Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.”
The contenders: some insane Free Republic commenter whom even Freepers find offensive, and a Democrat named Mike Quigley. Quigley will obviously win, because he is a Democrat in a heavily Democratic district, the end. But stay tuned! Rosanna Pulido may yet summon an army of swamp zombies to devour any human who goes near a voting booth, which would hand her the election by default.