rumors on the internets

Get Up In the Morning, Slaving For Bread, Sir

  • Secret Muslin Jew Barack Obama will host the first-ever White House passover seder. [WSJ]
  • The Treasury will delay those toxic-asset “stress test” results to avoid “complicating” the stock market. [Reuters]
  • “A decorated ex-cop who claimed he tested positive for cocaine because he ingested the drug during oral sex with his girlfriend can’t have his job back, a Manhattan judge has ruled.” [NYDN]
  • Sarah Palin wants you to know that Levi Johnston did not live with Bristol in a special teen fuck-room decorated in baby seal pelts by Sarah Palin herself. He just “stayed over” for two months. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • Kenyan failure Barack Obama is soft on piracy. [RedState]
  • The terrorists/Chinese/Russians have installed spambots on our nation’s electricity grid, which is going to turn out badly for America. [WSJ]
  • Oh hey your Wonkette blogs on MacBooks just like every other Professional Blog Writer on the planet. [LaptopLogic]
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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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49 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    And since Obama is a Democrat, all gathered will be drinking the blood of an aborted Christian baby, naturally.

  2. Guppy06

    “in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship”

    Wait… who said that about whom again?

  3. rambone

    “Professional Blog Writer” haha, very funny Ken! We all know that you guys make your living from PUMA pelts and O’Bumma’s secret welfare propaganda checks.

  4. norbizness

    Sullivan’s morbid fascination with that holler fulla yokels is actually only the 113th most unredeeming thing about him.

  5. magic titty

    These headlines are better than this morning’s.
    Speaking of, can we not get some anti-virus happening on the electrical grid, USA? wtf…

  6. Gopherit

    [re=284065]norbizness[/re]: I am pretty sure you have to make a real effort to not sleep with family in Alaska, so meh.

  7. whaat

    The WSJ link at the top is a duplicate of the Reuters one beneath.

    Unless my browser is tricking me, for fun.

  8. hockeymom

    The CBS interview with Levi and family made them seem a lot more sympathetic. I think Ms. Palin ought to back away from a nasty fight if she’s planning on running for Prez in the future. Because anything the Palins might think they have on Levi, he probably has on their daughter.

    Also….Pirates!

  9. threeb

    I’m stupid. Could one of you librul intelleckshul elites please explain to me the difference between “living with” and “staying over?”

  10. shortsshortsshorts

    My Macbook is WAY FANCIER than thou’s, but I just bought it, so I guess that doesn’t count.

    KEN- BUY THE NEW MACBOOK IT IS LIKE TRAVELLING AT LIGHT SPEED, without brakes, unfortunately.

  11. Scandinavian Fetus

    Levi’s Fuck Room was located right next to the palatial, Palin Reading Room. The Iraq, also, and.

  12. 2druk2phluq

    The cop thought it was powdered sugar. He also thought there were sprinkles, until they started moving around.

  13. bitchincamaro

    Laptop, my ass. We are not fooled, Mr. Layne. You perforate road signs with buckshot in code and have them translated by your blind monkey slaves teh DeeCee!

  14. Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!

    I think it’s nice that Hopey is hosting the seder, but I think Rahm has slain all the first born already.

  15. Monsieur Grumpe

    Hey. I’m working on developing that new fangled space age grid and I don’t see anyth…. Bzttt ferp weeeedle.

    Everything is okee dokee with the grid!
    Over.

  16. freakishlystrong

    [re=284104]threeb[/re]: Filthy Democrats “live with”, Republicans “stay over”..see?

  17. WadISay

    Levi also says the Palins are stuck-up and snooty. Been that way ever since Todd won the lip farting contest.

  18. Come here a minute

    Mark your calendars — Diwali is on October 17th. White House new hire Kalpen Modi will be hosting.

  19. Norbert

    I for one mourn this judge’s terrible decision because of the chilling effect on the practice of cunnilingus that it will surely have across the nation.

  20. IceCreamEmpress

    Poor you, Israelite.

    EARWORM! EARWORM! EARWORM!

    Okay, as to the “the cocaine was from the cunnilingus” folks: you’re doing SOMETHING wrong there. The nose/cooch distinction is generally even easier than the ass/elbow distinction.

    I also love people named “Levi” and “Mercede” (apparently that’s the singular of Mercedes, or the plural of Merced) complaining about being labeled “white trash.”

  21. V572625694

    I’m in Houston on business but playing hooky in the hotel room, watching Nora O’Donnell.

    Wow, she’s hawwtt!

  22. gjdodger

    Oh, and congrats on the reference. Surely, Barry and Michelle don’t want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde.

  23. Mad Farmer Manifest

    Anyone else notice that a Moran is in charge of monitoring the electrical grid?

  24. TimeCubist

    I love that song. DD, RIP.

    Oral sex or plain old hoovering, he still ingested it, right? QED, fired.

  25. TimeCubist

    The couple met at a punk concert and, according to court records, they “would often sweat” while having sex “three or four times per week.”

    I’m sorry, what?

  26. bitchincamaro

    “…some people overseas with Cold War mentality are indulged in fabricating the sheer lies of the so-called cyberspies in China. The soft white belly of the American running dog propagandist government suppressors will be exposed and destroyed, also.

  27. gradgrind

    You got any morans on duty this afternoon? The WSJ “Seder” link goes to Reuters “sad moneys du jour”. Could this be Red China hard at work getting all our interwebs in a twist, or interns drinking earlier than usual?

  28. L Urchin

    [re=284164]bitchincamaro[/re]: Interesting, but how seriously can we take a study run by someone named Gypsyamber?

  29. getoffmylawn

    Willy couldn’t hold a seder at 1600 when he was in residence because playing “hide the Afikomen” would take on a whole new meaning with Monica.

  30. Zadig

    [re=284237]TimeCubist[/re]: It means that sometimes, they did not sweat while having sex three-to-four times per week. Which is probably actually a pretty serious health problem.

  31. Custerwolf

    [re=284398]Zadig[/re]: Anhydrosis? No sweat. But the real question is, how nicely decorated was this ex-cop?

  32. Custerwolf

    Interesting interview there with Levi, America’s Next Top Model. Appears the first volley has been fired in the feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys. Stay tuned for more sexytime family hijinks.

  33. gossipgirl

    I actually (God help us) know the cop and his, er, friend, and the story is true. Scary, but true.

Comments are closed.