NOT PARODY  2:28 pm April 8, 2009

Queer Hurricane To Kill Everyone

by Jim Newell

Check out these idiots — or at least actors pretending to be idiots — from the comically named “National Organization for Marriage,” warning everyone that the fucking faggots are coming to eat and smash and feel up your christened conservative babies in Iowa and places! “There’s a storm gathering. The clouds are dark, and the wind is strong. And I am afraid.” Well maybe you shouldn’t stand in an open field during a lightning storm DUH. [YouTube]

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bitchincamaro April 8, 2009 at 2:34 pm

National Organization for Marriage. NOM NOM NOM. EAT EAT EAT.

Lazy Media April 8, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Iz in ur pantrees, eetin ur noms. Nom nom nom.

user-of-owls April 8, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Well, someone has to get this out of the way…

nom, nom, nom.

norbizness April 8, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Man, I had heard that Heroes had gone into the shitter, but I had no idea it was this bad.

gurukalehuru April 8, 2009 at 2:36 pm

A “Rainbow Coalition?” I don’t think they are the first people to use that term. Also NOM. Also.

WonksRunAmuck April 8, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Heavens to betsy! – dem rainbow huggers be unsanctifyin’ my marriage jus ’cause dey wanna be equal! Never forget dem rabies we got when da colored folk started drinkin’ outta our fountains!

user-of-owls April 8, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Iowa: Last stop on the historic Trail of Queers.

Reefpilot April 8, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Only one word to really say here…


Fox n Fiends April 8, 2009 at 2:37 pm


snideinplainsight April 8, 2009 at 2:38 pm

I wish they’d remind me when to bring flowers for anniversaries and such. Then they’d be doing a public service.

Noonan April 8, 2009 at 2:38 pm

A “rainbow coalition”? That sounds ghey.

Guppy06 April 8, 2009 at 2:38 pm

A rainbow coalition of people of every creed and color are coming together in love… of fear-mongering and queer-stomping.

Scandinavian Fetus April 8, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Is there a reason that all of the people in this New Inquisition stand poised as though they are trying to protect their anuses from penetration?

Monsieur Grumpe April 8, 2009 at 2:38 pm

We need to go back to the good old days where they threw these guys to hungry lions in a nice open coliseum.

Noodle Salad April 8, 2009 at 2:39 pm

A rainbow coalition standing athwart gay marriage, also.

Accordion-o-rama April 8, 2009 at 2:39 pm

“The Unfuckables”

BillyClubb April 8, 2009 at 2:39 pm

So I went to their website but all I saw was stuff about pedophilia… oh wait, is NAMBLA not the same as NOM?

averyspecialjoedonbakerxmas April 8, 2009 at 2:40 pm

feermongin, yr doin it rite!

Fivetree April 8, 2009 at 2:40 pm

WTF????? What’s with the “Rainbow Coalition” bullshit here? Shouldn’t Jesse Jackson SUE these bastards or what? The idiotic thing here is they never once illustrate how their rights are going to be infringed which is typical of wingnut bully behavior. They demonize and discriminate against a minority and when that minority fights back they whine that it is THEY who are the real victims. And you can just hear the casting department on this one: black chick? check. hispanic guy? check. white dude? check. Although I didn’t notice any apparent Muslins.

Kev-O-Tron April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm

I would like nothing more than a) seeing these actors get blacklisted in Hollywood for eternity b) seeing these actors stripped naked and forced to run through an Iowa cornfield backwards.

AngryBlakGuy April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm

…if that is a “queer hurricane”, then that liquid falling from the sky isnt rain.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Bullshit. Everyone knows that hurricanes are reserved to destroy the blacks. Xenu will destroy the gays by fire or earthquake. Or AIDS.

USS Millicent Kent April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm

“a rainbow coalition of people of every creed and color are coming together in love” to stop gay marriage. A *rainbow* coalition? I think one of their writers on this ad is trying to subvert them. Good job, subversive writer.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce April 8, 2009 at 2:43 pm

I like the seriousness of the storm cloud motif, like Gay Marriage is akin to the rise of Hitler’s war machine.

