• May 26, 2012
TURD SACKS

April 7, 2009

Rick Warren Loves Gay Marriage!

by Jim Newell  

Fat queer Mexican porn narrator Rick Warren is still trying to fix his “image” after saying that married gay people only want to fuck and gay-marry rabbits and elephants and children: “You know Larry, there was a story within a story that never got told in the first place. I am not an anti-gay or anti-marriage activist. Never have been, never will be. During the whole Proposition 8 thing, I never once went to a meeting, never once issued a statement. Never once even gave an endorsement in the two years Prop. 8 was going.” [OC Register, YouTube]

{ 63 comments }

iwillsavethispatient April 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Has he apologized for an awful sermon at the inauguration yet?

Gopherit April 7, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Right. He didn’t take a position until a few days before the election, which is totally like remaining neutral.

Dave J. April 7, 2009 at 4:05 pm

He does kind of look like “El Generalisimo,” Alec Baldwin’s telenovela doppelganger on 30 Rock.

sanantonerose April 7, 2009 at 4:07 pm

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice, Rick.

NewSpence April 7, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Rick Warren gives the bear community a bad name.

ChernobylSoup April 7, 2009 at 4:07 pm

I won’t believe him until he proves it by getting gay-married.

Texan Bulldoggette April 7, 2009 at 4:08 pm

“Fat queer Mexican porn narrator” Gawd, Jim, you’re a freaking hoot!

One Yield Regular April 7, 2009 at 4:09 pm

I coulda sworn I saw this guy hanging outside Badlands during the annual Bear gathering.

NoWireHangers April 7, 2009 at 4:09 pm

It’s too late Rick, Dan Savage already “santorum’d” you:

http://www.saddlebacking.com/

Sussemilch April 7, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Everyone loves gay marriage. It’s absolutely fabulous.

When I heard that Ann Coulter had asked Bill O’Reilly to be her best man when she marries Michelle Malkin, I teared up… such a beautiful thing, these loving Republicans.

choinski April 7, 2009 at 4:09 pm

What a week. Iowa, Vermont, perhaps New hampshire and D.C., and…Maine? I’m running out of state lines to cross when I want to legally escape my husband.

OffTheRecord April 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm

[re=283130]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: More particularly, has he apologized to Sasha for making her name sound like a spicy Mexican dish?

Varchar April 7, 2009 at 4:12 pm

He knows we have the Google, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o4QqGbQmU0

bitchincamaro April 7, 2009 at 4:12 pm

He’s got lyin’ eyes, and a purdy mouth.

Schadenfried April 7, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Fat queer Mexican porn narrator

These are hard-working people who only want to make an honest living, to lump (P)Rick Warren with this group is immoral! Also.

Advocatus_Diaboli April 7, 2009 at 4:14 pm

“I called up my gay black friends and said I’m sorry, I just can’t support this whole gay marriage civil rights thing.”

/fixed

BigDupa April 7, 2009 at 4:14 pm

“I love the gays, Larry. In fact I’ll change the name of my church to “Brokeback” or “Bareback” and incorporate Abba songs into the liturgy. You know who hates the queers? Joel Olsteen. Look it up Larry. Gotta go. Buy my book. Out.”

The Helvetica Scenario April 7, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Sashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

bitchincamaro April 7, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=283154]Varchar[/re]: Win!

Roger3815 April 7, 2009 at 4:16 pm

With friends like Rick who needs enemies?

Thanks but no thanks, Rick.

HomoPolitico April 7, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Rick Warren: “I resent the mean gayz for saying I was mean to them”

Gayz: “GTFO! Buttsecks! Also!”

Scarab April 7, 2009 at 4:19 pm

“Larry, let me be perfectly clear. I never wanted a goatee, I never grew a goatee, I never wore a goatee.”

bfstevie@yahoo.com April 7, 2009 at 4:20 pm

[re=283148]Sussemilch[/re]: Do we know where they’re registered? Will Michelle Bachmann be the maid of honor? Wouldn’t their union be wrong because they are not of the same race?

