Wonkette
Did you attend the funny comedy event on Friday at the National Press Club, at which many Washington news media elitists performed “stand-up comedy,” for charity? As part of this embarrassing spectacle, the participating DC journalists were forced to answer a question submitted by your Wonkette. And the answers were fairly entertaining, except for the reply from the middle-aged white fellow who was supposed to be in prison with Judith Miller.
The event was Commedia dell Media, a benefit for Reporters Without Borders. It was, we imagine, a great success! Here’s what we asked:
Q: It has been a very historic year so far, as far as history, and the breaking of barriers. We’d like to know how you personally solved racism.
“I persuaded my family that in the future all of our pets will be pandas. (Black, white and Asian!)” — Mark Hosenball, Newsweek
“I put superglue on a sandwich and gave it to Al Sharpton.” — David Corn, Mother Jones
“I now eat both sides of a black-and-white cookie instead of just the white part.” — Scott Lanman, Bloomberg
“I gently reminded the world — or the walls in my home office — that there are other categories besides color by which to class people, such as whether one is Danish, one’s propensity to live between parallel universes, and the fact that some of us would prefer to inhabit a world that didn’t discriminate against the square root of minus one.” — Delphine Schrank, Washington Post
“I didn’t do shit.” — Shaun Waterman, UPI
“You know those black-bottom cupcakes they used to sell at Starbucks? Well, who do you think got rid of them? I launched the lobbying group for black-and-white-bottom cupcakes or nothing at all.” — Anna Mulrine, US News & World Report
“I gave birth to a multi-racial baby who’s so cute looking at him makes everyone love everyone else in the world.” — Jamila Bey, radio producer
“I decided to go beyond the usual efforts to ban names like the Redskins and Indians. Instead I focused on our fixation on the White majority. So now the Chicago White Sox, are simply the Chicago Sox. The White House is the House. The white pages is now the pages …. Unfortunately that has caused confusion in Congress. Lawmakers have gobbled up all the phone books, because when they aren’t passing legislation, they are busy picking up pages.” — Mike Walter, WUSA
“I reveled in the diversity of writers at Wonkette.” — Matt Cooper, ex-TIME reporter/Karl Rove lackey
Its’ Carrot Cock!
Uhhhh…why is Shep Smith wearing make-up & a red wig?
I see they still are not calling on Helen Thomas. It’s their own fault no one could bring the funny!
Steroids are magic.
that photo is more disturbing than Goatsee
Mike Walter FTW!
“I did a cameo appearance in Lex The Impaler Volume 105″.
-Dana Perino
Dientes: Apostrophes be damned! It is only ellipsis from now on…
How funny would you be if you were married to Mandy Grunwald?
Doesn’t having a ginger associate editor count as diversity? Fuck Matt Cooper.
Is that Carrot Top? That can’t be Carrot Top. Please tell me my eyes are lying. Oh God, so scared
OH NOES, IT’S TRUE! WONKETTE’S NOT DIVERSE! *panic*
Gorillionaire: Win.
Between this and the fat-car picture, I’m going to have to dump my cache and then pour Clorox all over my fucking computer.
But wait! There’s Malaka…
Keram2: All that “Are they gonna rename the White House” nonsense that went on after Obama was elected really bugged me. As such I’m going to stick with the original name, just the way the founding fathers intended. The rednecks can have their racist slurs if they want, but to me it’ll always have a name that maintains the dignity of that high office: The Wizzle Hizzle.
norbizness:
Let’s not exclude this gem from yesterday
http://wonkette.com/407580/north-korean-media-is-hilarious
TGY: Wait, no, they have this intern called “Malaka Gharib” who’s probably from the same country as Barack Obama, and “Juli Weiner” sounds kind of Jewish. Plus Jim Newell has orange hair, and I think it’s great they gave him a job in spite of that.
What this proves, above all else, is that it is a crime against free speech and the Constitution of this great country that Ken Layne doesn’t have a White House press pass.
WTF? Who better to throw the occasional slider at Gibbs? (I would have said curveball, but the not-intelligent intelligence guys screwed up that term.) And in the prez’s prime time press conferences, think of the ratings! Esp. if the pass goes to Sara, rather than Ken. I hear she’s darn cute.
Let’s see: a ginger, a lady and a desert-dwelling bearded fellow who wears sunglasses. Sounds diverse enough to me!
But, hey! The Bush administration was “diverse”! And look at all the great things they did for minorities!
Here’s the video from it -
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/apr/06/green-glover-undercover-norquist-vs-whitford/?page=2
And what I did, personally, to end racism was get my daughter and her husband to move to OK, which doubled the number of liberals in the Dust Bowl.