OReillysVibrator April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm


WadISay April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Well, NOM, you might as well grab your ankles and…oh, wait.

snideinplainsight April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

That’s probably a direct quote from Rick Warren “Nom nom nom nom!”

Guppy06 April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hallelujah, it’s raining men!

Sussemilch April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

There’s a storm gathering….because

[cue drag queens]


davesnothere April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Conservatives in NOM only, also.

None of these people has anything to fear, except maybe that lady in the grey scoopneck sweater. I’d tap that, if she’d cheer up a jot.

bitchincamaro April 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=283957]Lazy Media[/re]: [re=283959]user-of-owls[/re]: We’re all foot soldiers in the army of Captain Obvious.

StephanieInCA April 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Also? I think those hideous pantsuits are enough to make sure that no one has any sex, ever.

OReillysVibrator April 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

If you don’t want your kids in public school to learn that gay marriage is OK, send them to Catholic school where they’ll learn what penis tastes like.

Lemming Caution April 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

“change the way I live” = “make me not be able to keep them from getting married”? perhaps, even, “make me not be such a bigoted asshole”?

Lemming Caution April 8, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: it’s raining men.

Hooray For Anything April 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s raining men

Scandinavian Fetus April 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm

You know what, this advertisement is pretty gay.

user-of-owls April 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=283978]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I would like nothing more than a) seeing these actors get blacklisted

What gives you the impression they aren’t already? You did see the ‘work’ they’re able to get, didn’t you?

Links April 8, 2009 at 2:48 pm

A rainbow coalition of people coming together to stop the government from forcing them to choose between their faith, happiness and civil rights? This sounds vaguely familiar.

Are they saying that this poor doctor HAS to treat gay married couples now? It’s unconscionable! Every doctor has a right to refuse treating people whose private lives she does not approve. No?

Guppy06 April 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=284007]Lemming Caution[/re]: [re=283993]Sussemilch[/re]: [re=284009]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Seriously, why didn’t Our Beloved Editors not think of this first?

Gallowglass April 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm

It’s raining men!

Cicada April 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Maybe a gay hurricane will get Bobby Jindal to reverse his position on monitoring for natural disasters.

Yay gay hurricane!

DagNabbit April 8, 2009 at 2:50 pm

It’s raining dicks?

Like Andy Dicks? A bunch of em’?

NoWireHangers April 8, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Alllllllllllll those dudes sound like “ex-gays” ifyouknowwhatimean

ishtar April 8, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It’s a fabulously well appointed twister come to give us the gay! Someone should tell these people not to worry. There’s not a do-able one in the bunch. also

NoWireHangers April 8, 2009 at 2:52 pm

It’s like the opposite of Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow/PUSH.

Gallowglass April 8, 2009 at 2:53 pm

[re=284009]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Damn, you beat me to it.

StrangelyBrown April 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Just imagine if YouTube had been around during the civil rights movement, when hard-working white parents were helplessly watching public schools teach their sons that black people were “okay.”

Hart88 April 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm

[re=284022]DagNabbit[/re]: that would be something worth getting worried about

Advocatus_Diaboli April 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I have four words for them:

Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont!

[cue Nelson Muntz]: Ha Ha!

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Martha Wash called. She wants her gay back.

AngryBlakGuy April 8, 2009 at 2:59 pm

…the “Gay Armies” will march upon our towns and cities spreading their knowledge of interior decorating and hair styling to all of our children! Rise up my brethren and let us stem this tide of frosted haired barbarians! Let us push them back to whence the came; I think its called “Abercrombie & the Fitch”?!

Hart88 April 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

wait, isn’t that the girl from Napolean Dynamite at :41?

