A Senate staffer has heeded our call for pictures of Tea Party teabagger anthrax threat letters, and here we are. For those of you who are no longer able to decipher human handwriting, it reads, “THE SECOND AMERICAN REVOLUTION IS A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY,” and is written on the inside of the envelope. The tea… what is that, Lipton’s? Standard Lipton’s? Why that tea should make a delicious 3 o’clock treat for this lucky staffer.

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  1. At least it wasn’t some wussy herbal tisane or something. Good, strong All-American tea!
    And many consider the ‘War of Northern Aggression’ to be the second American revolution.

  2. Those Wingnuts wouldn’t know a decent bag of tea if it slapped them on the chin.

    At least get some Sleepytime Tea for effect.

    C’mon people! Let’s get our heads back in the game!

  3. So… uh, teabaggers?
    Chances are that a “revolution” against your own country will result in you all being shot by the military. But, Hey! Good luck with that! Can’t wait to watch it on the teevee… it’s a slow news week, so if you could speed up the retardation, that would be great!

  4. Would make a tasty treat for a staffer, if it hadn’t been gently squeezed between a freeper’s butt cheeks prior to mailing.

  5. “A very real possibility”? That’s some edgy sloganeering. It’s even more feisty than “A second revolution is something which cannot be absolutely ruled out, at this point in time.”

  6. Hmmmm, a hatred of taxes. Allusions to the Boston Tea Party. Talk of a backwards E revolution…

    My spider sense may be off but this envelope manifesto seems awfully Paultardian.

  7. They didn’t even take it out of the package?

    [re=283285]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Yeah, but that’s true of anything they mail.

  8. Lipton? I’d send ’em some Stash Organic Earl Grey Extra Bergamot tea bags.

    No, I guess I wouldn’t. If I had some of that I’d put it in m’d y little tin box, as a backup in case I ever ran out of the really good loose tea I usually guzzle. I send mail some of the ridiculous herb teas people give me when they hear I’m a tea drinker.

    (I mean, WTF? Blackberry Hibiscus Ginseng? Um… great. What planet are you people from?)

  9. If they’re planning on fighting the US they probably shouldn’t have spent the last eight years supporting increased defense spending. Whoops!

  10. [re=283288]NoWireHangers[/re]: The Paultards of ’07 are the mainstream Republican Party of ’09. Only with more desire to blow up brown people and less desire to get high.

  11. I really would have found this more entertaining is they had sent SPAM in a pouch. That at least would have been a non-perishable, revolution-surviving kind of gift that a thoughtful survivalist would use to show they care.

  12. The Second American Revolution is such a VERY REAL POSSIBILITY, in fact, that it ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED. Nobody, it seems, remembers the fucking Civil War anymore. I sure as hell haven’t, because these fuckers here in Tennessee will NEVAR 4GET, and put Confederate flag decals on their trucks and dirtbikes, because Tennessee was totally part of the confederacy, right? And a lot of them INSIST on calling it the Second American Revolution.

    So, no. I can definitely rule out the Second Amurrican Revolution happening any time soon, except in the event of a time warp.

  13. [re=283288]NoWireHangers[/re]: Hmmmmm, a hatred of taxes. I was watching the movie “Gandhi” with my kids last night, and my eldest said, “Hey, the Indians were trying to gain independence from Britain, just like us.”

    I said, “Yes, except the Indians were 350 million starving brown people who had suffered two centuries under the brutal, crushing boot heel of British colonialism. We American revolutionaries were a couple thousand white folks getting pissy about paying our taxes.”

  14. [re=283292]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: My fave is Scottish Breakfast from Taylor’s of Harrogate. I order by the kilo.

    Seriously, is the right finally just spinning themselves into oblivion? And if they are really serious about the revolution, perhaps we shouldn’t get too hasty about shutting gitmo.

  15. [re=283288]NoWireHangers[/re]: exactly. fortunately, sedition is a crime. Put the fuckers on their blimp with their gold and send them south where they won’t see Ameros….maybe antarctica.

  16. Those look like WHITE, possibly MALE fingers. I’m on to you Staffer, you’d better do a better job of keeping your identity to yourself!

  17. [re=283287]wheelie[/re]: it was better than,”The second revolution: You know it maybe could happen after all,” but not as awesome as, “The Second Revolution: The Bell Tolls for Thee.”

  18. [re=283301]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Meh. The moguls crushed the Hindus WAY harder than the Brits ever did, and the grinding heel of the British ended endemic warfare on the subcontinent for those 200 years, too. The Indian revolt was, like ours, led by rich people who got radicalized because the Brits wouldn’t let them in their clubs.

