Exciting Congressional Election Determines Next Rahm Emanuel

by Sara K. Smith

Crazier than Michele Bachmann on a Ny-Quil benderSeveral months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.”

The contenders: some insane Free Republic commenter whom even Freepers find offensive, and a Democrat named Mike Quigley. Quigley will obviously win, because he is a Democrat in a heavily Democratic district, the end. But stay tuned! Rosanna Pulido may yet summon an army of swamp zombies to devour any human who goes near a voting booth, which would hand her the election by default.

Quigley favored to replace Emanuel in Congress [AP]

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ManchuCandidate April 7, 2009 at 9:47 am

Why do people who tout “common sense” have none?

Texan Bulldoggette April 7, 2009 at 9:47 am

Whenever I see “Quigley”, I think of Mayor Quimby of the Simpsons. Don’t know if that’s good or bad for the good Mr. Quigley, if he can’t beat that crazed Puerto Rican Mexican hater Pulido, aye carumba!

The Unfairman April 7, 2009 at 9:52 am

[re=282603]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I always think of Quigley Down Under…Tom Selleck in all his mustachioed glory.

jagorev April 7, 2009 at 9:52 am

Come on, who hasn’t said stupid things online under a pseudonym? My whole life would be ruined if anyone connected my online comments to who I actually am.

ohiolobbyist April 7, 2009 at 9:56 am

Why isn’t this a “referendum on the President’s budget”? Steele still gets fired when he loses this one, right?

Lemming Caution April 7, 2009 at 9:58 am

[re=282603]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: crazed *Mexican* Mexican-hater Pulido. Grandfather was a Mexican farm worker; father was born in Texas, but raised in Mexico.

hobospacejunkie April 7, 2009 at 10:02 am

Blago should’ve appointed Pulido to fill Obama’s seat.

AngryBlakGuy April 7, 2009 at 10:04 am

…Woman…Mexican…Free Republic Commenter!!! One of these things is not like the others!

Come here a minute April 7, 2009 at 10:05 am

[re=282606]jagorev[/re]: Saying stupid things online under a pseudonym is the best reason there is to vote for Ms P.

AngryBlakGuy April 7, 2009 at 10:07 am

[re=282606]jagorev[/re]: …if it ever got out that I was actually a jovial, white woman my life would be ruined!

bitchincamaro April 7, 2009 at 10:10 am

“I’m their Sarah Palin.” Close, but no cigar.

Guppy06 April 7, 2009 at 10:10 am

[re=282606]jagorev[/re]: Oh, come on. If you actually did something important and meaningful in your life, you wouldn’t be posting online all day to begin with.

PopeyesPipe April 7, 2009 at 10:11 am

[re=282606]jagorev[/re]: Mom?

Advocatus_Diaboli April 7, 2009 at 10:12 am

How will the enslaved negroes and mexicans vote?

hobospacejunkie April 7, 2009 at 10:12 am

And I wouldn’t hit it with John Boehner’s boner.

shanemacgowan April 7, 2009 at 10:12 am

[re=282616]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Mom?

PopeyesPipe April 7, 2009 at 10:13 am

[re=282623]shanemacgowan[/re]: Creepy.

hobospacejunkie April 7, 2009 at 10:13 am

[re=282611]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Mom?

shanemacgowan April 7, 2009 at 10:13 am

[re=282620]PopeyesPipe[/re]: You win.

jagorev April 7, 2009 at 10:15 am

[re=282620]PopeyesPipe[/re]: No. Michael Steele, actually.

[re=282619]Guppy06[/re]: Being the leader of the Republican party is meaningful! You take that back! *sob*

magic titty April 7, 2009 at 10:16 am

Correction – no way this woman is crazier than Michele Bachmann.

Giant Robot April 7, 2009 at 10:17 am

Rosido-Rosid-adido-adidooo. Or is it Rosapul-Rosap-adapul-idooo? Oh, never mind.

bitchincamaro April 7, 2009 at 10:18 am

SKS alt-text WIN.

user-of-owls April 7, 2009 at 10:20 am

[re=282623]shanemacgowan[/re]: [re=282626]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Nom? (nom, nom…)

TGY April 7, 2009 at 10:22 am

I’d hate to be in the shoes of someone who took Rahm’s seat who Rahm didn’t like. Pointe shoes. Uh. Whatever.

Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish! April 7, 2009 at 10:40 am

Yeah, but can she wear a camouflage thong and ammo bandoliers like Bachman? Fap fap fap.

mamandesfilles April 7, 2009 at 10:40 am

I feel lucky that I managed to vote without getting my brains eaten… maybe she didn’t realize my precinct was in the 5th district. She didn’t even have a sign up.

President Beeblebrox April 7, 2009 at 10:41 am

[re=282612]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Right, at least K-Lo limits her comments to NRO.

DC Hates Me April 7, 2009 at 10:41 am

If your campaign poster looks like Blue Screen of Death, it’s time to reboot your campaign.

shortsshortsshorts April 7, 2009 at 10:45 am

So if Rosanna wins, does this mean her teleprompter will be a long string of all caps? Because that would be, umm, refreshing.


Oncemorewithgusto April 7, 2009 at 10:47 am

Before it was Rahm’s seat, it was Blago’s, abandoned when Blago ran for Gov. So this is a verrrry special election indeed.

LeastExcellent April 7, 2009 at 10:48 am

… That is a full body picture. The zombies take the rest.

smartypants April 7, 2009 at 10:49 am

[re=282616]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Word.

Mild Midwesterner April 7, 2009 at 10:50 am

[re=282605]The Unfairman[/re]: Don’t forget about the crazy woman who loved Quigley! The fit is almost too perfect.

Guppy06 April 7, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=282631]jagorev[/re]: You’re Rush?

smartypants April 7, 2009 at 10:54 am

[re=282620]PopeyesPipe[/re]: snicker

Guppy06 April 7, 2009 at 10:57 am

[re=282631]jagorev[/re]: Because, really, you’re not street enough to really be Michael Steele.

Crab1 April 7, 2009 at 11:20 am

I would fill Rahm Emanuel’s seat (sexually, I mean).

space stout April 7, 2009 at 11:48 am

Quigley’s army of hockey stick weilding zombies will beat the crap outta the Freeper’s zombies hands down.

S.Luggo April 7, 2009 at 12:00 pm

What’s Blagojevich cut in all of this?

S.Luggo April 7, 2009 at 12:06 pm

[re=282607]ohiolobbyist[/re]: The referendum happened when John Sweeney’s most recent DWI arrest was upgraded from a misdemeanor to a felony.

lawrenceofthedesert April 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Pulido will lose because she wants Latinos to return to the subsistence agriculture they left behind — and Chicago ain’t ready for re-farm.

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