SayItWithWookies April 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

With God all things are possible — because there’s no requirement to make any fucking sense whatsoever.
Those folks look like a support group for people who leave saltines and water by their computers every night so the little man inside doesn’t go hungry. Ask these folks which way north is and they point to the sky because north and up are the same on a map. And if you tell them the Nile flows south-to-north they sit down and hold on to the furniture. The majority of people in that commercial believe they’ve seen a jackalope in the wild. They also assiduously avoid roads with “Falling Rock” signs because they’re afraid that old Indian is going to jump on their car and slit their throats. Oh — and they vote.

AngryBlakGuy April 8, 2009 at 3:03 pm

…do they sell “Anti-Gay Umbrellas” for the the gay storm? Or maybe even a poncho?!

Links April 8, 2009 at 3:03 pm

We are surronded bi the gayz storm. What’s next? Hmmm? Muslins, that’s what! It’s a sleppary sloope. Next thing you know is Muslins will be alowed to marrie. There is no mention of Muslins marrying in teh Bible!!! Next? Muslin gay comunizts will start marrying and skhools will teach my chieldren they all have to be gay married Muslin Commies or they will be taken to concentration camps! That;s Messia’s secret plan! And mainstream librul media won’t write baout that!!! Interesting???…

Min April 8, 2009 at 3:03 pm

OTOH, the gays will make certain that you have faaaabulous foul weather gear.

norbizness April 8, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Since no-one had made the joke in the last 2.1 minutes…

Moe: Sorry, Homer, you should have thought of that before you gave me the old sugar-me-do. I’m taking your caricature down from Mount Lushmore [does so] and I’m taking your favorite song out of the jukebox.

Homer: [gasps] “It’s Raining Men”?

Moe: Yeah, not no more it ain’t. [tosses it out like a frisbee]

widestanceromancer April 8, 2009 at 3:04 pm

These stormchasers should be armed with very tall metal weapons and very wet shoes.

Fivetree April 8, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s liquid gay. Hot, gooey, sticky, strands of it.

Mistrez_Mish April 8, 2009 at 3:08 pm

“Well maybe you shouldn’t stand in an open field during a lightning storm DUH.”

I for one encourage them to stand in an open field during a lightning storm… hugging a towering lightning rod.

Doghouse Riley April 8, 2009 at 3:12 pm

The only thing I can figure will cause that Cali doctor to choose between her faith and her job is that she’ll no longer be able to refuse to perform abortions on gay men.

Hopey dont play that game April 8, 2009 at 3:17 pm

This commercial confirms what my gaydar has been indicating for the last week.

twowheeljunkie April 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=283977]Fivetree[/re]: yea. Jesse Jackson started the Rainbow coalition with the
rainbow flag. then the gays took over the flag. do these people realize.

sanantonerose April 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm

I’m confused by their language, specifically their use of the phrase “rainbow coalition.”

HomoPolitico April 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm

A rainbow coalition? A FUCKING RAINBOW COALITION! Die a thousand screaming deaths is Muslin hell, you bastards. I’d tell you to eat a back of dicks, but a bag of dicks is too good for you and in any event the whole point of this is to interfere with my GOD GIVEN RIGHT to eat a bag of dicks. Sierously, assholes, why don’t you just say you’re “sick and tired of being sick and tired”. Or maybe you’d like to throw some Ghandi or MLK in there. Fuck, you pricks are so utterly tonedeaf and devoid of historical context for shit you spew from your mouth. I half expect your next ad to insist that “We’ve been bamboozled! We’ve been hoodwinked and had. We didnt land on gay marriage. Gay marriage landed on us!”

You sick twisted fucks.

I don’t try to name my free buttsecks organizations “Focus on the Family”. So you just take a step back and leave brother Jesse’s hard earned name recognition alone.