    If it weren’t for snobbery, the British Empire would still exist. They really were excellent administrators, and generally raised the standard of living for the poor wherever they went. If you want horrific, murderous, slave-driving colonialists, you really need to go to Belgium.

  19. I was told by Free Republic to “TEA BAG THE LIBERAL DEMS BEFORE THEY TEA BAG YOU”. I know this site is full of those Liberal ‘Dems’. So when do I get to tea bag one of you persons before you repay the favor by tea bagging me? Where is the gay mutual ball sucking that Free Republic promised me? Where?

  20. [re=283288]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yes, only Paultards would write in what appears to be a fountain pen. The lack of efficiency is impressive.

  21. Under Dubya, the whiff of revolution* would send you to G-Bay.

    *of course revolution is bad, but “freedom fighting” is good & these guys are clearly freedom fighters

  22. Tea is for effete British wankers, as was definitively established in 1773. Americans drink COFFEE, goddammit. What is up with these wingnuts and their tea? OooOOOooh, we’re being threatened by TEA drinkers. They should send in pulltabs from PBR cans if they want to impress somebody.

  23. [re=283292]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I’ve had that problem at restaurants that think they are being fancy. Once I was read a long list of things that sounded like ingredients for pagan spells, and asked, “Don’t you have any *real* tea?” They did – something like Salada or Lipton.

    Everyone with me told me I was rude. (I told them they were assholes.)

    I used to get Kenya (broad leaf Marinyn estate) by the kilo but cut back my caffeine several years ago so now just get a couple different green teas by the kilo.

  24. [re=283314]Gopherit[/re]: “The second revolution is coming! Or at least it’s likely! Or perhaps not! But! It’s probability is not statistically negligible!”

  25. What kind of fucking second revolution starts off by sending someone the beginnings of a tasty beverage? What the fuck? What kind of strategy is this, to want the other side highly caffeinated?

    You send a severed horse head or you don’t send nothing.

  26. [re=283331]comradepaulson[/re]: Seriously if they want a god damn revolution they should pick up their guns and shoot at government officials, like Bachmann.

  27. These Tea People have no credibility until they storm a few ships, in Indian costume, and destroy crates of Lipton tea with their axes and hatchets. Then I’ll be impressed.

  28. Tea-bagging…heh….the unintentional hilarity continues. How much does it cost to mail a tube-steak? That will be next I’m sure. Somebody should recommend that to the freepers.

    Or they could send TeLepRompterZ….


  29. man. fun’s fun but these people are starting to fucking scare the hell out of me. seriously. serial shooting sprees, outing spies, michele bachmann openly advocating treason, and now this.

    i can see why they’re so fond of calling everyone “terrorists.” textbook case of projection.

  30. [re=283345]Rary Guppert[/re]: Bachmann may be scary, but the teabaggers are just silly. They pay to buy the box of teabags, send ’em off to Congress… so Congress gets free tea. It’s the reverse tea party. It’s stupendously retarded.

    This is the same group of jack-offs who poured French wine down the drain and renamed “French Fries” cause they stupidly thought the French would give two shits. And to do so, THEY FUCKING HAD TO BUY FRENCH WINE and GIVE THE FRENCH MONEY!

  31. [re=283300]Zadig[/re]: You mean as opposed to the more genteel term, “The Late Unpleasantness,” preferred by some elderly Southerners (as related in Tony Horwitz’s great book “Confederates in the Attic”).

    [re=283356]comradepaulson[/re]: Exacallacally. Yo, tea-baggers, keep sending the tea! Like pretty much all conservative “activism,” this stunt will primarily benefit China.

  32. “The Second Revolution is Coming! Also!!!1!!!!!!”

    “The Second Revolution…in What Sense, Charley?”

    “The Second Revolution is Coming…Just Before the Rapture”

    “The Second Revolution is Coming and Tea-Bagging her too”

    “The Second Revolution…symbolized by a warmed drink that is consumed more-so by those whom we beat in the first revolution, cause we mainly drink coffee here in the morning, with a fine doughnut, too”

  33. [re=283331]comradepaulson[/re]: Clearly, just like the American Revolution I, ANGLICANS are behind this. You doubt me? Consider the Anglican Inquisition: Cake or Death!


  34. [re=283376]Spiderfrommars[/re]: Beware the hordes of tea-drinking Episcopalians! They will storm the Capital and politely ask for a meeting!