Serolf Divad April 7, 2009 at 4:22 pm

“Saddleback” isn’t that a gay sex position?

HomoPolitico April 7, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Waitaminute…when did we give gays the vote?

Iggy Plop April 7, 2009 at 4:24 pm

So that statement makes him, what, a liar?

Hedley Lamar April 7, 2009 at 4:32 pm

I’m pretty sure I saw him at the last NAMBLA meeting. He was the one
in the ass-less chaps doing face painting demos.

tunamelt April 7, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Lying is a sin. Ooooh, gotchoo buddy.

shortsshortsshorts April 7, 2009 at 4:33 pm

[re=283154]Varchar[/re]: I just posted what you linked, because it is incredible.

Come here a minute April 7, 2009 at 4:39 pm

I love the term “gay-married” — it’s like “male nurse”. There’s no need for the qualifier, but it’s just better that way, because, why not?

Colander April 7, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Some of Rick’s best friends are gay marriage.

Cicada April 7, 2009 at 4:42 pm

[re=283173]Iggy Plop[/re]: Yes, I do believe his pants have passed the smoldering stage and have burst into flame.

Why does he think he can get away with a lie, when the proof of the lie was aired on national TV?

What a dumb fuck.

queeraselvis v 2.0 April 7, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Dear Rick:
Ordinarily we would tell you to eat a bag of dicks, but that’s too goodly gay for you. So instead, how about indulging in a refreshing Drano colonic?
No love,
Teh Gehz

Schadenfried April 7, 2009 at 4:50 pm

[re=283200]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Win.

sevenrepeat April 7, 2009 at 4:50 pm

today is a rather gay day on wonkette!! lots o’ gay topics. i almost feel like a catholic republican.

Hart88 April 7, 2009 at 4:54 pm

So other than forcefully supporting Prop 8 and saying that homosexuality is an abomination, Warren totally supports Teh Gays. Got it.

Varchar April 7, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=283181]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’m honored! But spell my name right, you brigand!

Hart88 April 7, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=283154]Varchar[/re]: seriously, WTF?

loudmouthredhead April 7, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Jim, your first 5 words of this post took all of my potential snarking opportunities out of this thread…SO THANKS FER THAT

loudmouthredhead April 7, 2009 at 5:06 pm

[re=283139]NewSpence[/re]: Is he a bear, a furry, or what? I am trying to imagine the headline when he’s outed…

randomsausage April 7, 2009 at 5:19 pm

liar, liar, hairpiece on fire

Gopherit April 7, 2009 at 6:20 pm

I wonder what Rick charges for mustache rides? Everlasting life?

wickedlittledoll April 7, 2009 at 6:20 pm

What he should be apologizing for is the very eye-sore that is his existence.

http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/

Harvey Birdman April 7, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Jesus, just look at that goatee. I’ll say this for the suburbs: you can’t tell if it’s 1994 or 2015.

sati demise April 7, 2009 at 7:07 pm

[re=283154]Varchar[/re]: does his nose look ‘too red’ in this film?
He looks like he is a bit drunk, had drink taken, hit the bottle, took a swig, had a Martini lunch.

Bearbloke April 7, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Oh Rick – always a bridesmaid douchebag, never a bride decent human being…

Bearbloke April 7, 2009 at 7:47 pm

[re=283139]NewSpence[/re]: OH HELLZ NO! He’s NOT part of the Bear Community, in any way at any time… don’t send that evil gasbag through our parade…

Bearbloke April 7, 2009 at 7:52 pm

[re=283145]One Yield Regular[/re]: Only because they wouldn’t let him in and he wouldn’t take the hint to fuck off…. besides, the real party was at Buffalo – but don’t tell (p)Rick!!

Jollity April 7, 2009 at 8:19 pm

But it’s okay, because he’s lying for the sake of his powerful position in the world of TV evangelists Jesus.