I am so angry right now I could fuck a Mormon

Guppy06 April 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=284094]Doghouse Riley[/re]: She wants to refuse to treat AIDS patients because they’re all queers and therefore deserve to die.

sanantonerose April 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=283964]user-of-owls[/re]: haha I’ve been waiting for someone to use that phrase.

user-of-owls April 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=284105]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: What, that the barometric pressure is falling?

sanantonerose April 8, 2009 at 3:21 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s raining men?

sanantonerose April 8, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Damn. 100 people already posted the Weather Girls reference.

sanantonerose April 8, 2009 at 3:22 pm

[re=284020]Cicada[/re]: WIN

irisheyesagain April 8, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Goddammit. That makes me too angry to be pithy.

Patricia84 April 8, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Just signed up because I really had to say this. It pains me so much to see a black person, this Damon Owes guy, talking about how people of all color and creed are coming together to stop people from enjoying the same equal rights black people were fighting for – and in some way, are still fighting for – not so long ago and dare to call it hope fueled by love. And they even managed to throw in the rainbow.

Anonymous Office Zombie April 8, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Finally, the true victims get their say. IT’S ABOUT TIME!


Mad Farmer Manifest April 8, 2009 at 3:27 pm

[re=283998]bitchincamaro[/re]: I’m not the only one who invented that particular superhero?

I’d just like to use this opportunity the point out that every problem I’ve ever had in my heterosexual marriage is because somewhere in America, two men want to have a loving, long-term monogamous relationship.

HomoPolitico April 8, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Relive the REAL queer hurricane, I’d forgotten how awesome the video is.

Hi – Hi! We’re your Weather Girls – Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you – You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. – Alright! -

mamandesfilles April 8, 2009 at 3:28 pm

I think the NOM people didn’t know what that term meant because they think the talking kittehs are from Satan and trying to steal their souls… or at least trying to devalue their marriage. That is so like the kittehs…

Mustang April 8, 2009 at 3:29 pm

I am an ignorant a-hole who does not understand that the Constitution exists to protect the rights of the minority. Please won’t you help me? It’s very important to me that everything is the way I like it, even if it interferes with other peoples’ basic rights.

when will you Humans learn... April 8, 2009 at 3:30 pm

…the best defense against same-sex marriage is a commercial full of gay people complaining about the gays recruiting their gay children and destroying their gay churches.

Giant Robot April 8, 2009 at 3:31 pm

I detect a storm brewing among conservative closeted gays who think they won’t be able to marry straight people anymore. Be cool everyone, you can still be a closeted gay conservative married to a straight. We all kind of know who you are anyway, but we do appreciate the free theatrics.

Ps: You can still have your guns, too!! We know you need them for your “hunting trips”

JadedDIssonance April 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm

*ahem* I present for your amusement:

Mad Farmer Manifest April 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm

[re=284003]OReillysVibrator[/re]: I laughed, I cried, I vomitted a little, I spewed coffee on my keyboard. (Initiates John Hughes style slow clap)

chascates April 8, 2009 at 3:43 pm

The GLBTs have as much a right to be miserable as anyone else. Marriage is an institution.
If you want to live in an institution.

HomoPolitico April 8, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Their “Rainbow Coalition” will be defeated by my The Kweer Kulture Koalition.

mc_frontalot April 8, 2009 at 3:45 pm

This is deeply disheartening.

mayhemily April 8, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Um, dey took our jerbs?

bricks April 8, 2009 at 3:51 pm

That guy at 0:11?

The one that lisps, “they want to bring the issue into my life”?

Obviously gay.

Seek help, queen.

ph7 April 8, 2009 at 3:53 pm

The God Squad has only Bobby Jindal to blame for this. Opposing funding for gay hurricane detection left us all unprotected.

Bearbloke April 8, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=284111]HomoPolitico[/re]: My mormon team-mate & I lost our Virginity to each other – so I’m not inclined to hate-fuck ALL mormons, just the one who won’t admit how much they love it

SPlaTz April 8, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Its like the movie 300 meets the 700 club meets Twister…

This is…SPARTA!!!!!!!!!

Bearbloke April 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm

[re=284003]OReillysVibrator[/re]: win!