    Clearly, this revolution is missing a South Vietnamese Buddhist influence. What it needs is for someone to set themselves on fire. This will, in all likelihood, happen when one of their meth labs blows up in their face.

  35. Awwwww, look at the little wingnuts playing make-believe terrorists!

    Under a full-blown Bush administration (circa 2003, Beck’s favorite era), they’d label them terrorists, round these teabaggers up, send them to gitmo, and waterboard them with their own piss.

  36. [re=283292]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Ha. I used to drink Fenugreke(?) for a cold. Made me smell like empty garbage bags. So I guess it worked.

  37. [re=283383]comradepaulson[/re]: As a lifelong Episcopalian, I can assure you that we do not get all het up about tea. However, if you run out of gin during the cocktail hour, it becomes something of a different matter.

  38. Tea? Oh, sure! It’s probably really full of marijuana, so that when they try to brew up a free cup…BINGO! They’re hooked! Very clever, those republicans!

  39. I certainly hope that IF history judges Obama in a favorable light – which my gut says so – these idiots will look back on this with much more shame than I have for any seventh grade picture of me in braces, bell bottom jeans and a velour pull over from KMart.

  40. Organic Earl Grey Extra Bergamot, Taylor’s of Harrogate, Typhoo and Yorkshire Gold?? Gimme a break, you Elitists. These Paultards buy in bulk at Sam’s Club. And they’ve probably stuffed these Lipton teabags back in their little paper wrappers after they’ve used them.

    I do find it hilarious that to enact their little protest, they have to buy STAMPS. It must gall them.

  41. hmmm… Lipton is an English tea company. Shouldn’t they be sending in American tea if now that it’s an American government slated to be overthrown? Just to keep the symbolism straight.

  42. [re=283315]Lazy Media[/re]: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the British ever done for us?

  43. [re=283376]Spiderfrommars[/re]: Everyone expects the Anglican Inquisition — but since it arrives five minutes early, it still takes them by surprise.

  44. All of this talk of tea bagging is making me wistful for the commencement of Obama’s plan to make homosexuality and lesbianism mandatory in his new gay fascist state. Do we have to wait until the economic crisis is over to open teh gayification camps? I hope the wingnuts understand that they will be the teabagees, since they opposed the ALMIGHTY POWER of Hussein the Super Brown Shirt Muslin Beloved One.

  45. [re=283441]Cranky Old Batt[/re]: How about Tazo Tea? They have great names:

    The “Green Ginger” Revolution
    The “Wild Sweet Orange” Revolution

  46. [re=283384]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That article is porn for stakeholders in the US prison industrial complex. CCA – bringing back slavery one unpaid fine at a time.

  47. jon stewart says truck nuts, and wonkette rejoices! perhaps i’m mistaken but i think the earth just trembled when he did that; or maybe i just live in italy.

  48. I read something about Lipton having re-education camps where the workers slave for low wages but receive good health care. Somewhere in Minnesota. I can’t remember…

  49. I heard that Lipton has re-education camps where they enslave workers for low pay yet extensive healthcare. I think it was somewhere in Minnesota.

  50. [re=283446]j6n[/re]: Seriously. At least then it would be merikan tea. Like [re=283420]Willie Down[/re] said.

    [re=283322]Uncle Glenny[/re]: I won’t ask how you know what goes into pagan spells, instead I shall just slyly wink in your general direction after lmao at your tea story.

  51. I can imagine these tea-bags being solemnly collected by the various hill staffers, then taken to a vast room like the one at the end of that Indiana Jones movies. This tea is a quiet secret of immense power, best lost in obscurity lest it sheathe our faces off with its supernatural fire and force.

    STRONG TEA! TEA IS STRONG11111111!!!!!!!!

  52. [re=283420]Willie Down[/re]: Yes, looks the the American Revolutionary hasn’t gotten any smarter since the last revolution. Although come to think of it, I guess the first “Tea Party” made some sense since unlike this bunch they didn’t actually pay for the English (Chinese/Indian) tea they threw away. But they did dress up as Natives because what the fuck?

  53. [re=283384]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: JESUS christ. Dubai is a hell hole and will soon be swallowed by the desert. Hopefully all those piece of shit exploitative expats will drown in sand along with the Emeratis.

  54. [re=283292]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Lipton? I’d send ‘em some Stash Organic Earl Grey Extra Bergamot tea bags.

    You’re my long lost twin they never told me about! (I’m adopted.) Jesus christ that’s the tea I drink. Um, well, maybe not. I steep loose tea, not bags. Oh well. Maybe we’re cousins.

