Oh boy we better not make a funny about this or fuckface porn addict David Denby may be compelled to shit out another $15.95 pamphlet about how the Internet has ruined his dinner with Michael Kinsley. So, here is “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” star Ted Kennedy just cold bein’ alive and outside and throwing a baseball, which is an American Tradition. UPDATE: Oh Red Lasso can go to HELL. Much better/insane YouTube version now in place.

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  1. I was in Fenway for Opening Day once, in 1995, against the Twins. I sat behind home plate with the players’ wives. Jose Cansenco was in his first year with the Sox and his platinum-bottle-blonde, fake-titted, trailer-park wife was walking around as the other players’ much dumpier wives made snarky and catty comments about her. As much fun as that was, I’d still rather have been at Opening Day yesterday to see Teddy totter out there. Excuse me, I must have some dust or something in my eye.

  2. The knighthood, the first-pitch throw, etc. This victory-lap-style party everyone’s throwing for Ted, in advance of his inevitable hideous-death-by-brain-cancer, is agonizing to watch on many levels.

  3. Must be a dust storm, imissopus, because I’ve got something in my eye too. Ted’s one of those rare public figures (Jane Fonda’s another) I just can’t bear to see mocked. He’s an original, and unlike his strident, righteous critics, he’s not small.

  4. [re=283885]AllHat[/re]: See where the player is standing in front of Ted? Yeah, he had to walk forward to pick up the ball.

    Looks like how I throw.

  5. Why he hasn’t been signed by the Nationals I have no idea.
    Of course I’d still rather watch Ted Kennedy throw a baseball than watch Dubya’s entire national security apparatus try to do the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

  6. Teddy’s great great grandfather F.Scott Chapaquiditch Fitzgerald threw out the very first pitch at the very first game at Fenway, so y’all better just recognize. Uncle Ted could roll the first pitch off his big toe and he’s still a better man than you.

    and a better drunk driver!

  7. [re=283926]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    “Let’s see. 8 down, two letters for ‘hospital drama recently ended’. Any ideas? Anyone?”

  8. [re=283902]MARCdMan[/re]:

    Homer: Hey, Burns! Hey, rag-arm!
    Bart: You throw like my sister, man!
    Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me! (sound file here).

    Oh, and even better, video here.

  9. I think he’s ready to fight for the old man’s heavyweight boxing championship of the world against Muhammed Ali, if he’s still alive.
    I’d pay money to see that.
    You can Snark away on old Ted. His politics may be smarter than most, but I’m with the righties on this one. He left that poor girl to die.

  10. P.S. What the shit music is playing over the youtube video? And that’s not Ted Kennedy, that’s Ted Knight! He’s just come back to life and started parting his glorious white hair on the other side?

  11. Listen, Ken, I believe that the whole “just cold ___” meme started with Jim Newell’s post here. It was hilarious, because it caught the audience off guard.

    When you repeat it outside of “stone” “sucking” or “titties”, it just doesn’t work I’m afraid :/

  12. [re=283868]ohiolobbyist[/re]: GO SOX!!1!!!@!!!


    [re=283904]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: What really sucks is how the wingnuts keep reassigning the epithet of “MOST LIBRUL SENATAH EVAH!!!!11!!!” to whoever it seems most convenient to tar with that label (Kerry, Obama)

  13. I love Ted Kennedy it’s hard to die of cancer.
    I want to know when Novak is going to die. I just hope that none of us die first because….you know.
    [re=283950]gurukalehuru[/re]: He was drunk and she was already dead. Try the same stunt and see what you do but I basically agree with you, snark way, apparently it never bothered the great majority of people in MA one way or the other.

  14. [re=283896]Rush[/re]: See where the catcher set up? Kennedys get all the breaks. You know, the assassinations, the brain cancer, the plane crashes. Yes, they have all the luck.

  15. ohiolobbyist says at 1:39 pm, April 8th, 2009
    – Reply

    Thank God this isn’t Deadspin, or the comments would be loaded with 1.3 retarded Massholes typing “GO SOX!!1!!!@!!!”

    “1.3 retarded Massholes” makes a ton of sense… Who’s the retard now?

    At least it wasn’t a link about overrated, over-hyped, underachieving college football teams.

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