AWOcoholic April 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm

“A rainbow coalition???” Is this fo real? You aren’t just fucking with me? Wonkette?

1ofUS April 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm

National Organization Against Marriage has hired Chomsky as their spokesperson. He drone on about NATO and such until the bride of Frankenstein emerges from her coffin and file for divorce.

RoscoePColtraine April 8, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Slowly, but Shirley marriage is under threat.
(Actual post seen on FreeRepublic.)

Shirley, you can’t be serious!
(That one is mine.)

BigDupa April 8, 2009 at 4:02 pm

[re=284003]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Win + 50 Hail Mary’s and 50 Our Fathers

Accordion-o-rama April 8, 2009 at 4:03 pm
lightninglouie April 8, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Wow, the only thing that stands between freedom-loving peoples and gay marriage are a bunch of sexless douches dressed for a Gap ad, circa 1992.

PomPom April 8, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Happy to be of service!

Contact Information

National Organization for Marriage
20 Nassau Street, Suite 242
Princeton, NJ 08542

Phone: (609) 688-0450
Fax: (888) 894-3604
Online Form

Processing Center
P.O. Box 28925
Philadelphia, PA 19151-9900

Of course, now is in my internet history, so this will probably come back to haunt me one day when I’m in front of a Senate nomination hearing ….

Scandinavian Fetus April 8, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=284111]HomoPolitico[/re]: Jesus Christ, Homo. Would you please show a little enthusiasm with your fucking posts?

You write like Ben Stein talks.

By the way, I am a Morman :-)

Scandinavian Fetus April 8, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=284224]PomPom[/re]: Enjoy your short future of freedom.

One Yield Regular April 8, 2009 at 4:11 pm

“A Rainbow Coalition”???

Oh, well, s’only fair. I’m organizing a “God Will Smack You Down Coalition” to address the creeping presence of homophobes in our society.

BigDupa April 8, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Is is me or will we see a clean, articulate Black man as the spokesperson for everything now? Just saying.

arclight April 8, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Eat a queer fetus for Jesus, such as!

AnnieGetYourFun April 8, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Can we have some funs with these people?

AnnieGetYourFun April 8, 2009 at 4:17 pm

What’s interesting to me about gay marriage is that there is the “Forcing” aspect that conservatards all seem to believe in. You don’t hear it with other librul laws, like legalizing marijuana; at least, I’ve never heard a conservative say “They are going to force me to smoke marijuana! They are making choices about how I live my life!”. There are other things the shriek about with legalizing weed, but they don’t seem to think that anyone is trying to force a joint into their mouths.

So why do they seem to think that anyone wants to violate their buttholes so badly?

PomPom April 8, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=284239]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Well I tried, but apparently they actually moderate their blog.

Bearbloke April 8, 2009 at 4:24 pm

[re=284252]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: wishful thinking!

Buzz Feedback April 8, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Yes. Fags create a mighty wind. Into the root cellar!

PomPom April 8, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Wow! Here’s Maggie Whatername, President of NOM, bringing the crazy on CNN! Around 4 minutes in she gets all riled up about the rights of people to be bigots:

xaviero April 8, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Every creed and color are coming together in love?


skutre April 8, 2009 at 4:30 pm

It looks like a trailer for that piece of shit movie “The Happening” from last year.

I was waiting for one of the gray people to jam a knitting needle into their neck, very disappointing.

Deepthroat April 8, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Ummm, i’m sorry, but i have a problem with the logo. The two objects of the same geometric shape make me very uncomfortable and scared the way they are entwining themselves like that. Circle on circle action is just wrong.

SayItWithWookies: you are so my L. Ron Hubbard.

Deepthroat April 8, 2009 at 4:37 pm

NoWireHangers: I couldn’t agree more. That first dude has total gay face and grey beard KNOWS it. The storm… is… coming.

KingofQueenAnne April 8, 2009 at 4:40 pm

So these “actors”… are they actually Christians or are they just run of the mill out-of-work commercial actors and willing to say anything in front of a camera for bucks?