  55. [re=283292]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Oh wait, you do drink loose tea! I should read the whole damn comment before peeing in my pants. So maybe we are long lost twins. Hell, for all I know you’re my birthfather fucking with me.

  56. I can never open a sealed envelope like that. Usually, it is cut open from the top such that the message would have been obscured.

    I sense a Republican conspiracy.

  57. Is their second American Revolution one in which all Americans get really healthy because they send us soothing tea with lots of antioxidants?

  58. Ooooooo! I bet the sender is feeling all “24” now! I can just see him sitting at a table piled high with tea bags and envelopes jerking off to a YouTube video of Sarah Palin.

  59. [re=283263]Colander[/re]: The dumber rednecks vs. the more desperate mercenaries. Maybe the US needs it’s own Foreign Legion or Brigade of Gurkhas?

    Zhu Bajie

  60. So, you know why anarchists only drink herbal tea?
    Because proper tea is theft!

    I love that joke but i only get a good excuse to use it once every couple of years.

  61. Do you think they might start targeting medical publishers? My company has recently stopped providing free tea and coffee (fuck you, economy) and I really could use a nice pick-me-up in the afternoon. A refreshing cup of tea would really hit the spot.

  62. [re=283300]Zadig[/re]: Ah yes, the War Necessitated by Southron Arrogance. Too bad the winners didn’t hang the losers’ leaders en masse, as with the 1862 Sioux Revolt. If it was good enough for Rain-in-the-Face, it should’ve been good enough for Jeff Davis, right??

    Zhu Bajie

  63. Just their luck- the revolution, small r, will be lead by chunky white guys with butt problems (cysts, hemorrhoids, etc).

    To all you would-be Small Reveres: Hold high your rubber donuts and tubes of Prep H with your simple, dumb hope for tax breaks for people with more money than you! May history hold you gently in her palm.

    Tea bag suggestion: Red Zinger.

  64. [re=283595]zhubajie[/re]: Except the rules of war are different for Real Americans and the brown peoples, Duh.

    Actually, now that I think about it, if the Teabagging hobbits actually DID have the balls to ‘rebel’, I can see it opening up like the Civil War. You know, with the rest of their Paultard brethren going to the first battle to spectate, because War is just such a rollicking good time, right? Oh yeah, and South Carolina attacking some federal military base, and doing an extremely crappy job of it. The account of the casualties at Fort Sumter always makes for a good laugh.

  65. [re=283436]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh God. It’s funny because it’s true.

    Before my time as a Christian Wingnut, I spent the years from birth to 17 steeped (heh!) in my father’s family’s Anglican faith and culture.

    Every time I had any kind of event where I invited family, including several of my weddings, they’d show up about 20 minutes early — you know, while I was still tearing around in my robe, running the dustbuster, and taking the rollers out of my hair? Then, when I got smart and learned to expect them 20 minutes early, they began showing up half-an-hour early. Or an hour.

    Oh. Sorry. Tea. Revolution.

    Yeah, I *really* want these “Superpatriots” to find out how superpatriotic it is to start a shooting civil war to defend the right of the richest to pay less tax. I really want to see what happens to them then. Who’s the Congressional jackhole who is inciting the troops to riot and “resist the authority of an illegitimate Commander-in-Chief” again? That’s going to be fun. Besides, all the servicemen and servicewomen *I* know think Barry’s aces.

  66. I understand Dale Gribble, the right wing’s Obama, will be the designated spokesman for our swarthy
    compatriots as they solemnly dip their bags and hold their pinkies aloft with their softly glowing lighters.

    We concede their superiority and hide our shame.

    Tea for contemplating this: Sleepytime.

  67. [re=283436]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well I certainly expected the Anglican Inquisition response but not the arriving early killshot. Hat’s off!

  68. Clearly, these wannabe Minutemen do not watch the Military Channel.
    It’ll be a very, very short revolution once the Gatling guns and rapid-fire cannons crank up.

    I look forward to the clarion call of Freeeeee-dumb.
    It’ll be sweet.

  69. [re=283315]Lazy Media[/re]: Yea, ‘cept for the whole rape/slavery/genocide thing in the Congo, but Africa never has counted for shit.

  70. [re=283472]jaba the slut[/re]: Oh Great- patriots sipping tea will now have gay children? Will re-education camps be paid for by the Republican Party?

  71. Dammit, now when I search for tea bagging videos, all I get are links to stuff like this. Damn conservatards have managed to prevent me from getting my daily dose of porn…

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