspeople to intervene in a state legislature’s bill because there’s no value in Washington? Yes. Perfect sense.

  32. Human-Animal Hybrid

    Nicholson’s 200 page manuscript of “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” in The Shining was more lucid than this gem.

  33. chascates

    Angry in Maine? Eat one of those damned Whoopies or whatever the hell you call them.
    And then go take a flying fuck at a moose.

  34. Monsieur Grumpe

    It must have been a group effort judging from all the different hand writing or maybe one those multiple personality disorders. You would think that with multiple personalities that at least one of them would be normal.

  35. Rary Guppert

    dude, glenn beck must have said the trigger word on air that activated the RFID mind control chip rupert murdoch previously arranged to have secretly implanted in the buttocks of every FOX News watcher in america. it’s the only rational explanation for why every last wingnut in flyover country has collectively lost his shit all at once.

    anyway, she’s sorta right about geithner, at least. the broken-clock-twice-a-day kind of right.

  36. An American in Toronto

    Ahh, it’s been a month or so since the last humiliating Maine reference on Wonkette and I am proud once again. It looks like several different handwriting types, too. I know these people. I’m sure they swiped the tea from their Memere’s kitchen and have to sneak it in before Wheel of Fortune starts and she raises holy hell.

  37. bitchincamaro

    [re=284090]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Wow. A Jimmie Rizzi reference on teh Wonkette.

  38. natteringnabomb

    Shouldn’t real american cons be sending like loofas ,falafels and empty oxy bottles to their duly elected congress peoples.

  39. finland

    god bless the staffers who are doing their patriotic duty by sending these things in.

    also should this be blingeeized or are we done with blingees and now just sending detailed fax montages to the wonkette offices (surely you all have a fax machine in that rented storage unit, yes?).

  40. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=284088]DagNabbit[/re]: How precocious you are! I didn’t hit puberty till 8th grade.

  41. FlamingSooner

    Uh, not to nitpick this obviously well thought out creation, but don’t Congresspersons VOTE on bills and then the bills are sent to the President, who SIGNS them?

    Also, who actually sends faxes anymore?

  42. Come here a minute

    This is the great thing about FAX technology! You can just scribble down random stuff on your tea-bag photocopy while listening to Limbaugh/Beck/O’Reilly/Ingraham, and send it off without a fancy computer email machine (which can listen to your thoughts and send them to the gummint, because they’re liberal).

  43. Mad Farmer Manifest

    Haven’t these people taken their skills at stupidity, racism, driving like assholes, being unsafe with firearms, and destroying the environment and gone Galt yet? Please, take your hard work and get the fuck out of here. Take the bankers and stock brokers with you.

  44. 4tehlulz

    I thought the whole point of sending them money was because they didn’t have it; this fax has taught me that it is possible to get and not have money simultaneously.

  45. 4tehlulz

    OK I am an idiot. that said spending money. I was too blinded by the low-res teabags to read correctly.

  46. One Yield Regular

    Are you sure that’s not a long-lost work from Jean-Michel Basquiat?

    My favorite: “Read bills in entirety before you sign them.” If I were the staffer who received this, I’d send this tea-bagger a copy of the fattest legislative bill I could find and demand detailed comments no later than Friday noon.

  47. MissyLissa

    The first American Revolution gave us works of rhetorical genius like Common Sense. 200 years later we get stick figure drawings and a sound bytes that don’t have any context with them. Congrats Wingnuts, you have proven that the theory of evolution is false.

  48. Uncle Glenny

    A little cleanup by the graphic arts department, and this could be the next GOP budget.

  49. Rary Guppert

    if anyone in canada is reading this, we in america would like to offer you the state of maine. free of charge. we hope you have better luck with it than we did.

  50. problemwithcaring

    This psychotic’s facsimile will get roughly the same amount of attention from congressional staff as a well-reasoned letter, typed neatly on stationary and mailed to them, which is to say, none at all.

  51. PrairiePossum

    Damn it Trig, I’ve told you to stay away from the fax machine. Now go in the other room and help mommy with her state budget and sex education policy.

  52. LittlePig

    [re=283983]StephanieInCA[/re]: Crappy Wal-Mart knockoff tea? This clearly came from Blanche Lincoln.

    You may be on to something there. The only time I have seen Senator Lincoln in real life was in a Little Rock Wal-Mart.

  53. comradepaulson

    Again, I am disappointed. The fax machine is so fucking 1995. I mean, really… this asswads can’t use a scanner, Power Point and teh e-mail? I mean, we’ve had twits twat about their tea already (Ed Henry, twitter about Chip Reid).

    Join us in 2009, Grandpa Teabagtard!

  54. LittlePig

    [re=284101]user-of-owls[/re]: It’s not a dog, you sillies. Look at the slant eyes – it’s Michelle Malkin, not a dog. Oh wait.

  55. Will work for shoes

    [re=284029]BillyClubb[/re]: Well, everyone knows teabags won’t fit through the toobz…

  56. badmuthagoose

    Ok, seriously and all: I had NO idea the Dems being in power would be THIS dadgummed hilarious. Everything the wingeynutties do is a fukkin laugh riot. I’m dying over here.

Comments are closed.