Because if they’re the *latter*, I suggest we get a hold of their names and make sure they get blacklisted from other productions. There’s no way we should let these asshats potentially prosper someday in the relatively gay-friendly industry of entertainment.

SPlaTz April 8, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Can’t wait for the FEM-Ah buht-seks indoctrination camps.
Sounds like a party!

Carrie_Okie April 8, 2009 at 4:50 pm

New World Order = You must be in a gay marriage. It is the law. Haha arseholes. I for one welcome our c0cksⁿcking overlads.

psilage April 8, 2009 at 4:52 pm

I must say nom, nom, nom. Also.

Bruno April 8, 2009 at 4:58 pm

If Iowa legalizes the smoky-smoky, I’d consider moving. And for the cheap corn.

SayItWithWookies April 8, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=284284]Deepthroat[/re]: Thanks, that’s very sweet. And you can call me Commodore.

Neilist April 8, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Gay Cylons!

Two Basestar’s worth!!!!

Scramble the Vipers, and tell the Fleet to JUMP!

animalmagnetism April 8, 2009 at 5:10 pm

[re=284068]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?

Canuck13652 April 8, 2009 at 5:14 pm

[re=284300]KingofQueenAnne[/re]: I have a friend who is in a position to do just that, and he reports that these appear to be non-union actors and thus can’t be punished. That said, the fact that they are doing these kinds of ads (when not parking cars/waiting tables/escorting) suggests that perhaps their acting careers are not particularly stellar to begin with.

Pizzuti April 8, 2009 at 5:17 pm


Ironically they totally do have a Muslim, or at least I am assuming the Pakastani guy at 043 seconds in is Muslim.

Hooray For Anything April 8, 2009 at 5:23 pm

[re=284154]JadedDIssonance[/re]: God damnit, I actually clicked on the link because I thought there would be cute pictures of cats.

grevillea April 8, 2009 at 5:32 pm

OMG, think of the childrens! The school is teaching them that other people get to live their lives in ways I don’t agree with!

getoffmylawn April 8, 2009 at 5:37 pm

The woman on the right in the four shot at teh header of this story…quick look suggests the image of a cross. Only it’s not floating like Huck’s was.

cranky April 8, 2009 at 6:02 pm

this is what virginity pledges lead to, poor sad bastards.

Mustang April 8, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Here’s a shocker! Proof that these people are just (not very good) actors!

President Beeblebrox April 8, 2009 at 6:44 pm


What a bunch of fuckwits. They’re not forced to recognize teh ghey marriage any more than teh gheys are forced to recognize THEIR legal hetero marriages. Or, for that matte,r any more than I am forced to recognize Scientology as a valid religion.

[re=284457]Mustang[/re]: Wow, an anti-gay-marriage blooper reel! Audition #3 has crazy Orly Taitz/Xanax eyes. And #9 – dyke?

Fivetree April 8, 2009 at 6:48 pm

[re=284315]Carrie_Okie[/re]: And with gay marriage finally legalized, you won’t have to worry about where that corn has been.

Frumious Canbrasnatch April 8, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Awww, have some pity on the poor starving little actors. Probably one of them will grow up and get gay-married one day.

Odin Nite April 8, 2009 at 6:58 pm

None of these people are real. IF you go to youtube:

You can see them auditioning people. Apparently they were to stupid to keep these off the internet.

Custerwolf April 8, 2009 at 7:25 pm

I’m sorry, but I don’t get the whole marriage thing anyway. I tried it out for a few months and it totally sucked. You fuckers can have it.