Seriously, that’s one of the ten commandments, Rick. Isn’t it odd how these so-called “Christians” can make a huge hairy fat deal out of the whole gay thing (which many people think is based on a mistranslated or misinterpreted excerpt of the Bible) and yet completely throw the ten commandments – you know, the main rules, the “if you can’t do any of the rest of it, at least do these” ones – out of the window. I seem to remember Rick Warren lying about this stuff a few months back, saying that he never compared gay marriage to incest and bestiality. With all the fires started in his pants, he must have the most charred bottom in all the land.

RoscoePColtraine April 7, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Harvey Birdman: Rick Warren and Chuck Todd wear a goatee for the same reason.

comradepaulson April 7, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Rick Warren practices the purpose driven buttsecks.

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Does that that very gay ad for Red Energy Patch automatically come up whenever Rick Warren’s name is used on Wonkette?

[re=283400]comradepaulson[/re]: FTW.

smashtheduck April 7, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=283145]One Yield Regular[/re]: Don’t get out much? It’s been “Apex” for a few years now.

rocktonsammy April 7, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Note to Mush Windbag…

Color touch up aren’t slimming either.

PsycGirl April 7, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Not that this logically follows, but Pharyngula has a link to a story about a Focus on the Family figure who got in a little trouble with pedophilia
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/04/so_thats_what_focus_on_the_fam.php#comments

The noteworthy aspect is that it’s heterosexual pedophilia.

PsycGirl April 7, 2009 at 10:16 pm

[re=283148]Sussemilch[/re]: That’s not gay marriage, because Malkin is the only female.

SayItWithWookies April 7, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Don’t forget that his church’s website said it wouldn’t accept gays — right up until he removed it.

Buzz Feedback April 8, 2009 at 12:20 am

Hit in the chin w/more balls than Pete Rose.

President X April 8, 2009 at 1:59 am

I liked Rick Warren better when he was Gran Khali: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MalI80HUZ9w&feature=related

But seriously, did Pastor Rick REALLY say these things to austere, celibate, leftwingnut Larry King???

You know Larry, there was a story within a story a story within a story a story within a story a story within a story that I like to tell in order to scrub my whitey ass image. I am not an anti-gay or anti-marriage activist. Never have been, never will be. During the whole Preparation H thing, I never once went to a dyke bar, never once issued an accidental Feudian slip or lisped.

“The week before the vote, somebody on my couch, a Marine buddy about to leave for Irak, said, ‘Pastor Rick, what do you think about this?’ And he passed me a note inside a box of popcorn, but, Oh boy, there was more than a note or popcorn in that box of buttered yum yum! And I actually believe that marriage really should be defined – that that definitions should be saved between – - that that a man and a woman – aw, you know what I mean. And then all of a suddenly out of it they made me, you know something that I really wasn’t. …I’m not queer!

“I wrote to all my gay friends, the leaders and the followers, the Ads and the CDs, the bottoms and the butches that I knew and actually apologized to them. That never got out, thank goodness. There were some things said – everybody should be 10% bisexual when it’s convenient or if they run a church and I was asked a question that made it sound like I equated gay marriage with pedophilia or incest which I absolutely do believe in, I am a big fan of animals and children. And I actually announced that. All of the criticism came from people that didn’t know me, just these reporters hanging around late at night after I’d had a few drinks and cruised a few high school kids outside the gym. Not a single criticism came from any gay leader that knows me and knows that for years we’ve been working together on spreading AIDS among the liberals.”

TGY April 8, 2009 at 2:01 am

It’s too late! Iowa … and Vermont … in the forefront of the Revolution … have spoken.

shortsshortsshorts April 8, 2009 at 2:13 am

[re=283218]Varchar[/re]: That might have to wait, until tomorrow.

arclight April 8, 2009 at 11:19 am

omg rick warren iz sooo ghey!!!!!1111111111 lollerskates! *hugs*

vincetastic April 8, 2009 at 12:19 pm

hahaha Fat queer Mexican porn narrator Rick Warren. I think he’s a closet case myself. Whether you call it Gay Marriage or Civil Union, the basic premise is that every person should have equal rights. It’s good to see that some states are progressing, I made a list on my site of the states I think will legalize Gay Marriage first: http://www.toptentopten.com/topten/first+states+that+will+legalize+gay+marriage

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