Gorillionaire: That was no cameo.
jagorev: That’s true! There should be some kind of ‘diversity tally’ to combat this base canard.
Origami: There’s some debate as to whether Alfredo Gonzales was even human. A diversity mega-win!
jagorev: And don’t forget that orange hair Jim is only 16 years old, or thereabouts, so “our” wonkette features great age diversity, since Ken must be 65 or 70, judging by his photo.
Only testing white mice today.
WHATEVER WONKETTE. YOU DIDN’T MAKE THEM ANSWER THE HARD QUESTIONS. THEY WERE PROMPTED, LIKE A TELEPROMPTER. WHY DO LIBERALS LOVE THOSE DAMN THINGS SO MUCH. SCREAM!111!ONE!!!1
this picture hurts my feelings. it appears that he’s naked. pics like this are helping me turn hetero.
So I’m assuming that rather than simply answer your funny question, journalist Jeff Gannon handed you this picture of a troll that he is currently “managing”.
Everyone knows that you can’t go solving the world’s problems until you have gotten your own house in order. Me, I’ve been focused on thinking about how awesome it is that I am solving racism. I mean really thinking about it. It’s hard sometimes, congratulating yourself for being high minded every single day. But when I think about giving up and actually DOING something to combat racism, I just shake myself and say “Hey now. Your work is important. If you stop thinking about how awesome you are–being all nonracist 24 hours a day–how will that little black boy or girl ever climb to hitherto unimaginable heights and then thank you, personally and publicly, for making that possible? Besides, it’s definitely better than whatever the fuck everyone else is doing.”
You’re welcome.
TGY: Jim, as a redhead, counts as a minority.
Alt Text: Comedy isn’t pretty JEBUS Ken! That Picture!11
Comedy is not funny neither.
DustBowlBlues: and Ken is far, far better informed about actual news than say, Jake Tapper or idiot reporters who ask about teleprompters.
So, Ken, this picture is of Jim when he gets angry and isn’t able to sublimate it by writing for Wonkette?
In the words of the Fug Girls, “Think, Pants!”
Doglessliberal: And I suspect that Layne, (in the right light), is a closet ginger.
Carrot Top naked. The terrorists have won.
and, god help us all, it looks like he waxes.
That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.
Sorry; someone had to say it.
his nipples are the same color as his skin. i’ve only seen that on my ken doll.
sevenrepeat:
THat picture hurts more than my feelings.
OK who photoshopped Carrot Top’s head onto Dave Batista’s body?
Gingers are people, too. Kind of.
tunamelt: You don’t really mean that. Especially not about Carrot Top. You would not hit that.
Oh, oh. Looks like Ken’s hard-on is back on.
This pic reminds me that there is a reason for glory holes.
Prop comics must lift, their Sisyphean curse; but this may be a steroid too far.
you sure that isn’t Raggedy Andy?
TGY: plus we’ve never really seen a picture of these “interns…”
But Ken, the last time journalists made a funny you turned into the Hulk. What gives? These are much worse.
Ha, where are all the requests for a blingee contest now?! Cowards.
no no no no no no
carameltoe: Don’t worry, Atheist Nun will make one anyway.
I’ve never seen Carrot-Top with his shirt off… also.
-SP
That photo is more disturbing than two girls, one cup. Which is no longer a cool reference, because they have been saying it on The Daily Show lately. Over-using, really, which is so lame.
I’m going to ignore the carrot top picture and just say that i quite enjoyed Delphine’s answer… but then i tend to go for the absurd and random.
I am less turned-on by this than the earlier Kim-Jong Il photo.
I know that Carrot Top doesn’t smell like Kim Chee…but that is how I like it.
Why is Wonkette trying to blind all its readers? Is there some sort of special Braille edition launching in the near future?
jinxykb: actually, they’d probably say “think pants!”, because there are no pants in that pic to be urged to think.
eyes…bleeding…from….picture…oh lord the horror!!!1!
I thought normal guys with wide ole office butts and beer guts were a turn-off.
After seeing this, I may never have sex again. ever.
Just when I thought that I had worked through my visor fetish…
He looks a lot like a Tiny Tears doll- only without the veins.
CARROT TOP IS A BIG OLE BOTTOM RAN INTO HIM IN A GAY BAR IN LA ONE NITE HE LIKES TAKEN IT UP THE ASS AND BOY DOES HE KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A BIG COCK
ass master: From this pic though, I wonder if he’s wearing any carrot bottoms? Hmmm…he is kinda foxy, in his own odd way.