Bearbloke April 8, 2009 at 7:47 pm

[re=284515]Odin Nite[/re]: I want to give a Jelly Donut to ‘Audition #1 Guy’, and give a Tony Danza to ‘Audition #10 Guy’, unless he REPENTS this hateful douchebaggery at once… ‘Audition #7 Guy’, who’s currently working as the understudy to “Ladyboy #3″ at La Cage in Vegas, can serve me drinks, but only blindfolded and in full drag…

oldguy April 8, 2009 at 7:49 pm

[re=284137]HomoPolitico[/re]: Thanks for the link. That is amazing. And then to click back from the Weather Girls – for a second I visualized the Marriage Droids singing and dancing up a “storm”. Intensely cool.

I’m in Vermont, eagerly awaiting news of marriages falling apart under the strain of the attack of the gays. During the civil union ruckus years ago, my daughter, who was like 3 or 4 at the time, thought they sounded like a good thing – gave you twice as many people to fall in love with.

I wonder what Mrs. Massatwoshits will say when her son realizes that….

oldguy April 8, 2009 at 7:51 pm

This nation will never escape the tragic consequences of NOM. Also.

twingonaut April 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm

[re=283979]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s Raining Men!

Because a horse isn’t dead until it’s well and truly beaten, also.


bjedwards April 8, 2009 at 8:49 pm

This just in:

The National Weather Service has issued a nationwide Dandruff Storm Alert as millions of Christians scratch their heads wondering how gay marriage will “take their freedoms away.”

PsycGirl April 8, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=284042]StrangelyBrown[/re]: I remember those years, sort of, and the message was that black people were OK but you didn’t want to get too close to them.
I’m sure that doctor could find work at the Fred Phelps compound. Or she could be inspired by my own doctor, who was instructing me with regard to an inhaler, an apparatus that at the age of 40 I had never before used:
“You do it like this”
“And then you inhale?”
“Yeah, it’s like a bong”.

1ofUS April 8, 2009 at 9:37 pm

[re=284515]Odin Nite[/re]: Who dared post these obscene auditions on youtube? Who? WHO? Why I oughta…

Custerwolf April 8, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Is it just me or is Second City really losing its edge?

Yoshi April 8, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Yup, I’d do the chick in the grey sweater. But I wouldn’t gay marry her, because that would be gross.

DangerousLiberal April 8, 2009 at 10:40 pm

That storm took out a quarter of the town near where my in-laws live in Iowa, and this was before the fags and lezbos were using their naughty bits in ways unintended by G-D. Christ only knows what will happen to the other three-quarters. Really, he is the only one who knows. But he ain’t talking. At least to me.

badmuthagoose April 8, 2009 at 10:45 pm

Honest to God, as I was watching this it struck me: they can’t stop it. Seriously. Can you imagine looking at a couple and saying “no, I deny you your happiness because it makes me uncomfortable?” Normal everyday Americans (not these freaks) really DON’T GIVE A SHIT about this. They KNOW it doesn’t affect them. I even know Republicans who, while they aren’t out rah-rahing FOR gay marriage, are just sort of shoulder-shruggingly complacent about it and figure it’ll happen anyway, why get worked up about it?

And I live in Texas, y’all.

There are obviously a lot of people who are going to have to come to grips with THEIR gayness (I’m looking at you, Mr. Baptist Deacon Co-Worker, married to a woman and with two kids and is so desperate to stay in the closet I don’t know whether to cry or laugh everytime I see you).

But beyond that, there are people who are just going to have to deal. They’ll figure out that just because gay marriage is legal in their state, they don’t have to stop buying Thomas Kinkaide paintings or whatever. These people are some of the most fearful people I’ve ever seen in my whole gotdamned life. What the hell’s gonna happen to ya? You probably don’t even know any out of the closet gays anyway, so STFU!

chaimy4life April 8, 2009 at 11:10 pm

they just don’t want to see teh geighs nom nom nomming on each other…

ladymacbeth April 8, 2009 at 11:51 pm

if these people are calling themselves ‘real’ actors then they deserve to be doing this level of crap. seriously, these people make late night access channel rejects look like geoffrey rush.

[re=284363]Canuck13652[/re]: non-union doesn’t always mean bad. sometimes it just means you didn’t get a break. also, you people up there take wwwaaaayyy better care of your union people than we do.

she says redundantly.

Custerwolf April 9, 2009 at 12:25 am

[re=284703]ladymacbeth[/re]: “these people make late night access channel rejects look like geoffrey rush.”

I think I tore an intercostal over that one.

One Yield Regular April 9, 2009 at 12:52 am

[re=284457]Mustang[/re]: It’s past midnight east coast time, so no one’s ever going to read this anyway, but I’ve been pestered all day by that “I’m a California doctor” line. I was about to rant about how any scenario in which this “California doctor” would find her “faith” + gay marriage an impediment to her doing her goddamn job should provide ample grounds for revocation of her medical license. Now I’m nearly convinced that this ad – and the web site – are just high art, like the Museum of Jurassic Technology. Felicitations! Great work, whoever you are!

foog April 9, 2009 at 2:38 am

[re=284252]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Shouldn’t it be obvious why they are afraid of being “forced” into this gay marriage thing? These repressed wide-stance cock-obsessed motherfuckers are one very thin veneer away from a frenzied knob-gobbling orgy of unimaginable scope and scale. If we ever dare to drop any more legal and social barriers to teh gay, then these quivering maniacs won’t be able to help themselves.

foog April 9, 2009 at 2:47 am

[re=284749]One Yield Regular[/re]: Perhaps she is a worshipper of Rannamaari and is afraid that as we further legitimate homosexuality, fewer and fewer people will remain virgins and she will have a harder time finding sacrifices for her hungry God. ummmm… not quite sure how that meshes with the whole doctor thing though. I’ll get back to you on that.

meyotch April 9, 2009 at 2:51 am

[re=284225]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: No, you’re not. Unless Morman is something completely different from a Mormon. I actually did the Mormon mission thing and it always amused me when folks made this kind of mistake trying to be cute.

Grow a brain, Morman!

(All in good fun.)

Scandinavian Fetus April 9, 2009 at 3:25 am

[re=284781]meyotch[/re]: I don’t have to cut off my foreskin or anything to “join” Wonkette, do I?

I mean, I have already cut it off and packaged it for Wonkette, and all. I just don’t know where to send it.

Honestly, my grandma said that this was an egalitarian site and that there were no restrictions on membership.

Can anyone correct me if I am wrong?

Many thanks!

Scandinavian Fetus April 9, 2009 at 3:27 am

By the way, the package will be extremely large.

I had to get Bariatric surgery on my John Thomas.

I have worked a lifetime to get into this “club.”

foog April 9, 2009 at 4:18 am

[re=284790]Scandinavian Fetus: I have worked a lifetime to get into this “club.”[/re]: And it took me all my life to get this fat. Welcome, Mssr. Fetus.

Gayer Than Thou April 9, 2009 at 7:39 am

[re=284111]HomoPolitico[/re]: “I am so angry right now I could fuck a Mormon.”

Hot! Age/sex/location?

Oh — is this not that kind of a website Perhaps I’ll go over to Manhunt and see if I can find any of these actors.

Mac W Cheese April 9, 2009 at 1:32 pm

I am at work and can’t partake but I have a feeling these bloopers from the creation of these ads are quite snark worthy.

chascates April 9, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Audition tapes for the actors in this video available here:

Let' April 9, 2009 at 3:50 pm

The overwhelmingly negative Youtube comments have restored my faith in humanity…well, some of it, anyway. A bit.

polyamourous April 9, 2009 at 7:39 pm

Just signed up. You guys are hilarious. ROTFLMAO

MrsNateSilver April 10, 2009 at 1:08 am

Whoa. I better not meet any of those fuckers on the street or I’m liable to do some serious damage…and I don’t believe in violence, either but for some reason I really want to punch each and every one of those people.

Bruno April 11, 2009 at 7:54 am




bookish_lesbian April 13, 2009 at 9:42 pm

this ad is missing something . . .

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